"Oh what a tangled web we weave when we try to achieve the lies we believe."
We've all heard the story of the woman who, in preparing her pot roast, cut it down to the point of throwing away most of the meat before cooking it, right? When asked why she did that, her reply was, "I don't know. That's the way my mom always did it." And deeper into the story you find out that the mom had to do it that way because she didn't have a pan big enough to cook the meat in. The moral of that story is that if you blindly believe everything told to you, you will live your whole lifetime doing a bunch of really dumb stuff. We've all seen The Water Boy, right? In case you haven't, the main character in the movie is a 31 year old mama's boy who has never left home because his mother has abandonment issues. Rather than preparing him for life, she basically made and kept him dumb because she didn't want him to grow up and leave her. (You all know why alligators are ornery, right? Mama said it's cuz dey got all dem teeth and no toothbrush. Ha! That cracks me up every time I see that movie. Yes, I'll admit it. I've watched it more than once!) She lied to him and told him his dad died because he needed water and couldn't get any. He died of "the dehydration". Because of this, the water boy became obsessed with providing water to people who showed signs of needing it; primarily for football teams. His mother lied and his whole life was built around her stretching and far-fetching of the truth. Needless to say, the dad was alive and well. He showed up in the end.
As sad as it is, our society is filled with water boys and water girls because we never ask questions about any of the things we're taught. We believe what we're told by those we feel we can trust, but never go beyond that. Then we have kids and pass down to them what we believe, then they have kids. And so on and so on. As a result, not a whole lot of us know a whole lot of anything! We just do the ridiculous things we're taught to do, thinking that anyone who opposes us does so because of our gender, race, color, religion, or financial status. (Ouch. I know that may have hurt but, it's the truth.) We all know, for example, that most people's religious beliefs are passed down to them from their parents. We also know that many of the young republican children who express a dislike for my president, Barack Obama, aren't even old enough to vote, let alone understand the politics they so freely discuss. There are white people who feel entitled to a supreme or superior life as their minority counterparts feel they are being held down by "the white man". (I'll never forget the conversation I had back in the day with a young Black man at a bus stop who had just applied for work at a retail store. He expressed to me that he didn't feel he'd get the job because he was black. I remember trying to decide whether or not I was going to try to help him to understand that the wife beater and sagging jeans he was wearing probably had a lot to do with it, but then the red bandanna on his head seemed to come alive. I knew then that he wasn't going to hear what I had to say, so I just nodded my head as if I agreed with him! Sometimes there's really nothing you can say!) I also remember looking at the letters in an advice column one day, and stumbling across a letter that really blew my mind. I didn't think it was real, but now that I am a little more experienced and a lot older, I know it was. The writer was asking the advisor why her dark skinned best friend didn't understand why she didn't have first pick of the men they met. She wrote that "everybody knows that darker skinned women had to take the light skinned girls leftovers!" My mind was absolutely blown then, but I know now that there are people who actually believe that!
Okay, so people believe a lot of stupid stuff. We all know that. And you want to know what the problem is with that, right? People should be allowed to believe what they want to believe, right? WRONG! People build their entire lives around what they believe, so if they believe a lie, they will set out to achieve it. Nothing good can possibly come out of that; just a tangled web of lies, confusion and deceit, among other things. Let's look at a couple of examples:
We are taught that Christmas is the season that is the merriest of the year, but it isn't. Somebody lied! It's the season where depression is highest. If you believe the lie, put on a happy face, knowing inside you feel like crap, don't get frustrated when you feel like no one notices that you're in pain. If you are the one who is lying by playing the big baller Santa role, lavishing expensive gifts upon folks, and ending up in debt because you really couldn't afford to spend what you did, don't be mad at others when they expect you to do the same next year! You know that catching the bills up after the holiday may prove difficult or even impossible for you, but guess what? If you're that kind of liar, rather than spending within your means or saying you can't afford it, you will turn around and do the same thing the following Christmas. Newsflash: the debt is not the worst part of this tangled web; it's the reputation you set for yourself. If you always can, others will always expect you to!
Some are taught that perfection in this life is attainable if you join a church and follow all of the rules of the religion. Because of this, millions of people live in fear of being cast into hell because they know they are not able to follow the rules like the teachers of the law can. For the teachers of that religious law, Jesus spoke against this very hypocrisy in the very Gospel you preach (Matthew 23: 1-12). Newsflash: going to church doesn't mean you won't have any of the issues the rest of us have. God said He would rebuke the fowler for your sake; He didn't say your enemy wouldn't come. You're going to have challenges like the rest of us, but that doesn't mean that God isn't with you; it just means you need to rely on God to get you through them. If you start that lie of perfection in your life, others in your world will hold you to that standard, and they are not kind when you fail. So do yourself a favor. Don't strive to be perfect; it's not humanly possible and the pressure of it can be unbearable. Strive to be perfect-ed, for only God can perfect you!
If you're the psuedo-wealthy or the psuedo-educated one, just stop! In order to keep up your facade, you walk, talk, and behave in ways that even a blind man would be able to see right through. Stop lying! The jig is up. We can see you! You're the female carrying the Michael Kors, Dooney and Burke, Burberry, Prada, Dolce & Gabbana, Brahmin, Fossil, etc. bag with the J.C. Penney or Target outfit on. No offense to anyone who shops at those two stores cuz I do, too. (Oh, stop acting like you don't know about Merona!) I just won't wear an accessory that cost one hundred times my outfit! If you're that person who buys cars and houses you can't afford in an attempt to impress people who really couldn't care less about how you live, stop lying to yourself and others. Stop weaving webs or causing others to express their Spidey instincts! (Okay. I know that was corny, but I had to say it once!)
If you're the person who uses a bunch of five dollar words that no one knows the meaning of except you, STOP! You are really annoying! And who really knows or cares whether or not you're using them in the right context? The tangled web? Once you get started, it's hard to stop. You stress yourself out trying to be someone or something you're not, and before long, you'll convince yourself that others are putting too much pressure on you. Not only that, if you act like you're more intelligent than you are, others will expect you to know stuff that you don't. And you might play that role for a while, but eventually you'll get caught. Someone is going to put you on the spot, and when it's discovered that you don't know much, those you lied to will be relentless.
Now, the moment of truth. Ask yourself the following questions: Am I a water boy/girl? What lies do I believe that are causing the struggle in my life? What does my web look like? Then do what those who want to rise above the stupidity do: educate yourself. Read some books. Watch T.V. that's not smut T.V.? Watch something of substance. (Did you know that the male lion will kill a female's cub if it's not his and he wants to mate with her? I learned that during National Geographic's Big Cat Week.) Take classes that aren't underwater firefighting level. Use your computer, smartphone, iPad, handheld device to research something of substance on the internet, and finally, stop believing the lies others tell you so you can stop weaving the very trap you will find yourself caught up in.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Friday, November 23, 2012
Listening as a Skill?
"If you find yourself in a row boat in the deep waters of life's confusion, just be still. Don't panic. If you do, you'll jump in the water and drown. If you don't, you'll be able to listen. If you listen...you will find an oar!"
If you ever find yourself in a situation where you are intimidated or overwhelmed because you don't have the answers you think you should, don't jump into the deep to find your way out of it. Just calmly listen to what's being said, and the answer you need will come to you --even if the answer is "I don't have the answer right now", or "I'll have to get back to you on that one." If you feel the need to always have the answer, you're not a good listener. If you feel you always have to have the answer, you're one who formulates answers in your head even before the question is asked. If you're thinking of your response while the question is being asked, you're missing the question. If you miss the question you're bound to give the wrong answer, be it in words or meaning!
When being asked a question, take the time to listen. Maybe the person is not asking what you think he/she is asking. Often in a work situation where management and workers are involved, management is looking for much needed information that only those who work on the front lines have, but they may not tell you that. The workers all too often think management is looking to see who did their homework. Such is not always the case. Listen to find out what your supervisor is asking. Is he/she grilling you to find out whether or not you did your homework, or is he/she asking if you have the information he/she needs to take into the next meeting with his/her supervisor? Listen. Listen. LISTEN!
If you don't listen, you're going to panic. If you panic, fear is going to bring in confusion or force you to draw a blank, and in every situation like this, you're going to walk away worried about your job. If you feel you need to always have the answers, you're not going to be able to hear the question asked.
In a scenario involving a husband and a wife: look at the emotion of what's being asked. If he's asking how much money you spent, is it because he knows he's overspent for the month and he's hoping you will be able to balance the budget? Is it because he feels he's about to lose his job and is stressing to the high Heavens but not telling you about it? Fellas, is it really about the socks on the floor? What's really eating at her? Is it really about what's going on in your household or in your relationship, or is she talking to the wrong people again? You'd better watch the in-laws as well we those friends of hers! They like to be all up in your business as they lie about theirs!
And finally, parents, listen to your kids! Listen, Listen, LISTEN!! What are they really asking you? Are they sending out an S.O.S., or are they asking for another one of your long, drawn out stories about your struggle as a kid, or worse yet, your perfection as a person? Are they asking you to pay attention, or are they just acting out? Are they trying to tell you someone is hurting them, or is it really that they just "don't want (you) to be happy"? Are they trying to let you know the new person in your life shows you a halo, but they can see his/her horns from behind, or do "they always act like that when you get a new man/woman in your life"? Is it always about you, or could it possibly be about them? This you will never know unless you learn to put your issues aside for a change and listen to them.
Listen, Listen, LISTEN. You may find that using an oar to help you to coast to safety is a hell of a lot easier than having to tread water to keep from drowning!
If you ever find yourself in a situation where you are intimidated or overwhelmed because you don't have the answers you think you should, don't jump into the deep to find your way out of it. Just calmly listen to what's being said, and the answer you need will come to you --even if the answer is "I don't have the answer right now", or "I'll have to get back to you on that one." If you feel the need to always have the answer, you're not a good listener. If you feel you always have to have the answer, you're one who formulates answers in your head even before the question is asked. If you're thinking of your response while the question is being asked, you're missing the question. If you miss the question you're bound to give the wrong answer, be it in words or meaning!
When being asked a question, take the time to listen. Maybe the person is not asking what you think he/she is asking. Often in a work situation where management and workers are involved, management is looking for much needed information that only those who work on the front lines have, but they may not tell you that. The workers all too often think management is looking to see who did their homework. Such is not always the case. Listen to find out what your supervisor is asking. Is he/she grilling you to find out whether or not you did your homework, or is he/she asking if you have the information he/she needs to take into the next meeting with his/her supervisor? Listen. Listen. LISTEN!
If you don't listen, you're going to panic. If you panic, fear is going to bring in confusion or force you to draw a blank, and in every situation like this, you're going to walk away worried about your job. If you feel you need to always have the answers, you're not going to be able to hear the question asked.
In a scenario involving a husband and a wife: look at the emotion of what's being asked. If he's asking how much money you spent, is it because he knows he's overspent for the month and he's hoping you will be able to balance the budget? Is it because he feels he's about to lose his job and is stressing to the high Heavens but not telling you about it? Fellas, is it really about the socks on the floor? What's really eating at her? Is it really about what's going on in your household or in your relationship, or is she talking to the wrong people again? You'd better watch the in-laws as well we those friends of hers! They like to be all up in your business as they lie about theirs!
And finally, parents, listen to your kids! Listen, Listen, LISTEN!! What are they really asking you? Are they sending out an S.O.S., or are they asking for another one of your long, drawn out stories about your struggle as a kid, or worse yet, your perfection as a person? Are they asking you to pay attention, or are they just acting out? Are they trying to tell you someone is hurting them, or is it really that they just "don't want (you) to be happy"? Are they trying to let you know the new person in your life shows you a halo, but they can see his/her horns from behind, or do "they always act like that when you get a new man/woman in your life"? Is it always about you, or could it possibly be about them? This you will never know unless you learn to put your issues aside for a change and listen to them.
Listen, Listen, LISTEN. You may find that using an oar to help you to coast to safety is a hell of a lot easier than having to tread water to keep from drowning!
Friday, September 7, 2012
IsYour Character Adrift?
"Life has drifted so far off the path of purpose that everyone is lost with no sense of direction and no idea how to get back on course."
So many lies have been told by so many people trying to hide the truth that truth is not recognized by this generation. Truth is one of the three components of love and if truth is lost, so is love. The other component of love is integrity. Believe it or not, America has seen a time when people lived to do the right thing, and then...
...along came those lying ass folks who lived around the Joneses! Everybody started trying to keep up with them and that's how things got so crazy. Instead of folks doing what they needed to do to fulfill their own purpose, they started trying to look and act like the Joneses--whoever they were! Maybe the Joneses were a model family--I don't know--but the problem is that somewhere along the way, somebody started lying about what that perfect life looked like. Hell, the lie was that life could be perfect! The only way to be perfect is to have incorruptible honesty all the time. If the Joneses were people, born of man and woman, there was a lie in there somewhere! It's what humans do. Some more than others. And others even more than that. And some people--Lord have mercy--would lie even if the truth sounded better! So...
...who can you trust? There was a time when you could trust family and your neighbors. You could trust the pastor and the church folks. Well, all that's gone to hell in a hand basket, thanks to things like pride, ego, drugs, selfishness, religion, alcohol, materialism, self-importance, insecurity, desperation, depression, and good old fashioned sport! These are the kinds of things that cause people to lie because they have a need to cover up the truth about who they really are, and that includes family. Even, and sometimes especially, Mom and Dad. Hell, even back in the day when things were slightly close to perfect, we discovered that Santa Claus was a lie! (Ouch. That one hurt me badly.)
The fact of the matter is that lies and untruths--be they little white ones or the big old red, white and blue ones--have gotten us off the driven path; doesn't matter whether you're the one telling them or the one believing them. Lies have destroyed who we once were as a people, and as a result of that, the world is really struggling. The struggle is not simply an economic one. It's not that people don't have jobs as much as it is that people are not getting or telling the truth.
In order to find your way back, find out the truth about who you are and your existence. Find out why you do what you do, think what you think, or feel what you feel. Explore your traditions, your habits, your beliefs about God, people, yourself, family, life, etc. After finding out who you are and why you believe what you do, do the right thing with it. Don't bury the truth because of shame, guilt, hurt, shock, embarrassment or the difficulty of knowing. Do the right thing with it, and finally,...
...make the necessary substitutions in your life that will eliminate your need to keep up with anybody! Stop competing with other folks. You be you and let them be them! Stop gossiping, reading gossip magazines, listening to gossip, spreading gossip, etc., about what everyone else is doing and discover what YOU need to do to be the best person you can be. Do what will give YOU a sense of purpose, not that which will make others like you or what will you a part of the crowd. Do the real you. Stop faking to be what you think will impress others. Remove yourself from their judgment seat. Be your own person in a positive way that contributes to what once made America the land of the free. Be a part of what makes our society work so that you can sleep well at night, knowing your contributions matter. As our wonderful First Lady Michelle Obama stated, "Success isn't how much money you make; it's how many lives you've touched."
Get back on the path guided by truth so that you can find your way home. Leave the Joneses and the Kar...(you know who they are) alone. Don't try to keep up with any of them. Do you. Just do you the right way!
So many lies have been told by so many people trying to hide the truth that truth is not recognized by this generation. Truth is one of the three components of love and if truth is lost, so is love. The other component of love is integrity. Believe it or not, America has seen a time when people lived to do the right thing, and then...
...along came those lying ass folks who lived around the Joneses! Everybody started trying to keep up with them and that's how things got so crazy. Instead of folks doing what they needed to do to fulfill their own purpose, they started trying to look and act like the Joneses--whoever they were! Maybe the Joneses were a model family--I don't know--but the problem is that somewhere along the way, somebody started lying about what that perfect life looked like. Hell, the lie was that life could be perfect! The only way to be perfect is to have incorruptible honesty all the time. If the Joneses were people, born of man and woman, there was a lie in there somewhere! It's what humans do. Some more than others. And others even more than that. And some people--Lord have mercy--would lie even if the truth sounded better! So...
...who can you trust? There was a time when you could trust family and your neighbors. You could trust the pastor and the church folks. Well, all that's gone to hell in a hand basket, thanks to things like pride, ego, drugs, selfishness, religion, alcohol, materialism, self-importance, insecurity, desperation, depression, and good old fashioned sport! These are the kinds of things that cause people to lie because they have a need to cover up the truth about who they really are, and that includes family. Even, and sometimes especially, Mom and Dad. Hell, even back in the day when things were slightly close to perfect, we discovered that Santa Claus was a lie! (Ouch. That one hurt me badly.)
The fact of the matter is that lies and untruths--be they little white ones or the big old red, white and blue ones--have gotten us off the driven path; doesn't matter whether you're the one telling them or the one believing them. Lies have destroyed who we once were as a people, and as a result of that, the world is really struggling. The struggle is not simply an economic one. It's not that people don't have jobs as much as it is that people are not getting or telling the truth.
In order to find your way back, find out the truth about who you are and your existence. Find out why you do what you do, think what you think, or feel what you feel. Explore your traditions, your habits, your beliefs about God, people, yourself, family, life, etc. After finding out who you are and why you believe what you do, do the right thing with it. Don't bury the truth because of shame, guilt, hurt, shock, embarrassment or the difficulty of knowing. Do the right thing with it, and finally,...
...make the necessary substitutions in your life that will eliminate your need to keep up with anybody! Stop competing with other folks. You be you and let them be them! Stop gossiping, reading gossip magazines, listening to gossip, spreading gossip, etc., about what everyone else is doing and discover what YOU need to do to be the best person you can be. Do what will give YOU a sense of purpose, not that which will make others like you or what will you a part of the crowd. Do the real you. Stop faking to be what you think will impress others. Remove yourself from their judgment seat. Be your own person in a positive way that contributes to what once made America the land of the free. Be a part of what makes our society work so that you can sleep well at night, knowing your contributions matter. As our wonderful First Lady Michelle Obama stated, "Success isn't how much money you make; it's how many lives you've touched."
Get back on the path guided by truth so that you can find your way home. Leave the Joneses and the Kar...(you know who they are) alone. Don't try to keep up with any of them. Do you. Just do you the right way!
Monday, July 9, 2012
My Mind or My Heart?
"Your heart is not a safe place for the fraud who only wants to play with or control your mind."
This is for all of you who can't figure out why, after giving your all, it's still not good enough, or for those of you who wonder why your mate won't commit. The mind is where fraud is committed; the heart is where fraud is exposed because nothing can truly be hidden there. You can be in a relationship with someone for years who refuses to take your union to a deeper level. The reason is because the person who won't commit knows why he/she won't do so, and that person will play the game of chance until he/she is exposed--if he/she is ever found out. Desperation usually covers the tracks of the one who only wants to play with the mind. We've all heard the saying, "why buy the cow if you're getting the milk for free". Well, this concept is the same: why go for the heart when the mind is so much easier to play with?
I was having lunch with a colleague of mine a couple of weeks ago at a really nice restaurant. We were seated across from this couple who apparently forgot they were in a public place. Just as we were seated, the man began to speak in a volume that made it quite difficult to ignore their conversation. Their topic made it that much harder to ignore. My colleague excused herself from our table to take care of some business, which left me unable to distract myself, as much as I wanted to. I could hardly contain myself as this older, white-haired gentleman began to loudly confess to his date that he didn't want to marry her. She tried to hush him, but to no avail. He tiptoed around his reasons for not wanting to marry her, but she sparred with him. Finally he says to her, leaving her shocked and speechless, "you know, it's just that you've been married before." The wide-eyed look on her face coupled with the temporary inability to respond gave him the green light he needed. He took it and went full speed ahead. I cringed as she fell for his antics: "well, you know, you're going to bring into a marriage with me feelings from your last marriage." At that she nodded her head and began to try to defend herself, but her shock let him know he had found her weakness and...his excuse!! "I just won't be able to handle that." She began to plead: "Oh, that's not going to be a problem." He cut her off, pathetically shaking his head in a dramatic move that would NOT have won him an Oscar nomination, as it was only convincing to her. "Oh, no. I could just never deal with that. You'd be bringing your past into our relationship." Once again, her response was one of silence and shock. And if that wasn't enough, he threw some Scripture out there, hoping she would buy it, and, of course, she did. "God hates divorce," he began. "And how do you feel about that?" Desperate to have whatever conversation she could with him, she followed his lead, condemning herself in a pattern where the caution not to upset him was far too obvious.
If that wasn't enough, when she finally came around with a good argument in her favor, he cut her off and said, "well...you know...really, it's that you're kinda paranoid." When she sort of agreed that she may in fact be (if that's been his observation), which was a direct result of him blindsiding her with all of his other bullshit, he ran with it. He made a whole case defending his lack of desire to marry her with his reason now being her paranoia. Well what happened to all of his other excuses, Lady? Shouldn't she have seen that he was trying his best to avoid buying the cow??? She should have, but she couldn't because she was too busy trying to give him the part of her that he didn't want. That led to her desperation, and the desperation blinded her and made her deaf!! Once he found what worked for him, he buttered it with a thick layer of psuedo-sympathy: "you know, you really should see someone about your paranoia. I hear that stuff can get pretty bad if you don't get it treated, and we wouldn't want that to happen to you..." REALLY????? I almost jumped up and shouted, "LOOK, JERK. WHY PLAY WITH HER MIND? JUST TELL HER YOU DON'T WANT TO MARRY HER!!!
The saddest part of that whole ordeal to me was that it was obvious that she was more intelligent than he was. Not smarter; more intelligent. It was evident in both their speech and their grammar. You could also see it in their posture. The problem was that for some reason, she really wanted to marry him. They knew some of the same people from the legal office he worked in. I believe one of the reasons he spoke so loudly was to put it out there that he worked for a legal office. It seemed to me that she was impressed by that. My thought was nepotism. He had to be working for one of his relatives. If not, I'll be sure to represent myself in court if that what the world of legal beagles has to offer these days. Well, one things for sure: as lying and being full of crap is what it takes to win a case, he definitely has that in his favor!
I don't fault him, though. She was as bad as she was. Why sell your cow to a snake charmer? He's not interested in what you're selling, but if you're going to let him sample the goods, he's not going to turn them down. In his mind, he's just keeping them fresh for a real farmer! (Where's the beef?)
Your heart is not a safe place for someone who just wants to play with your mind. The heart will expose all of a person's deepest, darkest secrets because the heart place is where people are naked and not ashamed. If you open your heart to someone who has a reason to be ashamed, you're only going to be wide open to any opportunist who comes along willing to string you along. And you can't fault him/her; you were the one who was voluntarily vulnerable. Don't be so willing to sell your heart to the first person who comes along; give your heart to the person who is willing to give you his/hers in return.
This is for all of you who can't figure out why, after giving your all, it's still not good enough, or for those of you who wonder why your mate won't commit. The mind is where fraud is committed; the heart is where fraud is exposed because nothing can truly be hidden there. You can be in a relationship with someone for years who refuses to take your union to a deeper level. The reason is because the person who won't commit knows why he/she won't do so, and that person will play the game of chance until he/she is exposed--if he/she is ever found out. Desperation usually covers the tracks of the one who only wants to play with the mind. We've all heard the saying, "why buy the cow if you're getting the milk for free". Well, this concept is the same: why go for the heart when the mind is so much easier to play with?
I was having lunch with a colleague of mine a couple of weeks ago at a really nice restaurant. We were seated across from this couple who apparently forgot they were in a public place. Just as we were seated, the man began to speak in a volume that made it quite difficult to ignore their conversation. Their topic made it that much harder to ignore. My colleague excused herself from our table to take care of some business, which left me unable to distract myself, as much as I wanted to. I could hardly contain myself as this older, white-haired gentleman began to loudly confess to his date that he didn't want to marry her. She tried to hush him, but to no avail. He tiptoed around his reasons for not wanting to marry her, but she sparred with him. Finally he says to her, leaving her shocked and speechless, "you know, it's just that you've been married before." The wide-eyed look on her face coupled with the temporary inability to respond gave him the green light he needed. He took it and went full speed ahead. I cringed as she fell for his antics: "well, you know, you're going to bring into a marriage with me feelings from your last marriage." At that she nodded her head and began to try to defend herself, but her shock let him know he had found her weakness and...his excuse!! "I just won't be able to handle that." She began to plead: "Oh, that's not going to be a problem." He cut her off, pathetically shaking his head in a dramatic move that would NOT have won him an Oscar nomination, as it was only convincing to her. "Oh, no. I could just never deal with that. You'd be bringing your past into our relationship." Once again, her response was one of silence and shock. And if that wasn't enough, he threw some Scripture out there, hoping she would buy it, and, of course, she did. "God hates divorce," he began. "And how do you feel about that?" Desperate to have whatever conversation she could with him, she followed his lead, condemning herself in a pattern where the caution not to upset him was far too obvious.
If that wasn't enough, when she finally came around with a good argument in her favor, he cut her off and said, "well...you know...really, it's that you're kinda paranoid." When she sort of agreed that she may in fact be (if that's been his observation), which was a direct result of him blindsiding her with all of his other bullshit, he ran with it. He made a whole case defending his lack of desire to marry her with his reason now being her paranoia. Well what happened to all of his other excuses, Lady? Shouldn't she have seen that he was trying his best to avoid buying the cow??? She should have, but she couldn't because she was too busy trying to give him the part of her that he didn't want. That led to her desperation, and the desperation blinded her and made her deaf!! Once he found what worked for him, he buttered it with a thick layer of psuedo-sympathy: "you know, you really should see someone about your paranoia. I hear that stuff can get pretty bad if you don't get it treated, and we wouldn't want that to happen to you..." REALLY????? I almost jumped up and shouted, "LOOK, JERK. WHY PLAY WITH HER MIND? JUST TELL HER YOU DON'T WANT TO MARRY HER!!!
The saddest part of that whole ordeal to me was that it was obvious that she was more intelligent than he was. Not smarter; more intelligent. It was evident in both their speech and their grammar. You could also see it in their posture. The problem was that for some reason, she really wanted to marry him. They knew some of the same people from the legal office he worked in. I believe one of the reasons he spoke so loudly was to put it out there that he worked for a legal office. It seemed to me that she was impressed by that. My thought was nepotism. He had to be working for one of his relatives. If not, I'll be sure to represent myself in court if that what the world of legal beagles has to offer these days. Well, one things for sure: as lying and being full of crap is what it takes to win a case, he definitely has that in his favor!
I don't fault him, though. She was as bad as she was. Why sell your cow to a snake charmer? He's not interested in what you're selling, but if you're going to let him sample the goods, he's not going to turn them down. In his mind, he's just keeping them fresh for a real farmer! (Where's the beef?)
Your heart is not a safe place for someone who just wants to play with your mind. The heart will expose all of a person's deepest, darkest secrets because the heart place is where people are naked and not ashamed. If you open your heart to someone who has a reason to be ashamed, you're only going to be wide open to any opportunist who comes along willing to string you along. And you can't fault him/her; you were the one who was voluntarily vulnerable. Don't be so willing to sell your heart to the first person who comes along; give your heart to the person who is willing to give you his/hers in return.
Friday, June 22, 2012
On Common Sense...
"In order to be used for greatness, one must forget everything the average man knows."
From the time I was a child, I knew I was different. I thought differently from most of the people around me, but I wasn't aware of just how different I was until I started my M.Ed. program which focused on behavioral studies. As got older, I became more aware of my difference and struggled to find someone to understand me. I thought my mother did, but realized later that she really didn't. She tolerated me because I made her laugh (and I bought her good gifts!). She accepted my personality as "different" from her other children and, as long as I did what she wanted me to do, she didn't mind it so much. Without realizing it, she became my best friend. I didn't understand how different our relationship was from hers with the other siblings because I thought we all treated her with the same respect and loyalty. Once what I knew to be true became different from what she knew, it began to separate me from her, and that's when I began to find out that her relationships with the others was quite different from ours. The others had to help me to understand who she really was.
I'd always thought she was wiser than anyone could ever imagine. I believed she would guide me through life and help me to understand all there was to know because, in my mind, she knew it all. And she liked it that way. I worshipped her. Because of that, I never realized how much she was actually learning from me! Everything I learned, I brought back to her. Every experience I had in life, I shared with her as if she had been there herself. In her own right, she lived vicariously through me, but I was totally and completely unaware of it at the time. As my mind matured, I came to realize that she had married young in a day and age where the only thing a woman could really do to enjoy the finer things in life was marry a man who could provide them for her. Women weren't treated equally nor were the opportunities for ethnic minorities as available as they are now. She married young and had a whole bunch of children. As each child was thrown into the whirlwind of life, experiencing what she wasn't quite ready for, she took what she learned from each experience and gave as much wisdom about it as she could to the next child. Because there were a slew of kids older than me, by the time I was ready to face the things that separated the teenagers from the babies, she appeared wise beyond her years. I never took into account all that went on before my teenage years because I was unaware of what my older siblings had gone through. I learned from her what she wished she had taught them. What I learned from her carried me well into adulthood, but once I made the decision to mature beyond only that which pleased her, I needed--and got--a new teacher. As the Wisdom of life began to lead me down roads my mom had never traveled, I began to change in a way she didn't understand or like. For both of us, it was an emotional roller coaster ride that snatched me from her grasp and threw me into a realm of existence that separated me not only from her, but from everyone and everything else I knew. It took some years, but I came to realize that my mother and I were not as close as I thought we were. It wasn't closeness, but rather the result of a mother's pleasure with her obedient child. And that was what she liked about me. Hell, I was scared to disobey! Not only because she'd discipline me severely if I didn't, but because I had seen what life had done to the others before me who defied her. There was never a good end to those stories, and she used their endings to her advantage when she dealt with me. In other words, she used the negative experiences of her older children to mold me into what she wanted me to be, and as long as I was obedient, we didn't have a problem.
When it was time to cut the apron strings, Wisdom took ahold of me and catapulted me out of my mother's bosom and into my purpose in life---which was not to be an obedient little girl, but rather an adult woman with the wisdom and intellect necessary to help people in need of answers at a time when family, school, church, and sadly, elders, were not in a place to be trusted for the answers to life's most intimate questions. In order to be this woman, I had to forget everything I once knew. I went through many painful life's experiences, but each one branded me with what I needed in order to be who I am today, and what those who have needed my professional help needed me to be. It's been a long journey, one my mother died not understanding, but I am finally very happy in the skin I'm in. I knkow now that I'm different because I was chosen for greatness. In order to bring out the greatness, I had to forget what the average me knew, and those who knew me had forget who I was back then. And for the record, it wasn't easy for them, either.
Today, I'm quite successful doing what I do--producing for T.V. and the big screen--but I'm not in the presence of those who knew me "when" because they are not able to accept who I am now. They knew me as I was struggling to have common sense. "God gave you common sense!" I would often hear family and friends say. After having had my feelings crushed by this statement several times, I learned to answer back, "No. He gave you common sense; He gave me wisdom!" They knew me when I was trying to hang on to what they knew. I hung on because I knew that accepting what I now know would alienate me from everything I had always held so fast to. Finally, I let go of the common sense and embraced Wisdom. Wisdom is now my Guide, but I don't have the "common sense" God gave a goat! I know this because I play Family Feud on my iPad every night before I go to bed. I suck at it! My answers are never the simple ones! On the other hand, my scores are quite simple!
For Wisdom, one must let go of his common sense. Though the payoff is huge, the process is costly. Not everyone has to have wisdom. You can stick with common sense, but common sense keeps you at the same pace as most others. If you're like most others, it's because of what you all have in common. It means you think alike. That's okay, but you can't be used for greatness if you think like everyone else. If you think like everyone else, the majority of people know what you know. That makes your thoughts normal, not great. Greatness is going to cost you everything you know, but it will replace what it takes away from you with amazing things you've never heard of. That's what makes your thoughts great. You think about things no one else has ever heard of. With those thoughts, you can introduce to the world things that are creative and innovative. Dare to be different. In many cases, you already are. Don't fret about being different. You may just be the one used to save a drowning world--or at least a fraction of it.
From the time I was a child, I knew I was different. I thought differently from most of the people around me, but I wasn't aware of just how different I was until I started my M.Ed. program which focused on behavioral studies. As got older, I became more aware of my difference and struggled to find someone to understand me. I thought my mother did, but realized later that she really didn't. She tolerated me because I made her laugh (and I bought her good gifts!). She accepted my personality as "different" from her other children and, as long as I did what she wanted me to do, she didn't mind it so much. Without realizing it, she became my best friend. I didn't understand how different our relationship was from hers with the other siblings because I thought we all treated her with the same respect and loyalty. Once what I knew to be true became different from what she knew, it began to separate me from her, and that's when I began to find out that her relationships with the others was quite different from ours. The others had to help me to understand who she really was.
I'd always thought she was wiser than anyone could ever imagine. I believed she would guide me through life and help me to understand all there was to know because, in my mind, she knew it all. And she liked it that way. I worshipped her. Because of that, I never realized how much she was actually learning from me! Everything I learned, I brought back to her. Every experience I had in life, I shared with her as if she had been there herself. In her own right, she lived vicariously through me, but I was totally and completely unaware of it at the time. As my mind matured, I came to realize that she had married young in a day and age where the only thing a woman could really do to enjoy the finer things in life was marry a man who could provide them for her. Women weren't treated equally nor were the opportunities for ethnic minorities as available as they are now. She married young and had a whole bunch of children. As each child was thrown into the whirlwind of life, experiencing what she wasn't quite ready for, she took what she learned from each experience and gave as much wisdom about it as she could to the next child. Because there were a slew of kids older than me, by the time I was ready to face the things that separated the teenagers from the babies, she appeared wise beyond her years. I never took into account all that went on before my teenage years because I was unaware of what my older siblings had gone through. I learned from her what she wished she had taught them. What I learned from her carried me well into adulthood, but once I made the decision to mature beyond only that which pleased her, I needed--and got--a new teacher. As the Wisdom of life began to lead me down roads my mom had never traveled, I began to change in a way she didn't understand or like. For both of us, it was an emotional roller coaster ride that snatched me from her grasp and threw me into a realm of existence that separated me not only from her, but from everyone and everything else I knew. It took some years, but I came to realize that my mother and I were not as close as I thought we were. It wasn't closeness, but rather the result of a mother's pleasure with her obedient child. And that was what she liked about me. Hell, I was scared to disobey! Not only because she'd discipline me severely if I didn't, but because I had seen what life had done to the others before me who defied her. There was never a good end to those stories, and she used their endings to her advantage when she dealt with me. In other words, she used the negative experiences of her older children to mold me into what she wanted me to be, and as long as I was obedient, we didn't have a problem.
When it was time to cut the apron strings, Wisdom took ahold of me and catapulted me out of my mother's bosom and into my purpose in life---which was not to be an obedient little girl, but rather an adult woman with the wisdom and intellect necessary to help people in need of answers at a time when family, school, church, and sadly, elders, were not in a place to be trusted for the answers to life's most intimate questions. In order to be this woman, I had to forget everything I once knew. I went through many painful life's experiences, but each one branded me with what I needed in order to be who I am today, and what those who have needed my professional help needed me to be. It's been a long journey, one my mother died not understanding, but I am finally very happy in the skin I'm in. I knkow now that I'm different because I was chosen for greatness. In order to bring out the greatness, I had to forget what the average me knew, and those who knew me had forget who I was back then. And for the record, it wasn't easy for them, either.
Today, I'm quite successful doing what I do--producing for T.V. and the big screen--but I'm not in the presence of those who knew me "when" because they are not able to accept who I am now. They knew me as I was struggling to have common sense. "God gave you common sense!" I would often hear family and friends say. After having had my feelings crushed by this statement several times, I learned to answer back, "No. He gave you common sense; He gave me wisdom!" They knew me when I was trying to hang on to what they knew. I hung on because I knew that accepting what I now know would alienate me from everything I had always held so fast to. Finally, I let go of the common sense and embraced Wisdom. Wisdom is now my Guide, but I don't have the "common sense" God gave a goat! I know this because I play Family Feud on my iPad every night before I go to bed. I suck at it! My answers are never the simple ones! On the other hand, my scores are quite simple!
For Wisdom, one must let go of his common sense. Though the payoff is huge, the process is costly. Not everyone has to have wisdom. You can stick with common sense, but common sense keeps you at the same pace as most others. If you're like most others, it's because of what you all have in common. It means you think alike. That's okay, but you can't be used for greatness if you think like everyone else. If you think like everyone else, the majority of people know what you know. That makes your thoughts normal, not great. Greatness is going to cost you everything you know, but it will replace what it takes away from you with amazing things you've never heard of. That's what makes your thoughts great. You think about things no one else has ever heard of. With those thoughts, you can introduce to the world things that are creative and innovative. Dare to be different. In many cases, you already are. Don't fret about being different. You may just be the one used to save a drowning world--or at least a fraction of it.
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Here's to a Healthy YOU
"The healthiest thing to do is to love...you!"
If this world were yours, what would you do with it? Now before you get too deep into that pipe dream you're about to express, know that you can't give what you don't have. You can't give what you don't know anything about. So the real answer to the question is...that you will give whatever you have stored up in your heart. Newsflash: Whatever you are holding in your heart is what you are giving to the world right now. Let's do a little exercise to measure what you're giving:
Say the last days of humanity as we know it came and went last night. Where would you describe your current whereabouts? Do you feel like you're in Heaven or is your life a living hell? If you woke up tomorrow and learned you'd be spending the rest of eternity thinking, feeling and believing exactly as you do now, what would your thoughts be in your final resting place? Love? Joy? Happiness? Fear? Revenge? Anger? Displacement? Rejection? Insecurity? Inferiority? Piety? Superiority? Now keep it totally honest, and remember: these thoughts are permanent. You can't change any of them. Ever. Ouch. I know that thought is frightening for some of you.
Okay. Let's back up. What if you had one last chance to change things for yourself. What would you change? Do you know? Well, if you know what needs to be changed, why wait until it's almost too late to do something about it? Why not do it now? Far too many people are existing in situations that they know are less than desirable for them, but are doing nothing about it. Why is that? Because most people will settle for what they believe is the lesser of two evils: being in a mediocre or a bad relationship is better than being in no relationship at all, for example. NOT TRUE!!! Being in no relationship at all is so much better than being in one that keeps you wishing for something more pleasant. Why do people think that the only alternative to being in a relationship is loneliness? It isn't. Travel is an option. It doesn't have to be an international or cross country trek; a simple visit to a nearby favorite place is all that it will take to add spice to your life. Friendships work; with the same or opposite gender. The friendship doesn't have to be a high maintenance one. It could actually be an acquaintance. How about livening a family relationship that you haven't given any attention in a while? Okay, you don't have to be totally in love with the person you're spending time with, just be able to enjoy them long enough for a nice visit. No, you don't have to stay the whole weekend. Just be there long enough to avoid the rigor mortis of monotony. Yes, monotony. Most people are not as lonely as they think they are; their lives are just monotonous. They do the same things day in and day out and think the only solution to their boredom is a mate. That's like finding a skunk and bringing it home just because you don't have a pet!!!
The hell that most people live in is a direct result of relationships that shouldn't be or never should have been!! Even if the hell is not directly yours. Maybe your mom and dad should have never been together, and now you're stuck dealing with things in life that would have never been in your consciousness if your mom or your dad had been someone else. The constant fighting, drug use, blaming each other, cursing each other, the attempts at pulling you and/or your siblings to side with one parent against the other, the abandonment because one felt like he/she wasn't ready for a family, the enabling or the codependency, etc. Whatever the case may be, the hell you inherited doesn't have to be a life sentence. And for God's sake, please don't fix the inherited problems with a relationship and/or children!! Address the problem and heal. Don't start another generation of that problem, PLEASE!!
If this world were yours, what would you give to it? The same problems you have, or would it be something healthy? If you don't have anything healthy to give, don't fool yourself into believing you can give what you don't have. Instead, GET HEALTHY! Identify YOUR problem, take the necessary steps to solve it, find something constructive to spend your newfound time doing, then share your work with the rest of the world. If you're an addict because you were born to alcoholic parents, do the twelve step program or seek professional help. In doing so, you may find what you were really born to do---say singing--and join a choir or form a band. Hell, get a contract and sing solo. Don't waste your talent because your mom or dad was a bum. Get THEIR monkey off your back and bless the world with whatever gift or talent you have hidden underneath their junk. The healthiest thing to do is find a way to love you instead of self-destructing because you can't love them. That way, instead of drinking your life away, you could be loving others and helping them to find use for their lives through your music. After all, many of them have the same problem you have, but may not have the will power to do anything about it without YOUR help. Your music just may be that balm in Gilead. Be constructive, not destructive. Help this world to be a better place by gracing it with what God gave to you to give to give to others. And that's why...
...I blog.
If this world were yours, what would you do with it? Now before you get too deep into that pipe dream you're about to express, know that you can't give what you don't have. You can't give what you don't know anything about. So the real answer to the question is...that you will give whatever you have stored up in your heart. Newsflash: Whatever you are holding in your heart is what you are giving to the world right now. Let's do a little exercise to measure what you're giving:
Say the last days of humanity as we know it came and went last night. Where would you describe your current whereabouts? Do you feel like you're in Heaven or is your life a living hell? If you woke up tomorrow and learned you'd be spending the rest of eternity thinking, feeling and believing exactly as you do now, what would your thoughts be in your final resting place? Love? Joy? Happiness? Fear? Revenge? Anger? Displacement? Rejection? Insecurity? Inferiority? Piety? Superiority? Now keep it totally honest, and remember: these thoughts are permanent. You can't change any of them. Ever. Ouch. I know that thought is frightening for some of you.
Okay. Let's back up. What if you had one last chance to change things for yourself. What would you change? Do you know? Well, if you know what needs to be changed, why wait until it's almost too late to do something about it? Why not do it now? Far too many people are existing in situations that they know are less than desirable for them, but are doing nothing about it. Why is that? Because most people will settle for what they believe is the lesser of two evils: being in a mediocre or a bad relationship is better than being in no relationship at all, for example. NOT TRUE!!! Being in no relationship at all is so much better than being in one that keeps you wishing for something more pleasant. Why do people think that the only alternative to being in a relationship is loneliness? It isn't. Travel is an option. It doesn't have to be an international or cross country trek; a simple visit to a nearby favorite place is all that it will take to add spice to your life. Friendships work; with the same or opposite gender. The friendship doesn't have to be a high maintenance one. It could actually be an acquaintance. How about livening a family relationship that you haven't given any attention in a while? Okay, you don't have to be totally in love with the person you're spending time with, just be able to enjoy them long enough for a nice visit. No, you don't have to stay the whole weekend. Just be there long enough to avoid the rigor mortis of monotony. Yes, monotony. Most people are not as lonely as they think they are; their lives are just monotonous. They do the same things day in and day out and think the only solution to their boredom is a mate. That's like finding a skunk and bringing it home just because you don't have a pet!!!
The hell that most people live in is a direct result of relationships that shouldn't be or never should have been!! Even if the hell is not directly yours. Maybe your mom and dad should have never been together, and now you're stuck dealing with things in life that would have never been in your consciousness if your mom or your dad had been someone else. The constant fighting, drug use, blaming each other, cursing each other, the attempts at pulling you and/or your siblings to side with one parent against the other, the abandonment because one felt like he/she wasn't ready for a family, the enabling or the codependency, etc. Whatever the case may be, the hell you inherited doesn't have to be a life sentence. And for God's sake, please don't fix the inherited problems with a relationship and/or children!! Address the problem and heal. Don't start another generation of that problem, PLEASE!!
If this world were yours, what would you give to it? The same problems you have, or would it be something healthy? If you don't have anything healthy to give, don't fool yourself into believing you can give what you don't have. Instead, GET HEALTHY! Identify YOUR problem, take the necessary steps to solve it, find something constructive to spend your newfound time doing, then share your work with the rest of the world. If you're an addict because you were born to alcoholic parents, do the twelve step program or seek professional help. In doing so, you may find what you were really born to do---say singing--and join a choir or form a band. Hell, get a contract and sing solo. Don't waste your talent because your mom or dad was a bum. Get THEIR monkey off your back and bless the world with whatever gift or talent you have hidden underneath their junk. The healthiest thing to do is find a way to love you instead of self-destructing because you can't love them. That way, instead of drinking your life away, you could be loving others and helping them to find use for their lives through your music. After all, many of them have the same problem you have, but may not have the will power to do anything about it without YOUR help. Your music just may be that balm in Gilead. Be constructive, not destructive. Help this world to be a better place by gracing it with what God gave to you to give to give to others. And that's why...
...I blog.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
What's in a Birthday?
"We are all going to grow physically; that comes with age, but maturity is the manifestation of mental, emotional, and spiritual growth, which doesn't have to come at all if you don't want it to."
To date, how many birthdays have you had? Of those birthdays, all of them have brought about some change, even if it was just that you became another year older. Now, ask yourself how much growth has taken place over those birthdays? I don't mean growth in the abdominal area--belly fat or beer guts. Nor do I mean larger hips and/or butts. That's change; not growth! Change is inevitable as we put on the years--even though some of you are still holding on to those clothes you wore in your youth because you've not grown or matured enough in the mind to know that they really don't fit anymore. (It doesn't count if you have to hold your breath or suck in your stomach in order to zip them up unless that was what you had to do years ago in order for them to fit. And if you did, those old clothes never fit you. Throw that crap away!) Maturity, on the other hand, is what happens when you realize that the way you're doing things--the choices and decisions you're making--are the result of immature thinking, which is how you keep ending up in the same place even if your situation changes. Every relationship begins and ends in the same way. You're pregnant again or...you got another one pregnant! He beat you again, even though he promised it would be different this time (well, he didn't lie completely; it was a different ass whoopin'). You're having to call a friend or relative to help you bail your child out of jail because he/she is still getting high after he/she promised to stop if you gave him more money or trusted him with the keys to your car. It's the first of the month and you don't have your rent so you have to turn a trick or two, even though last month you said you weren't going to degrade yourself like that ever again. When the simple stresses of life hit, you fell off the wagon after only a couple of weeks or sobriety...
These situations are going to continue to happen in your life until YOU do something different; until YOU make a different choice. What if, until you made that different choice, you couldn't have another birthday. How long would you be 22? And for the wise guy who sees this as a fountain of youth kind of thing, with each year of 22, you are physically getting older. Your body is not suspended in time, just your mind. So when you try to hang out at the pool with the other 22 year olds, they are going to run!! What if you had to stay that age? Everything around you continues to move at its regular pace, but you've been left behind. The music you like to party to isn't being played at the parties where the other 22 year olds are. The conversation is not the same, either, but you can't talk to others your age because you can't keep up with their conversation and they are so not interested in yours. Your interests are not the same, because as others your age were growing up, you didn't mature with them. Now, to them, you're an absolute nuisance! To the younger generation, you're a whatever the new word for "dweeb" or "corny" is.
The fact of the matter is that this is not a "what if." If you're not maturing, this is what's happening to you in reality. The only difference is that you don't see it; you are completely unaware, and you're probably feeling shunned by a certain group of people who, according to you, think they're better than you. Well guess what. If they've matured and you haven't, they ARE better than you! Yes, I actually said it. They ARE better! Mature people don't tend to pair up with immature folks their age because, by nature, the immature one will stunt the growth process of the mature ones. While they are talking about investing or investments, you're whining about yet another frivolous affair and the heartbreak that ensued. And yes, they know. You really loved this one. Just like all the others. While they are talking about marriage and children, you're talking about bar or bed hopping. While you're talking about how you got over on some unsuspecting person who believed the sob story you told him/her before swindling them out of something you really didn't need, they are sizing you up and seeing you for the opportunistic manipulator you are, and realizing that you're not good company for them. They don't find your deceptive ways cute at all! In fact, you're a danger to them and any friends you have in common, and believe me, they are going to spread the word. If you are lagging behind doing the same things others your age have grown out of, THEY ARE BETTER THAN YOU. They've moved on into higher order thinking. While you're thinking like a child, they are problem solving and planning as mature adults.
Change is not your option, but growth is. If you recognize your situation as one that is unpleasant and not good for you, it's up to you to decide whether or not to get out, and whether or not you will get into that same situation again. If you end up there again and don't get out, you've not matured. If you end up in that same situation, recognize the similarities and then get out, you're on your way to being better than you were. Everybody who makes better decisions than they did when they were where you are right now, is better than you because they make better choices. The only way to keep up with those who are better is for you to make better choices than those you've been making. In other words, grow the hell up! Grow with each birthday. Instead of making a "new year's resolution" this year, make a birthday resolution: Resolve to be better than you were last year. If you've had a birthday already this year, resolve to be a better person than you are today by your next birthday. Maturity is the key to everything better. Life is better when you're able to make mature decisions. Your family will be better when you start making more mature decisions. Your job experience will be better when you begin to make more mature decisions. YOU will be better when you make more mature decisions in your everyday living. Be better by being more mature than you were before.
To date, how many birthdays have you had? Of those birthdays, all of them have brought about some change, even if it was just that you became another year older. Now, ask yourself how much growth has taken place over those birthdays? I don't mean growth in the abdominal area--belly fat or beer guts. Nor do I mean larger hips and/or butts. That's change; not growth! Change is inevitable as we put on the years--even though some of you are still holding on to those clothes you wore in your youth because you've not grown or matured enough in the mind to know that they really don't fit anymore. (It doesn't count if you have to hold your breath or suck in your stomach in order to zip them up unless that was what you had to do years ago in order for them to fit. And if you did, those old clothes never fit you. Throw that crap away!) Maturity, on the other hand, is what happens when you realize that the way you're doing things--the choices and decisions you're making--are the result of immature thinking, which is how you keep ending up in the same place even if your situation changes. Every relationship begins and ends in the same way. You're pregnant again or...you got another one pregnant! He beat you again, even though he promised it would be different this time (well, he didn't lie completely; it was a different ass whoopin'). You're having to call a friend or relative to help you bail your child out of jail because he/she is still getting high after he/she promised to stop if you gave him more money or trusted him with the keys to your car. It's the first of the month and you don't have your rent so you have to turn a trick or two, even though last month you said you weren't going to degrade yourself like that ever again. When the simple stresses of life hit, you fell off the wagon after only a couple of weeks or sobriety...
These situations are going to continue to happen in your life until YOU do something different; until YOU make a different choice. What if, until you made that different choice, you couldn't have another birthday. How long would you be 22? And for the wise guy who sees this as a fountain of youth kind of thing, with each year of 22, you are physically getting older. Your body is not suspended in time, just your mind. So when you try to hang out at the pool with the other 22 year olds, they are going to run!! What if you had to stay that age? Everything around you continues to move at its regular pace, but you've been left behind. The music you like to party to isn't being played at the parties where the other 22 year olds are. The conversation is not the same, either, but you can't talk to others your age because you can't keep up with their conversation and they are so not interested in yours. Your interests are not the same, because as others your age were growing up, you didn't mature with them. Now, to them, you're an absolute nuisance! To the younger generation, you're a whatever the new word for "dweeb" or "corny" is.
The fact of the matter is that this is not a "what if." If you're not maturing, this is what's happening to you in reality. The only difference is that you don't see it; you are completely unaware, and you're probably feeling shunned by a certain group of people who, according to you, think they're better than you. Well guess what. If they've matured and you haven't, they ARE better than you! Yes, I actually said it. They ARE better! Mature people don't tend to pair up with immature folks their age because, by nature, the immature one will stunt the growth process of the mature ones. While they are talking about investing or investments, you're whining about yet another frivolous affair and the heartbreak that ensued. And yes, they know. You really loved this one. Just like all the others. While they are talking about marriage and children, you're talking about bar or bed hopping. While you're talking about how you got over on some unsuspecting person who believed the sob story you told him/her before swindling them out of something you really didn't need, they are sizing you up and seeing you for the opportunistic manipulator you are, and realizing that you're not good company for them. They don't find your deceptive ways cute at all! In fact, you're a danger to them and any friends you have in common, and believe me, they are going to spread the word. If you are lagging behind doing the same things others your age have grown out of, THEY ARE BETTER THAN YOU. They've moved on into higher order thinking. While you're thinking like a child, they are problem solving and planning as mature adults.
Change is not your option, but growth is. If you recognize your situation as one that is unpleasant and not good for you, it's up to you to decide whether or not to get out, and whether or not you will get into that same situation again. If you end up there again and don't get out, you've not matured. If you end up in that same situation, recognize the similarities and then get out, you're on your way to being better than you were. Everybody who makes better decisions than they did when they were where you are right now, is better than you because they make better choices. The only way to keep up with those who are better is for you to make better choices than those you've been making. In other words, grow the hell up! Grow with each birthday. Instead of making a "new year's resolution" this year, make a birthday resolution: Resolve to be better than you were last year. If you've had a birthday already this year, resolve to be a better person than you are today by your next birthday. Maturity is the key to everything better. Life is better when you're able to make mature decisions. Your family will be better when you start making more mature decisions. Your job experience will be better when you begin to make more mature decisions. YOU will be better when you make more mature decisions in your everyday living. Be better by being more mature than you were before.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)