"When concerned about relationship woes, take some time to ascertain whether your union, or your desire for one, is an 'X' or an 'O'."
Last night, someone asked the question, "Do you think it's humanly possible to love unconditionally?" That's an interesting question because the answer is that it is not humanly possible to love at all. That's right. It's not humanly possible to love, for love is a spiritual thing. Let's go deep...
Love is not physical. You can't touch it, nor can it touch you (in the physical sense of the word "touch"). I know, I know. Air is physical. You can't touch air, either. But air can touch you. Therefore, for the wise guys out there, air is not spiritual even though you can no more touch it than you can love. Love is an intangible that happens only in the mind--or deeper than that, the heart. No, not the physical heart, but the deepest section of your mind, which is the heart that's referred to when love is the subject. Think about it. The "heart" of anything is a reference made to the deepest part of that thing, i.e. the "heart" of the matter...anyway...
Love is not something that can be decided upon, controlled, altered or manipulated by humans. It is not possible to fall in love, but it is conceivable to like someone a lot...a whole lot...and because of that, you may end up wanting to spend the rest of your life with that person. But that is not love. What many call "love" is more likely a strong attachment coupled with an unwillingness or lack of desire to let go, than anything else. It's usually caused by loneliness or the fear of being alone. Because of the desperation that most of us feel as a result of being alone or detached from others who make us feel like we matter, we set out in search of anyone who can make the pain of detachment go away.
Love, on the other hand, is more like connection. In this connection, the deepest recesses of the minds of those involved, or the "hearts" of them, are bonded in a way that prevents even them from destroying it. But it's happening is not within the reach or range of human control. For example, you can't go to the club or to church and find someone to fall in love with. You can find someone you'd like to spend time with, or someone who shares your interest and is willing to fill the empty space in your life, but love has nothing to do with that. For that reason, in many unions that end in separation or divorce, one or both parties knew something was terribly wrong before the nuptials, but the thrill of having found someone who was willing to spend the rest of his/her life with them, or the security of that, sent them rushing down the aisle before someone changed his mind. Immediately after the wedding day, someone usually asks him/herself what they got themselves into. "Why did I do this to myself?" Well, the answer to that question is because you didn't want to be alone for the rest of your life. And let me just say right here that it is very possible to be lonelier after marrying someone you really don't love than if you had to live by yourself. That's what happens when your now permanent partner doesn't meet your expectations, or when you find out that you really didn't know anything about marriage because you didn't look past the excitement of having a wedding or having someone to spend the rest of your life with.
So what's the problem with love and relationships? Why isn't it humanly possible to love? When you look at relationship, think of "X's" and "O's". Let's demonstrate. Grab a pencil and a piece of paper. This won't take long. We're just going to draw one "X" and one "O". Are you ready? Here goes.
Most people live their lives hoping that someone interesting will cross their path and be willing to intersect with them. Draw the "X" and watch the paths of both lines cross and intersect. The intersection represents the wedding day; the subsequent lines represent life thereafter. Notice how the lines keep going after the intersection, but never come together. The lines continue away from each other, and in opposite directions. This is exactly what happens in a marriage manipulated or controlled by human behavior. Now slowly draw the "O". You can draw it in the traditional continuous line or draw it one arc at a time. This is what happens when the deep recesses of two minds are drawn together spiritually, and regardless of how you draw it, it's not an "O" until the ends connect. How does that happen in life? By staying out of love's way by allowing it to take it's place in your life. You don't interfere by picking out a mate for yourself that has all of the physical features you like or that you're attracted to, thinking that everything else will fall into place. That is a recipe for disaster, even though it is the human thing to do. Love is a spiritual connection that comes from within. In the phenomenon called love, there is no intersection. Just a combination that begins within and takes a lifetime to complete itself.
Stop looking for the other half of your "X", and allow love to take it's part in creating the "O" from the two single lines called "you" and "him/her". When this happens, love is allowed to take it's place on a level too deep for humans to touch, which allows it to go beyond the human conditions, rules and regulations, stipulations, and the past hurts and pains that influence future unions...
...and then and only then can love unconditional become a part of human life.
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