"In the baseball game of life, when a batter is up, the home plate umpire only focuses on the strike zone and the pitcher's mound. In order to keep all of the plays fair, He never gets personal with the batter or the pitcher."
Warning: STOP!!! If you have not read For Real or Fantasy-Part I, this blog may not make much sense to you. Take the time to read part one or you'll end up going for a crash landing without knowing you had been up in the air.
With all that's going on in all of our lives, how do you know when the heart is speaking? First, let's keep it real, and do some accounting: before you go from a head place to a heart place, you might want to count up the cost. Contrary to popular belief, the heart is NOT the seat of emotion, so this will NOT be a feel-good experience as you transition; it will be well worth the journey in the end, but there are going to be a lot of major bumps and bruises--guaranteed. There will be war wounds and battle scars. In reality, the heart is straight forward and blunt, and will plow forward without caring about how much life hurts. The heart is well aware of the pain of growing, but knows what's good for you and won't veer from that place to pacify your feelings. People with heart seem cold because they don't tend to the cries and complaints of others. They are not cold and callous, just sure of the outcome and unswayed by any murmurs. Think of Jesus on the cross saying, "My God, My God. Why hast Thou forsaken Me?" The Father watched Him go through what He went through, but did not take Him down from the cross. The Father knew the consequences of Him enduring the pain as well as the consequence of Him being removed from the mission before it was completed. Though well aware of the pain and suffering of His Only Begotten Son, the Father was NOT in an emotional place. Heart is crucial--and seemingly cruel. But that's only if you look at it from a head place--the place where people will settle for feeling good instead of doing good for others.
Confused? Think of the heart as a home plate umpire, and life as a baseball game with you up to bat. If the ball goes over the strike zone, and you either strike and miss or don't swing at all, the umpire will simply say, "Stee Rike One." You won't get a second chance and he certainly won't take the time to explain what you did wrong, what you could have done better or what you should do the next time. That's the coach's job. The ump doesn't give a hoot. As far as the ump is concerned, there's a game to be played and He must be fair to both sides. He can't get emotionally involved or his judgement will become clouded. If the ball doesn't enter the strike zone, he will call "BALL". Well, the pitcher isn't going to like that, but the ump doesn't give a hoot about that, either. As far as he's concerned, there's a game to be played... Your coach, who is emotionally involved with you, is going to take notes and work with you to improve your game. The Ump is not going to. If at the end of the at-bat, you have three strikes and no hits, the ump is not going to pat you on the back and wish you well. He is going to emotionlessly step back into his area and wait for the next batter or the change of position for each team. If he's a good ump, he's never going to take any of it personally. Now, if you, as a foolish batter or coach, want to make it personal for him, you can, but He has the option of simply ejecting you. That's the chance you take when you try to argue with the one who has all the facts. Sometimes in a real baseball game, the umpire, who is merely human, makes a bad call; the Ump in life's game never does.
So how do you know when the heart is speaking? When you walk into a situation and get a straight forward answer with no explanation. Like the umpire in the baseball game, Heart looks at the situation, not the people. Before continuing on, go back and reread the quote of the day for further understanding. In order to keep things fair between you and others, Heart has to focus on the situation, not the people.
Your long time lover decides to take the relationship to the next level and mentions marriage, and you ask yourself, "why not?" The heart will say, "you don't love her". The head will say, "Okay, you know you don't want to get married because you never got over the ex, but she and I can make this work if we try hard enough." Or it will say, "Well, being in this relationship is better than being alone, and if you don't marry her now, she's going to leave." The heart, when you go back to check will say again, "you don't love her." It will NEVER change it's answer because it only deals with facts and truth.
When walking into the building where your job interview is scheduled to take place, the heart will say, "you don't want to work here." The head will say, "Well, beggars can't be choosey. You'd better take what you can get. It's better than nothing." Or in a school situation, your heart will say, "don't accept the scholarship. You won't be happy at that school." The head will say, "you may not get another full ride. You'd better take what you can get."
Upon meeting a potential love interest, the heart will say, "there's no potential for love here." The head will say, "Oh, shut up heart, what's love got to do with it? Why should I listen to you? You're the one that got me into this position in the first place! If I hadn't listened to you and left my ex, I wouldn't be alone. Yeah, I know she was stealing checks because she didn't want to work, but she may not have gotten caught!"
The heart will say, "he's no good for you." The head will say, "you know there's a shortage of men. Okay, he's not your type, but you can work with him. You can convince him to get a job, pay his child support, and/or that his ex will never love him the way you can and if you try hard enough, he will stop leaving you at night and running over to her house whenever she calls."
At church or work when the pastor/boss looks at you and undresses you with his eyes, the heart will say, "he's a pervert." The head will say, "that's a man of God/a married man with a family. Stop thinking he's looking at you all sexy like that. You ought to be ashamed of yourself for thinking of him in that way. It's your fault he's looking at you that way; your lust makes him look at your chest like that. You are going to hell/get fired for judging him."
When dealing with family members and their finances, your heart will say, "don't pay their rent" or "don't cosign for that car/loan". The head says, "that's family. Don't forget where you came from and don't ever turn your back on family. Families helps each other." The heart warns again, "don't pay their bills." The head says, "how can you just let your family down like that? They keep coming to you for their rent, and even though you're tired of paying it for them, you can't let family down". The heart knows that that family member's rent/bills are due at the same time every month, with no surprises, and that they should and would be budgeting for it if they didn't have you there to give them their handout. "That could be you in that situation one day" is what the head says, guilting you into doing what makes that "loving" family member consider you his/her fool. The heart knows that the family members could and would pay their own rent/bills if they didn't have available to them a sucker like you who will make sure their bills are paid while they go out and buy iPhones, iPads, drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, direct t.v., expensive clothes and shoes for their kids, and other guilty pleasures/leisures of life they really can't afford. Not only does the heart know that they will take care of their business without you, it knows how resourceful they can be when necessity hits. Trust the heart, for it also knows when family members really need the help that you can afford to give to them. Heart will never let YOU down. It knows how hard it would be for you to wake up and realize that that family member really was in need. In that case, the heart will say, "give it to them." Even when your head is saying "Hell no!"
The heart will give you only black or white facts--like them or not. The head will cause you to compromise and use shades of grey as it convinces you of what you should or shouldn't be doing. The head will lead you to settle for less or to do something deemed good for ulterior reasons (you want people to like you). It will convince you that you don't deserve anything good, so you'd better take what you can get. The heart is filled with hard core truth, and that's why many people shut theirs down. They shut the heart down because the head seduces--explains, excuses, compromises and lies--and does far more talking to sway you to the feel good decision (which ultimately blows up in your face anyway). The heart is not going to get emotionally involved or try to convince you of anything. In staying emotionless, the heart is able to see clearly. It's vision is never clouded, therefore allowing it to simply state the facts. The heart uses few words because it is an internal umpire; it deals with true facts only. If a lot of talking and reasoning is going on, that's your head; not your heart. Go to a quiet place and listen for the few, quiet words of your heart. If you hear nothing, well...you'll need to find someone who has heart and can teach you what it takes to develop and nurture yours. And that begins with integrity. Learn to do what's right; not just for you, but for others who will be effected by your decisions. Once you're able to see how what you do affects others, you will know that the framework for real heart is being laid on the inside of you. And that is what real life is made of.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
For Real or Fantasy-Part I
"The only way to knowing when something is good is through the heart; if you have no heart, then you'll never know whether or not something is truly good."
Heart never lies, but the head can tell you whatever you want to hear. It's a master of disguise and a predator of the good life. With it you can deny/negate the truth in order to open doors for yourself that really should remain shut. If you have heart, you'll know when you're doing something you shouldn't. Even when your head comes up with several reasons why you should do it anyway-- you'll know you shouldn't...well...you'll know if you have heart...and you'll know if you haven't allowed bad experiences/bad people to harden the heart you have.
Now someone out there is saying, "there are no bad people". I used to think that, too. I thought everyone had heart; I know better now. Sure everyone has a physical heart, but not everyone has heart. There's a difference. Heart means you will stand for what is right whether you like it or not. It also means that you possess the ability to stand down anything that isn't right. Not necessarily in full protest, but at least in your life. Heart means integrity. Having a heart just means that there is an organ beating in your chest, pumping blood from one end of the body to the other.
Not everyone is integral. In fact, most people are not. What's the gauge? Watch the people closest to you interact with other people. Listen to what they have to say about situations that don't involve you, and how they handle them. If the situation involves you, like they do to themselves, they will tell you whatever they need to in order to get from you the response they want. They have to "lie to kick it", and that doesn't bother them in the least. A can't-miss sign of heartlessness for me is the definition of "free" in the minds of others. I absolutely hate it when I'm forced to be around people who believe that "free" means you're entitled to some giveaway just because the giver said it was of no charge to you. They never stop to think about how much it costs the giver. If the government is giving out free cheese, that DOES NOT mean you have to go stand in line and get "yours"! It means that if there are families in need of food, a resource has been opened up for THEM to eat. If you don't need the cheese, don't take it from a family who does. If you don't need the help, don't take the opportunity away from that person who was unfortunate enough to end up in line behind you. There are plenty of people out there who really and truly need what you're taking advantage of, and because of people like you, the "free" will eventually run out. I heard recently about an entertainer who pulled up to a social services agency to collect food stamps in a limo. True story. How much sense does that make? If you can afford a limo, you don't need food stamps, but some person out there whose primary care giver died or left unexpectedly, or one who has more children than he/she can afford to feed, does. But here's the problem: not a lot of people can comprehend what I just said. It would appear that they are being selfish and greedy, but most people who think like that really don't know any better. Now before you put a race on this, let me stop you. There are people in every race who do this: white, black, Asian, Latino, Eskimo, bi-racial (and that is not limited to black and something, it could be Irish and Canadian, French and German, Latino and white, etc.!) It's a matter of upbringing, societal values (or the lack thereof) or true ignorance of how community works. If people have not been taught better, they don't know better. Worse than that, if people are heartless, you can't teach them anything--no matter how hard you try. Especially how to be integral.
Babies are born everyday, in all places of the world. The earth is constantly being populated, but without the knowledge to help the next generation to grow, the world is stunted. Without knowledge, right and wrong becomes relevant, and everyone develops their own criteria. But with knowledge, people are better able to see life globally. When that happens, we are able to see cause and effect. We are able to see the other side of things; not just the side that benefits us. For example, there are grown people in our society who believe that the government has the ability to print as much money as they need, whenever they need to, and should just shut up and do that. If they would, the government would never run out of money. Not so. Money is only as good as the products and services it represents. It started out that paper money was the alternative to carrying around heavy bricks of gold and silver. That meant the government agencies and banks stored your gold and silver for you and gave you paper dollars or gold/silver certificates that were the equivalent of what you gave them--an even trade. But when more paper money was printed than the gold and silver that was exchanged, the economic balance was messed up. The trade was no longer even and something needed to happen to balance the deficit. That's where we are now. Ultimately what happens is that the paper becomes useless and the value of the gold/silver (which is now, of course, global products and services, not just gold and silver bricks) goes down. So we really don't want the government to just print money. You probably don't remember when the penny had value by itself, but at one time, it did. Now it only has value in great numbers. Nickels are next, if we aren't careful! Without this knowledge, the babies being born are not going to be able to understand why life is about more than just money, and another generation of people believing that winning the lottery will solve all of life's problems will be born. When does it end? When people stop fantasizing life and start living it for real.
Money without knowledge/wisdom is like a fire in a forest; the more it grows, the more it will destroy, and before you know it, you will have lost everything. I could preach on/teach this concept forever, but if it falls on the ears of those without integrity, I will only be wasting my breath. It will just sound uppity and stuck-up to them.
As for you, ask yourself this question: Is my life for real or just fantasy? If you think money will answer all your problems, you are not for real. If you realize that a good life requires more than just being able to buy things to show your neighbors that you can have what they have because you're just as good as they are, your heart will open up and you will do something useful with your time here on earth that will benefit not just you, but the community around you. That's called "purpose". You will find your purpose and have a real sense of direction in life, making you a productive member of society. It will be then that you will be able to honestly say that your life is not fantasy. You will be able to say that you live life FOR REAL. The only path to FOR REAL is through a good heart, and that is how REAL people live a good life! Stay tuned for Part II: How you know when it's the heart talking and not your head.
Heart never lies, but the head can tell you whatever you want to hear. It's a master of disguise and a predator of the good life. With it you can deny/negate the truth in order to open doors for yourself that really should remain shut. If you have heart, you'll know when you're doing something you shouldn't. Even when your head comes up with several reasons why you should do it anyway-- you'll know you shouldn't...well...you'll know if you have heart...and you'll know if you haven't allowed bad experiences/bad people to harden the heart you have.
Now someone out there is saying, "there are no bad people". I used to think that, too. I thought everyone had heart; I know better now. Sure everyone has a physical heart, but not everyone has heart. There's a difference. Heart means you will stand for what is right whether you like it or not. It also means that you possess the ability to stand down anything that isn't right. Not necessarily in full protest, but at least in your life. Heart means integrity. Having a heart just means that there is an organ beating in your chest, pumping blood from one end of the body to the other.
Not everyone is integral. In fact, most people are not. What's the gauge? Watch the people closest to you interact with other people. Listen to what they have to say about situations that don't involve you, and how they handle them. If the situation involves you, like they do to themselves, they will tell you whatever they need to in order to get from you the response they want. They have to "lie to kick it", and that doesn't bother them in the least. A can't-miss sign of heartlessness for me is the definition of "free" in the minds of others. I absolutely hate it when I'm forced to be around people who believe that "free" means you're entitled to some giveaway just because the giver said it was of no charge to you. They never stop to think about how much it costs the giver. If the government is giving out free cheese, that DOES NOT mean you have to go stand in line and get "yours"! It means that if there are families in need of food, a resource has been opened up for THEM to eat. If you don't need the cheese, don't take it from a family who does. If you don't need the help, don't take the opportunity away from that person who was unfortunate enough to end up in line behind you. There are plenty of people out there who really and truly need what you're taking advantage of, and because of people like you, the "free" will eventually run out. I heard recently about an entertainer who pulled up to a social services agency to collect food stamps in a limo. True story. How much sense does that make? If you can afford a limo, you don't need food stamps, but some person out there whose primary care giver died or left unexpectedly, or one who has more children than he/she can afford to feed, does. But here's the problem: not a lot of people can comprehend what I just said. It would appear that they are being selfish and greedy, but most people who think like that really don't know any better. Now before you put a race on this, let me stop you. There are people in every race who do this: white, black, Asian, Latino, Eskimo, bi-racial (and that is not limited to black and something, it could be Irish and Canadian, French and German, Latino and white, etc.!) It's a matter of upbringing, societal values (or the lack thereof) or true ignorance of how community works. If people have not been taught better, they don't know better. Worse than that, if people are heartless, you can't teach them anything--no matter how hard you try. Especially how to be integral.
Babies are born everyday, in all places of the world. The earth is constantly being populated, but without the knowledge to help the next generation to grow, the world is stunted. Without knowledge, right and wrong becomes relevant, and everyone develops their own criteria. But with knowledge, people are better able to see life globally. When that happens, we are able to see cause and effect. We are able to see the other side of things; not just the side that benefits us. For example, there are grown people in our society who believe that the government has the ability to print as much money as they need, whenever they need to, and should just shut up and do that. If they would, the government would never run out of money. Not so. Money is only as good as the products and services it represents. It started out that paper money was the alternative to carrying around heavy bricks of gold and silver. That meant the government agencies and banks stored your gold and silver for you and gave you paper dollars or gold/silver certificates that were the equivalent of what you gave them--an even trade. But when more paper money was printed than the gold and silver that was exchanged, the economic balance was messed up. The trade was no longer even and something needed to happen to balance the deficit. That's where we are now. Ultimately what happens is that the paper becomes useless and the value of the gold/silver (which is now, of course, global products and services, not just gold and silver bricks) goes down. So we really don't want the government to just print money. You probably don't remember when the penny had value by itself, but at one time, it did. Now it only has value in great numbers. Nickels are next, if we aren't careful! Without this knowledge, the babies being born are not going to be able to understand why life is about more than just money, and another generation of people believing that winning the lottery will solve all of life's problems will be born. When does it end? When people stop fantasizing life and start living it for real.
Money without knowledge/wisdom is like a fire in a forest; the more it grows, the more it will destroy, and before you know it, you will have lost everything. I could preach on/teach this concept forever, but if it falls on the ears of those without integrity, I will only be wasting my breath. It will just sound uppity and stuck-up to them.
As for you, ask yourself this question: Is my life for real or just fantasy? If you think money will answer all your problems, you are not for real. If you realize that a good life requires more than just being able to buy things to show your neighbors that you can have what they have because you're just as good as they are, your heart will open up and you will do something useful with your time here on earth that will benefit not just you, but the community around you. That's called "purpose". You will find your purpose and have a real sense of direction in life, making you a productive member of society. It will be then that you will be able to honestly say that your life is not fantasy. You will be able to say that you live life FOR REAL. The only path to FOR REAL is through a good heart, and that is how REAL people live a good life! Stay tuned for Part II: How you know when it's the heart talking and not your head.
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Love as Solid as Cement
"Love is the cement that solidifies the foundation of your relationship and makes it concrete. If the foundation of your relationship is love, it will never fall through the cracks."
There is nothing that secures a foundation more solidly than cement. That's why for generations, cement has been used in securing the foundation of many buildings, other edifices or great structures that are expected to last a lifetime. Without love, a relationship is like a straw house built on sand; when even the smallest amount of pressure is applied, it will cave in or come crashing down.
Okay folks, get ready because I ain't going to pussyfoot around this one. Love is the sum of truth, integrity and intelligence. It's not two out of the three, it is all three combined. If you are missing one of these elements, you DO NOT have love. If you're a liar, you're not a lover. If you're a cheater, you're NOT a lover. If you're not intelligent...you guessed it...like it or not, you are NOT a lover. In other words, if you lied to him, you didn't love him. If you cheated on her, you didn't love her. If you do stupid stuff to each other in the relationship, you don't love each other!
Many people are disgruntled with the whole concept of love because they don't believe it exists, but it does. The problem is that most don't truly know what love is. Love is not the stuff that happens over night, and it's never at first sight; that would be affection, or maybe lust--which actually has more to do with intense desire than sex. I know that there are some who would argue that, but I also know many who would now agree, after having had their own personal experiences with the "at-first-sight", that it really wasn't love. This world hasn't seen real love in a very long time--just variations of it. Well, love is not one of those things you can chip off of and have it remain the same. You can't take the part of it that you want and discard the rest. Once you remove any of it's elements, it's no longer love. The last few generations are guilty of that--probably starting with Walt Disney. We looked at the happily ever after but never really paid close attention to what was going on in the whole story. Her mother dies, then her father dies and she's left to live with a wicked stepfamily. Now you know Cinderella had some issues that Prince Charming had to deal with that made him want to take her back to her stepmama. I'll bet she didn't want to wash another dish, dust another piece of furniture, feed another animal or sew another garment. And for the femme fatales out there, I'm not saying she had to do housework because she was the woman. I'm saying that we don't know of any other marketable skills she had, so it's probably safe to assume that she didn't go to work outside the house right away. That left her at home. Well, she had to eat while she was there, didn't she? Okay, maybe she went to live in a fully staffed mansion. She did marry a prince, after all. But even with that, she had to have had flashbacks of scrubbing toilets, washing dishes, scrubbing floors, etc., and I'm sure she went commando on the prince while it was happening--whether he realized what the hell she was screaming at him about or not! Maybe while she was PMS-ing! Oh, what her steps put her through came out on him at some point or another. Let's just keep it real! You know one kiss from a gorgeous prince didn't make all of that pain go away! She brought major issues into that relationship.
And that's just it. We bring issues into our relationships that love has to be solid enough to withstand. Therefore, there can be no cracks in the foundation of your love. It has to be as solid as the cement and concrete mixture. In order for a mother to love her child, she has to be more than just a female with a womb capable of producing children. In order for a father to love his child, he has to be more than just a male with viable sperm. Love is not like the aorta--a physical part of the heart. Love is intangible. Just because you have a heart that beats doesn't mean you're capable of love. And it can get confusing at times. People think they love because they've been told they do, but inside, they know they don't. Love is not automatic; it's learned. It's not A given; it IS given. If it's not given to you, you can't give it to anyone else. If you don't trust enough to love, you don't trust enough to be loved. Love is not linear; it's circular. It has to be reciprocated. Love ain't love until you give it away, and you have to get it from somewhere in order to give it away.
Love is the substance of all that's good. If you have no love, you ain't no good. No matter how good you want to be, good always begins with love.
Love will secure the foundation of a child and allow him to soar. He will soar personally, socially, academically, athletically, etc. Whatever he puts his mind to, he'll be able to do. Please do not confuse loving a child with spoiling a child. Buying a bunch of trendy things will never be as valuable as a hug given at a time when the child can't express what he's feeling. The love inside the hugger will connect with what the child is feeling and cause the one who loves him/her to reach out. We all know this one. We've all been in a spot where we needed someone in that moment to just know that we needed to feel loved.
Don't confuse love with biology. It's more psychological because it involves the psyche or the mind much more than the bloodline, which is where most people get it confused, but that's another--a whole nother--blog. We'll get to that one eventually. Just know this...
...love is the sum of truth, intelligence and integrity connecting with the truth, intelligence and integrity in someone else. If you claim to love but are lacking one or more of these elements, your love is not complete. It will work for no one and no one else's love will work for you--not until you reach out and become complete in these areas and cement the foundation of your love.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
The Crown of LIfe
"The real crown of a king is not the crown itself, but the woman for whom he wears it."
Listen up, Ladies and Gents: Kings are not kings because they wear a crown; kings are kings when they have queens to live for. Wars have been fought over them, dynasties have been destroyed behind them, dynasties have been built for them, and whole empires have lasted because of them. They are queens; not just women--but Q-U-E-E-N-S! And before we even get started, the definition of queen is one born a woman, whose strength is her integrity, whose power is her truth, and whose foundation is intelligence. Anything short of that misses the mark of queenship. Because she's intelligent, she makes wise choices. She thinks beyond herself in a global manner, which keeps her from being selfish, impulsive, self-serving, egotistical and controlling. The fact that she's integral makes her naturally fair and just, considering all who will be effected by her decisions and choices. She doesn't base her decisions on that which will only satisfy her in the moment. Her decisions result in the strength and success of her family, her friends, her coworkers. Because she's honest, everything she does can be trusted. She is reliable, dependable, and has no need to cheat the system or take short cuts. She is a woman of the one true God---truth, intelligence and integrity. She is not religious, nor does she use platitudes to sound wise. She is not "blessed and highly favored", but rather highly blessed and, because of her, her king is favored.
Her wisdom is tried and true because she's been through some things--A LOT of things! Her life has not been perfect; if it had, she would never understand you or what you need. She bathes in oils at night (bubbles for this generation) to smooth out the rough edges of her day. She cares for herself. She cares for those around her. She has someone greater than herself to answer to because that is what keeps her humble and away from the things that would destroy YOU! She's real. She's determined.
She doesn't confer at the henhouse, or gather with the chickens! She knows that their greatest wisdom is utter foolishness, so she doesn't bother to seek counsel from them. She knows a queen from an everyday, average female and doesn't keep company with such. She doesn't involve herself in scandal, but keeps her name clean. She's not distracted by drama for she knows that the negative is always going to be there, it's presence just doesn't matter to her.
Her family is HER family; not an extension of her mother's. She knows that her children are going to be different from her siblings and her because their father is different from hers. She knows her mother means well, but so does she. In knowing this, she keeps her mother a grandmother, not an extended mother. In doing this, she acknowledges and understands that her children's father is a part of her life and the lives of her children--more a part of them than her mother.
A queen loves herself and sees herself as a spiritual garden. Inside her are many blossoms that send forth an inviting aroma. Her scent is sweet, and she smells it before anyone else. Because she enjoys it so much, she's able to share it with others. Whenever she comes around, others enjoy her presence. When she leaves, they anxiously await her return. She's beautiful. She's majestic. She is...
...a queen.
Gents, stop settling for females that are women in your minds because they have the right body parts. Body parts can't help you when your inner strength is gone. Ladies, stop thinking you're ready to be the crown of a man just because he chose to be with you. Guys, find your queen for it is only then that your life will be worth living, but you have to be ready for her or you won't be able to keep your crown on your head for long. Ladies, stop limiting yourselves at sassy and sexy. You won't be able to crown your king with that, and if you can't crown your king...
...he can be nor more royal than a court jester!
Saturday, April 14, 2012
To Think Outside the Box or To Conform...
"The world is now divided into two groups; those who soar through life at the top, and bottom dwellers. The only differences between the two are higher order thinking skills (the ability and the courage to think outside the box) and the pressure to conform."
What would happen if all the pieces of your car transformed themselves into tires? Your steering wheel no longer wanted to be a "wheel", but rather a tire. Your seats no longer wanted to be used to hold people because they didn't get as much recognition as the tires because, unlike the tires, they are located on the inside. The doors dropped to the bottom of the car, no longer providing protection, but instead, tried to turn themselves into the rubber necessary to be seen as a tire. Your cd/radio/mp3 player stopped playing music when you turned it on; it would only spin and spin around real fast--like...well...tires. What would happen if your car parts stopped doing what they were created to do simply because the tires, which were Goodyear Radials, were getting all of the attention?
I'll tell you what would happen. The real tires would become Pirelli's! That's what would happen! They would become resentful of all the other parts trying to be them and would ultimately raise the standard for good tires as high as they could, just to keep the other parts from being taking over their domain. Not only that, your car would become an absolutely useless piece of machinery. The other parts would no longer be what the car needed in order to be operative! Get the picture?
Well, this is what happens in a society where people choose to conform. People choose to conform in order to be seen as acceptable as others decide as what's hot and what's not. Has anyone ever stopped, first of all, to question who these people are? With all due respect to all involved, as a woman, I've always wondered how gay men ended up at the top of the fashion industry for WOMEN!! How are they telling us what looks great on us or what makes us beautiful? They are not even attracted to us, so how is it that so many of them are the foremost experts in that area? A man once told me that it's because a man knows what makes a woman sexy better than a woman does because he's a man; he's the one she wants to be attractive to. Maybe it's my naivete, but I've just never felt real comfortable with people with gender issues being in a position to tell me what's right for me. Now before you go calling the anti-gay police on me, understand that I'm not criticizing anyone for being gay; I couldn't care less about that. I'm merely stating that, in my mind, gay men setting the standards of beauty for straight women is just one of those things that make me go "hmmmm?"
Because of the pressure to conform, there are people in our society who wear a certain brand/type of clothing because they think they're supposed to; they don't necessarily like the clothes, it's just what everyone else is wearing. There are parents who raise their children in a certain way or even feed them certain foods because they think that's what the upper crust does. People send their kids to expensive schools, worship God in specified ways, patronize certain businesses, listen to specific genres of music, speak certain vernaculars, play certain sports/instruments, pay outrageous prices for items that can be bought at the dollar store for cheaper (i.e. rubbing alcohol), go broke trying to live in neighborhoods they know they can't afford, etc. In other words, it's the old fashioned concept of "keeping up with the Joneses". Has anyone ever stopped and taken a look at what the Joneses really go through? Are they happy? If not, you probably shouldn't try to keep up with them. Look at their character, not their possessions! Anyway...
These are the bottom dwellers. Even if they live in fancy neighborhoods or drive nice cars, they end up dwelling at the bottom of the fancy barrel because they really can't keep up with people who are truly living their lives in ways that free them up to be themselves.
On the other hand, there are those who live life abundantly because they mind their own business, set their own traditions, raise their families according to what works for them, eat what they like, study and worship where they want, go to the dollar store if it's close by, etc. Are they careless or frivolous? No. Just free. Freedom is the beauty of being okay with having your own constructive thoughts. It comes with lack of conformity and higher order thinking--thinking outside the box. Are they the ones responsible for the degradation of our society because they don't follow societies rules? Of course not. They are the ones that keep us from having to conform to old, antiquated, outdated rules of etiquette because they possess the skills of higher order thinking that allow them to know when something no longer makes sense by current standards, and then do something about it. They are not rebels for going against the grain is not what they are all about. They are innovators; not rule breakers. They are President Barack Obama, Colin Powell, the late Steve Jobs, Tyler Perry, Bill Gates, Oprah Winfrey, James Cameron, Whoopi Goldberg, Danika Patrick. They don't succumb to the pressure to conform and follow the crowd, so they end up paving the way for others who look like them to break out their own gifts and talents and use them for their intended purpose. They are pioneers and engineers. Why? Because they asked one of two questions: "Who said?" or "Why not?"
If, for example, you are one who truly believes in love, and happens to have the gift of song, but has been raised in the church from birth, that doesn't mean you have to use your gift to sing gospel. ("Don't forget your roots, Boy! That worldly music is the devil's work!") God is love and because people don't realize that true love can't be true love without Him, believers don't tend to leave the confines of religion. As a result, folks who don't believe in love end up turning the music into sleazy sex songs. Unfortunately, the generation that grew up on them don't know anything about love--and they are having kids who are having kids. Do the math. That's three generations of no love, no God. We need some folks who want to bring love and loving back into the music industry and who better than someone who really knows and desires God/love? But if you still see God as some troll in the sky who will kill you for not getting life right, you won't understand this. So let's move on before I mortify you by saying that as believers, my man and I still like to get our swerve on to music and the thought of playing gospel while in the throws just doesn't seem right.
If, in your circle of friends, you're the one who sees out of the box, meaning that you think constructively different from all the others, and you snuff out what you think/imagine, dream about, in order to stay with the crowd makes you a bottom dweller. I'm sure lots of people told President Obama to try real hard to dream about a different career. If you haven't seen The Lorax, you should. You'll see what those who put you down for being different will do when your different way of thinking is finally recognized. Every pioneer who paved a way thought differently.
If you are one who wears clothing because of the logo or the designer, you may be stifling your own creativity. Maybe you're meant to be the next Vera Wang, but you're never going to get there if you don't take the chance to be who YOU are in spite of what others may think.
Many great surgeons, auto mechanics, engineers, hairdressers, filmmakers, musicians, athletes, etc., started out in life as "weird" or "different" in the eyes of their peers, and I'm sure it wasn't easy for them as others pressured them to conform. But those very people who jeered at them or teased them before they blew up were the very ones bragging the loudest about knowing, having gone to school or grown up with them. Every truly successful innovator has that story to tell. I Ching said it best: "Before being used for greatness, one must first appear a fool before the crowd."
If you think differently from others, assess your thoughts. Maybe you're different because others around you are dumb! Maybe you NEED to be different. One of my favorite sayings is that "stupid is the new common sense." Harsh, but true. Kids are not being taught things that matter anymore; they're just being given expensive things. Kids lacking knowledge about the things that matter grow up to be stupid adults. Look at the number of young children with iPads and smartphones. Then look at the apps that are being downloaded onto them, or check the data history to see what they are looking up these days. You'll find it's not pretty. And just so you know, my five year old plays on an iPad every chance he gets; I just don't give him that many chances to use MY iPad. To play on the iPad for him is a reward for good behavior, so guess what. He works real hard at being a good kid. He never, on the other hand, uses my smartphone. He's five. Who does he need to call?
Are you a bottom dweller/follower or an innovator/thinker? Oh, you're definitely one or the other--by default! Get to know yourself. Ascertain which you are. If you're not meant to be that, change it. It's simply a matter of conforming or thinking outside the box. If you know which you are and feel that it is right for you, then do YOU loud and proud. Just don't step in anyone else's lane. Do you, but don't get run over!
What would happen if all the pieces of your car transformed themselves into tires? Your steering wheel no longer wanted to be a "wheel", but rather a tire. Your seats no longer wanted to be used to hold people because they didn't get as much recognition as the tires because, unlike the tires, they are located on the inside. The doors dropped to the bottom of the car, no longer providing protection, but instead, tried to turn themselves into the rubber necessary to be seen as a tire. Your cd/radio/mp3 player stopped playing music when you turned it on; it would only spin and spin around real fast--like...well...tires. What would happen if your car parts stopped doing what they were created to do simply because the tires, which were Goodyear Radials, were getting all of the attention?
I'll tell you what would happen. The real tires would become Pirelli's! That's what would happen! They would become resentful of all the other parts trying to be them and would ultimately raise the standard for good tires as high as they could, just to keep the other parts from being taking over their domain. Not only that, your car would become an absolutely useless piece of machinery. The other parts would no longer be what the car needed in order to be operative! Get the picture?
Well, this is what happens in a society where people choose to conform. People choose to conform in order to be seen as acceptable as others decide as what's hot and what's not. Has anyone ever stopped, first of all, to question who these people are? With all due respect to all involved, as a woman, I've always wondered how gay men ended up at the top of the fashion industry for WOMEN!! How are they telling us what looks great on us or what makes us beautiful? They are not even attracted to us, so how is it that so many of them are the foremost experts in that area? A man once told me that it's because a man knows what makes a woman sexy better than a woman does because he's a man; he's the one she wants to be attractive to. Maybe it's my naivete, but I've just never felt real comfortable with people with gender issues being in a position to tell me what's right for me. Now before you go calling the anti-gay police on me, understand that I'm not criticizing anyone for being gay; I couldn't care less about that. I'm merely stating that, in my mind, gay men setting the standards of beauty for straight women is just one of those things that make me go "hmmmm?"
Because of the pressure to conform, there are people in our society who wear a certain brand/type of clothing because they think they're supposed to; they don't necessarily like the clothes, it's just what everyone else is wearing. There are parents who raise their children in a certain way or even feed them certain foods because they think that's what the upper crust does. People send their kids to expensive schools, worship God in specified ways, patronize certain businesses, listen to specific genres of music, speak certain vernaculars, play certain sports/instruments, pay outrageous prices for items that can be bought at the dollar store for cheaper (i.e. rubbing alcohol), go broke trying to live in neighborhoods they know they can't afford, etc. In other words, it's the old fashioned concept of "keeping up with the Joneses". Has anyone ever stopped and taken a look at what the Joneses really go through? Are they happy? If not, you probably shouldn't try to keep up with them. Look at their character, not their possessions! Anyway...
These are the bottom dwellers. Even if they live in fancy neighborhoods or drive nice cars, they end up dwelling at the bottom of the fancy barrel because they really can't keep up with people who are truly living their lives in ways that free them up to be themselves.
On the other hand, there are those who live life abundantly because they mind their own business, set their own traditions, raise their families according to what works for them, eat what they like, study and worship where they want, go to the dollar store if it's close by, etc. Are they careless or frivolous? No. Just free. Freedom is the beauty of being okay with having your own constructive thoughts. It comes with lack of conformity and higher order thinking--thinking outside the box. Are they the ones responsible for the degradation of our society because they don't follow societies rules? Of course not. They are the ones that keep us from having to conform to old, antiquated, outdated rules of etiquette because they possess the skills of higher order thinking that allow them to know when something no longer makes sense by current standards, and then do something about it. They are not rebels for going against the grain is not what they are all about. They are innovators; not rule breakers. They are President Barack Obama, Colin Powell, the late Steve Jobs, Tyler Perry, Bill Gates, Oprah Winfrey, James Cameron, Whoopi Goldberg, Danika Patrick. They don't succumb to the pressure to conform and follow the crowd, so they end up paving the way for others who look like them to break out their own gifts and talents and use them for their intended purpose. They are pioneers and engineers. Why? Because they asked one of two questions: "Who said?" or "Why not?"
If, for example, you are one who truly believes in love, and happens to have the gift of song, but has been raised in the church from birth, that doesn't mean you have to use your gift to sing gospel. ("Don't forget your roots, Boy! That worldly music is the devil's work!") God is love and because people don't realize that true love can't be true love without Him, believers don't tend to leave the confines of religion. As a result, folks who don't believe in love end up turning the music into sleazy sex songs. Unfortunately, the generation that grew up on them don't know anything about love--and they are having kids who are having kids. Do the math. That's three generations of no love, no God. We need some folks who want to bring love and loving back into the music industry and who better than someone who really knows and desires God/love? But if you still see God as some troll in the sky who will kill you for not getting life right, you won't understand this. So let's move on before I mortify you by saying that as believers, my man and I still like to get our swerve on to music and the thought of playing gospel while in the throws just doesn't seem right.
If, in your circle of friends, you're the one who sees out of the box, meaning that you think constructively different from all the others, and you snuff out what you think/imagine, dream about, in order to stay with the crowd makes you a bottom dweller. I'm sure lots of people told President Obama to try real hard to dream about a different career. If you haven't seen The Lorax, you should. You'll see what those who put you down for being different will do when your different way of thinking is finally recognized. Every pioneer who paved a way thought differently.
If you are one who wears clothing because of the logo or the designer, you may be stifling your own creativity. Maybe you're meant to be the next Vera Wang, but you're never going to get there if you don't take the chance to be who YOU are in spite of what others may think.
Many great surgeons, auto mechanics, engineers, hairdressers, filmmakers, musicians, athletes, etc., started out in life as "weird" or "different" in the eyes of their peers, and I'm sure it wasn't easy for them as others pressured them to conform. But those very people who jeered at them or teased them before they blew up were the very ones bragging the loudest about knowing, having gone to school or grown up with them. Every truly successful innovator has that story to tell. I Ching said it best: "Before being used for greatness, one must first appear a fool before the crowd."
If you think differently from others, assess your thoughts. Maybe you're different because others around you are dumb! Maybe you NEED to be different. One of my favorite sayings is that "stupid is the new common sense." Harsh, but true. Kids are not being taught things that matter anymore; they're just being given expensive things. Kids lacking knowledge about the things that matter grow up to be stupid adults. Look at the number of young children with iPads and smartphones. Then look at the apps that are being downloaded onto them, or check the data history to see what they are looking up these days. You'll find it's not pretty. And just so you know, my five year old plays on an iPad every chance he gets; I just don't give him that many chances to use MY iPad. To play on the iPad for him is a reward for good behavior, so guess what. He works real hard at being a good kid. He never, on the other hand, uses my smartphone. He's five. Who does he need to call?
Are you a bottom dweller/follower or an innovator/thinker? Oh, you're definitely one or the other--by default! Get to know yourself. Ascertain which you are. If you're not meant to be that, change it. It's simply a matter of conforming or thinking outside the box. If you know which you are and feel that it is right for you, then do YOU loud and proud. Just don't step in anyone else's lane. Do you, but don't get run over!
Saturday, April 7, 2012
How Valuable is Pretty?
"The bad news is that beauty is NOT universal; no one person is pretty/handsome to everyone. The good news is that it doesn't have to be."
Mirror, mirror on the wall. I know I'm the fairest of them all, but if I tell somebody that, they'll shoot me. So let's just keep that between me and you. Ah-ight, Mirror? We're going to keep this one on the low, right? Hahaha. That's what Samantha Brick should have said. Folks are mad and in an uproar over what the woman said, but she was just speaking her mind. Now most of us know that most of us have things about ourselves that we like a lot; we just play it down so that others can compliment us in those areas, right? From our butts to our hair; our eyes to our lips; our hands to our feet, there's something, and that's okay in it's place. Rule of thumb, Samantha, you don't ever let it come out of your mouth. If you want to be complimented publicly, you let others do that for you. I understand "affirmations", but those are the things you say to yourself to give you the boost YOU need; you don't write a column about being "too pretty", publish it for the world to read, then expect others to agree with you! There are four known things that will get you egged or targeted in some other not so gracious way, if you speak them aloud without knowing your audience: your wealth, politics, how right your religion is, and your beauty. These subjects are taboo unless you're being subjective. You can talk about the wealth, politics, religion, and beauty of others, but you must leave yourself out of it unless you want to drum up some haters.
But here's the deal: how much of what she was saying was farfetched? A lot of what she had to say was on point, however, she shouldn't have related it to herself. The best way to get people to hate you is to flaunt your pretty; no one likes arrogance or vanity in others. Ask---well, I don't even want to say her name, but you know who. I avoid mentioning her name because it's just so taboo to me. I'll say this much, though: her first and last initial are the same, and her claim to fame is her "pretty". You know who I'm talking about. Every woman wants to be pretty, unless she's a little warped, but there really is a cost that comes with that. It is sometimes called "the curse of a beautiful woman". If you're truly pretty, there are a few things you need to know so that you can handle the pretty without the pretty handling you. First, there will be women who will hate you with a passion and feel entitled to "knock you down a peg or two." They are mean and vicious, and don't ever stop to think about your feelings at all because they don't think you have any. Secondly, most men will feel the right to use you as a notch on their belts, for having been with you will give them a societal award sort of like a boy scott patch. It will give them bragging rights--and they will brag--and those they brag to will give them the reward they so richly desire--regardless of what the bragging does to you. Thirdly, not many people will take you seriously because the pretty can be too much of a distraction for them. There is a tendency to think that every good looking person only wants to hear how good looking they are. As a result, their words are often not taken as seriously as they should, hence all the sexual harassment and hostility in the work place. And finally, there are those unfortunate situations where the distraction becomes such an obsession that it can lead to stalking. Communication with many begins and ends with your pretty. But these were the kinds of things Ms. Brick spoke about in her article. All true, but where she went wrong was when she made her pretty the target of everyone else's opinion. Ladies and gents, 100% GUARANTEED: if you publicly declare yourself "pretty", you are going to bring a judgement on yourself that you will not be ready for! It's as if you declared yourself beautiful and everyone else--and their children---and their parents---and their siblings--and their dogs---and their cats---UGLY. People will take this personally! Don't do it unless you're one of those people who feel that any attention is better than no attention at all!
Judgement is never easy, but if you draw attention to yourself, it's inevitable. If you flash your car, folks are going to criticize you for what you should have bought instead. If you flash your money, there's going to be a buzz about how frivolous or wasteful you are, and what you should be spending "all that money" on--which is ALWAYS going to be different from what you're doing because the folk think they can spend your money better than you can. If you talk about the success of your children, someone is going to find out about the one little mistake your child made that he/she didn't tell you about, and blow it up to panoramic size, just to make it juicy enough to discredit your child/children any and everywhere they can. If you brag about your pretty, people are going to capitalize on the one feature of yours that's not so becoming! Pretty is not universal. One man's pleasure is another man's pain. One man's trash is another man's treasure. It's okay to think you're beautiful, but you'll get into trouble if you expect or demand others to feel the same. Truly, being pretty is overrated. It doesn't pay the mortgage nor does it make the price of groceries disappear. Sure there's the case where some guy gave a $250,000 Aston Martin to this woman because he thought she was beautiful, but what was the intangible cost? What did she have to do in return? Did she have to put herself in a position to be salivated on by him? Did she somewhere in her mind feel she owed him or had to alter her life/behavior to keep him from taking it back? Somewhere, you can rest assured, there was a cost. How much of her soul did she have to sell to get that gift? Did she become spiritually enslaved to him? The point is that nothing in life is free. There's even a cost to following Jesus, so I know she had to give something in return. Maybe she gave first--whether she knew it or not! Even so, it takes a lot of mental work to be pretty--which is what Samantha Brick was trying to say. Being pretty is not what makes you a target, though; it's what you do with your pretty that can ignite a hellfire that you may not be ready for. If you feel entitled because you're pretty, you're going to bring on judgement. If you're pretty and you don't demand attention or certain reactions from others, you'll be okay. Your best bet is to turn your "pretty" into true beauty. The way to do that is to use the time that pretty people spend promoting themselves to work on your character. Pretty can never be beauty if it's only on the surface. Allow it to go deep, take root and branch into something that will leave a legacy of goodness from within your heart and soul. Otherwise, you will only be talked about in conversation that is designed to rip you apart. Samantha Brick, you brought this trouble on yourself. Good luck with it!
Mirror, mirror on the wall. I know I'm the fairest of them all, but if I tell somebody that, they'll shoot me. So let's just keep that between me and you. Ah-ight, Mirror? We're going to keep this one on the low, right? Hahaha. That's what Samantha Brick should have said. Folks are mad and in an uproar over what the woman said, but she was just speaking her mind. Now most of us know that most of us have things about ourselves that we like a lot; we just play it down so that others can compliment us in those areas, right? From our butts to our hair; our eyes to our lips; our hands to our feet, there's something, and that's okay in it's place. Rule of thumb, Samantha, you don't ever let it come out of your mouth. If you want to be complimented publicly, you let others do that for you. I understand "affirmations", but those are the things you say to yourself to give you the boost YOU need; you don't write a column about being "too pretty", publish it for the world to read, then expect others to agree with you! There are four known things that will get you egged or targeted in some other not so gracious way, if you speak them aloud without knowing your audience: your wealth, politics, how right your religion is, and your beauty. These subjects are taboo unless you're being subjective. You can talk about the wealth, politics, religion, and beauty of others, but you must leave yourself out of it unless you want to drum up some haters.
But here's the deal: how much of what she was saying was farfetched? A lot of what she had to say was on point, however, she shouldn't have related it to herself. The best way to get people to hate you is to flaunt your pretty; no one likes arrogance or vanity in others. Ask---well, I don't even want to say her name, but you know who. I avoid mentioning her name because it's just so taboo to me. I'll say this much, though: her first and last initial are the same, and her claim to fame is her "pretty". You know who I'm talking about. Every woman wants to be pretty, unless she's a little warped, but there really is a cost that comes with that. It is sometimes called "the curse of a beautiful woman". If you're truly pretty, there are a few things you need to know so that you can handle the pretty without the pretty handling you. First, there will be women who will hate you with a passion and feel entitled to "knock you down a peg or two." They are mean and vicious, and don't ever stop to think about your feelings at all because they don't think you have any. Secondly, most men will feel the right to use you as a notch on their belts, for having been with you will give them a societal award sort of like a boy scott patch. It will give them bragging rights--and they will brag--and those they brag to will give them the reward they so richly desire--regardless of what the bragging does to you. Thirdly, not many people will take you seriously because the pretty can be too much of a distraction for them. There is a tendency to think that every good looking person only wants to hear how good looking they are. As a result, their words are often not taken as seriously as they should, hence all the sexual harassment and hostility in the work place. And finally, there are those unfortunate situations where the distraction becomes such an obsession that it can lead to stalking. Communication with many begins and ends with your pretty. But these were the kinds of things Ms. Brick spoke about in her article. All true, but where she went wrong was when she made her pretty the target of everyone else's opinion. Ladies and gents, 100% GUARANTEED: if you publicly declare yourself "pretty", you are going to bring a judgement on yourself that you will not be ready for! It's as if you declared yourself beautiful and everyone else--and their children---and their parents---and their siblings--and their dogs---and their cats---UGLY. People will take this personally! Don't do it unless you're one of those people who feel that any attention is better than no attention at all!
Judgement is never easy, but if you draw attention to yourself, it's inevitable. If you flash your car, folks are going to criticize you for what you should have bought instead. If you flash your money, there's going to be a buzz about how frivolous or wasteful you are, and what you should be spending "all that money" on--which is ALWAYS going to be different from what you're doing because the folk think they can spend your money better than you can. If you talk about the success of your children, someone is going to find out about the one little mistake your child made that he/she didn't tell you about, and blow it up to panoramic size, just to make it juicy enough to discredit your child/children any and everywhere they can. If you brag about your pretty, people are going to capitalize on the one feature of yours that's not so becoming! Pretty is not universal. One man's pleasure is another man's pain. One man's trash is another man's treasure. It's okay to think you're beautiful, but you'll get into trouble if you expect or demand others to feel the same. Truly, being pretty is overrated. It doesn't pay the mortgage nor does it make the price of groceries disappear. Sure there's the case where some guy gave a $250,000 Aston Martin to this woman because he thought she was beautiful, but what was the intangible cost? What did she have to do in return? Did she have to put herself in a position to be salivated on by him? Did she somewhere in her mind feel she owed him or had to alter her life/behavior to keep him from taking it back? Somewhere, you can rest assured, there was a cost. How much of her soul did she have to sell to get that gift? Did she become spiritually enslaved to him? The point is that nothing in life is free. There's even a cost to following Jesus, so I know she had to give something in return. Maybe she gave first--whether she knew it or not! Even so, it takes a lot of mental work to be pretty--which is what Samantha Brick was trying to say. Being pretty is not what makes you a target, though; it's what you do with your pretty that can ignite a hellfire that you may not be ready for. If you feel entitled because you're pretty, you're going to bring on judgement. If you're pretty and you don't demand attention or certain reactions from others, you'll be okay. Your best bet is to turn your "pretty" into true beauty. The way to do that is to use the time that pretty people spend promoting themselves to work on your character. Pretty can never be beauty if it's only on the surface. Allow it to go deep, take root and branch into something that will leave a legacy of goodness from within your heart and soul. Otherwise, you will only be talked about in conversation that is designed to rip you apart. Samantha Brick, you brought this trouble on yourself. Good luck with it!
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