"If your great idea/invention worked perfectly the first time, I'm going to pay attention to and support somebody else! Failure is an awesome opportunity for you to become an expert at what you do."
I know, I know. To say that failure is not so bad makes me sound like the mom of the football player who ran 90 yards in the opposite direction, scoring a safety for the other team. Or the mom of the girl who places third in the beauty pageant. Okay, Charlie Brown, but really, it's true. Steve Jobs is heralded as one of the greatest inventors of our time, but also one of the most difficult personalities to understand or get along with. He is credited for inventing some of the greatest "stuff" this generation has ever seen, but you'd be a fool to think that he only failed once, or never at all. Let's take a look at some of the other noted "failures before successes" of our time, and in our history (and not necessarily in chronological order. It's too early in the morning for that, so bear with me):
George Washington lost all of his battles as a general in The Seven Years War. Unfortunately for Sir Cloudesley of the Scilly Naval Disaster, his failure proved the sailing master of the HMS Lennox right, resulting in the improvement of naval navigational systems. Albert Einstein failed in school before his genius was discovered. Halle Berry and Steve Harvey were both homeless. Jerry Springer ran for Illinois State Senate. Bill Clinton was up for impeachment. Barack Obama was pulverized in a race for a political seat in the state of Illinois. And for any Obama haters out there--George W. Bush. That's all I'm going to say about that.
Michael Jordan was cut from his basketball team. Prince got booed off the stage. Beyoncé is celebrated by many as a great singer...(ouch). Anyway...
The point is that true greatness begins with failure. Then failure again. And again. But failure is not as awful as it feels. It is truly necessary. Without failure, the food you eat would make you sick or even kill you. Someone had to test it out first. That's, unfortunately for some poor soul, how we know not to eat certain berries from certain bushes, vines or trees in the wilderness. Skin products, hair products, fabrics for clothing, materials for shoes, financial investments, and hell, even certain parts of town, were tested out first by someone or some group of people whose failed efforts let us know whether or not those things were good for us! Heaven forbid we drive cars that have not been tested for success or failure. Or ride in planes, boats or trains. Imagine a traffic light being placed on a busy thoroughfare that has not been tested and flashes green on all sides. How about air traffic with no control? Okay. Let's not imagine that. That's way too morbid.
Don't get me wrong. Failure hurts like hell, but somebody's gotta do it or we won't grow as a society. Truth be told, failure feels like a visit from a happy devil on an already 120 degree day. I know. I've been there a few times myself. I'm starting to call failure "my old friend." (But damn, I wish that friend would lose my address!) So, I'm not speaking from inexperience. Fortunately for me, I survived them all so far, and am doing quite well, thank you. I could speak on this subject all day long, but Chinese Philosopher, I Ching, stated it best: "Before being used for greatness, one must appear a fool before a crowd."
Don't let failure stop you from making awesome investments in your life and great contributions to society, because it is truly the main ingredient for success, as well as happiness! Happy birthday, Kitty Cat. Here's your blog!!!!
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
Friday, March 21, 2014
You've Got To Teach People How To Treat You
"If you stand for nothing, you'll fall for anything."
The most important part of a successful, loving relationship? BOUNDARIES!!!!!! If a relationship is to succeed on any level, especially where love is concerned, there must be boundaries! A relationship without boundaries is like:
The most important part of a successful, loving relationship? BOUNDARIES!!!!!! If a relationship is to succeed on any level, especially where love is concerned, there must be boundaries! A relationship without boundaries is like:
1. A serving of milk without a glass.
2. A car without a frame.
3. A circle with no outline.
4. Running a bath without a tub.
5. A t.v. with no remote (haha! You know it's better with the remote!).
6. Music with no sound.
7. Pro football without a field.
8. Pro basketball with no court.
9. A model with no make-up!
10. A group of kids with no adults around...
...a relationship with no love. Let me say that again: a relationship without boundaries is like a relationship with no love. Whether the relationship is one between lovers, mother and daughter/son, father and daughter/son, supervisor/workers, friends, etc., there must be boundaries to keep the relationship solid. A common mistake among women seeking permanence with a man is that the female will often accept whatever he does, just to be able to say she has a man (works in the opposite direction, too, guys). Sadly, she thinks there's security in having him around. Well, guess what? There is no security in a boundary-less relationship. The security in a glass of milk is that the boundaries of the glass keep the liquid from spilling all over the place. Without the glass, it's impossible to drink the milk. Unless you're going to lap it up off the floor--which is lapping, not drinking. And also, milk flavored dirt. The same holds true in relationships: without boundaries, it is impossible to have a successful, loving relationship.
The car with no frame will make for a very painful and uncomfortable ride. Without the frame, what will you sit on? The tires? That would have to hurt. What would protect you from the wind or other weather conditions? Oh, here's one: the bugs? Imagine that bug that splats on your windshield hitting you smack dab in the face. Oh, yeah. It would hit you because without a frame, there can be no windshield. Yuck. Bug juice... And so it is in relationships. Without boundaries, the finding out of your mate cheating would feel like a bug flying full speed into your face. It would hurt like hell, and the memory of it hitting you in the face would constantly flash back into your mind and make you sick to the stomach.
The mate who spends all of your money on him/herself and leaves you to figure out how to pay the bills is a never ending cycle. Like a circle with no outline because it never ends (like a circle) and you don't see it coming (no outline). And even if you did, you wouldn't know where the outline began or ended because it's a circle--cycle.
An abusive relationship, whether spiritual, mental, emotional or physical, is like bathwater running all over the floor. The water represents your tears and you should stop the water from running as soon as you see it hitting the floor because it's not going to stop itself and it is sure to cause major damage--above and below the surface! (Do you know the cost of repairing water damage? It's not cheap, but neither is therapy.)
A mate who is an addict--drug, alcohol, shopping, plastic surgery, pornography, church service, gossip, sex, etc., is like a television with no remote. Nothing's going to change until you get tired of watching the same thing over and over and over again, and finally get up and make the change yourself. (Oooo. I like that one. That's pretty clever if I may say so myself!)
A mate who keeps promising to change is like music with no sound. It's the same song over and over and over again, and eventually, you won't even hear his/her words anymore.
A mate who is free to come and go in and out of your life as he/she pleases, is like pro football without a field or pro basketball without a court. Everyone is all over the place and no one knows what goal to work toward. Eventually, the players will wear themselves out and the fans will stop supporting. (Ouch. Not the fans.)
A model with no make-up? That's just ugly.
A relationship without boundaries is like kids ruling the world with no adults around. There would be no clear leadership and things will end up as they did in The Lord of the Flies. You're left to govern yourselves in the relationship, with no clear rules, an environment that is perfect for fear, anger, jealousy, insecurity, rivalry, competition, division and self-destruction. The longer you're in the relationship with no rules or boundaries, the more savage you become. Why? Because there is nothing to keep you on a straight and narrow path. Without a straight path, curiosity and hormones tend to get the best of us. We start flirting with danger, and before we know it, that which keeps us warm and safe dies out or passes us by. (Instead of tending to the fire, the boys went on a hunt to kill a pig and let their fire burn out, while letting a passing ship go by unnoticed.)
Let's face it: we all need boundaries in every situation. Even though we buck and challenge them, rules are important. Set rules for your relationship. Draw lines that your mate may not cross and stand on them. Otherwise, they will cause you and your relationship to fall.
Because we are all different as people, there needs to be common boundaries that keep us from disrespecting and destroying each other as well as ourselves. Set boundaries within yourself before you enter your relationship, and stick to them. If you don't want to be cheated on, don't involve yourself with a mate who is not willing to commit. If you don't want your hard earned money spent on drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, or strippers, don't get involved with a potential mate who has any of these issues. It is your right---and duty---to have an idea of what you're looking for in a relationship. A relationship is something you should spend a lot of time thinking about before you enter into one, and that goes for friends, lovers, spouses and....drumroll...drum some more...make sure they take the time to think...PARENTS! Look before you leap or you're going to end up jumping on a pile of thorns or on shards of glass, and it will be no one's fault but your own!!!! You will definitely hurt yourself. If it's your relationship, you have a right to choose what you want. It's your duty to choose what you want. Take charge of your life. Don't just end up in a relationship by default. Relationships are hard work, so know what you're signing up for and take an active role in it. That means set boundaries---decide what you will and will not put up with. It's your right.
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
Connection is Love's Main Ingredient
"Family are those who love you; all others are just relatives."
As a counselor, I watched many people over the years abide by family code of loyalty until there was nothing left of them. As humans, some of us will fight for family until the bitter end, but far too many more of us are on the side that makes those who love us give their lives in the fight. This weekend, I watched Despicable Me 1 & 2 with my family, and I must say that I absolutely love those movies! Big thumbs up to Steve Carell. That guy is amazing. I thought the character "Gru" was going to be much more evil than he was, which is why I didn't see the first movie when it came out. Evil to kids? Not for me. But when I watched the movie and saw that he had such a heart for those girls ("goyles" as he says), I fell in love with the series. Can't wait for the third movie.
But here's our topic for the day: family loyalty. In the second movie, Dr. Navario left to be evil again, but came back when he realized his new boss was trying to hurt Gru and the minions. "Nobody messes with my family," he says. There was a time when that could have and should have been the code for everyone to live by. Everyone should be able to love and be loyal to family members, and this still holds true, but you have to understand what family is. Family is known to man as anyone related to you. Well, there are lots of people related to you; most of them you don't even know. It's not possible to love and be loyal to them all. To love someone is to be CONNECTED with them. To be loyal is to be devoted to them forever. Well, let me state it as simply as I can:
YOU CAN'T BE CONNECTED TO SOMEONE WHO IS LOYAL TO SOMETHING OR SOMEONE ELSE IF THE CONNECTION TO THE OTHER PREVENTS THEM FROM BEING LOYAL TO YOU!!!!!
That's what connection is. It's a circle; not a line. The love has to be reciprocated, or the connection of love cannot be made. Blood only connects relatives; not family. I know, I know. "But that's my sister" or "my brother" or "my mother" or "my dad" or "my husband" or "my wife" or "my son" or "my daughter". Let me say it again: if the other person is more loyal to someone or something else, it is not possible for a love connection to exist. So LET GO!! You may have to give the other person time to figure out what love is. If he doesn't know, he won't understand what you're trying to do to him/her. He/she will mistake your love for control, and if that happens, rebellion against you is sure to come. Know your limits. Understand that love takes time, even in families, and if there is something standing in the way of your love connection, forcing yourself on that person will do nothing but damage the relationship between the two of you---and the rest of the family members as well. If the one you want to love is a drug addict, know that addiction ALWAYS trumps love. It's not personal; it's an immense craving for something that denies your loved one the right to love you back. The same goes for alcohol. If the one you love desires someone else, that desire trumps the better love you think you can give. If your mate keeps running back to an ex or current lover (or to strippers, prostitutes, porn, etc.), it's because he/she can't or doesn't want to let go of the other. It's not personal; it's an addiction. Or maybe he/she truly loves the other person. You have to let go. If your son/daughter wants to be with the other parent or a lover, there's nothing you can do to change his/her mind (minor child excluded). Sometimes you have to let go even when you share the same bloodline. If not, the other person will destroy you, and if that's okay with you, there's something WRONG with YOU. And that's the reason he/she has latched on to someone or something else. Am I saying it's your fault? No. I'm saying that if you're the one who is addicted, you are the one who needs help. No one wants to be your drug or your supplier, even if you're family.
Family are those who are able to love you back. It's what strengthens the bond of love. If you hold on to something that makes you weak, it denies those family members who love you the strength of being loved in return.
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Thursday, March 13, 2014
Who's Calling Who Selfish?
"A man's heart is only as deep as his thoughts...and his level of brilliance can be found wrapped inside his heart."
Now, before you women start thinking that "man" in that quote refers only to males, know that letters in the word "man" are the last three letters of both "h-u-M-A-N" and w-o-M-A-N". So females, you are not off the hook. You, too, are only as deep as your thoughts. Before you call another man selfish, take a look at yourself and see how much of what you hate about him applies to you. For example, if you think he's selfish because he forgot your three day anniversary, ask yourself why you wanted him to remember it. Was it because you wanted a gift? Or because you thought he should have forgotten about his game night with the boys, which he's been doing for the last five years and spent that time with you, snuggling and making what, in you're mind, would have made an exciting story that your girlfriends wouldn't have been able to wait to hear about. (Note to self: watch girlfriend's facial expression as I'm telling her what we did on our three day anniversary. Hint: it will look a lot like Whoopi Goldberg's face when Sherri Shepherd talks about her "huuuuuuuuuuuuzzzzzband". Again. And again. And again....) Or maybe he's selfish because he didn't buy for your birthday what your friend's man bought for her on her birthday. Or better yet, he bought what he could afford, rather than what you dreamed of showing off to your friend's or family.
I can remember getting a phone call one Christmas from a very angry and distraught former female acquaintance of mine. The conversation went like this:
"I am with the most selfish man I know. Do you know what he bought me for Christmas?"
"No. What?"
"A tool kit for my car!"
"Oh, cool!"
"How is that 'cool'? It was selfish and stupid! All he thinks about is himself! What kind of Christmas present is that? And he had the nerve to be all excited because it was PINK!!! Why would a woman want a tool kit for Christmas? How stupid can he be..."
In my mind, it was very, very thoughtful on his part, and, much to her chagrin, I understood and supported his excitement. What kind of friend am I, you ask? One with a big heart and an amazing level of brilliance!!!! Of course, she didn't see it that way, so she doesn't talk to me anymore, but at that time in her life, she drove around town in a beater. Her car was constantly falling apart. There was ALWAYS something wrong with it, so she complained about it all the time. For example, to roll down the window on the passenger side, she had to keep a wrench close by. Not only did she have regular car problems, but she lived alone with her two small children. He didn't live with her nor was he close enough to come running whenever she broke down.
I thought it was not only a brilliant gift, but also a sign of how much attention he really paid to her when she talked to him! That gift said that he cared about what she was going through; that he cared enough to help. He thought about what she needed even after they got off the phone, and...drumroll...he cared about more than just having sex with her, her cooking for him, her cleaning up after him, or her being his trophy. He obviously cared about her life and her safety, as well as that of her children. He wasn't selfish; she was. The real issue: she was angry that he didn't buy the typical girl gift that would have allowed her to brag to others to show them how much she meant to him. You know those gifts--rings, flowers, cars, houses, marriage proposals, etc. The saddest part of this was that he had already given her the best thing he had to give--his heart--and she didn't even see it. So how big was her heart? And really...who was the stupid one?
Sunday, February 16, 2014
The Power of a Woe-man
"Wo-man was designed to be the strength behind her man's success in life, but selfishness has caused her to become his woe-man instead!"
Had a weird dream last night. I was watching this armadillo-like being graze in a meadow. It didn't have the armor of an armadillo, but was shaped as one, and moved in the same kind of way. It was minding its own business, sort of in its own lane, just doing what armadillo-like things do--I guess. I noticed it because it had very graceful, yet strong movements, and beautiful, neatly aligned blueish-purple spots that were arranged in these amazing horizontal rows across its body. There were also children playing in this meadow, so there was lots of happy chatter. But as I took notice of the armadillo-thing and became more and more engrossed in it's being, I became oblivious to all of the other goings on. As I watched this thing, I became totally mesmerized by it's busy, yet delicate movements. I was fascinated by its ability to stay in its own lane. It bothered nobody, and nobody bothered it! But as my eyes became captivated, my mind began to register the thing as a skunk! It didn't look at all like a skunk, but somehow I knew it was. So I remained distant. But then something really strange happened. The damn thing turned into a child! A beautiful cherubic child--no, seriously a cherub (imagine Cupid with no arrow). It had no clothes on, but the skin on it was heavenly. It began to play as all of the other children, but still minding it's own business. Though not quite three feet in height, it-she-- stood up, exposing beautiful locks of dark curly hair that fell only to her shoulders. I noticed that her hair and her skin were equally beautiful, nothing like anything on earth. I thought the child was so cute that I wanted to pick her up and hold her, but my mind kept registering SKUNK, so I thought better of it. Taken by her delicate movements, again I became mesmerized. She was chubby like an eighteen month old and her skin became softer and softer as I watched her go about her business and, again, I wanted to pick her up and hold her. But then I noticed this little spout-like protrusion, with a mouth-like opening at the end of her, near the bottom left hand side of her torso (maybe more underneath her left butt cheek, but the butt part of her never registered in my mind). Though I knew the spout was used for her "changeability", I also knew it was for other things, like...we'll just say...elimination! Once again, my mind registered...SKUNK. So I backed up again! Fighting the desire to pick her up and play with her as I did my own children when they were that age, I noticed some discoloration near the back of her right ankle. As I zoomed in, my mind registered FECES! I thought, Oh, sh**! This can't be good! By now, I was ready to duck and cover. I thought the kid was going to blow!!! As I looked for shelter, I realized we were inside a building that looked like a preschool. Suddenly, she began moving swiftly toward the door. She knew she had to go, but knew not to "go" where there were other children. She made it outside and I watched as she dropped her load a few short feet from the door. I won't go into too much detail, but there was something about the consistency of it that made it stand out in my mind. It was as if it was more mucous than feces, but I didn't have time to investigate. As my mind once again began to register...go ahead...say it with me...SKUNK...I knew I had to get the hell up out of there! Skunk/sh**/mucous? Not even in a dream would I want to know what that smelled like! I have NEVER been THAT curious about ANYTHING! So I woke up.
The dream was a warning to me about the females around me. There are several who want to be close friends of mine, so they present themselves as kind and gentle spirits, but they're not. If I get taken in by how they present themselves, I won't see what they really are and they will sh** on me! They can't help what they are, and I don't judge them for it, but by the same token, I can't ignore the truth. So here's my question: how many times do we see the warning signs in a situation, but ignore them and get involved with people we know we shouldn't be with in spite of what we know about them? Another question: Is "friendship" ever really worth the cost of it? What about relationship? I know that fairytales have taught us that there is a happily-ever-after, but I just don't know how that could be possible if your here-and-now is so messed up! If I have bad feet, wearing pretty shoes to cover them up will NOT make my problem go away. Seeing a podiatrist, however, might do the trick! If my hygiene is bad, new clothes are not going to help me. However, washing my parts might help me as well as others who have to be close enough to breath in my fumes! Covering funk with new clothes only makes the problem worse, because pretty clothes lead others to assume my hygiene is good. Once they get a whiff of the stench, my business will be spread all over the place with comments like, "Her clothes are nice, but have you ever noticed how she smells?" or "She dresses nicely, but someone ought to talk to her about her hygiene" or "*&%^%^&#$##@ she stank!" And finally...if my life sucks, finding someone to marry is not going to make it better. I could marry the greatest man on earth, but because of my mindset and my messed up ways, the marriage will not succeed. Good doesn't automatically make bad better; personal commitment to grow does. If your life sucks, you need to change the way you think before bringing in anyone else, and if you absolutely must bring in someone...try a counselor or a very, very wise, mature friend who is willing to help you with your clothes on! Here's why...
As a man, you're not designed to make it through life on your own. You need help. Adam and Eve. Enough said. As a woman, you're not supposed to do what Eve did, but if you want your relationship to succeed or to be healthy on any level, you absolutely have to do what Eve was supposed to do: hold your man down (support him mentally, spiritually and emotionally) as he does what he's supposed to do with his life. He's supposed to walk with God EVERYDAY, for in that walk, he's learning what he's needs to know to keep you safe mentally, spiritually, and physically. Remember that God is not who the religious people say He is. They tell themselves whatever they have to tell themselves to get away with all of the foolishness that goes on in today's "church". God is absolute truth, intelligence and integrity, so your man is supposed to be able to walk uprightly and with dignity. If as with Eve, you become possessive of his time away from you, ideas for ways to get him spend more time with you will pop into your head, and you will cause him to die. If a man doesn't grow or mature, as with anything else, he will die young. Maybe not physically, but spiritually, which means he will not be happy, and will therefore be unable to encourage your happiness together. He will not have the energy, the know-how, the desire or the will to be the man he needs to be. That's why couples fight so much. Its because neither of them really how to navigate this thing called life, so they get in each other's way...and on each other's nerves!
But if you do what a woman is created to do (which is NOT nagging, and you'd be surprised at how far silence will go), you will not have time to sit around waiting for him to come home and be your entertainment until he leaves again the next day. Oh, my bad. You're that one who leaves him at home playing video games while you go out, work and gather food? Okay, YOU, I will judge! Stop emasculating that man (cutting off his manhood---making him a punk)! A boy sits home and plays video games while he waits for his mama to come home and cook or bring food! If you make him a boy, or allow him to be a boy, you can't get mad at him for acting like a child! But trust and believe, he will hate you deep down inside for it. When a man is not being a man, nobody knows that better than he does!! If you allow him to get away with it, he will lose all respect for you!! And that goes for you, too, Mom. If you don't require your son to be man, he will look for a woman he can respect. It's the order of life. Man absolutely has to respect woman. If that's not the order in your world, then that's what's wrong with your life!! It's as simple as that. And maybe that started with your parents, but someone has to be willing to break the cycle. Man needs to respect woman. Children need to be able to respect someone older. Imagine yourself a child in a classroom with a weak teacher...enough said.
So stop being the woe of man and become the woman in his life. A woe-man possesses the power to destroy a man, and she will naturally cause him to self-destruct. A woman is the step before becoming a wife--a woman married to truth, intelligence and integrity, a.k.a. God, who should never, ever be confused with the bishop, the pastor, the religion or the church you attend. God, who shows up in your honest, integral, intellectual thoughts--which means you have to think things through instead of behaving in a certain way in order to get to Heaven-- is where she gets the wisdom to be the strength behind her successful man. And a man who findeth a wife findeth a good thing...
Had a weird dream last night. I was watching this armadillo-like being graze in a meadow. It didn't have the armor of an armadillo, but was shaped as one, and moved in the same kind of way. It was minding its own business, sort of in its own lane, just doing what armadillo-like things do--I guess. I noticed it because it had very graceful, yet strong movements, and beautiful, neatly aligned blueish-purple spots that were arranged in these amazing horizontal rows across its body. There were also children playing in this meadow, so there was lots of happy chatter. But as I took notice of the armadillo-thing and became more and more engrossed in it's being, I became oblivious to all of the other goings on. As I watched this thing, I became totally mesmerized by it's busy, yet delicate movements. I was fascinated by its ability to stay in its own lane. It bothered nobody, and nobody bothered it! But as my eyes became captivated, my mind began to register the thing as a skunk! It didn't look at all like a skunk, but somehow I knew it was. So I remained distant. But then something really strange happened. The damn thing turned into a child! A beautiful cherubic child--no, seriously a cherub (imagine Cupid with no arrow). It had no clothes on, but the skin on it was heavenly. It began to play as all of the other children, but still minding it's own business. Though not quite three feet in height, it-she-- stood up, exposing beautiful locks of dark curly hair that fell only to her shoulders. I noticed that her hair and her skin were equally beautiful, nothing like anything on earth. I thought the child was so cute that I wanted to pick her up and hold her, but my mind kept registering SKUNK, so I thought better of it. Taken by her delicate movements, again I became mesmerized. She was chubby like an eighteen month old and her skin became softer and softer as I watched her go about her business and, again, I wanted to pick her up and hold her. But then I noticed this little spout-like protrusion, with a mouth-like opening at the end of her, near the bottom left hand side of her torso (maybe more underneath her left butt cheek, but the butt part of her never registered in my mind). Though I knew the spout was used for her "changeability", I also knew it was for other things, like...we'll just say...elimination! Once again, my mind registered...SKUNK. So I backed up again! Fighting the desire to pick her up and play with her as I did my own children when they were that age, I noticed some discoloration near the back of her right ankle. As I zoomed in, my mind registered FECES! I thought, Oh, sh**! This can't be good! By now, I was ready to duck and cover. I thought the kid was going to blow!!! As I looked for shelter, I realized we were inside a building that looked like a preschool. Suddenly, she began moving swiftly toward the door. She knew she had to go, but knew not to "go" where there were other children. She made it outside and I watched as she dropped her load a few short feet from the door. I won't go into too much detail, but there was something about the consistency of it that made it stand out in my mind. It was as if it was more mucous than feces, but I didn't have time to investigate. As my mind once again began to register...go ahead...say it with me...SKUNK...I knew I had to get the hell up out of there! Skunk/sh**/mucous? Not even in a dream would I want to know what that smelled like! I have NEVER been THAT curious about ANYTHING! So I woke up.
The dream was a warning to me about the females around me. There are several who want to be close friends of mine, so they present themselves as kind and gentle spirits, but they're not. If I get taken in by how they present themselves, I won't see what they really are and they will sh** on me! They can't help what they are, and I don't judge them for it, but by the same token, I can't ignore the truth. So here's my question: how many times do we see the warning signs in a situation, but ignore them and get involved with people we know we shouldn't be with in spite of what we know about them? Another question: Is "friendship" ever really worth the cost of it? What about relationship? I know that fairytales have taught us that there is a happily-ever-after, but I just don't know how that could be possible if your here-and-now is so messed up! If I have bad feet, wearing pretty shoes to cover them up will NOT make my problem go away. Seeing a podiatrist, however, might do the trick! If my hygiene is bad, new clothes are not going to help me. However, washing my parts might help me as well as others who have to be close enough to breath in my fumes! Covering funk with new clothes only makes the problem worse, because pretty clothes lead others to assume my hygiene is good. Once they get a whiff of the stench, my business will be spread all over the place with comments like, "Her clothes are nice, but have you ever noticed how she smells?" or "She dresses nicely, but someone ought to talk to her about her hygiene" or "*&%^%^&#$##@ she stank!" And finally...if my life sucks, finding someone to marry is not going to make it better. I could marry the greatest man on earth, but because of my mindset and my messed up ways, the marriage will not succeed. Good doesn't automatically make bad better; personal commitment to grow does. If your life sucks, you need to change the way you think before bringing in anyone else, and if you absolutely must bring in someone...try a counselor or a very, very wise, mature friend who is willing to help you with your clothes on! Here's why...
As a man, you're not designed to make it through life on your own. You need help. Adam and Eve. Enough said. As a woman, you're not supposed to do what Eve did, but if you want your relationship to succeed or to be healthy on any level, you absolutely have to do what Eve was supposed to do: hold your man down (support him mentally, spiritually and emotionally) as he does what he's supposed to do with his life. He's supposed to walk with God EVERYDAY, for in that walk, he's learning what he's needs to know to keep you safe mentally, spiritually, and physically. Remember that God is not who the religious people say He is. They tell themselves whatever they have to tell themselves to get away with all of the foolishness that goes on in today's "church". God is absolute truth, intelligence and integrity, so your man is supposed to be able to walk uprightly and with dignity. If as with Eve, you become possessive of his time away from you, ideas for ways to get him spend more time with you will pop into your head, and you will cause him to die. If a man doesn't grow or mature, as with anything else, he will die young. Maybe not physically, but spiritually, which means he will not be happy, and will therefore be unable to encourage your happiness together. He will not have the energy, the know-how, the desire or the will to be the man he needs to be. That's why couples fight so much. Its because neither of them really how to navigate this thing called life, so they get in each other's way...and on each other's nerves!
But if you do what a woman is created to do (which is NOT nagging, and you'd be surprised at how far silence will go), you will not have time to sit around waiting for him to come home and be your entertainment until he leaves again the next day. Oh, my bad. You're that one who leaves him at home playing video games while you go out, work and gather food? Okay, YOU, I will judge! Stop emasculating that man (cutting off his manhood---making him a punk)! A boy sits home and plays video games while he waits for his mama to come home and cook or bring food! If you make him a boy, or allow him to be a boy, you can't get mad at him for acting like a child! But trust and believe, he will hate you deep down inside for it. When a man is not being a man, nobody knows that better than he does!! If you allow him to get away with it, he will lose all respect for you!! And that goes for you, too, Mom. If you don't require your son to be man, he will look for a woman he can respect. It's the order of life. Man absolutely has to respect woman. If that's not the order in your world, then that's what's wrong with your life!! It's as simple as that. And maybe that started with your parents, but someone has to be willing to break the cycle. Man needs to respect woman. Children need to be able to respect someone older. Imagine yourself a child in a classroom with a weak teacher...enough said.
So stop being the woe of man and become the woman in his life. A woe-man possesses the power to destroy a man, and she will naturally cause him to self-destruct. A woman is the step before becoming a wife--a woman married to truth, intelligence and integrity, a.k.a. God, who should never, ever be confused with the bishop, the pastor, the religion or the church you attend. God, who shows up in your honest, integral, intellectual thoughts--which means you have to think things through instead of behaving in a certain way in order to get to Heaven-- is where she gets the wisdom to be the strength behind her successful man. And a man who findeth a wife findeth a good thing...
Monday, February 3, 2014
Love Boils Down To X's and O's
"When concerned about relationship woes, take some time to ascertain whether your union, or your desire for one, is an 'X' or an 'O'."
Last night, someone asked the question, "Do you think it's humanly possible to love unconditionally?" That's an interesting question because the answer is that it is not humanly possible to love at all. That's right. It's not humanly possible to love, for love is a spiritual thing. Let's go deep...
Love is not physical. You can't touch it, nor can it touch you (in the physical sense of the word "touch"). I know, I know. Air is physical. You can't touch air, either. But air can touch you. Therefore, for the wise guys out there, air is not spiritual even though you can no more touch it than you can love. Love is an intangible that happens only in the mind--or deeper than that, the heart. No, not the physical heart, but the deepest section of your mind, which is the heart that's referred to when love is the subject. Think about it. The "heart" of anything is a reference made to the deepest part of that thing, i.e. the "heart" of the matter...anyway...
Love is not something that can be decided upon, controlled, altered or manipulated by humans. It is not possible to fall in love, but it is conceivable to like someone a lot...a whole lot...and because of that, you may end up wanting to spend the rest of your life with that person. But that is not love. What many call "love" is more likely a strong attachment coupled with an unwillingness or lack of desire to let go, than anything else. It's usually caused by loneliness or the fear of being alone. Because of the desperation that most of us feel as a result of being alone or detached from others who make us feel like we matter, we set out in search of anyone who can make the pain of detachment go away.
Love, on the other hand, is more like connection. In this connection, the deepest recesses of the minds of those involved, or the "hearts" of them, are bonded in a way that prevents even them from destroying it. But it's happening is not within the reach or range of human control. For example, you can't go to the club or to church and find someone to fall in love with. You can find someone you'd like to spend time with, or someone who shares your interest and is willing to fill the empty space in your life, but love has nothing to do with that. For that reason, in many unions that end in separation or divorce, one or both parties knew something was terribly wrong before the nuptials, but the thrill of having found someone who was willing to spend the rest of his/her life with them, or the security of that, sent them rushing down the aisle before someone changed his mind. Immediately after the wedding day, someone usually asks him/herself what they got themselves into. "Why did I do this to myself?" Well, the answer to that question is because you didn't want to be alone for the rest of your life. And let me just say right here that it is very possible to be lonelier after marrying someone you really don't love than if you had to live by yourself. That's what happens when your now permanent partner doesn't meet your expectations, or when you find out that you really didn't know anything about marriage because you didn't look past the excitement of having a wedding or having someone to spend the rest of your life with.
So what's the problem with love and relationships? Why isn't it humanly possible to love? When you look at relationship, think of "X's" and "O's". Let's demonstrate. Grab a pencil and a piece of paper. This won't take long. We're just going to draw one "X" and one "O". Are you ready? Here goes.
Most people live their lives hoping that someone interesting will cross their path and be willing to intersect with them. Draw the "X" and watch the paths of both lines cross and intersect. The intersection represents the wedding day; the subsequent lines represent life thereafter. Notice how the lines keep going after the intersection, but never come together. The lines continue away from each other, and in opposite directions. This is exactly what happens in a marriage manipulated or controlled by human behavior. Now slowly draw the "O". You can draw it in the traditional continuous line or draw it one arc at a time. This is what happens when the deep recesses of two minds are drawn together spiritually, and regardless of how you draw it, it's not an "O" until the ends connect. How does that happen in life? By staying out of love's way by allowing it to take it's place in your life. You don't interfere by picking out a mate for yourself that has all of the physical features you like or that you're attracted to, thinking that everything else will fall into place. That is a recipe for disaster, even though it is the human thing to do. Love is a spiritual connection that comes from within. In the phenomenon called love, there is no intersection. Just a combination that begins within and takes a lifetime to complete itself.
Stop looking for the other half of your "X", and allow love to take it's part in creating the "O" from the two single lines called "you" and "him/her". When this happens, love is allowed to take it's place on a level too deep for humans to touch, which allows it to go beyond the human conditions, rules and regulations, stipulations, and the past hurts and pains that influence future unions...
...and then and only then can love unconditional become a part of human life.
Last night, someone asked the question, "Do you think it's humanly possible to love unconditionally?" That's an interesting question because the answer is that it is not humanly possible to love at all. That's right. It's not humanly possible to love, for love is a spiritual thing. Let's go deep...
Love is not physical. You can't touch it, nor can it touch you (in the physical sense of the word "touch"). I know, I know. Air is physical. You can't touch air, either. But air can touch you. Therefore, for the wise guys out there, air is not spiritual even though you can no more touch it than you can love. Love is an intangible that happens only in the mind--or deeper than that, the heart. No, not the physical heart, but the deepest section of your mind, which is the heart that's referred to when love is the subject. Think about it. The "heart" of anything is a reference made to the deepest part of that thing, i.e. the "heart" of the matter...anyway...
Love is not something that can be decided upon, controlled, altered or manipulated by humans. It is not possible to fall in love, but it is conceivable to like someone a lot...a whole lot...and because of that, you may end up wanting to spend the rest of your life with that person. But that is not love. What many call "love" is more likely a strong attachment coupled with an unwillingness or lack of desire to let go, than anything else. It's usually caused by loneliness or the fear of being alone. Because of the desperation that most of us feel as a result of being alone or detached from others who make us feel like we matter, we set out in search of anyone who can make the pain of detachment go away.
Love, on the other hand, is more like connection. In this connection, the deepest recesses of the minds of those involved, or the "hearts" of them, are bonded in a way that prevents even them from destroying it. But it's happening is not within the reach or range of human control. For example, you can't go to the club or to church and find someone to fall in love with. You can find someone you'd like to spend time with, or someone who shares your interest and is willing to fill the empty space in your life, but love has nothing to do with that. For that reason, in many unions that end in separation or divorce, one or both parties knew something was terribly wrong before the nuptials, but the thrill of having found someone who was willing to spend the rest of his/her life with them, or the security of that, sent them rushing down the aisle before someone changed his mind. Immediately after the wedding day, someone usually asks him/herself what they got themselves into. "Why did I do this to myself?" Well, the answer to that question is because you didn't want to be alone for the rest of your life. And let me just say right here that it is very possible to be lonelier after marrying someone you really don't love than if you had to live by yourself. That's what happens when your now permanent partner doesn't meet your expectations, or when you find out that you really didn't know anything about marriage because you didn't look past the excitement of having a wedding or having someone to spend the rest of your life with.
So what's the problem with love and relationships? Why isn't it humanly possible to love? When you look at relationship, think of "X's" and "O's". Let's demonstrate. Grab a pencil and a piece of paper. This won't take long. We're just going to draw one "X" and one "O". Are you ready? Here goes.
Most people live their lives hoping that someone interesting will cross their path and be willing to intersect with them. Draw the "X" and watch the paths of both lines cross and intersect. The intersection represents the wedding day; the subsequent lines represent life thereafter. Notice how the lines keep going after the intersection, but never come together. The lines continue away from each other, and in opposite directions. This is exactly what happens in a marriage manipulated or controlled by human behavior. Now slowly draw the "O". You can draw it in the traditional continuous line or draw it one arc at a time. This is what happens when the deep recesses of two minds are drawn together spiritually, and regardless of how you draw it, it's not an "O" until the ends connect. How does that happen in life? By staying out of love's way by allowing it to take it's place in your life. You don't interfere by picking out a mate for yourself that has all of the physical features you like or that you're attracted to, thinking that everything else will fall into place. That is a recipe for disaster, even though it is the human thing to do. Love is a spiritual connection that comes from within. In the phenomenon called love, there is no intersection. Just a combination that begins within and takes a lifetime to complete itself.
Stop looking for the other half of your "X", and allow love to take it's part in creating the "O" from the two single lines called "you" and "him/her". When this happens, love is allowed to take it's place on a level too deep for humans to touch, which allows it to go beyond the human conditions, rules and regulations, stipulations, and the past hurts and pains that influence future unions...
...and then and only then can love unconditional become a part of human life.
Saturday, January 25, 2014
Opinionated vs. Guilt
"Opinions are like butt holes. Everybody has one and nothing comes out of it but sh**."
DISCLAIMER: This blog is in no way shape or form being used as a means of putting anyone down or supporting any kind of non-integral activity. The writer/writers here have way too much integrity, education and experience to go on prejudicial, emotional rants. You can rest assured that in this blog, there will be foundational principles, not opinions, unless otherwise stated (sometimes I may have to express an opinion or two. No judgement, for I was born with a hole in my butt, too). If you read something here, now or in the future, and feel attacked, ridiculed or put down, don't check us; check yourself! If you feel mocked or criticized after reading this or any other blog on this site or any of its affiliations, it's going to be because of an unresolved issue that you have! That's the guilt or sensitivity of your own issue. But don't fret. It happens to all of us at one time or another. I can remember taking it personally when I would hear men say that all women were gold diggers, or that every one of us had a price tag. But then I heard Tyler Perry's "Madea" say, "It's not what they call you. It's what you answer to." In that moment I realized that just because the man talking had had that experience or formed that opinion of women, it didn't mean he was directing it at me personally, unless he'd had that experience with me. When I realized it wasn't personal, I began to see the truth of what I was so vehemently defending. From the time I was a kid, I was taught by older females the different things I needed to do to attract a man who would take care of me. I was taught to go for the one with the biggest paycheck. I was taught to look for the man who had impressive things to offer--good looks, a nice car, good job, money to spend on me--the one who could afford to buy me nice things and make ME look good. What did I have to offer in return? Good looks, nice body, sex, cooking ability, etc., anything that would attract him to me. (I'm not saying that I personally have all those things; I'm saying that I was taught that those were the things men wanted in return). If I'm selling my goods to the highest bidder, the one with the most money, etc., then what am I doing other than gold digging? I learned very quickly that if I were going to sell myself, I was going to be someone's possession. That meant they could tell me what to do. And I'd have to do it. That sounds like slavery to me, and I wasn't feeling that! Not wanting an owner, I decided to be my own gold mine. I don't know, maybe it's me, but I always thought that would be more fun. Ah... Independence...I just love the feel of it...But back to the point...
If people are buying and selling themselves or each other, that's gold digging. That's what happened in the 1800"s. Some found gold and others bought it. And that's what is happening in the hookup game. These days, relationships are not personal. It's all business, but this isn't new! What happened to the days when couples struggled together to become one strong entity before emerging publicly as the Sphinx who rose from the ashes? What happened to the days when men supported their women and women supported their men...
...my bad. Those days never existed--at least not that this generation or the last has seen. But there have always been couples out there who were that way. And there still are. There are women who fight for their men and men who fight for their women. There are couples who fight for each other. So that's what you should be looking for in a mate. Make it personal. Find a relationship that isn't like everyone else's. Find someone who is truly interested in you; not what you have to offer. If you want your relationship to last forever, seek out someone who is interested in you as a person. That way, WHEN you change, he or she will still be interested. If your mate is only with you for your looks, your money, your fame, your reputation, etc., when any of that changes, so will the interest of your mate.
Side Note: Yea. I know. There are couples who are same gender. No, I didn't leave you out. I was just on a role and didn't feel like taking the time to list all of the politically correct issues. It takes too long. I figured if you'd see the point without all of that. I didn't take the time to point out interracial couples, bestiality, stalking or necrophilia, either, but they exists too. Don't be so sensitive. It ain't personal...
DISCLAIMER: This blog is in no way shape or form being used as a means of putting anyone down or supporting any kind of non-integral activity. The writer/writers here have way too much integrity, education and experience to go on prejudicial, emotional rants. You can rest assured that in this blog, there will be foundational principles, not opinions, unless otherwise stated (sometimes I may have to express an opinion or two. No judgement, for I was born with a hole in my butt, too). If you read something here, now or in the future, and feel attacked, ridiculed or put down, don't check us; check yourself! If you feel mocked or criticized after reading this or any other blog on this site or any of its affiliations, it's going to be because of an unresolved issue that you have! That's the guilt or sensitivity of your own issue. But don't fret. It happens to all of us at one time or another. I can remember taking it personally when I would hear men say that all women were gold diggers, or that every one of us had a price tag. But then I heard Tyler Perry's "Madea" say, "It's not what they call you. It's what you answer to." In that moment I realized that just because the man talking had had that experience or formed that opinion of women, it didn't mean he was directing it at me personally, unless he'd had that experience with me. When I realized it wasn't personal, I began to see the truth of what I was so vehemently defending. From the time I was a kid, I was taught by older females the different things I needed to do to attract a man who would take care of me. I was taught to go for the one with the biggest paycheck. I was taught to look for the man who had impressive things to offer--good looks, a nice car, good job, money to spend on me--the one who could afford to buy me nice things and make ME look good. What did I have to offer in return? Good looks, nice body, sex, cooking ability, etc., anything that would attract him to me. (I'm not saying that I personally have all those things; I'm saying that I was taught that those were the things men wanted in return). If I'm selling my goods to the highest bidder, the one with the most money, etc., then what am I doing other than gold digging? I learned very quickly that if I were going to sell myself, I was going to be someone's possession. That meant they could tell me what to do. And I'd have to do it. That sounds like slavery to me, and I wasn't feeling that! Not wanting an owner, I decided to be my own gold mine. I don't know, maybe it's me, but I always thought that would be more fun. Ah... Independence...I just love the feel of it...But back to the point...
If people are buying and selling themselves or each other, that's gold digging. That's what happened in the 1800"s. Some found gold and others bought it. And that's what is happening in the hookup game. These days, relationships are not personal. It's all business, but this isn't new! What happened to the days when couples struggled together to become one strong entity before emerging publicly as the Sphinx who rose from the ashes? What happened to the days when men supported their women and women supported their men...
...my bad. Those days never existed--at least not that this generation or the last has seen. But there have always been couples out there who were that way. And there still are. There are women who fight for their men and men who fight for their women. There are couples who fight for each other. So that's what you should be looking for in a mate. Make it personal. Find a relationship that isn't like everyone else's. Find someone who is truly interested in you; not what you have to offer. If you want your relationship to last forever, seek out someone who is interested in you as a person. That way, WHEN you change, he or she will still be interested. If your mate is only with you for your looks, your money, your fame, your reputation, etc., when any of that changes, so will the interest of your mate.
Side Note: Yea. I know. There are couples who are same gender. No, I didn't leave you out. I was just on a role and didn't feel like taking the time to list all of the politically correct issues. It takes too long. I figured if you'd see the point without all of that. I didn't take the time to point out interracial couples, bestiality, stalking or necrophilia, either, but they exists too. Don't be so sensitive. It ain't personal...
Thursday, January 23, 2014
Metaphysics 101
"Life exists in the mind. If your mind is no good, neither is your life."
WARNING: For the purposes of this blog, think death of the mind, not death of the body.
I watched an incredible story today of an ex-police officer turned animal trainer. After working with people for some time, he found his niche with exotic animals. I was amazed as I watched elephants, zebra, leopards, and lions approach him as though he were one of them. But I've always wondered about the intelligence of animals, especially primates. Apes and gorillas in particular. No, seriously. Disney's Chimpanze changed the way I see life. I worked with people for many years and decided it was time for me to do something else when I began to wonder what had happened to the intelligence of man. I mean people do some really dumb stuff! Anyway...
I watched an incredible story today of an ex-police officer turned animal trainer. After working with people for some time, he found his niche with exotic animals. I was amazed as I watched elephants, zebra, leopards, and lions approach him as though he were one of them. But I've always wondered about the intelligence of animals, especially primates. Apes and gorillas in particular. No, seriously. Disney's Chimpanze changed the way I see life. I worked with people for many years and decided it was time for me to do something else when I began to wonder what had happened to the intelligence of man. I mean people do some really dumb stuff! Anyway...
The animal trainer mentioned above said in the interview that what he liked most about animals was their honesty. I was feeling him until he said they were honest because they weren't intelligent enough to lie. WHAT???? When did intelligence become a criteria for lying? As a matter of fact, it's the total opposite: a liar lies because he's NOT intelligent enough not to. He may be clever, but that doesn't make him intelligent. He may even be intelligent to some degree, but his intelligence is NOT why he lies! It's the unintelligent side (a.k.a. the dark side) of him that lies.
Intelligent beings are honest because they don't feel the need to lie; to them it's stupid to do so. Intelligence means "higher order thinking." Liars are certainly not that, therefore, they don't need intelligence to do what they do. The only thing they need is someone dumb enough to believe them. I know, I know. Dumb seems a little harsh, but the fact of the matter is that in our desire to keep relationships, we tend to go dumb. Actually, we become selfish, and the selfishness is what makes us do and believe dumb stuff. For example, the high profile executive man bamboozled by the bombshell who left him for the pool guy probably realizes that he was dumb for having paid more attention to her boobs than her being. The woman conned out of all her money by the dreamy playboy probably realizes how dumb it was to NOT have paid attention to more of his movements than the ones that he made when they were in her bed. The child (over or under the age of 18) on the other end of the addicted or deadbeat parent's promises should have been slower to believe him/her again after the first few broken ones. But when we desperately or selfishly want a relationship with another person, we tend to make them what we want them to be in order for them to fit perfectly inside the lie we've created for them in our minds and lives--even though it is dumb to do that! It's selfish on our parts because once we've decided who we want them to be, it no longer matters to us who they really are because we've decided what role they are going to play in our fantasy and if they are not that, we can change them. Don't be fooled into believing that your victim won't quickly pick up on your need for them to be who you want them to be. That's why it's so easy for them to lie to us, and so easy for us to believe their lies. In that situation, can we really be mad at them for lying to us? They are only doing to us what we've done to ourselves! It's like playing Follow the Leader. Either we led the lie about who we wanted them to be, and they followed, or they lied to us first and, because we wanted to believe whatever we were telling ourselves and others about them, we followed.
The fact of the matter is that it DOES NOT take intelligence to lie; just a dumb/selfish believer. And it's important to state here that lying and dying go hand in hand. Intelligence is required to live, for life and death exist first in the mind. It takes a lack of intelligence to die or to begin the process of dying. Let's look at how that works. At the end of every lie told and every lie believed is death of some sort. Let me say that again: AT THE END OF EVERY LIE TOLD AND EVERY LIE BELIEVED IS DEATH OF SOME SORT. It may not be a physical death; it may be emotional, mental or spiritual, but a lie is definitely necessary for death, for life is in the mind and the mind cannot die unless a lie is present. Remember the garden of Eden. The serpent had to lie to Eve to get her to eat of the forbidden fruit, which caused man to die or to fall from grace...but that's another story. Or maybe I should say it's another aspect of this equation that we'll get to at a later date, but for now, let's do today's math:
Life is intelligence and exists in the mind. In order to die, one must be lured by and follow a lie, which requires selfishness and/or stupidity. Intelligence will alert you when someone is lying, and will not allow you to follow a liar. Intelligence protects us from the liar's lair where death exists by not allowing us to believe a lie. Therefore, the mind without a lie doesn't die because it's protected from death by intelligence. If you believe the lie that there is no life after the death of the body, it will cause your mind to deteriorate and ultimately you will die. Life truly exists in the mind...
Side note: For animal lovers or haters, there are lower life forms or animals that aren't as intelligent as others. Remember, each animal has been given the right amount of intelligence necessary for him to be the that animal he is. Any more than that would make him a different animal. A dalmatian, for example, doesn't have to hunt food to survive so he doesn't need the intelligence of an eagle. A sheep can trust his shepherd to feed him or to lead him to a pasture to graze safely, so he doesn't have to be as intelligent as the goat who likes to chew on and eat whatever he can. If a sheep did that, he would no longer be a sheep. He'd be a goat!
Intelligent beings are honest because they don't feel the need to lie; to them it's stupid to do so. Intelligence means "higher order thinking." Liars are certainly not that, therefore, they don't need intelligence to do what they do. The only thing they need is someone dumb enough to believe them. I know, I know. Dumb seems a little harsh, but the fact of the matter is that in our desire to keep relationships, we tend to go dumb. Actually, we become selfish, and the selfishness is what makes us do and believe dumb stuff. For example, the high profile executive man bamboozled by the bombshell who left him for the pool guy probably realizes that he was dumb for having paid more attention to her boobs than her being. The woman conned out of all her money by the dreamy playboy probably realizes how dumb it was to NOT have paid attention to more of his movements than the ones that he made when they were in her bed. The child (over or under the age of 18) on the other end of the addicted or deadbeat parent's promises should have been slower to believe him/her again after the first few broken ones. But when we desperately or selfishly want a relationship with another person, we tend to make them what we want them to be in order for them to fit perfectly inside the lie we've created for them in our minds and lives--even though it is dumb to do that! It's selfish on our parts because once we've decided who we want them to be, it no longer matters to us who they really are because we've decided what role they are going to play in our fantasy and if they are not that, we can change them. Don't be fooled into believing that your victim won't quickly pick up on your need for them to be who you want them to be. That's why it's so easy for them to lie to us, and so easy for us to believe their lies. In that situation, can we really be mad at them for lying to us? They are only doing to us what we've done to ourselves! It's like playing Follow the Leader. Either we led the lie about who we wanted them to be, and they followed, or they lied to us first and, because we wanted to believe whatever we were telling ourselves and others about them, we followed.
The fact of the matter is that it DOES NOT take intelligence to lie; just a dumb/selfish believer. And it's important to state here that lying and dying go hand in hand. Intelligence is required to live, for life and death exist first in the mind. It takes a lack of intelligence to die or to begin the process of dying. Let's look at how that works. At the end of every lie told and every lie believed is death of some sort. Let me say that again: AT THE END OF EVERY LIE TOLD AND EVERY LIE BELIEVED IS DEATH OF SOME SORT. It may not be a physical death; it may be emotional, mental or spiritual, but a lie is definitely necessary for death, for life is in the mind and the mind cannot die unless a lie is present. Remember the garden of Eden. The serpent had to lie to Eve to get her to eat of the forbidden fruit, which caused man to die or to fall from grace...but that's another story. Or maybe I should say it's another aspect of this equation that we'll get to at a later date, but for now, let's do today's math:
Life is intelligence and exists in the mind. In order to die, one must be lured by and follow a lie, which requires selfishness and/or stupidity. Intelligence will alert you when someone is lying, and will not allow you to follow a liar. Intelligence protects us from the liar's lair where death exists by not allowing us to believe a lie. Therefore, the mind without a lie doesn't die because it's protected from death by intelligence. If you believe the lie that there is no life after the death of the body, it will cause your mind to deteriorate and ultimately you will die. Life truly exists in the mind...
Side note: For animal lovers or haters, there are lower life forms or animals that aren't as intelligent as others. Remember, each animal has been given the right amount of intelligence necessary for him to be the that animal he is. Any more than that would make him a different animal. A dalmatian, for example, doesn't have to hunt food to survive so he doesn't need the intelligence of an eagle. A sheep can trust his shepherd to feed him or to lead him to a pasture to graze safely, so he doesn't have to be as intelligent as the goat who likes to chew on and eat whatever he can. If a sheep did that, he would no longer be a sheep. He'd be a goat!
Be Careful What You Think!
"As a man thinketh, so is he."
It's been said that "you are what you eat". Well, that can be true because if you sit around and eat unhealthy food all day long, you will be an unhealthy person. If you eat fatty foods all day, you will gain weight. If you eat light, you'll weigh a lot less than you would if you ate heavier. But let's not take this to the extreme. You won't turn into a sweet potato pie or a nacho cheese Dorito or even a BUR-rito just because you've been feasting that way all day, but you won't be as healthy as someone who eats well-balanced, well proportioned meals. So be careful what you eat.
On the other hand, you are what you think. Thinking is quite different from eating, yet they share important similarities. The main difference is that eating is physical and thinking is not. Thinking is spiritual because it is intangible and takes energy to do (it differs from emotional in that it doesn't require emotions and from mental because we're not talking about disorders or abilities). The greatest commonality between the two is that they both require ingestion, digestion and elimination; physical for the one and spiritual for the other. So though you are only technically what you eat, you are definitely what you think.
Now, for you road scholars out there who want to challenge the metaphor or simile here, we are not talking about the level of thought required to perform an action or carry out a task, but rather deep thinking. It's the stuff you meditate on or can't stop thinking about. It's the bullying that you can't let go of, or the revenge that you must seek. It's the mocking that you can't shut down or the heartbreak that you can't get over. It's the unfairness or the prejudice, the rejection or the ridicule, the success or the failure, the new house or the new car, the fancy clothes, expensive perfume or make-up. It's where you go to church or where you go to school. It's where you live or where you want to live, where you dine or where you want to dine. It's what became of your kids or what you or your spouse do for a living, etc. Bad or good, good or bad, all of these things are what cause you to be who you are and/or act as you act. You are whatever you think about. You are what dominates your thoughts, so...
...if your physical, spiritual, emotional or mental diet needs improving, so do you! Just as you must watch what you eat, you must watch how you think. What motivates you to do what you do, act as you act, say what you say to others, and/or think what you think about others? It's your own thoughts. (No, churchfolk, the devil ain't making you do what you do. It's your own stinking thinking!) If you're jealous of or judging other people harshly, it's because you haven't gotten over a pain of your own. It's because you're not who you want to be, or because you don't feel how you want to feel. But remember this: that's no one else's fault. Your being and existence starts with how you feel about yourself or your life. Don't hate the person who has more than you. Hate the thoughts that you have about not being able to have what you want enough to get rid of them and get what you truly desire! The only thing stopping you is you. It's not other people. If someone important to you told you that you'd never amount to anything, stop thinking or meditating on those negative words. Think about what you'd have to do to be what you desire to be---but that first begins with YOUR desire. You have to want to be something first. Don't expect good thoughts to fall out of the sky. In this hateful world, you have to hunt for good thoughts. The good news is that they are not hard to find if you look for them in the right places. Don't look for your drunk dad to pat you on the back. Hell, he's drunk! Don't look for your mom who is always putting others down to build you up. She's hateful! It's not personal. And for God's sake, stop looking for a mate to validate you. If you were negative when you attracted your mate, he/she was attracted to your negativity. He/she's not trying to fix you, and if he/she is, it's not for you. It's for them! Once you change, they're not going to like you anymore! Even if they put a lot of time into getting you to feel better about yourself. Trust me. He/she is not going to like the new you!
Don't look for a negative person to give you a green light. It's not going to happen. Find it in yourself to become positive. Birds of a feather flock together. If you want your thoughts to be positive, don't hang around negative people. If you want the people you hang around to be positive, don't say negative things to them. Do remember, however, that truth is NOT negative. If your child doesn't look like Barbie, don't focus on how beautiful she is; focus on her personality or intelligence. If the child is beautiful, but a nitwit, encourage her to be a model. (Just kidding! Well, sort of!) Lies and exaggerations are always negative. Positivity MUST be based on truth. Especially positivities about yourself, because just because you lie to yourself about stuff and believe it, doesn't mean others aren't going to see it as a lie. That will just lead you to be arrogant, narcissistic and, well, stupid! Encourage yourself, but keep it real!!!
It's been said that "you are what you eat". Well, that can be true because if you sit around and eat unhealthy food all day long, you will be an unhealthy person. If you eat fatty foods all day, you will gain weight. If you eat light, you'll weigh a lot less than you would if you ate heavier. But let's not take this to the extreme. You won't turn into a sweet potato pie or a nacho cheese Dorito or even a BUR-rito just because you've been feasting that way all day, but you won't be as healthy as someone who eats well-balanced, well proportioned meals. So be careful what you eat.
On the other hand, you are what you think. Thinking is quite different from eating, yet they share important similarities. The main difference is that eating is physical and thinking is not. Thinking is spiritual because it is intangible and takes energy to do (it differs from emotional in that it doesn't require emotions and from mental because we're not talking about disorders or abilities). The greatest commonality between the two is that they both require ingestion, digestion and elimination; physical for the one and spiritual for the other. So though you are only technically what you eat, you are definitely what you think.
Now, for you road scholars out there who want to challenge the metaphor or simile here, we are not talking about the level of thought required to perform an action or carry out a task, but rather deep thinking. It's the stuff you meditate on or can't stop thinking about. It's the bullying that you can't let go of, or the revenge that you must seek. It's the mocking that you can't shut down or the heartbreak that you can't get over. It's the unfairness or the prejudice, the rejection or the ridicule, the success or the failure, the new house or the new car, the fancy clothes, expensive perfume or make-up. It's where you go to church or where you go to school. It's where you live or where you want to live, where you dine or where you want to dine. It's what became of your kids or what you or your spouse do for a living, etc. Bad or good, good or bad, all of these things are what cause you to be who you are and/or act as you act. You are whatever you think about. You are what dominates your thoughts, so...
...if your physical, spiritual, emotional or mental diet needs improving, so do you! Just as you must watch what you eat, you must watch how you think. What motivates you to do what you do, act as you act, say what you say to others, and/or think what you think about others? It's your own thoughts. (No, churchfolk, the devil ain't making you do what you do. It's your own stinking thinking!) If you're jealous of or judging other people harshly, it's because you haven't gotten over a pain of your own. It's because you're not who you want to be, or because you don't feel how you want to feel. But remember this: that's no one else's fault. Your being and existence starts with how you feel about yourself or your life. Don't hate the person who has more than you. Hate the thoughts that you have about not being able to have what you want enough to get rid of them and get what you truly desire! The only thing stopping you is you. It's not other people. If someone important to you told you that you'd never amount to anything, stop thinking or meditating on those negative words. Think about what you'd have to do to be what you desire to be---but that first begins with YOUR desire. You have to want to be something first. Don't expect good thoughts to fall out of the sky. In this hateful world, you have to hunt for good thoughts. The good news is that they are not hard to find if you look for them in the right places. Don't look for your drunk dad to pat you on the back. Hell, he's drunk! Don't look for your mom who is always putting others down to build you up. She's hateful! It's not personal. And for God's sake, stop looking for a mate to validate you. If you were negative when you attracted your mate, he/she was attracted to your negativity. He/she's not trying to fix you, and if he/she is, it's not for you. It's for them! Once you change, they're not going to like you anymore! Even if they put a lot of time into getting you to feel better about yourself. Trust me. He/she is not going to like the new you!
Don't look for a negative person to give you a green light. It's not going to happen. Find it in yourself to become positive. Birds of a feather flock together. If you want your thoughts to be positive, don't hang around negative people. If you want the people you hang around to be positive, don't say negative things to them. Do remember, however, that truth is NOT negative. If your child doesn't look like Barbie, don't focus on how beautiful she is; focus on her personality or intelligence. If the child is beautiful, but a nitwit, encourage her to be a model. (Just kidding! Well, sort of!) Lies and exaggerations are always negative. Positivity MUST be based on truth. Especially positivities about yourself, because just because you lie to yourself about stuff and believe it, doesn't mean others aren't going to see it as a lie. That will just lead you to be arrogant, narcissistic and, well, stupid! Encourage yourself, but keep it real!!!
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