This One Might Hurt A Bit

"Even with God's power, you can't help a loser."

Okay.  This one might hurt a little.  Okay maybe a lot, but try to keep an open mind as you read this one.  My intent is not to hurt, but rather help.  Sometimes in helping, spiritual surgery is necessary, and to do that, we may have to go deep.   I've been in the business of helping others for more than 30 years, and it's taken me this long to figure it out: if a loser wins, he's no longer a loser.  Some people sabotage winning because the thought of winning means they'd have to change, and they are not willing to do that.  Even with the power of God, people like this can't be helped because the power of God is TRUTH.  Most of us lose because we are headed down a pathway that is not the right one for us, and changing our direction means we have to uncover some hardcore truths.  Uncovering these truths will mean changing the way we do things.  It may mean changing our entire lives, and that may hurt a little.  It may even prove embarrassing.

For the proud, turning around and following a different path would mean they were wrong about something.  They'd rather lose than admit they were wrong.  For the pious, there would be no more sitting at the head of the table to judge others.  They would fail to thrive in that situation because they wouldn't know what else to do.  For the self-pitied, winning means there would be no more pity parties, and for them, that's no fun.  For the attention seeker, winning means they will become a part of a larger group and not be able to stand out anymore.  What's "special" in that?  For the lazy man, winning means work.  Enough said.

For the addict, winning means giving up what they live for.  In their minds, they may as well die.  So what would be the point?  For the alcoholic, winning would mean giving up his drink.  Then where would he find his courage?  For the gang banger/mobster, winning would mean separating from his "family".  Then who would have his back?  For the narcissist...well...who said he wasn't winning?  Of course, in his mind he's winning.  Don't you just love the way he wins?  He does.  And as a matter of fact, to hear him tell it, he just beat you. (You may need to look up narcissism to understand that one.)  For the elitist...well...like the narcissist, if you think he's not winning, its because you're a hater who can't handle the fact that you are lower than he is! (Another joke, in case you didn't get that one.)  For the devoutly religious, it's scary to know that what they want to believe in is not what they've been taught it is.  Turning around may mean they won't make it to Heaven, Nirvana, reincarnated oblivion, eternal peace, that great harem in the sky, and nowadays...that big ganja field waiting for them in the next realm.

The fact of the matter is that most people have had a web of lies woven for them that began long before they were a twinkling in their mother's eye.  Far too many of us continue with the spinning of that web, not understanding that we are the cause of our own demise.  If your mom made a few bad choices when she was younger and was too proud to turn her life around because that would mean admitting to your grandma that she was right, chances are, she's not going to tell you to live life differently from her.  If she's proud, she probably thinks she's the model of living perfection.  And you're probably under a lot of pressure to be just like her.  If religion is your family guide, there's a fat chance of you turning to something different--unless you're angry and rebelling against it, and that may be even worse.

The only way to turn around is to find out the stone cold truth about your situation and act accordingly. Sound easy?  Well, here are some examples of that stone cold truth:

 1.  Those weren't really your uncles your mom used to bring home.
 2.  Those "friends" you saw your dad with were paid to be there.
 3.  Those pills were not calming your mom's nerves; she was getting high!
 4.  You're really not smart.  Or cute.
 5.  Those candles you walked in on your mom lighting had nothing to do with the Saints.  (Ouch!)
 6.  EBT is not a privilege.  And having a card doesn't mean your family is "lucky".
 7.  There is no college fund.
 8.  The feud between your mom and her sister started over your dad.  Your aunt's ex-boyfriend.
 9.  God says pray for your enemies, so someone is praying for you.  Your prayers don't count.
10.  The woman who sleeps in your mom's bedroom is not your aunt.
11.  The man who is always at your dad's house when you visit sleeps there.
12.  Jessica was born Jesse.
13.  About your promotion.  It was nepotism.
14.  That job that keeps your husband away from home every weekend may need some investigation.
15.  The test results are in.  In the case of young baby boy/girl, you are NOT the father.

With these kinds of lies at the root of your existence, how could you ever succeed at anything?  The fact of the matter is that nothing solid can ever be built on a lie.  If things are going wrong in your life, or the life of a loved one, look for some foundational truths.  If you want things to change, you can change them, but...you have to be willing to accept what you find and move on.  If you're the source of the problem, you are going to have to face your truths and turn YOUR life around.  A real loser is one who knows the truth but does nothing about it.  And that means carrying around dead weight.  So if you try to help a loser, you, too, will lose.   You will lose everything you have if you're not careful.  Don't move a homeless addict into your home if you value your things.  Don't move your cheating sister/friend into your house with your man.  Don't loan money to your loved one with the gambling problem.  Don't send the family thief to the bank with your ATM card and PIN number.  Don't buy things that can be sold for your son/daughter/spouse/friend who has a drug problem.  Don't fall in love with a man/woman who has a history of unhealthy relationships.  Don't be the third or fourth spouse.  Don't marry a cheater.  Don't get pregnant by a man who has different baby mamas.  Don't impregnate a woman who has several kids by several different men if you want a stable home.  Don't get pregnant by a man who doesn't want kids.  Don't marry a woman who doesn't like kids if you hope to be a dad some day, and for God's sake...don't try to mend the broken heart of your new mate.  If his/her heart is still broken, love for you CANNOT flow through it.  Don't ignore the signs of hope in him/her for the last relationship to mend.  Find and help people who are aiming to succeed.  Find and help people with a healthy hunger to win in life.  Hell, find people with signs of life in them.  You know, they will be the ones with ambition, dreams, and goals, and the positive energy necessary to realize them.  Go with the winners!

So am I suggesting that those of you who want to help do so only with people who are already successful?  Absolutely not!  Some winners haven't won yet.  They are winners because they are willing to win, but play fair.  They are willing to put in the work necessary to win.  They are not looking to steal winnings from anyone else.  They are looking for the right pathway.  Use the good in you to help them find it.