"What you see is what you get, and if you're brave enough to see with your mind's eye, you'll get something new, bigger, better and different to introduce to the rest of the world!"
As a professional with a passion for the metaphysical, the phrase "seeing is believing" is one that I have grown to absolutely hate, simply because you really can't believe everything you see. Nor should you ignore the things you can't see. For example, you feel pain, but can't see it, yet you know it's there, right? How about things like love, joy, peace, fear, or anxiety? We don't see those things but we know they are there--if we are the ones personally going through those emotions. For those who can't see it, often doubt it's really there. This is where it becomes a problem for me. Read ahead:
We live in a society predicated merely on that which we can see, therefore denying all that we can't. So why is that a problem? Because it diminishes and demolishes imagination, creativity and risk. As a result of that, our young are growing up or have grown up in a world that grossly lacks originality. The by-product of that is reality t.v.! I sat down one day and watched an episode or two of one of those based in New Jersey, which I won't name because I don't want to plug it. Only a few minutes into it, I lost the taste for the shrimp and sweet potato fries I had been eating--seriously. I couldn't believe the waste of airtime I had partaken of. I ended up watching it because my daughter and niece, who are both over 18, thank God, were laughing and gasping loudly at what they were watching. My appetite was lost as I wondered what they'd be taking into their minds if they were younger and more impressionable, then realized that a lot of young children are doing just that: taking in that idiocy and formulating beliefs about life as a result of it. So that brings me to the blog theme of the day.
Imagine yourself growing up in a world where no one had vision. Can't imagine it? Then let me help you: you'd be living in the wild as a caveman/woman. There'd be no housing as we know it, no indoor plumbing, no motorized transportation, no t.v., radio, mp3 players or computers, no phones--landline or cellular, no processed or fast food (which none of us need, but when I think of eating barley and wheat in a hot cereal or porridge, big, fat, juicy cheeseburgers begin to tantalize me), soap, toothpaste, deodorant, trendy clothing, shoes...shoes? (Oh, God. I feel a hot flash coming on! Give me a minute. (fan, fan, fan.) Okay. Gotta stop imagining now; this has gotten dangerous. Life without shoes would just not be worth living. Don't mess with the shoes! I take it you get the picture by now anyway.
Now, imagine where our world is going to be when this generation of reality t.v. grows up and is responsible for invention and innovation. The future K.K.'s of the world will be designing the safety features in your next car. The Snook-snooks of the world will be handling and investing your money. The real wives will be teaching our children...no, scratch that. I don't think they even work. What a relief! (I hear they are coming out with one that follows the lives of pastor's wives. I think we should all watch that one so we can see what has happened to the church. Trust and believe, it ain't about God any more.)
With all of that, we are to believe only what we see? Let me introduce you to the world of metaphysics. Metaphysics is based on that which is real that we cannot see; using your own mind as a resource. Sound scary? Well, the other alternative is to believe what we see on "reality" t.v., and follow the paths they set for us, or to continually do what's been done before. Now that's scary! Reality t.v. is what you get when you cross television cameras with people who don't really use their minds to full capacity, if they use them at all. After all, isn't that the draw? How many people watch reality t.v. to learn something? How many watch that stuff to laugh at the ridiculousness of the lives of the reality stars? Doing only what's been done before makes life boring, robotic and mundane. Nothing will grow, and without growth, everything dies. Enough said. But before we go any further, I'd like to make the disclaimer that metaphysics is not some new wave shamanism or numerology-like stuff. It is not an alternative to church nor is it some trendy type of religion. It's life. Life is in the mind, for as a man thinketh, so is he (Proverbs 23:7). Meta means "beyond". "Physical" means "of or pertaining to the body or that which is material". "Meta-physical" refers to that which extends beyond the body (the mind) or the material (that which can be seen or touched). Metaphysics requires using YOUR mind; not just following the guy in front of you. It's the road back to creativity, originality, invention, focus, direction, intelligence, integrity, honesty, etc., because it's all based on the truths that we've forgotten about or never knew because we have relied only on that which we can see. The real danger in that is that there are very few good examples out there for us to follow. Look at the upcoming presidential race. Now remember the one from 2008. Thank God for Barack and Michelle Obama. Like them or not, they are quite poised, upstanding and intelligent. Whether or not you agree with their politics may be a glitch in your matrix. Without them, the poor kids of the last two generations wouldn't stand a fighting chance! The problem that most have with President Obama is that the Harvard graduate and former president of the Harvard Law Review thinks for himself. This kind of behavior is shunned by this society, which is indicative of the behavior of many of the politicians currently holding office as well as the outspoken critics. It's clearly idiocy vs. intelligence. Back to metaphysics...
...when was the last time you had an original idea? What did you do with it? Anything? Or were you too afraid to realize it because you'd never seen it done before and were afraid to be different? Did some friend or relative shoot it down with their arsenal of hater-ade bows and arrows? For originality and strength, go beyond what you can see. Be a vessel for what eyes have not seen, ears have not heard--BE CREATIVE. If it's been seen or heard before, there's no originality and each time it is duplicated or replicated, it loses it's meaning and value. HEY, could someone pass this on to the reality t.v. execs? LMAO
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Monday, May 21, 2012
Don't Sell Yourself For Riches
"A dog needs a cat to chase, no matter how shiny his collar."
Tonight I watched The Descendants with George Clooney and it made me think of the movie Unfaithful. I thought about the perils of life with a wealthy man, then laughed at all of the women I know who have said they wanted to find one to marry! Women are always on the look out for a rich guy to marry, but rarely do they know what they'd be getting into if they found one. I think the problem with rich men is that they have great difficulty balancing family life and provision. There is a tendency to be so loyal to providing that they don't take the time to appreciate who they are providing for. The problem with the women they marry is that they don't understand their difficulty in doing so.
It's not easy, by any stretch of the imagination, to be married to a wealthy man. Chances are that he's been brow beaten most of his life by a man or men whom he respects regarding the importance of being a good provider for his family. He then becomes loyal to the idea of being able to give his wife and children whatever they want. The problem with that whole concept is that they are never taught the importance of being a good husband or father. "Good" to them means making lots of money so their families won't have to worry or want for anything. Consequently, they make lots of money, but are lousy husbands and fathers, and it takes tragedy or an act of God for them to see that. Since I'd never be able to make the men understand what I'm saying, I am going to do the wives/potential wives of rich men a favor. I'm going to teach you what it takes to be married to a wealthy man. Listed below are a few things you'll definitely need to know if you want to be--and stay--married to one:
1. Chances are, his social skills, if he has any at all, are going to be really poor. If he's self-made, he probably spent most of his life so focused on his craft or his talent, that while other guys his age were learning to interact appropriately with their peers, he was the loner who paid no attention. If he's a businessman who earned his riches through a product or service, while others his age were dating, he was at home in his room developing or inventing what earned him his keep. If he is an athlete, while others were looking for commitment or making families, he was perfecting his sport. If he's a musician, while his peers were out socializing, he was learning to do things with his music/instrument that set him a part from others who play what he plays. That's how he became rich; by being different from his peers and thinking differently. As a result of this, he's clueless about those things that are "common sense" to the rest of us.
2. Emotionally, he's a wreck. Not only does he have to deal with the regular testosterone based apathy, chances are he spent most of his time alone, locked in his room or in the basement, doing what made even his family think he was strange. If he didn't spend all of his time alone, he spent it with others who were just like him. By shutting himself off from the rest of the world, he was left to his own devices to find his way emotionally. That means that instead of dealing with his emotions, he buried himself deeper into his craft. The emotional immaturity that this produces alone is enough to keep a wife busy (or crazy) for a lifetime.
3. He doesn't know anything about family; he never spent much time with his. He may have even come from a family so dysfunctional that he buried himself in his craft to cope. Another possibility is that he was so loyal to his family/family business that he never had time to actually learn about family.
4. Money is very important to him; it defines who he is. If people know he's rich, he has reputation to uphold. People know him to be rich and he's got to keep up with what they think about him. If he's a spender when you meet him, don't expect the gifts that wooed you to keep coming after he feels like he's got you. He's already adding up the cost in his head, and he's not going to spend much more than he has to in order to get you. Remember, if he spends all of his money on you, his reputation will be at stake because, in his mind, he's going to go broke that way. If he's not a spender, well...don't expect him to become one after the nuptials.
5. His reputation is more important than you. Period.
6. If he gets you, he owns you. The expectation of you will be to follow his rules, compliment his lifestyle, put up with his sh**, and be happy that you have a rich man! In his mind, the fact that he has money should be enough for you, so shut up and be happy that he didn't choose one of the many other women who would love to be in your shoes! (Remember, that's his way of thinking, not me talking!)
7. If you try to talk to him about how you feel, he's not going to understand any of what you're talking about. In his mind, he's rich so the only thing you should feel is lucky to be with him.
8. If you try to get him to do something you want him to do, you're going to be sorely disappointed. Good luck with that because, more than likely, he doesn't even realize that you matter! For that matter, he doesn't realize that you want anything. After all, isn't being with him everything you need?
9. There's a double standard: he can spend his money, but you can't. No, what's his is NOT yours; it's his! He can spend his money any way he wants to, but you're going to have to give an account for every penny he thinks you may have spent! He can spend $80,000 on a rare coin that may be worth something one day, but if you spend a couple of hundred dollars on groceries, you'd better be ready to explain how food could be a justifiable expense!
10. These guys are quite strange! They have personalities all their own. Even though rich men share the commonalities listed above, they really do have their own unique and distinctive personalities. More common threads will be jealousy, possession, anxiety, anger management issues, obsessive-compulsive tendencies, antisocial characteristics, self-centered, selfish, and major control issues. They may also be narcissistic, arrogant, cocky, manipulative, stubborn, strong-willed, have a God complex, extremely frugal, dependent, enmeshed (with family or childhood friends), immaturity, insanity, paranoia, etc.
Do I say these things to make them look bad or to scare you off? Absolutely not! I say these things to help you, the wife or a potential, to understand what you're dealing with. Wealthy men are NOT like your everyday, average Joe Blow. If they were, they'd be as broke as everyone else! If you have a rich man, or if you're in the market for one, use these tools:
1. Stay true to yourself. If you're solid, you'll be the one he'll lean on for security. Chances are he doesn't trust anyone, so building trust in you is going to take a long time, and you're going to have to deal with a whole bunch of sh**. Once he trusts you, he'll give you his all, and by the end of the building period, you won't need that Xanax cocktail!
2. Allow him the latitude to be himself. If you change him, he won't be the person who made the riches. Then you may find yourself the principal breadwinner.
3. Don't sell your soul for riches. Just because his pockets are fat doesn't mean he should be allowed to mistreat you. If you wouldn't put up with it from a poor man, don't take it from a rich one. If you wouldn't deal with a broke womanizer, don't put up with the womanizing of a rich man. If you don't want a broke alcoholic, don't put up with a rich man's drinking. Don't put up with things that degrade you just because a man has money. If you wouldn't put up with it from a poor man, don't take it from a rich one. He'll never respect you anyway. A rich man is looking for that one who won't bark like a dog as she hops on one foot at his command. (You saw Coming To America, didn't you? How about Boomerang?) Don't sell your dignity because he's not going to pay for it anyway. He'll only see you as an idiot.
4. Get what you want out of your relationship. Go for what you want and get it! Be real and be passionate about it. However, I must put forth the following disclaimer: Go for anything but time. If you want a man who is going to spend a lot of time with you...well...you're on your own. You might want to start looking for someone who makes a lot less money. Sorry!
5. Be prepared to make your own mark in life. He doesn't have a lot of time to spend with you, so be prepared to live/work independently of him. As he's doing his thing, do yours! Do you. Work. Volunteer. Donate your time to charities or charitable organizations. Start your own foundation. Garden. Firefight. Do whatever nurtures your spirit so that being with him doesn't kill it.
6. Don't expect more from him than he's able to give. Look beyond his financial status and go deep into his character. Who is the guy? If he's not a family man, don't expect that to change by having his baby. If he's a loner whose guilty pleasure is watching T.V., don't expect him to forgo T.V. because you want to travel. If you sneak in some travel time by going on a business trip with him, guess what he's going to spend his downtime doing on that trip. I'll give you a hint: it's not going to be sightseeing, snorkeling or shopping with you!
7. Nagging him is not going to make the situation better for you. And he's not going to go to counseling with you, either. At least, not go and pay attention!
8. Don't compare him to anyone else you know. Unless you know a bunch of rich guys he could really be like, don't waste your time comparing him to who you want him to be. Accept him for who he is because not much is going to change. He may grow over the years, but he's not going to change mentally. If who he is is not what you want, find a different one. Don't try to change him. That's not your right.
9. Be true to your situation! Don't try to make it something it isn't. You don't owe anyone an explanation about it, so don't try to make your relationship the Walt Disney fairytale it will never be. Make your relationship work for you; it doesn't have to work for anyone else. Don't try to keep up with couples who aren't like you, and certainly don't try to keep up with others who you think are. Doesn't matter how many similarities you find in other couples, each and every one of us is different.
10. Keep your family and friends out of your relationship...and out of his checkbook and financial affairs!
Being married to a wealthy man can be a very lonely and difficult experience. It can be downright desolate at times, but it doesn't have to end in divorce, depletion, deprivation, death, affairs, separation, etc. It doesn't have to be bad, and it won't be if you maintain your sense of self and dignity. But if you don't have a clear sense of self, the relationship will end badly. Know you. Love you. Do you. But don't sell yourself to a man's riches. Be his partner and productive counterpart, and remember this: a dog always needs a cat to chase, regardless of how shiny his collar. Rich men are still men, and if you make yourself his puppy dog, he'll surely find himself a real cat to chase. It's the natural thing to do.
Tonight I watched The Descendants with George Clooney and it made me think of the movie Unfaithful. I thought about the perils of life with a wealthy man, then laughed at all of the women I know who have said they wanted to find one to marry! Women are always on the look out for a rich guy to marry, but rarely do they know what they'd be getting into if they found one. I think the problem with rich men is that they have great difficulty balancing family life and provision. There is a tendency to be so loyal to providing that they don't take the time to appreciate who they are providing for. The problem with the women they marry is that they don't understand their difficulty in doing so.
It's not easy, by any stretch of the imagination, to be married to a wealthy man. Chances are that he's been brow beaten most of his life by a man or men whom he respects regarding the importance of being a good provider for his family. He then becomes loyal to the idea of being able to give his wife and children whatever they want. The problem with that whole concept is that they are never taught the importance of being a good husband or father. "Good" to them means making lots of money so their families won't have to worry or want for anything. Consequently, they make lots of money, but are lousy husbands and fathers, and it takes tragedy or an act of God for them to see that. Since I'd never be able to make the men understand what I'm saying, I am going to do the wives/potential wives of rich men a favor. I'm going to teach you what it takes to be married to a wealthy man. Listed below are a few things you'll definitely need to know if you want to be--and stay--married to one:
1. Chances are, his social skills, if he has any at all, are going to be really poor. If he's self-made, he probably spent most of his life so focused on his craft or his talent, that while other guys his age were learning to interact appropriately with their peers, he was the loner who paid no attention. If he's a businessman who earned his riches through a product or service, while others his age were dating, he was at home in his room developing or inventing what earned him his keep. If he is an athlete, while others were looking for commitment or making families, he was perfecting his sport. If he's a musician, while his peers were out socializing, he was learning to do things with his music/instrument that set him a part from others who play what he plays. That's how he became rich; by being different from his peers and thinking differently. As a result of this, he's clueless about those things that are "common sense" to the rest of us.
2. Emotionally, he's a wreck. Not only does he have to deal with the regular testosterone based apathy, chances are he spent most of his time alone, locked in his room or in the basement, doing what made even his family think he was strange. If he didn't spend all of his time alone, he spent it with others who were just like him. By shutting himself off from the rest of the world, he was left to his own devices to find his way emotionally. That means that instead of dealing with his emotions, he buried himself deeper into his craft. The emotional immaturity that this produces alone is enough to keep a wife busy (or crazy) for a lifetime.
3. He doesn't know anything about family; he never spent much time with his. He may have even come from a family so dysfunctional that he buried himself in his craft to cope. Another possibility is that he was so loyal to his family/family business that he never had time to actually learn about family.
4. Money is very important to him; it defines who he is. If people know he's rich, he has reputation to uphold. People know him to be rich and he's got to keep up with what they think about him. If he's a spender when you meet him, don't expect the gifts that wooed you to keep coming after he feels like he's got you. He's already adding up the cost in his head, and he's not going to spend much more than he has to in order to get you. Remember, if he spends all of his money on you, his reputation will be at stake because, in his mind, he's going to go broke that way. If he's not a spender, well...don't expect him to become one after the nuptials.
5. His reputation is more important than you. Period.
6. If he gets you, he owns you. The expectation of you will be to follow his rules, compliment his lifestyle, put up with his sh**, and be happy that you have a rich man! In his mind, the fact that he has money should be enough for you, so shut up and be happy that he didn't choose one of the many other women who would love to be in your shoes! (Remember, that's his way of thinking, not me talking!)
7. If you try to talk to him about how you feel, he's not going to understand any of what you're talking about. In his mind, he's rich so the only thing you should feel is lucky to be with him.
8. If you try to get him to do something you want him to do, you're going to be sorely disappointed. Good luck with that because, more than likely, he doesn't even realize that you matter! For that matter, he doesn't realize that you want anything. After all, isn't being with him everything you need?
9. There's a double standard: he can spend his money, but you can't. No, what's his is NOT yours; it's his! He can spend his money any way he wants to, but you're going to have to give an account for every penny he thinks you may have spent! He can spend $80,000 on a rare coin that may be worth something one day, but if you spend a couple of hundred dollars on groceries, you'd better be ready to explain how food could be a justifiable expense!
10. These guys are quite strange! They have personalities all their own. Even though rich men share the commonalities listed above, they really do have their own unique and distinctive personalities. More common threads will be jealousy, possession, anxiety, anger management issues, obsessive-compulsive tendencies, antisocial characteristics, self-centered, selfish, and major control issues. They may also be narcissistic, arrogant, cocky, manipulative, stubborn, strong-willed, have a God complex, extremely frugal, dependent, enmeshed (with family or childhood friends), immaturity, insanity, paranoia, etc.
Do I say these things to make them look bad or to scare you off? Absolutely not! I say these things to help you, the wife or a potential, to understand what you're dealing with. Wealthy men are NOT like your everyday, average Joe Blow. If they were, they'd be as broke as everyone else! If you have a rich man, or if you're in the market for one, use these tools:
1. Stay true to yourself. If you're solid, you'll be the one he'll lean on for security. Chances are he doesn't trust anyone, so building trust in you is going to take a long time, and you're going to have to deal with a whole bunch of sh**. Once he trusts you, he'll give you his all, and by the end of the building period, you won't need that Xanax cocktail!
2. Allow him the latitude to be himself. If you change him, he won't be the person who made the riches. Then you may find yourself the principal breadwinner.
3. Don't sell your soul for riches. Just because his pockets are fat doesn't mean he should be allowed to mistreat you. If you wouldn't put up with it from a poor man, don't take it from a rich one. If you wouldn't deal with a broke womanizer, don't put up with the womanizing of a rich man. If you don't want a broke alcoholic, don't put up with a rich man's drinking. Don't put up with things that degrade you just because a man has money. If you wouldn't put up with it from a poor man, don't take it from a rich one. He'll never respect you anyway. A rich man is looking for that one who won't bark like a dog as she hops on one foot at his command. (You saw Coming To America, didn't you? How about Boomerang?) Don't sell your dignity because he's not going to pay for it anyway. He'll only see you as an idiot.
4. Get what you want out of your relationship. Go for what you want and get it! Be real and be passionate about it. However, I must put forth the following disclaimer: Go for anything but time. If you want a man who is going to spend a lot of time with you...well...you're on your own. You might want to start looking for someone who makes a lot less money. Sorry!
5. Be prepared to make your own mark in life. He doesn't have a lot of time to spend with you, so be prepared to live/work independently of him. As he's doing his thing, do yours! Do you. Work. Volunteer. Donate your time to charities or charitable organizations. Start your own foundation. Garden. Firefight. Do whatever nurtures your spirit so that being with him doesn't kill it.
6. Don't expect more from him than he's able to give. Look beyond his financial status and go deep into his character. Who is the guy? If he's not a family man, don't expect that to change by having his baby. If he's a loner whose guilty pleasure is watching T.V., don't expect him to forgo T.V. because you want to travel. If you sneak in some travel time by going on a business trip with him, guess what he's going to spend his downtime doing on that trip. I'll give you a hint: it's not going to be sightseeing, snorkeling or shopping with you!
7. Nagging him is not going to make the situation better for you. And he's not going to go to counseling with you, either. At least, not go and pay attention!
8. Don't compare him to anyone else you know. Unless you know a bunch of rich guys he could really be like, don't waste your time comparing him to who you want him to be. Accept him for who he is because not much is going to change. He may grow over the years, but he's not going to change mentally. If who he is is not what you want, find a different one. Don't try to change him. That's not your right.
9. Be true to your situation! Don't try to make it something it isn't. You don't owe anyone an explanation about it, so don't try to make your relationship the Walt Disney fairytale it will never be. Make your relationship work for you; it doesn't have to work for anyone else. Don't try to keep up with couples who aren't like you, and certainly don't try to keep up with others who you think are. Doesn't matter how many similarities you find in other couples, each and every one of us is different.
10. Keep your family and friends out of your relationship...and out of his checkbook and financial affairs!
Being married to a wealthy man can be a very lonely and difficult experience. It can be downright desolate at times, but it doesn't have to end in divorce, depletion, deprivation, death, affairs, separation, etc. It doesn't have to be bad, and it won't be if you maintain your sense of self and dignity. But if you don't have a clear sense of self, the relationship will end badly. Know you. Love you. Do you. But don't sell yourself to a man's riches. Be his partner and productive counterpart, and remember this: a dog always needs a cat to chase, regardless of how shiny his collar. Rich men are still men, and if you make yourself his puppy dog, he'll surely find himself a real cat to chase. It's the natural thing to do.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Your Wake-up Call?
"The reason that most people fail in love and in life is because both are rooted in honesty."
Honesty is still the best policy--especially in love and life. The problem with today's society is that not many people truly believe they can have the best, so they end up settling for less in both areas, and consequently giving less in return. But they still call it "love" and/or "life"! So if we're going to short change ourselves in either of these areas, we should become accustomed to saying we're in "lo" or that we are living "li"? That way we can all stop living the lie.
If your life stinks, and you lead me to believe that it doesn't, I have to live YOUR lie. If your love life leaves a lot to be desired, but you lead me to believe that it's all good, you cause me to pursue YOUR lie if I want that kind of love in my life. If you lead me to believe anything other than the truth, you cause me to live YOUR lie! If I go and tell someone else that your life is great, I'm now telling YOUR lie. (Geez, I'm really starting not to like you!)
The other side of that is that I have a responsibility to myself to not walk around in life believing the lies of other folks, so if you don't like being fact checked, don't lie to me about your situation! Have you ever come across a person who, upon being asked how they were doing, responded, "I'm blessed and highly favored"? I'm sure you have. Hell, we all have! Did you look at that person and see "blessed and highly favored" or was it more like "needs-a-blessing-pretty-badly-please-hurry-God"? I remember being at a department store one day and asking the woman behind the counter how she was doing. (Okay. Since we're being honest, I'll admit it was really a rhetorical question. It was as if my mouth was on auto-pilot and my brain was programmed to send those words out of my mouth that day, but nevertheless, she answered with those infamous words: "blessed and highly favored".) True story. I looked at her and thought to myself, really? I hope not, because I'm waiting on a few blessings myself, and if this is what "highly favored" looks like, I quit! (Okay. That part of the story is not exactly true, but I just wanted to get a reaction out of you. I did, however, look at her with genuine curiosity.) In all honesty, she didn't look blessed to me. I looked at her and saw that she was stressed, and the stress didn't look like it had just gotten there. She appeared worn down and worried underneath her "highly favored" cover. (Side note: seeing things like that is an occupational hazard for real counselors. You can't turn off that discerning eye just because you're not at work or that the person with whom you're talking is not a client.) From that day, I decided never to accept that as an answer to that question. I know that if a person is "blessed and highly favored", I won't have to ask them how they're doing but rather something like "why are you so happy today?" or "why are you always so happy?"
The problem with most people who are trying to be "blessed and highly favored" is that they are hoping to get there on a lie. That's never going to work. The power of love and life is truth, so if you lie, there's not going to be any power there, just struggle. So why lie? For most, the pressure to be perfect, especially around those we see as good, destroys our ability to be honest. A prime example of this would be church folk. A lot of times, church folk feel like they've got to lie to kick it! In order to avoid rejection from the one group that should be counted on for support more than any other, you have to pretend that all in your world is okay. For me, all in the world is not okay--at all. That's why I pray. I pray because I need someone higher than me to help me to have a great day. I need Someone higher than me to go to when my world seems weary. I need Someone higher than me to keep me in a good spot when I wake up in the morning in a good place. Though most of my days are great, I have some humdingers at times. On a regular basis, my world can be pretty unexplainable to most, but I know how to live in it. But if you ask me on those humdinger days how I'm doing, I'm going to tell you the truth! Usually when I do, I feel better! If I lie, I'm guaranteed to walk away from you more miserable because I destroyed a potential pleasant exchange by lying to you! Maybe if I'd told you the truth, you would have been the one to deliver the words I needed to feel better on that day. I'm not suggesting that you put everyone in your business, but be honest with yourself. You don't have to go into detail about what has your cloud up in smoke, but you can say something like, "I've had better days" or "Not as good as I would like it to be so far, but I'm convinced that it's going to get better. I'll let you know if/when it does." You could even say, "sucks so far, but hey, I still have 13 hours left."
Honesty is still the best policy, but you have to know how to put that policy into effect. Honesty is not tacky, obnoxious, or boisterous. Far too many people confuse it with such. If you're loud talking someone, putting another person on the spot, gossiping about someone else's personal business, or anything like this, you're not being honest; you're being an idiot, and the person you're lying to the most is yourself. Honesty has no evil intent. It's not malicious. If in your honesty, you're doing something evil to another person, you need to try a new kind of honesty: try telling the truth about what you're using that drama to hide behind. Try being honest with yourself and dealing with what's really bothering you. That way you can rid yourself of all the negativity inside you that causes you to try to hurt or destroy other people.
Honesty is the key to love and the exact roadmap for life. It is the root of everything that's good. Know this: if you're not honest, you're not ever going to experience true goodness. If you're not honest, you'll always settle for less because you'll judge yourself unworthy of anything good. If you're not honest...
...you can't be anything good at all. (Ouch. I know that slapped somebody hard in the face, but the truth will always ruffle the feathers of those who want to settle for less in love and life! Maybe this is YOUR wake up call.)
Honesty is still the best policy--especially in love and life. The problem with today's society is that not many people truly believe they can have the best, so they end up settling for less in both areas, and consequently giving less in return. But they still call it "love" and/or "life"! So if we're going to short change ourselves in either of these areas, we should become accustomed to saying we're in "lo" or that we are living "li"? That way we can all stop living the lie.
If your life stinks, and you lead me to believe that it doesn't, I have to live YOUR lie. If your love life leaves a lot to be desired, but you lead me to believe that it's all good, you cause me to pursue YOUR lie if I want that kind of love in my life. If you lead me to believe anything other than the truth, you cause me to live YOUR lie! If I go and tell someone else that your life is great, I'm now telling YOUR lie. (Geez, I'm really starting not to like you!)
The other side of that is that I have a responsibility to myself to not walk around in life believing the lies of other folks, so if you don't like being fact checked, don't lie to me about your situation! Have you ever come across a person who, upon being asked how they were doing, responded, "I'm blessed and highly favored"? I'm sure you have. Hell, we all have! Did you look at that person and see "blessed and highly favored" or was it more like "needs-a-blessing-pretty-badly-please-hurry-God"? I remember being at a department store one day and asking the woman behind the counter how she was doing. (Okay. Since we're being honest, I'll admit it was really a rhetorical question. It was as if my mouth was on auto-pilot and my brain was programmed to send those words out of my mouth that day, but nevertheless, she answered with those infamous words: "blessed and highly favored".) True story. I looked at her and thought to myself, really? I hope not, because I'm waiting on a few blessings myself, and if this is what "highly favored" looks like, I quit! (Okay. That part of the story is not exactly true, but I just wanted to get a reaction out of you. I did, however, look at her with genuine curiosity.) In all honesty, she didn't look blessed to me. I looked at her and saw that she was stressed, and the stress didn't look like it had just gotten there. She appeared worn down and worried underneath her "highly favored" cover. (Side note: seeing things like that is an occupational hazard for real counselors. You can't turn off that discerning eye just because you're not at work or that the person with whom you're talking is not a client.) From that day, I decided never to accept that as an answer to that question. I know that if a person is "blessed and highly favored", I won't have to ask them how they're doing but rather something like "why are you so happy today?" or "why are you always so happy?"
The problem with most people who are trying to be "blessed and highly favored" is that they are hoping to get there on a lie. That's never going to work. The power of love and life is truth, so if you lie, there's not going to be any power there, just struggle. So why lie? For most, the pressure to be perfect, especially around those we see as good, destroys our ability to be honest. A prime example of this would be church folk. A lot of times, church folk feel like they've got to lie to kick it! In order to avoid rejection from the one group that should be counted on for support more than any other, you have to pretend that all in your world is okay. For me, all in the world is not okay--at all. That's why I pray. I pray because I need someone higher than me to help me to have a great day. I need Someone higher than me to go to when my world seems weary. I need Someone higher than me to keep me in a good spot when I wake up in the morning in a good place. Though most of my days are great, I have some humdingers at times. On a regular basis, my world can be pretty unexplainable to most, but I know how to live in it. But if you ask me on those humdinger days how I'm doing, I'm going to tell you the truth! Usually when I do, I feel better! If I lie, I'm guaranteed to walk away from you more miserable because I destroyed a potential pleasant exchange by lying to you! Maybe if I'd told you the truth, you would have been the one to deliver the words I needed to feel better on that day. I'm not suggesting that you put everyone in your business, but be honest with yourself. You don't have to go into detail about what has your cloud up in smoke, but you can say something like, "I've had better days" or "Not as good as I would like it to be so far, but I'm convinced that it's going to get better. I'll let you know if/when it does." You could even say, "sucks so far, but hey, I still have 13 hours left."
Honesty is still the best policy, but you have to know how to put that policy into effect. Honesty is not tacky, obnoxious, or boisterous. Far too many people confuse it with such. If you're loud talking someone, putting another person on the spot, gossiping about someone else's personal business, or anything like this, you're not being honest; you're being an idiot, and the person you're lying to the most is yourself. Honesty has no evil intent. It's not malicious. If in your honesty, you're doing something evil to another person, you need to try a new kind of honesty: try telling the truth about what you're using that drama to hide behind. Try being honest with yourself and dealing with what's really bothering you. That way you can rid yourself of all the negativity inside you that causes you to try to hurt or destroy other people.
Honesty is the key to love and the exact roadmap for life. It is the root of everything that's good. Know this: if you're not honest, you're not ever going to experience true goodness. If you're not honest, you'll always settle for less because you'll judge yourself unworthy of anything good. If you're not honest...
...you can't be anything good at all. (Ouch. I know that slapped somebody hard in the face, but the truth will always ruffle the feathers of those who want to settle for less in love and life! Maybe this is YOUR wake up call.)
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
For Real Happiness, Do The Math
"One plus one equals two--unless the one you add yourself to never adds to you."
Let's do some simple pre-algebra here. C'mon! It's not going to be that bad. Work with me...
A negative plus a negative equals a negative (-5 + -5 = -10). A negative plus a positive will decrease the positive (-3 + 5 = 2). A negative plus it's positive opposite will cancel each other out (-9 + 9 = 0).
When adding negatives and positives, if the larger of the numbers has a negative sign, the sum is
going to be negative ( -10 + 3 = -7). If the two numbers are equally positive, the total will be double the positive (5 + 5 = 10). If a smaller positive is added to a larger positive, the end result will be a greater positive than both (3 + 8 = 11). If one number is greater than the other, but both are positive, the total will be a larger positive (20 + 14 = 34). And so it is with relationships. Oh, don't act surprised. You knew that's where I was going with this!
If both people in a relationship are negative, the relationship will be negative, each party diminishing the other's energy. If one of the people in the relationship is more positive than the other, the negative one will pull the other down. If one of the two people is as negative as the other is positive, they will cancel each other out. There will be no chance of growth for either, so the relationship is going to be flat, humdrum, boring. This is the perfect augur for an affair. If the negativity in the relationship is far greater than the positivity, the relationship is going to be a negative one. Yeah, the sex is great. Just don't try to talk to one another afterward because it will negate the orgasm. BUT...
...if both parties are equally positive, that's going to be one hell of a relationship because one will double the other's fun! If one party is positive but doesn't have quite the life experience of the other, don't fret. It's okay. The one with the most positivity will pull the other up to a more positive place. If one is quite a bit more positive than the other, it's still all good because positivity begets positivity. Just don't forget about us little folk who enjoy ourselves when we can catch a movie together as you're flying each other to Paris for lunch or observing the brightly colored macaws at the clay licks in Tambopata, Peru!
What equation best describes your relationship with your mate, your mother, your father, your parents, your children, your friends, co-workers, neighbors, church members, etc.? If the sum of your relationship is negative, you need to do one of two things: improve it or get out! This life is filled with positivity that's just waiting for someone to partake of it, but far too many of us settle for less. Those who settle for less do so because they don't believe they can have anything good. Unfortunately, most people don't believe they can have anything good because that's what they've been told by someone who had negative experiences in life. They always become the experts at what can and cannot happen for us because no one ever asks them how they ended up in their negative situations. No one ever questions whether or not they are the reason for their lack or low self esteem. I can remember the girls in school who were told to "keep their skirts down and their books open". They didn't take the advice of those older than us and ended up starting families before they were truly able to afford them. If the expense of a family is created before it can actually be met, it's never easy to catch up with the cost of living. Life just keeps on getting more expensive. Not only that, before a young parent learns to prioritize, they end up spending lots of money and time on things they/their kids really don't need. A young parent is more likely to try to keep up with the Joneses than the older one who has had time to explore the world around him/her. The older ones also get to watch other parents around them and can make decisions about what they will and won't put up with when they have children.
Ask yourself this: why can't you have good? Who said you couldn't? Do you ever put your best foot forward? Go for the gusto. Decide to enjoy life in an unconventional way. Do something different from what you've only seen in your family, your school, your culture, your neighborhood. Think outside the box. Explore possibilities before you decide that goodness is made only for rich people. Your riches may be in your positivity or your willingness to try something fun. Don't let others tell you what you can't do because they just may be the negative in your equation. With all the negativity in the world, not many people are partaking of the positivity that still exists! Positivity is not extinct, and it's not in your wallet; it's in your attitude. While everyone else is complaining about how hard life is, go out and discover what they haven't. Be the one who breaks the cycle of negativity in your family/social circle. If you believe you can, you will. Just remember this one thing because it is the key to success: in everything you do in life, shoot for the moon, for even if you miss, you'll still be among the stars.
Let's do some simple pre-algebra here. C'mon! It's not going to be that bad. Work with me...
A negative plus a negative equals a negative (-5 + -5 = -10). A negative plus a positive will decrease the positive (-3 + 5 = 2). A negative plus it's positive opposite will cancel each other out (-9 + 9 = 0).
When adding negatives and positives, if the larger of the numbers has a negative sign, the sum is
going to be negative ( -10 + 3 = -7). If the two numbers are equally positive, the total will be double the positive (5 + 5 = 10). If a smaller positive is added to a larger positive, the end result will be a greater positive than both (3 + 8 = 11). If one number is greater than the other, but both are positive, the total will be a larger positive (20 + 14 = 34). And so it is with relationships. Oh, don't act surprised. You knew that's where I was going with this!
If both people in a relationship are negative, the relationship will be negative, each party diminishing the other's energy. If one of the people in the relationship is more positive than the other, the negative one will pull the other down. If one of the two people is as negative as the other is positive, they will cancel each other out. There will be no chance of growth for either, so the relationship is going to be flat, humdrum, boring. This is the perfect augur for an affair. If the negativity in the relationship is far greater than the positivity, the relationship is going to be a negative one. Yeah, the sex is great. Just don't try to talk to one another afterward because it will negate the orgasm. BUT...
...if both parties are equally positive, that's going to be one hell of a relationship because one will double the other's fun! If one party is positive but doesn't have quite the life experience of the other, don't fret. It's okay. The one with the most positivity will pull the other up to a more positive place. If one is quite a bit more positive than the other, it's still all good because positivity begets positivity. Just don't forget about us little folk who enjoy ourselves when we can catch a movie together as you're flying each other to Paris for lunch or observing the brightly colored macaws at the clay licks in Tambopata, Peru!
What equation best describes your relationship with your mate, your mother, your father, your parents, your children, your friends, co-workers, neighbors, church members, etc.? If the sum of your relationship is negative, you need to do one of two things: improve it or get out! This life is filled with positivity that's just waiting for someone to partake of it, but far too many of us settle for less. Those who settle for less do so because they don't believe they can have anything good. Unfortunately, most people don't believe they can have anything good because that's what they've been told by someone who had negative experiences in life. They always become the experts at what can and cannot happen for us because no one ever asks them how they ended up in their negative situations. No one ever questions whether or not they are the reason for their lack or low self esteem. I can remember the girls in school who were told to "keep their skirts down and their books open". They didn't take the advice of those older than us and ended up starting families before they were truly able to afford them. If the expense of a family is created before it can actually be met, it's never easy to catch up with the cost of living. Life just keeps on getting more expensive. Not only that, before a young parent learns to prioritize, they end up spending lots of money and time on things they/their kids really don't need. A young parent is more likely to try to keep up with the Joneses than the older one who has had time to explore the world around him/her. The older ones also get to watch other parents around them and can make decisions about what they will and won't put up with when they have children.
Ask yourself this: why can't you have good? Who said you couldn't? Do you ever put your best foot forward? Go for the gusto. Decide to enjoy life in an unconventional way. Do something different from what you've only seen in your family, your school, your culture, your neighborhood. Think outside the box. Explore possibilities before you decide that goodness is made only for rich people. Your riches may be in your positivity or your willingness to try something fun. Don't let others tell you what you can't do because they just may be the negative in your equation. With all the negativity in the world, not many people are partaking of the positivity that still exists! Positivity is not extinct, and it's not in your wallet; it's in your attitude. While everyone else is complaining about how hard life is, go out and discover what they haven't. Be the one who breaks the cycle of negativity in your family/social circle. If you believe you can, you will. Just remember this one thing because it is the key to success: in everything you do in life, shoot for the moon, for even if you miss, you'll still be among the stars.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
A Must Have...
"When faced with life's difficulties, burying your head in the sand only gives what threatens you an easier and quicker path to your destruction. Ignoring the problem won't make it go away; it only allows the problem to run amuck."
If you have not heard Le'Andria Johnson's song called "Jesus", you must go to iTunes right now and download it. Everyone must have this song. It is the best song I've heard in a very long time! Listen to the lyrics...remember the words "Girl Interrupted". That's the part she sings that may not be clearly understood by the listener if you don't know what she's talking about. The artist is referring to a movie title about some young girls in a psych ward who were going through things that no one else really understood during those times. That's the way most people are living today. There is no such thing as "normal". Everyone is going through something that has the potential to drive them crazy, and most people have nowhere to turn. When there is nowhere to turn, life (mental growth) stops at this point and won't pick up again until there is resolution. This is called interrupted, and refers to your emotional/mental/spiritual well being. When you're feeling interrupted or when your life has been interrupted, where do you go? What do you do? Does your refuge work for you? If not, you can't keep doing the same things that don't work over and over again and expect life to get better for you. The true definition of "stupidity" is "doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome". Don't be stupid. You have to try something else, but first you must be completely honest with yourself about whether or not what you normally do makes your situation better or worse. If you turn to something that gives you viable solutions or answers to your problems, stick with that because it works for you. If not, you need to do something different. Otherwise, your life's situations will only get worse, and life in this day and time can be hard enough without you doing careless things to make it worse. If getting drunk doesn't take the problem away once the high is over, it's not working for you. Do yourself a favor. Stop going to the bottle. If shopping only leaves you in more debt without the money to pay monthly bills, stop spending senselessly. It isn't working for you. If picking a fight with your mate only makes you feel like crap afterward, try talking to that person about how you're feeling instead of taking what you're feeling out on him/her. If beating your children/pets leaves them feeling like crap and with bumps and bruises, it's not helping you, or anyone else for that matter. If shoplifting without getting caught only causes you to steal more, stop stealing. If eating fatty foods like ice cream, cheeseburgers, chocolate, cupcakes, cookies, etc., only makes you wish you hadn't grown out of your clothes or out of your figure, stress eating isn't working for you. If biting your nails leaves your fingers bald and bleeding, you might want to try something else. You get the picture...
To "call on Jesus" doesn't mean to go to church and say a couple of "amens" and "hallelujahs". It will do you no good if you don't know why you're doing it. Calling on Jesus means to think of the integral thing to do in your situation. To "talk to God about it" means to think it through with intelligence, integrity and truth. Don't try to make a dollar out of fifteen cents. It can't be done. Don't try to take shortcuts or deny that you have a problem that needs to be addressed. And for God's sakes, don't cover up one problem by creating another one. Do the math on that one. One plus one will equal two every single time. If you use one problem to deal with another one, you will then have two. More problems never equate to less, and if you use this method of problem solving, you will end up "interrupted". You're "interrupted" because instead of solving the problem you faced, you disrupted your psyche's regular flow of functioning when you turned away from what needed to be taken care of and interrupted it with something else that was, not only unnecessary, but irrelevant. Now your mind has to take the time to figure out or deal with something it really wasn't prepared to deal with. Don't interrupt the psyche's normal flow--and trust and believe that having to figure out or find solutions to life's problems and struggles is normal. What isn't normal is when you thoughtlessly jerk your mind into dealing with something that it really shouldn't have to take on.
When you have a problem, big or small, look into what you can do to lessen it. Don't make it bigger unless...
...you want to be interrupted. Warning: interruption is like shopping on credit; it feels good getting into debt, but it's nearly impossible to get out of it.
If you have not heard Le'Andria Johnson's song called "Jesus", you must go to iTunes right now and download it. Everyone must have this song. It is the best song I've heard in a very long time! Listen to the lyrics...remember the words "Girl Interrupted". That's the part she sings that may not be clearly understood by the listener if you don't know what she's talking about. The artist is referring to a movie title about some young girls in a psych ward who were going through things that no one else really understood during those times. That's the way most people are living today. There is no such thing as "normal". Everyone is going through something that has the potential to drive them crazy, and most people have nowhere to turn. When there is nowhere to turn, life (mental growth) stops at this point and won't pick up again until there is resolution. This is called interrupted, and refers to your emotional/mental/spiritual well being. When you're feeling interrupted or when your life has been interrupted, where do you go? What do you do? Does your refuge work for you? If not, you can't keep doing the same things that don't work over and over again and expect life to get better for you. The true definition of "stupidity" is "doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome". Don't be stupid. You have to try something else, but first you must be completely honest with yourself about whether or not what you normally do makes your situation better or worse. If you turn to something that gives you viable solutions or answers to your problems, stick with that because it works for you. If not, you need to do something different. Otherwise, your life's situations will only get worse, and life in this day and time can be hard enough without you doing careless things to make it worse. If getting drunk doesn't take the problem away once the high is over, it's not working for you. Do yourself a favor. Stop going to the bottle. If shopping only leaves you in more debt without the money to pay monthly bills, stop spending senselessly. It isn't working for you. If picking a fight with your mate only makes you feel like crap afterward, try talking to that person about how you're feeling instead of taking what you're feeling out on him/her. If beating your children/pets leaves them feeling like crap and with bumps and bruises, it's not helping you, or anyone else for that matter. If shoplifting without getting caught only causes you to steal more, stop stealing. If eating fatty foods like ice cream, cheeseburgers, chocolate, cupcakes, cookies, etc., only makes you wish you hadn't grown out of your clothes or out of your figure, stress eating isn't working for you. If biting your nails leaves your fingers bald and bleeding, you might want to try something else. You get the picture...
To "call on Jesus" doesn't mean to go to church and say a couple of "amens" and "hallelujahs". It will do you no good if you don't know why you're doing it. Calling on Jesus means to think of the integral thing to do in your situation. To "talk to God about it" means to think it through with intelligence, integrity and truth. Don't try to make a dollar out of fifteen cents. It can't be done. Don't try to take shortcuts or deny that you have a problem that needs to be addressed. And for God's sakes, don't cover up one problem by creating another one. Do the math on that one. One plus one will equal two every single time. If you use one problem to deal with another one, you will then have two. More problems never equate to less, and if you use this method of problem solving, you will end up "interrupted". You're "interrupted" because instead of solving the problem you faced, you disrupted your psyche's regular flow of functioning when you turned away from what needed to be taken care of and interrupted it with something else that was, not only unnecessary, but irrelevant. Now your mind has to take the time to figure out or deal with something it really wasn't prepared to deal with. Don't interrupt the psyche's normal flow--and trust and believe that having to figure out or find solutions to life's problems and struggles is normal. What isn't normal is when you thoughtlessly jerk your mind into dealing with something that it really shouldn't have to take on.
When you have a problem, big or small, look into what you can do to lessen it. Don't make it bigger unless...
...you want to be interrupted. Warning: interruption is like shopping on credit; it feels good getting into debt, but it's nearly impossible to get out of it.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
For Real or Fantasy-Part II
"In the baseball game of life, when a batter is up, the home plate umpire only focuses on the strike zone and the pitcher's mound. In order to keep all of the plays fair, He never gets personal with the batter or the pitcher."
Warning: STOP!!! If you have not read For Real or Fantasy-Part I, this blog may not make much sense to you. Take the time to read part one or you'll end up going for a crash landing without knowing you had been up in the air.
With all that's going on in all of our lives, how do you know when the heart is speaking? First, let's keep it real, and do some accounting: before you go from a head place to a heart place, you might want to count up the cost. Contrary to popular belief, the heart is NOT the seat of emotion, so this will NOT be a feel-good experience as you transition; it will be well worth the journey in the end, but there are going to be a lot of major bumps and bruises--guaranteed. There will be war wounds and battle scars. In reality, the heart is straight forward and blunt, and will plow forward without caring about how much life hurts. The heart is well aware of the pain of growing, but knows what's good for you and won't veer from that place to pacify your feelings. People with heart seem cold because they don't tend to the cries and complaints of others. They are not cold and callous, just sure of the outcome and unswayed by any murmurs. Think of Jesus on the cross saying, "My God, My God. Why hast Thou forsaken Me?" The Father watched Him go through what He went through, but did not take Him down from the cross. The Father knew the consequences of Him enduring the pain as well as the consequence of Him being removed from the mission before it was completed. Though well aware of the pain and suffering of His Only Begotten Son, the Father was NOT in an emotional place. Heart is crucial--and seemingly cruel. But that's only if you look at it from a head place--the place where people will settle for feeling good instead of doing good for others.
Confused? Think of the heart as a home plate umpire, and life as a baseball game with you up to bat. If the ball goes over the strike zone, and you either strike and miss or don't swing at all, the umpire will simply say, "Stee Rike One." You won't get a second chance and he certainly won't take the time to explain what you did wrong, what you could have done better or what you should do the next time. That's the coach's job. The ump doesn't give a hoot. As far as the ump is concerned, there's a game to be played and He must be fair to both sides. He can't get emotionally involved or his judgement will become clouded. If the ball doesn't enter the strike zone, he will call "BALL". Well, the pitcher isn't going to like that, but the ump doesn't give a hoot about that, either. As far as he's concerned, there's a game to be played... Your coach, who is emotionally involved with you, is going to take notes and work with you to improve your game. The Ump is not going to. If at the end of the at-bat, you have three strikes and no hits, the ump is not going to pat you on the back and wish you well. He is going to emotionlessly step back into his area and wait for the next batter or the change of position for each team. If he's a good ump, he's never going to take any of it personally. Now, if you, as a foolish batter or coach, want to make it personal for him, you can, but He has the option of simply ejecting you. That's the chance you take when you try to argue with the one who has all the facts. Sometimes in a real baseball game, the umpire, who is merely human, makes a bad call; the Ump in life's game never does.
So how do you know when the heart is speaking? When you walk into a situation and get a straight forward answer with no explanation. Like the umpire in the baseball game, Heart looks at the situation, not the people. Before continuing on, go back and reread the quote of the day for further understanding. In order to keep things fair between you and others, Heart has to focus on the situation, not the people.
Your long time lover decides to take the relationship to the next level and mentions marriage, and you ask yourself, "why not?" The heart will say, "you don't love her". The head will say, "Okay, you know you don't want to get married because you never got over the ex, but she and I can make this work if we try hard enough." Or it will say, "Well, being in this relationship is better than being alone, and if you don't marry her now, she's going to leave." The heart, when you go back to check will say again, "you don't love her." It will NEVER change it's answer because it only deals with facts and truth.
When walking into the building where your job interview is scheduled to take place, the heart will say, "you don't want to work here." The head will say, "Well, beggars can't be choosey. You'd better take what you can get. It's better than nothing." Or in a school situation, your heart will say, "don't accept the scholarship. You won't be happy at that school." The head will say, "you may not get another full ride. You'd better take what you can get."
Upon meeting a potential love interest, the heart will say, "there's no potential for love here." The head will say, "Oh, shut up heart, what's love got to do with it? Why should I listen to you? You're the one that got me into this position in the first place! If I hadn't listened to you and left my ex, I wouldn't be alone. Yeah, I know she was stealing checks because she didn't want to work, but she may not have gotten caught!"
The heart will say, "he's no good for you." The head will say, "you know there's a shortage of men. Okay, he's not your type, but you can work with him. You can convince him to get a job, pay his child support, and/or that his ex will never love him the way you can and if you try hard enough, he will stop leaving you at night and running over to her house whenever she calls."
At church or work when the pastor/boss looks at you and undresses you with his eyes, the heart will say, "he's a pervert." The head will say, "that's a man of God/a married man with a family. Stop thinking he's looking at you all sexy like that. You ought to be ashamed of yourself for thinking of him in that way. It's your fault he's looking at you that way; your lust makes him look at your chest like that. You are going to hell/get fired for judging him."
When dealing with family members and their finances, your heart will say, "don't pay their rent" or "don't cosign for that car/loan". The head says, "that's family. Don't forget where you came from and don't ever turn your back on family. Families helps each other." The heart warns again, "don't pay their bills." The head says, "how can you just let your family down like that? They keep coming to you for their rent, and even though you're tired of paying it for them, you can't let family down". The heart knows that that family member's rent/bills are due at the same time every month, with no surprises, and that they should and would be budgeting for it if they didn't have you there to give them their handout. "That could be you in that situation one day" is what the head says, guilting you into doing what makes that "loving" family member consider you his/her fool. The heart knows that the family members could and would pay their own rent/bills if they didn't have available to them a sucker like you who will make sure their bills are paid while they go out and buy iPhones, iPads, drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, direct t.v., expensive clothes and shoes for their kids, and other guilty pleasures/leisures of life they really can't afford. Not only does the heart know that they will take care of their business without you, it knows how resourceful they can be when necessity hits. Trust the heart, for it also knows when family members really need the help that you can afford to give to them. Heart will never let YOU down. It knows how hard it would be for you to wake up and realize that that family member really was in need. In that case, the heart will say, "give it to them." Even when your head is saying "Hell no!"
The heart will give you only black or white facts--like them or not. The head will cause you to compromise and use shades of grey as it convinces you of what you should or shouldn't be doing. The head will lead you to settle for less or to do something deemed good for ulterior reasons (you want people to like you). It will convince you that you don't deserve anything good, so you'd better take what you can get. The heart is filled with hard core truth, and that's why many people shut theirs down. They shut the heart down because the head seduces--explains, excuses, compromises and lies--and does far more talking to sway you to the feel good decision (which ultimately blows up in your face anyway). The heart is not going to get emotionally involved or try to convince you of anything. In staying emotionless, the heart is able to see clearly. It's vision is never clouded, therefore allowing it to simply state the facts. The heart uses few words because it is an internal umpire; it deals with true facts only. If a lot of talking and reasoning is going on, that's your head; not your heart. Go to a quiet place and listen for the few, quiet words of your heart. If you hear nothing, well...you'll need to find someone who has heart and can teach you what it takes to develop and nurture yours. And that begins with integrity. Learn to do what's right; not just for you, but for others who will be effected by your decisions. Once you're able to see how what you do affects others, you will know that the framework for real heart is being laid on the inside of you. And that is what real life is made of.
Warning: STOP!!! If you have not read For Real or Fantasy-Part I, this blog may not make much sense to you. Take the time to read part one or you'll end up going for a crash landing without knowing you had been up in the air.
With all that's going on in all of our lives, how do you know when the heart is speaking? First, let's keep it real, and do some accounting: before you go from a head place to a heart place, you might want to count up the cost. Contrary to popular belief, the heart is NOT the seat of emotion, so this will NOT be a feel-good experience as you transition; it will be well worth the journey in the end, but there are going to be a lot of major bumps and bruises--guaranteed. There will be war wounds and battle scars. In reality, the heart is straight forward and blunt, and will plow forward without caring about how much life hurts. The heart is well aware of the pain of growing, but knows what's good for you and won't veer from that place to pacify your feelings. People with heart seem cold because they don't tend to the cries and complaints of others. They are not cold and callous, just sure of the outcome and unswayed by any murmurs. Think of Jesus on the cross saying, "My God, My God. Why hast Thou forsaken Me?" The Father watched Him go through what He went through, but did not take Him down from the cross. The Father knew the consequences of Him enduring the pain as well as the consequence of Him being removed from the mission before it was completed. Though well aware of the pain and suffering of His Only Begotten Son, the Father was NOT in an emotional place. Heart is crucial--and seemingly cruel. But that's only if you look at it from a head place--the place where people will settle for feeling good instead of doing good for others.
Confused? Think of the heart as a home plate umpire, and life as a baseball game with you up to bat. If the ball goes over the strike zone, and you either strike and miss or don't swing at all, the umpire will simply say, "Stee Rike One." You won't get a second chance and he certainly won't take the time to explain what you did wrong, what you could have done better or what you should do the next time. That's the coach's job. The ump doesn't give a hoot. As far as the ump is concerned, there's a game to be played and He must be fair to both sides. He can't get emotionally involved or his judgement will become clouded. If the ball doesn't enter the strike zone, he will call "BALL". Well, the pitcher isn't going to like that, but the ump doesn't give a hoot about that, either. As far as he's concerned, there's a game to be played... Your coach, who is emotionally involved with you, is going to take notes and work with you to improve your game. The Ump is not going to. If at the end of the at-bat, you have three strikes and no hits, the ump is not going to pat you on the back and wish you well. He is going to emotionlessly step back into his area and wait for the next batter or the change of position for each team. If he's a good ump, he's never going to take any of it personally. Now, if you, as a foolish batter or coach, want to make it personal for him, you can, but He has the option of simply ejecting you. That's the chance you take when you try to argue with the one who has all the facts. Sometimes in a real baseball game, the umpire, who is merely human, makes a bad call; the Ump in life's game never does.
So how do you know when the heart is speaking? When you walk into a situation and get a straight forward answer with no explanation. Like the umpire in the baseball game, Heart looks at the situation, not the people. Before continuing on, go back and reread the quote of the day for further understanding. In order to keep things fair between you and others, Heart has to focus on the situation, not the people.
Your long time lover decides to take the relationship to the next level and mentions marriage, and you ask yourself, "why not?" The heart will say, "you don't love her". The head will say, "Okay, you know you don't want to get married because you never got over the ex, but she and I can make this work if we try hard enough." Or it will say, "Well, being in this relationship is better than being alone, and if you don't marry her now, she's going to leave." The heart, when you go back to check will say again, "you don't love her." It will NEVER change it's answer because it only deals with facts and truth.
When walking into the building where your job interview is scheduled to take place, the heart will say, "you don't want to work here." The head will say, "Well, beggars can't be choosey. You'd better take what you can get. It's better than nothing." Or in a school situation, your heart will say, "don't accept the scholarship. You won't be happy at that school." The head will say, "you may not get another full ride. You'd better take what you can get."
Upon meeting a potential love interest, the heart will say, "there's no potential for love here." The head will say, "Oh, shut up heart, what's love got to do with it? Why should I listen to you? You're the one that got me into this position in the first place! If I hadn't listened to you and left my ex, I wouldn't be alone. Yeah, I know she was stealing checks because she didn't want to work, but she may not have gotten caught!"
The heart will say, "he's no good for you." The head will say, "you know there's a shortage of men. Okay, he's not your type, but you can work with him. You can convince him to get a job, pay his child support, and/or that his ex will never love him the way you can and if you try hard enough, he will stop leaving you at night and running over to her house whenever she calls."
At church or work when the pastor/boss looks at you and undresses you with his eyes, the heart will say, "he's a pervert." The head will say, "that's a man of God/a married man with a family. Stop thinking he's looking at you all sexy like that. You ought to be ashamed of yourself for thinking of him in that way. It's your fault he's looking at you that way; your lust makes him look at your chest like that. You are going to hell/get fired for judging him."
When dealing with family members and their finances, your heart will say, "don't pay their rent" or "don't cosign for that car/loan". The head says, "that's family. Don't forget where you came from and don't ever turn your back on family. Families helps each other." The heart warns again, "don't pay their bills." The head says, "how can you just let your family down like that? They keep coming to you for their rent, and even though you're tired of paying it for them, you can't let family down". The heart knows that that family member's rent/bills are due at the same time every month, with no surprises, and that they should and would be budgeting for it if they didn't have you there to give them their handout. "That could be you in that situation one day" is what the head says, guilting you into doing what makes that "loving" family member consider you his/her fool. The heart knows that the family members could and would pay their own rent/bills if they didn't have available to them a sucker like you who will make sure their bills are paid while they go out and buy iPhones, iPads, drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, direct t.v., expensive clothes and shoes for their kids, and other guilty pleasures/leisures of life they really can't afford. Not only does the heart know that they will take care of their business without you, it knows how resourceful they can be when necessity hits. Trust the heart, for it also knows when family members really need the help that you can afford to give to them. Heart will never let YOU down. It knows how hard it would be for you to wake up and realize that that family member really was in need. In that case, the heart will say, "give it to them." Even when your head is saying "Hell no!"
The heart will give you only black or white facts--like them or not. The head will cause you to compromise and use shades of grey as it convinces you of what you should or shouldn't be doing. The head will lead you to settle for less or to do something deemed good for ulterior reasons (you want people to like you). It will convince you that you don't deserve anything good, so you'd better take what you can get. The heart is filled with hard core truth, and that's why many people shut theirs down. They shut the heart down because the head seduces--explains, excuses, compromises and lies--and does far more talking to sway you to the feel good decision (which ultimately blows up in your face anyway). The heart is not going to get emotionally involved or try to convince you of anything. In staying emotionless, the heart is able to see clearly. It's vision is never clouded, therefore allowing it to simply state the facts. The heart uses few words because it is an internal umpire; it deals with true facts only. If a lot of talking and reasoning is going on, that's your head; not your heart. Go to a quiet place and listen for the few, quiet words of your heart. If you hear nothing, well...you'll need to find someone who has heart and can teach you what it takes to develop and nurture yours. And that begins with integrity. Learn to do what's right; not just for you, but for others who will be effected by your decisions. Once you're able to see how what you do affects others, you will know that the framework for real heart is being laid on the inside of you. And that is what real life is made of.
For Real or Fantasy-Part I
"The only way to knowing when something is good is through the heart; if you have no heart, then you'll never know whether or not something is truly good."
Heart never lies, but the head can tell you whatever you want to hear. It's a master of disguise and a predator of the good life. With it you can deny/negate the truth in order to open doors for yourself that really should remain shut. If you have heart, you'll know when you're doing something you shouldn't. Even when your head comes up with several reasons why you should do it anyway-- you'll know you shouldn't...well...you'll know if you have heart...and you'll know if you haven't allowed bad experiences/bad people to harden the heart you have.
Now someone out there is saying, "there are no bad people". I used to think that, too. I thought everyone had heart; I know better now. Sure everyone has a physical heart, but not everyone has heart. There's a difference. Heart means you will stand for what is right whether you like it or not. It also means that you possess the ability to stand down anything that isn't right. Not necessarily in full protest, but at least in your life. Heart means integrity. Having a heart just means that there is an organ beating in your chest, pumping blood from one end of the body to the other.
Not everyone is integral. In fact, most people are not. What's the gauge? Watch the people closest to you interact with other people. Listen to what they have to say about situations that don't involve you, and how they handle them. If the situation involves you, like they do to themselves, they will tell you whatever they need to in order to get from you the response they want. They have to "lie to kick it", and that doesn't bother them in the least. A can't-miss sign of heartlessness for me is the definition of "free" in the minds of others. I absolutely hate it when I'm forced to be around people who believe that "free" means you're entitled to some giveaway just because the giver said it was of no charge to you. They never stop to think about how much it costs the giver. If the government is giving out free cheese, that DOES NOT mean you have to go stand in line and get "yours"! It means that if there are families in need of food, a resource has been opened up for THEM to eat. If you don't need the cheese, don't take it from a family who does. If you don't need the help, don't take the opportunity away from that person who was unfortunate enough to end up in line behind you. There are plenty of people out there who really and truly need what you're taking advantage of, and because of people like you, the "free" will eventually run out. I heard recently about an entertainer who pulled up to a social services agency to collect food stamps in a limo. True story. How much sense does that make? If you can afford a limo, you don't need food stamps, but some person out there whose primary care giver died or left unexpectedly, or one who has more children than he/she can afford to feed, does. But here's the problem: not a lot of people can comprehend what I just said. It would appear that they are being selfish and greedy, but most people who think like that really don't know any better. Now before you put a race on this, let me stop you. There are people in every race who do this: white, black, Asian, Latino, Eskimo, bi-racial (and that is not limited to black and something, it could be Irish and Canadian, French and German, Latino and white, etc.!) It's a matter of upbringing, societal values (or the lack thereof) or true ignorance of how community works. If people have not been taught better, they don't know better. Worse than that, if people are heartless, you can't teach them anything--no matter how hard you try. Especially how to be integral.
Babies are born everyday, in all places of the world. The earth is constantly being populated, but without the knowledge to help the next generation to grow, the world is stunted. Without knowledge, right and wrong becomes relevant, and everyone develops their own criteria. But with knowledge, people are better able to see life globally. When that happens, we are able to see cause and effect. We are able to see the other side of things; not just the side that benefits us. For example, there are grown people in our society who believe that the government has the ability to print as much money as they need, whenever they need to, and should just shut up and do that. If they would, the government would never run out of money. Not so. Money is only as good as the products and services it represents. It started out that paper money was the alternative to carrying around heavy bricks of gold and silver. That meant the government agencies and banks stored your gold and silver for you and gave you paper dollars or gold/silver certificates that were the equivalent of what you gave them--an even trade. But when more paper money was printed than the gold and silver that was exchanged, the economic balance was messed up. The trade was no longer even and something needed to happen to balance the deficit. That's where we are now. Ultimately what happens is that the paper becomes useless and the value of the gold/silver (which is now, of course, global products and services, not just gold and silver bricks) goes down. So we really don't want the government to just print money. You probably don't remember when the penny had value by itself, but at one time, it did. Now it only has value in great numbers. Nickels are next, if we aren't careful! Without this knowledge, the babies being born are not going to be able to understand why life is about more than just money, and another generation of people believing that winning the lottery will solve all of life's problems will be born. When does it end? When people stop fantasizing life and start living it for real.
Money without knowledge/wisdom is like a fire in a forest; the more it grows, the more it will destroy, and before you know it, you will have lost everything. I could preach on/teach this concept forever, but if it falls on the ears of those without integrity, I will only be wasting my breath. It will just sound uppity and stuck-up to them.
As for you, ask yourself this question: Is my life for real or just fantasy? If you think money will answer all your problems, you are not for real. If you realize that a good life requires more than just being able to buy things to show your neighbors that you can have what they have because you're just as good as they are, your heart will open up and you will do something useful with your time here on earth that will benefit not just you, but the community around you. That's called "purpose". You will find your purpose and have a real sense of direction in life, making you a productive member of society. It will be then that you will be able to honestly say that your life is not fantasy. You will be able to say that you live life FOR REAL. The only path to FOR REAL is through a good heart, and that is how REAL people live a good life! Stay tuned for Part II: How you know when it's the heart talking and not your head.
Heart never lies, but the head can tell you whatever you want to hear. It's a master of disguise and a predator of the good life. With it you can deny/negate the truth in order to open doors for yourself that really should remain shut. If you have heart, you'll know when you're doing something you shouldn't. Even when your head comes up with several reasons why you should do it anyway-- you'll know you shouldn't...well...you'll know if you have heart...and you'll know if you haven't allowed bad experiences/bad people to harden the heart you have.
Now someone out there is saying, "there are no bad people". I used to think that, too. I thought everyone had heart; I know better now. Sure everyone has a physical heart, but not everyone has heart. There's a difference. Heart means you will stand for what is right whether you like it or not. It also means that you possess the ability to stand down anything that isn't right. Not necessarily in full protest, but at least in your life. Heart means integrity. Having a heart just means that there is an organ beating in your chest, pumping blood from one end of the body to the other.
Not everyone is integral. In fact, most people are not. What's the gauge? Watch the people closest to you interact with other people. Listen to what they have to say about situations that don't involve you, and how they handle them. If the situation involves you, like they do to themselves, they will tell you whatever they need to in order to get from you the response they want. They have to "lie to kick it", and that doesn't bother them in the least. A can't-miss sign of heartlessness for me is the definition of "free" in the minds of others. I absolutely hate it when I'm forced to be around people who believe that "free" means you're entitled to some giveaway just because the giver said it was of no charge to you. They never stop to think about how much it costs the giver. If the government is giving out free cheese, that DOES NOT mean you have to go stand in line and get "yours"! It means that if there are families in need of food, a resource has been opened up for THEM to eat. If you don't need the cheese, don't take it from a family who does. If you don't need the help, don't take the opportunity away from that person who was unfortunate enough to end up in line behind you. There are plenty of people out there who really and truly need what you're taking advantage of, and because of people like you, the "free" will eventually run out. I heard recently about an entertainer who pulled up to a social services agency to collect food stamps in a limo. True story. How much sense does that make? If you can afford a limo, you don't need food stamps, but some person out there whose primary care giver died or left unexpectedly, or one who has more children than he/she can afford to feed, does. But here's the problem: not a lot of people can comprehend what I just said. It would appear that they are being selfish and greedy, but most people who think like that really don't know any better. Now before you put a race on this, let me stop you. There are people in every race who do this: white, black, Asian, Latino, Eskimo, bi-racial (and that is not limited to black and something, it could be Irish and Canadian, French and German, Latino and white, etc.!) It's a matter of upbringing, societal values (or the lack thereof) or true ignorance of how community works. If people have not been taught better, they don't know better. Worse than that, if people are heartless, you can't teach them anything--no matter how hard you try. Especially how to be integral.
Babies are born everyday, in all places of the world. The earth is constantly being populated, but without the knowledge to help the next generation to grow, the world is stunted. Without knowledge, right and wrong becomes relevant, and everyone develops their own criteria. But with knowledge, people are better able to see life globally. When that happens, we are able to see cause and effect. We are able to see the other side of things; not just the side that benefits us. For example, there are grown people in our society who believe that the government has the ability to print as much money as they need, whenever they need to, and should just shut up and do that. If they would, the government would never run out of money. Not so. Money is only as good as the products and services it represents. It started out that paper money was the alternative to carrying around heavy bricks of gold and silver. That meant the government agencies and banks stored your gold and silver for you and gave you paper dollars or gold/silver certificates that were the equivalent of what you gave them--an even trade. But when more paper money was printed than the gold and silver that was exchanged, the economic balance was messed up. The trade was no longer even and something needed to happen to balance the deficit. That's where we are now. Ultimately what happens is that the paper becomes useless and the value of the gold/silver (which is now, of course, global products and services, not just gold and silver bricks) goes down. So we really don't want the government to just print money. You probably don't remember when the penny had value by itself, but at one time, it did. Now it only has value in great numbers. Nickels are next, if we aren't careful! Without this knowledge, the babies being born are not going to be able to understand why life is about more than just money, and another generation of people believing that winning the lottery will solve all of life's problems will be born. When does it end? When people stop fantasizing life and start living it for real.
Money without knowledge/wisdom is like a fire in a forest; the more it grows, the more it will destroy, and before you know it, you will have lost everything. I could preach on/teach this concept forever, but if it falls on the ears of those without integrity, I will only be wasting my breath. It will just sound uppity and stuck-up to them.
As for you, ask yourself this question: Is my life for real or just fantasy? If you think money will answer all your problems, you are not for real. If you realize that a good life requires more than just being able to buy things to show your neighbors that you can have what they have because you're just as good as they are, your heart will open up and you will do something useful with your time here on earth that will benefit not just you, but the community around you. That's called "purpose". You will find your purpose and have a real sense of direction in life, making you a productive member of society. It will be then that you will be able to honestly say that your life is not fantasy. You will be able to say that you live life FOR REAL. The only path to FOR REAL is through a good heart, and that is how REAL people live a good life! Stay tuned for Part II: How you know when it's the heart talking and not your head.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)