"Your heart is not a safe place for the fraud who only wants to play with or control your mind."
This is for all of you who can't figure out why, after giving your all, it's still not good enough, or for those of you who wonder why your mate won't commit. The mind is where fraud is committed; the heart is where fraud is exposed because nothing can truly be hidden there. You can be in a relationship with someone for years who refuses to take your union to a deeper level. The reason is because the person who won't commit knows why he/she won't do so, and that person will play the game of chance until he/she is exposed--if he/she is ever found out. Desperation usually covers the tracks of the one who only wants to play with the mind. We've all heard the saying, "why buy the cow if you're getting the milk for free". Well, this concept is the same: why go for the heart when the mind is so much easier to play with?
I was having lunch with a colleague of mine a couple of weeks ago at a really nice restaurant. We were seated across from this couple who apparently forgot they were in a public place. Just as we were seated, the man began to speak in a volume that made it quite difficult to ignore their conversation. Their topic made it that much harder to ignore. My colleague excused herself from our table to take care of some business, which left me unable to distract myself, as much as I wanted to. I could hardly contain myself as this older, white-haired gentleman began to loudly confess to his date that he didn't want to marry her. She tried to hush him, but to no avail. He tiptoed around his reasons for not wanting to marry her, but she sparred with him. Finally he says to her, leaving her shocked and speechless, "you know, it's just that you've been married before." The wide-eyed look on her face coupled with the temporary inability to respond gave him the green light he needed. He took it and went full speed ahead. I cringed as she fell for his antics: "well, you know, you're going to bring into a marriage with me feelings from your last marriage." At that she nodded her head and began to try to defend herself, but her shock let him know he had found her weakness and...his excuse!! "I just won't be able to handle that." She began to plead: "Oh, that's not going to be a problem." He cut her off, pathetically shaking his head in a dramatic move that would NOT have won him an Oscar nomination, as it was only convincing to her. "Oh, no. I could just never deal with that. You'd be bringing your past into our relationship." Once again, her response was one of silence and shock. And if that wasn't enough, he threw some Scripture out there, hoping she would buy it, and, of course, she did. "God hates divorce," he began. "And how do you feel about that?" Desperate to have whatever conversation she could with him, she followed his lead, condemning herself in a pattern where the caution not to upset him was far too obvious.
If that wasn't enough, when she finally came around with a good argument in her favor, he cut her off and said, "well...you know...really, it's that you're kinda paranoid." When she sort of agreed that she may in fact be (if that's been his observation), which was a direct result of him blindsiding her with all of his other bullshit, he ran with it. He made a whole case defending his lack of desire to marry her with his reason now being her paranoia. Well what happened to all of his other excuses, Lady? Shouldn't she have seen that he was trying his best to avoid buying the cow??? She should have, but she couldn't because she was too busy trying to give him the part of her that he didn't want. That led to her desperation, and the desperation blinded her and made her deaf!! Once he found what worked for him, he buttered it with a thick layer of psuedo-sympathy: "you know, you really should see someone about your paranoia. I hear that stuff can get pretty bad if you don't get it treated, and we wouldn't want that to happen to you..." REALLY????? I almost jumped up and shouted, "LOOK, JERK. WHY PLAY WITH HER MIND? JUST TELL HER YOU DON'T WANT TO MARRY HER!!!
The saddest part of that whole ordeal to me was that it was obvious that she was more intelligent than he was. Not smarter; more intelligent. It was evident in both their speech and their grammar. You could also see it in their posture. The problem was that for some reason, she really wanted to marry him. They knew some of the same people from the legal office he worked in. I believe one of the reasons he spoke so loudly was to put it out there that he worked for a legal office. It seemed to me that she was impressed by that. My thought was nepotism. He had to be working for one of his relatives. If not, I'll be sure to represent myself in court if that what the world of legal beagles has to offer these days. Well, one things for sure: as lying and being full of crap is what it takes to win a case, he definitely has that in his favor!
I don't fault him, though. She was as bad as she was. Why sell your cow to a snake charmer? He's not interested in what you're selling, but if you're going to let him sample the goods, he's not going to turn them down. In his mind, he's just keeping them fresh for a real farmer! (Where's the beef?)
Your heart is not a safe place for someone who just wants to play with your mind. The heart will expose all of a person's deepest, darkest secrets because the heart place is where people are naked and not ashamed. If you open your heart to someone who has a reason to be ashamed, you're only going to be wide open to any opportunist who comes along willing to string you along. And you can't fault him/her; you were the one who was voluntarily vulnerable. Don't be so willing to sell your heart to the first person who comes along; give your heart to the person who is willing to give you his/hers in return.
