"ALL panic is built on a lie. Period."
If you are one who panics, this will be a good blog for you to read and hold on to. If you are prone to panic attacks, treat this as bible! ALL panic is built on a lie being played out in your head. ALL panic attacks result from the lies being stretched out in your mind as far as they can go with no plans of ever stopping, so you have to learn to stop them yourself. In order to stop the panic in its tracks or to prevent it from becoming a full blown attack, you MUST find the lie that the scenario in your mind was or is being built on. Now this is a simple yet complicated concept. So let me explain: the simple part is that no matter how you look at it, there's a lie there that's designed to make and keep you afraid. The complex part of this is that once fear takes hold, it will show you the truth of the situation(s) you're afraid of. So the fear is built on a lie, but supported by true possibilities. Sort of. For example, if you have a fear of heights, the lie is that you're going to fall to your death. The truth is that if you're standing above a cliff or on top of a building, it is quite possible to fall to your death. But the real truth is that that's not going to happen if you stay away from the edge. Another example: you're not making as much money as you'd like and the cost of living keeps going up. Eventually you're not going to be able to pay your bills, which will cause you to not be able to eat, resulting in major weight loss or starvation, or to end up losing your home and have to live on the streets. (Or worse, move back in with your mom.) The truth is that all these things could be real possibilities---IF YOU DON'T BUDGET or find another income stream! OR--how about this one: if you don't stop living beyond your means. (Stop medicating your worry with those shopping sprees or gifts for yourself on days that aren't your birthday!) If you're running short on cash, don't wait until it's time to pay the rent or mortgage to try to figure out what to do. Your rent is due at the same time every month. PLAN AHEAD!
Getting back to the subject. ALL panic is built on a lie that's trying to take your head out of the game of life. And it IS personal. Panic is a personal attack against you. It is highly probable that you have some brain power that could take you or others to higher heights. If you are one who panics, imagine what would come from your mind if fear didn't always have it tied up. Many, many geniuses are panic prone. Why? To keep them from discovering things that would make this life easier. Side note: fear only attacks what it is afraid of, and it's afraid of everyone who could make life easier for themselves or others.
Getting back to the subject again. Panic results from a lie or a pack of lies specifically designed to make and keep you afraid. To further explain this, I will need the help of the three little pigs and the big, bad wolf. For the sake of understanding, imagine yourself a little pig with two brothers. Then, imagine fear as the big, bad, wolf. You know the story: three pigs--potential rib dinner feast for a hungry, lying, conniving wolf who had to huff and puff and blow their houses down. But where was the lie? He did blow down two of the houses, after all. But the lie wasn't in whether or not he could blow them down. The lie was actually in whether or not the house built of straw and the one of sticks were smart investments! So the lie happened long before the wolf got to house #1 and house #2! And there was a whole lot of truth to the threat of having come close to being devoured by the wolf. So when you examine the situation that's causing you to panic, remember to look waaaay back into your situation until you find the lie!
Sometimes you have to look further up the road to find the lie that's causing you to panic. To understand this one, we will need to call on Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Tiana, and all of the other princesses from fairytale land. I just need to ask them one simple question. Here goes: How long was the prince charming after he married you or rode you off into the sunset? Enough said. But seriously, often the lie of the panic will focus on a future happening. If this is the case, you have to ask yourself if the disaster threatened is: #1 really possible and/or #2 as disastrous as it seems.
Regardless of whether the lie comes before of after a happening in your life, remember that ALL panic is built on a lie. Instead of focussing on the threat of the panic, focus on the fact that there's an untamed lie running around your dome. Hunt that sucker down and lay him to rest! And if all else fails, reread today's quote and repeat it over and over in your mind until you shut up the lie that's causing you to suffer.
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Keys To Success
"The real difference between successful people and those who are not so successful is that the successful ones are TAUGHT to think positively."
Negative feelings are natural; positive ones are supernatural, so you have to work at them. Negative conversation is natural; positive ones are not, so you have to work at those, too. How do you do that, you ask? It's not as simple as it sounds, but here's a pretty straight forward prescription: in everything you do, and in all that happens to you, find some good it in. Then, when you talk about it to someone else, stay true to how you feel, but mention the positive aspects of it more than the negative. If the person you're talking to goes negative, and insists you do the same, remove yourself from that person's presence. From there, surround yourself with people who are positive. They'll be the ones whose happiness is seen beyond the smile on their faces. You know those. They are the ones that tend to sing or hum songs that are not funeral marches. They are also the ones who compliment others even when the person they are complimenting is not around. They will compliment others to you, i.e. "I like that dress so-and-so is wearing. It looks nice on her." They are also the ones who are not complaining about everything from having to get up in the morning to being angry at the sun for knowing about their plans for the day, and deciding not to shine just to ruin them (you know that type). And one last identifier: they are those who absolutely CANNOT take a compliment. I call them "BUT people". When you compliment them, the conversation goes a little something like this:
"Hey, so-and-so. That's a nice car you have out there."
"Yeah, it's okay, BUT I wanted something different. I like this about it, BUT, I don't like that. I know it's brand new, BUT I really should have bought something different..." or
"You look nice today..."
"Yeah, thanks, BUT I'd look nicer if my hair would have curled the way I wanted it to. I went to get it cut BUT the lady didn't cut it right..." or
"Good morning, So-and-So. How are you today?"
"Blessed and highly favored..." (My bad. Couldn't resist the religiosity humor).
Most of the people you encounter on a daily basis--to INCLUDE family members, coworkers, "friends", lovers, acquaintances, and others--naturally have a negative mindset. That means that the advice you get from them is going to come naturally from a negative place. Most of the time they don't even know they're being negative. They call it "keeping it real." Consequently, the encouragement, love and support you seek from them, which is necessary for real success, is not going to be there because those things are positive. That's why there are so many bad relationships within family circles and between people in general. Most people think positive feelings come naturally for humans. This is so not true! Love, for example, is not a given; it is taught. Contrary to popular belief, mothers don't naturally love their babies, especially if the child was not conceived in love. Before becoming a mother, it's best for the child if the woman already knows how to love. And it works the same way for fathers. There is no guarantee that the parents will grow to love the child. None at all! Anyway, the point is that it takes work to be--and to stay--a positive person.
Success, however, is not based on the positivity of a person. You could be in the right place at the right time and luck up on success. The resulting behavior, on the other hand, depends on what's on the inside of that "lucky" person. Inner feelings are like velcro, and in this case, like charges attract. If your inner feelings are negative, you will attract that which is negative to you (misery loves company). If you think/feel positive, positive things will come your way--even if at first glance it's negative. (That means that sometimes you have to look deeper. Losing a friend, for example, is only bad if the friend was good for you.) Simply stated, when you cross the success of a person with negative inner feelings, the end result will be arrogance, insecurity, conceit, bigotry, judgement, jealousy, covetousness, etc. When success is met with positive inner feelings, the end result is confidence, assurance, fairness, a willingness to help others to succeed/achieve, etc.
As a man thinketh, so is he. You are what you think you are, and what a man tells you he thinks about himself won't always coincide with how he really feels, and if you pay close attention, you'll know the difference! ("Blessed and highly favored"! My bad again!)
Take some time today to pull something positive your way. Make it a practice, then watch how quickly things will change for the better in your life.
Negative feelings are natural; positive ones are supernatural, so you have to work at them. Negative conversation is natural; positive ones are not, so you have to work at those, too. How do you do that, you ask? It's not as simple as it sounds, but here's a pretty straight forward prescription: in everything you do, and in all that happens to you, find some good it in. Then, when you talk about it to someone else, stay true to how you feel, but mention the positive aspects of it more than the negative. If the person you're talking to goes negative, and insists you do the same, remove yourself from that person's presence. From there, surround yourself with people who are positive. They'll be the ones whose happiness is seen beyond the smile on their faces. You know those. They are the ones that tend to sing or hum songs that are not funeral marches. They are also the ones who compliment others even when the person they are complimenting is not around. They will compliment others to you, i.e. "I like that dress so-and-so is wearing. It looks nice on her." They are also the ones who are not complaining about everything from having to get up in the morning to being angry at the sun for knowing about their plans for the day, and deciding not to shine just to ruin them (you know that type). And one last identifier: they are those who absolutely CANNOT take a compliment. I call them "BUT people". When you compliment them, the conversation goes a little something like this:
"Hey, so-and-so. That's a nice car you have out there."
"Yeah, it's okay, BUT I wanted something different. I like this about it, BUT, I don't like that. I know it's brand new, BUT I really should have bought something different..." or
"You look nice today..."
"Yeah, thanks, BUT I'd look nicer if my hair would have curled the way I wanted it to. I went to get it cut BUT the lady didn't cut it right..." or
"Good morning, So-and-So. How are you today?"
"Blessed and highly favored..." (My bad. Couldn't resist the religiosity humor).
Most of the people you encounter on a daily basis--to INCLUDE family members, coworkers, "friends", lovers, acquaintances, and others--naturally have a negative mindset. That means that the advice you get from them is going to come naturally from a negative place. Most of the time they don't even know they're being negative. They call it "keeping it real." Consequently, the encouragement, love and support you seek from them, which is necessary for real success, is not going to be there because those things are positive. That's why there are so many bad relationships within family circles and between people in general. Most people think positive feelings come naturally for humans. This is so not true! Love, for example, is not a given; it is taught. Contrary to popular belief, mothers don't naturally love their babies, especially if the child was not conceived in love. Before becoming a mother, it's best for the child if the woman already knows how to love. And it works the same way for fathers. There is no guarantee that the parents will grow to love the child. None at all! Anyway, the point is that it takes work to be--and to stay--a positive person.
Success, however, is not based on the positivity of a person. You could be in the right place at the right time and luck up on success. The resulting behavior, on the other hand, depends on what's on the inside of that "lucky" person. Inner feelings are like velcro, and in this case, like charges attract. If your inner feelings are negative, you will attract that which is negative to you (misery loves company). If you think/feel positive, positive things will come your way--even if at first glance it's negative. (That means that sometimes you have to look deeper. Losing a friend, for example, is only bad if the friend was good for you.) Simply stated, when you cross the success of a person with negative inner feelings, the end result will be arrogance, insecurity, conceit, bigotry, judgement, jealousy, covetousness, etc. When success is met with positive inner feelings, the end result is confidence, assurance, fairness, a willingness to help others to succeed/achieve, etc.
As a man thinketh, so is he. You are what you think you are, and what a man tells you he thinks about himself won't always coincide with how he really feels, and if you pay close attention, you'll know the difference! ("Blessed and highly favored"! My bad again!)
Take some time today to pull something positive your way. Make it a practice, then watch how quickly things will change for the better in your life.
Sunday, April 28, 2013
This One Might Hurt A Bit
"Even with God's power, you can't help a loser."
Okay. This one might hurt a little. Okay maybe a lot, but try to keep an open mind as you read this one. My intent is not to hurt, but rather help. Sometimes in helping, spiritual surgery is necessary, and to do that, we may have to go deep. I've been in the business of helping others for more than 30 years, and it's taken me this long to figure it out: if a loser wins, he's no longer a loser. Some people sabotage winning because the thought of winning means they'd have to change, and they are not willing to do that. Even with the power of God, people like this can't be helped because the power of God is TRUTH. Most of us lose because we are headed down a pathway that is not the right one for us, and changing our direction means we have to uncover some hardcore truths. Uncovering these truths will mean changing the way we do things. It may mean changing our entire lives, and that may hurt a little. It may even prove embarrassing.
For the proud, turning around and following a different path would mean they were wrong about something. They'd rather lose than admit they were wrong. For the pious, there would be no more sitting at the head of the table to judge others. They would fail to thrive in that situation because they wouldn't know what else to do. For the self-pitied, winning means there would be no more pity parties, and for them, that's no fun. For the attention seeker, winning means they will become a part of a larger group and not be able to stand out anymore. What's "special" in that? For the lazy man, winning means work. Enough said.
For the addict, winning means giving up what they live for. In their minds, they may as well die. So what would be the point? For the alcoholic, winning would mean giving up his drink. Then where would he find his courage? For the gang banger/mobster, winning would mean separating from his "family". Then who would have his back? For the narcissist...well...who said he wasn't winning? Of course, in his mind he's winning. Don't you just love the way he wins? He does. And as a matter of fact, to hear him tell it, he just beat you. (You may need to look up narcissism to understand that one.) For the elitist...well...like the narcissist, if you think he's not winning, its because you're a hater who can't handle the fact that you are lower than he is! (Another joke, in case you didn't get that one.) For the devoutly religious, it's scary to know that what they want to believe in is not what they've been taught it is. Turning around may mean they won't make it to Heaven, Nirvana, reincarnated oblivion, eternal peace, that great harem in the sky, and nowadays...that big ganja field waiting for them in the next realm.
The fact of the matter is that most people have had a web of lies woven for them that began long before they were a twinkling in their mother's eye. Far too many of us continue with the spinning of that web, not understanding that we are the cause of our own demise. If your mom made a few bad choices when she was younger and was too proud to turn her life around because that would mean admitting to your grandma that she was right, chances are, she's not going to tell you to live life differently from her. If she's proud, she probably thinks she's the model of living perfection. And you're probably under a lot of pressure to be just like her. If religion is your family guide, there's a fat chance of you turning to something different--unless you're angry and rebelling against it, and that may be even worse.
The only way to turn around is to find out the stone cold truth about your situation and act accordingly. Sound easy? Well, here are some examples of that stone cold truth:
1. Those weren't really your uncles your mom used to bring home.
2. Those "friends" you saw your dad with were paid to be there.
3. Those pills were not calming your mom's nerves; she was getting high!
4. You're really not smart. Or cute.
5. Those candles you walked in on your mom lighting had nothing to do with the Saints. (Ouch!)
6. EBT is not a privilege. And having a card doesn't mean your family is "lucky".
7. There is no college fund.
8. The feud between your mom and her sister started over your dad. Your aunt's ex-boyfriend.
9. God says pray for your enemies, so someone is praying for you. Your prayers don't count.
10. The woman who sleeps in your mom's bedroom is not your aunt.
11. The man who is always at your dad's house when you visit sleeps there.
12. Jessica was born Jesse.
13. About your promotion. It was nepotism.
14. That job that keeps your husband away from home every weekend may need some investigation.
15. The test results are in. In the case of young baby boy/girl, you are NOT the father.
With these kinds of lies at the root of your existence, how could you ever succeed at anything? The fact of the matter is that nothing solid can ever be built on a lie. If things are going wrong in your life, or the life of a loved one, look for some foundational truths. If you want things to change, you can change them, but...you have to be willing to accept what you find and move on. If you're the source of the problem, you are going to have to face your truths and turn YOUR life around. A real loser is one who knows the truth but does nothing about it. And that means carrying around dead weight. So if you try to help a loser, you, too, will lose. You will lose everything you have if you're not careful. Don't move a homeless addict into your home if you value your things. Don't move your cheating sister/friend into your house with your man. Don't loan money to your loved one with the gambling problem. Don't send the family thief to the bank with your ATM card and PIN number. Don't buy things that can be sold for your son/daughter/spouse/friend who has a drug problem. Don't fall in love with a man/woman who has a history of unhealthy relationships. Don't be the third or fourth spouse. Don't marry a cheater. Don't get pregnant by a man who has different baby mamas. Don't impregnate a woman who has several kids by several different men if you want a stable home. Don't get pregnant by a man who doesn't want kids. Don't marry a woman who doesn't like kids if you hope to be a dad some day, and for God's sake...don't try to mend the broken heart of your new mate. If his/her heart is still broken, love for you CANNOT flow through it. Don't ignore the signs of hope in him/her for the last relationship to mend. Find and help people who are aiming to succeed. Find and help people with a healthy hunger to win in life. Hell, find people with signs of life in them. You know, they will be the ones with ambition, dreams, and goals, and the positive energy necessary to realize them. Go with the winners!
So am I suggesting that those of you who want to help do so only with people who are already successful? Absolutely not! Some winners haven't won yet. They are winners because they are willing to win, but play fair. They are willing to put in the work necessary to win. They are not looking to steal winnings from anyone else. They are looking for the right pathway. Use the good in you to help them find it.
Okay. This one might hurt a little. Okay maybe a lot, but try to keep an open mind as you read this one. My intent is not to hurt, but rather help. Sometimes in helping, spiritual surgery is necessary, and to do that, we may have to go deep. I've been in the business of helping others for more than 30 years, and it's taken me this long to figure it out: if a loser wins, he's no longer a loser. Some people sabotage winning because the thought of winning means they'd have to change, and they are not willing to do that. Even with the power of God, people like this can't be helped because the power of God is TRUTH. Most of us lose because we are headed down a pathway that is not the right one for us, and changing our direction means we have to uncover some hardcore truths. Uncovering these truths will mean changing the way we do things. It may mean changing our entire lives, and that may hurt a little. It may even prove embarrassing.
For the proud, turning around and following a different path would mean they were wrong about something. They'd rather lose than admit they were wrong. For the pious, there would be no more sitting at the head of the table to judge others. They would fail to thrive in that situation because they wouldn't know what else to do. For the self-pitied, winning means there would be no more pity parties, and for them, that's no fun. For the attention seeker, winning means they will become a part of a larger group and not be able to stand out anymore. What's "special" in that? For the lazy man, winning means work. Enough said.
For the addict, winning means giving up what they live for. In their minds, they may as well die. So what would be the point? For the alcoholic, winning would mean giving up his drink. Then where would he find his courage? For the gang banger/mobster, winning would mean separating from his "family". Then who would have his back? For the narcissist...well...who said he wasn't winning? Of course, in his mind he's winning. Don't you just love the way he wins? He does. And as a matter of fact, to hear him tell it, he just beat you. (You may need to look up narcissism to understand that one.) For the elitist...well...like the narcissist, if you think he's not winning, its because you're a hater who can't handle the fact that you are lower than he is! (Another joke, in case you didn't get that one.) For the devoutly religious, it's scary to know that what they want to believe in is not what they've been taught it is. Turning around may mean they won't make it to Heaven, Nirvana, reincarnated oblivion, eternal peace, that great harem in the sky, and nowadays...that big ganja field waiting for them in the next realm.
The fact of the matter is that most people have had a web of lies woven for them that began long before they were a twinkling in their mother's eye. Far too many of us continue with the spinning of that web, not understanding that we are the cause of our own demise. If your mom made a few bad choices when she was younger and was too proud to turn her life around because that would mean admitting to your grandma that she was right, chances are, she's not going to tell you to live life differently from her. If she's proud, she probably thinks she's the model of living perfection. And you're probably under a lot of pressure to be just like her. If religion is your family guide, there's a fat chance of you turning to something different--unless you're angry and rebelling against it, and that may be even worse.
The only way to turn around is to find out the stone cold truth about your situation and act accordingly. Sound easy? Well, here are some examples of that stone cold truth:
1. Those weren't really your uncles your mom used to bring home.
2. Those "friends" you saw your dad with were paid to be there.
3. Those pills were not calming your mom's nerves; she was getting high!
4. You're really not smart. Or cute.
5. Those candles you walked in on your mom lighting had nothing to do with the Saints. (Ouch!)
6. EBT is not a privilege. And having a card doesn't mean your family is "lucky".
7. There is no college fund.
8. The feud between your mom and her sister started over your dad. Your aunt's ex-boyfriend.
9. God says pray for your enemies, so someone is praying for you. Your prayers don't count.
10. The woman who sleeps in your mom's bedroom is not your aunt.
11. The man who is always at your dad's house when you visit sleeps there.
12. Jessica was born Jesse.
13. About your promotion. It was nepotism.
14. That job that keeps your husband away from home every weekend may need some investigation.
15. The test results are in. In the case of young baby boy/girl, you are NOT the father.
With these kinds of lies at the root of your existence, how could you ever succeed at anything? The fact of the matter is that nothing solid can ever be built on a lie. If things are going wrong in your life, or the life of a loved one, look for some foundational truths. If you want things to change, you can change them, but...you have to be willing to accept what you find and move on. If you're the source of the problem, you are going to have to face your truths and turn YOUR life around. A real loser is one who knows the truth but does nothing about it. And that means carrying around dead weight. So if you try to help a loser, you, too, will lose. You will lose everything you have if you're not careful. Don't move a homeless addict into your home if you value your things. Don't move your cheating sister/friend into your house with your man. Don't loan money to your loved one with the gambling problem. Don't send the family thief to the bank with your ATM card and PIN number. Don't buy things that can be sold for your son/daughter/spouse/friend who has a drug problem. Don't fall in love with a man/woman who has a history of unhealthy relationships. Don't be the third or fourth spouse. Don't marry a cheater. Don't get pregnant by a man who has different baby mamas. Don't impregnate a woman who has several kids by several different men if you want a stable home. Don't get pregnant by a man who doesn't want kids. Don't marry a woman who doesn't like kids if you hope to be a dad some day, and for God's sake...don't try to mend the broken heart of your new mate. If his/her heart is still broken, love for you CANNOT flow through it. Don't ignore the signs of hope in him/her for the last relationship to mend. Find and help people who are aiming to succeed. Find and help people with a healthy hunger to win in life. Hell, find people with signs of life in them. You know, they will be the ones with ambition, dreams, and goals, and the positive energy necessary to realize them. Go with the winners!
So am I suggesting that those of you who want to help do so only with people who are already successful? Absolutely not! Some winners haven't won yet. They are winners because they are willing to win, but play fair. They are willing to put in the work necessary to win. They are not looking to steal winnings from anyone else. They are looking for the right pathway. Use the good in you to help them find it.
Monday, January 21, 2013
Who Loves Money?
"Money is not that it's all cracked up to be; having it just makes the evil people who love it leave you alone!"
True story: My nephew performed in an honor's band concert last weekend and did well, so I decided to buy him a set of drums. I went into a music store and purchased a set and had it delivered to his home. While in there, I saw a pair of congas that I thought were absolutely beautiful that would have made an awesome decorative piece in my home. A keyboard sitting in the corner near the door also caught my eye as I walked in, but on that day, I was focused on just getting my nephew his drum set, and I did. Mission accomplished.
The congas and the keyboard weighed heavily on my mind so I went back the next day and bought them, with a stand for the keyboard, some music books and a set of bongos. I figured my kids would have a blast with the instruments so I looked at another drum set, too. The music store staff was greatly pleased with my purchases and began to treat me like I had a million dollars to spend in there that day. When the kids saw what I had purchased, they were also well pleased. We made sounds (since none of us know how to play) ranging from the beautiful to the God-awful for about 24 hours before one of them noticed a rubber piece missing from the bongo set. With the price tag and the wrench it came with still attached, I took the set back to the store. This day there was a man there I hadn't seen the first couple of visits. The woman who assisted me both days before recognized me and was more than eager to help me. Before cutting her off as she tried to explain the situation to him, and without looking up or getting up from his seat, the man rudely addressed me by saying, "I can tell you right now we don't have that piece in this store. I don't know what tell you." I was stunned. Again, before being cut off, the woman tried to explain to him that I had just purchased the set from them a couple of days before. "I don't know what we can do about it," he said nastily. "I told you we don't have that piece in the store. I don't know what else can be done about this. I don't see how you could have lost that piece anyway!" Sensing my ire rising, she blurted out, "she bought them from..." Cutting her off again, he said, "you need to take them back where you bought them because we don't have that part here!" She said timidly, "she bought them here." I said, "yeah, a couple of days ago." "Oh," he said with egg on his face. "You must have bought them from over there," pointing to the room adjacent to the one he was sitting in. The woman must have taken that one personally because she responded in a not-so-shy-manner, "No. She got them from right here," as she stood in front of a display of bongos on a stand parallel to the man's desk. By this time she's giving him a look, imploring him to stop the drama. Of course I'm standing there as snug as a bug in a rug, because I know he's about to eat a HUGE piece of crow. He finally stood up and followed her to the stand. At some point during their short journey, she let him know that I was the woman she had told him about. As if the Heavens had abruptly opened up, he looked back at me, who had not moved from my spot, and said, "maybe we could take a piece from one of these and order another one for ourselves." I looked and said, "or exchange them." "Oh. No, no," he said. "We can just put this piece on yours. It's okay."
From that point he began helping me as if Prince had walked through the door with me. "Is there anything else we can do for you? They told me you came in and bought an arsenal the other day..." Although I didn't blush at the red carpet treatment I was now getting, I did begin to feel a little purple...
The point is, until the man realized I was the woman the staff had been talking about--the one who came in and dropped a stack of cash or two on instruments she couldn't even play--I was nobody, nothing, trash to him. He treated me like I was trying to swindle something out of him. He was rude, obnoxious and downright ugly. And it was all so unnecessary. I got that treatment from him until the evil bastard realized I could buy more of what his store was selling. The money spent meant nothing to me, but I'm sure I won't have that problem in that store ever again. The money meant much more to his evil self than it could ever mean to me. Playing the instruments is a blast, though! The kids and I are having a great time, but my heart bleeds for those who have to endure the treatment that I got from this guy when I first walked in. Truth be told, the kids and I could have made instruments out of stuff around the house and it would have been the same thing. Why? Because none of us know anything about making music, but the time we spend together attempting it is priceless!
My message to you is this: if you're one of those people who wastes most of his/her time daydreaming of having lots of money or complaining that you don't, stop and think about how much of your life you're wasting away. Most of what you think money will do for you is a crock. It's what those with money want you to believe because they don't want to tell you how miserable their lives really are. Let me ask you a serious question (and you can answer honestly because no one will know your answer but you): would you rather be happy or rich? Ideally, we'd all like to be both, but that's not reality for most of us regardless of which side we're on. I think of the late great Junior Seau (formerly with the San Diego Chargers). From the outside looking in, this guy had all the things one would think would have made him or anyone else happy, but obviously not. A great guy like Seau committing suicide? San Diego loved this guy and I'm sure many others from around the nation did, too, but he wasn't happy. And he had lots of money!
I've been homeless and have seen broke many days. I've also been in situations where there was so much cash available to me that I didn't have to worry about a thing. I could make a $5.00 purchase or a $50,000 one, and slide my debit card back into the slot in my wallet without waiting to see whether or not the card would be declined. I've been on both sides of the coin, but I can say that my happiest days were not when the money was high; it was when my kids and I were safe. It was when being broke forced my family and me to do things together. We'd make up and play games to get through the rough times, and have a lot of fun doing it! Now, we're not making up games; we're making up music--when we see each other. And if any of my neighbors are reading this...Guys, really, I'm sorry about the noise, but we're having a blast over here!
My family's safety and happiness is what's important to me. It's what makes me feel rich. Find what's important to you and pursue it. If you don't have a lot of money, you can still be happy. You can also have a lot of money and feel like dying. The key to being rich is finding out that which is really important to you and enjoying it. Make happiness your pursuit in life; stop chasing money because if you get it and don't know what truly makes you happy...
...you'll just be rich and sad, and that can be a lethal combination for anybody.
RIP, Junior. You are greatly missed.
True story: My nephew performed in an honor's band concert last weekend and did well, so I decided to buy him a set of drums. I went into a music store and purchased a set and had it delivered to his home. While in there, I saw a pair of congas that I thought were absolutely beautiful that would have made an awesome decorative piece in my home. A keyboard sitting in the corner near the door also caught my eye as I walked in, but on that day, I was focused on just getting my nephew his drum set, and I did. Mission accomplished.
The congas and the keyboard weighed heavily on my mind so I went back the next day and bought them, with a stand for the keyboard, some music books and a set of bongos. I figured my kids would have a blast with the instruments so I looked at another drum set, too. The music store staff was greatly pleased with my purchases and began to treat me like I had a million dollars to spend in there that day. When the kids saw what I had purchased, they were also well pleased. We made sounds (since none of us know how to play) ranging from the beautiful to the God-awful for about 24 hours before one of them noticed a rubber piece missing from the bongo set. With the price tag and the wrench it came with still attached, I took the set back to the store. This day there was a man there I hadn't seen the first couple of visits. The woman who assisted me both days before recognized me and was more than eager to help me. Before cutting her off as she tried to explain the situation to him, and without looking up or getting up from his seat, the man rudely addressed me by saying, "I can tell you right now we don't have that piece in this store. I don't know what tell you." I was stunned. Again, before being cut off, the woman tried to explain to him that I had just purchased the set from them a couple of days before. "I don't know what we can do about it," he said nastily. "I told you we don't have that piece in the store. I don't know what else can be done about this. I don't see how you could have lost that piece anyway!" Sensing my ire rising, she blurted out, "she bought them from..." Cutting her off again, he said, "you need to take them back where you bought them because we don't have that part here!" She said timidly, "she bought them here." I said, "yeah, a couple of days ago." "Oh," he said with egg on his face. "You must have bought them from over there," pointing to the room adjacent to the one he was sitting in. The woman must have taken that one personally because she responded in a not-so-shy-manner, "No. She got them from right here," as she stood in front of a display of bongos on a stand parallel to the man's desk. By this time she's giving him a look, imploring him to stop the drama. Of course I'm standing there as snug as a bug in a rug, because I know he's about to eat a HUGE piece of crow. He finally stood up and followed her to the stand. At some point during their short journey, she let him know that I was the woman she had told him about. As if the Heavens had abruptly opened up, he looked back at me, who had not moved from my spot, and said, "maybe we could take a piece from one of these and order another one for ourselves." I looked and said, "or exchange them." "Oh. No, no," he said. "We can just put this piece on yours. It's okay."
From that point he began helping me as if Prince had walked through the door with me. "Is there anything else we can do for you? They told me you came in and bought an arsenal the other day..." Although I didn't blush at the red carpet treatment I was now getting, I did begin to feel a little purple...
The point is, until the man realized I was the woman the staff had been talking about--the one who came in and dropped a stack of cash or two on instruments she couldn't even play--I was nobody, nothing, trash to him. He treated me like I was trying to swindle something out of him. He was rude, obnoxious and downright ugly. And it was all so unnecessary. I got that treatment from him until the evil bastard realized I could buy more of what his store was selling. The money spent meant nothing to me, but I'm sure I won't have that problem in that store ever again. The money meant much more to his evil self than it could ever mean to me. Playing the instruments is a blast, though! The kids and I are having a great time, but my heart bleeds for those who have to endure the treatment that I got from this guy when I first walked in. Truth be told, the kids and I could have made instruments out of stuff around the house and it would have been the same thing. Why? Because none of us know anything about making music, but the time we spend together attempting it is priceless!
My message to you is this: if you're one of those people who wastes most of his/her time daydreaming of having lots of money or complaining that you don't, stop and think about how much of your life you're wasting away. Most of what you think money will do for you is a crock. It's what those with money want you to believe because they don't want to tell you how miserable their lives really are. Let me ask you a serious question (and you can answer honestly because no one will know your answer but you): would you rather be happy or rich? Ideally, we'd all like to be both, but that's not reality for most of us regardless of which side we're on. I think of the late great Junior Seau (formerly with the San Diego Chargers). From the outside looking in, this guy had all the things one would think would have made him or anyone else happy, but obviously not. A great guy like Seau committing suicide? San Diego loved this guy and I'm sure many others from around the nation did, too, but he wasn't happy. And he had lots of money!
I've been homeless and have seen broke many days. I've also been in situations where there was so much cash available to me that I didn't have to worry about a thing. I could make a $5.00 purchase or a $50,000 one, and slide my debit card back into the slot in my wallet without waiting to see whether or not the card would be declined. I've been on both sides of the coin, but I can say that my happiest days were not when the money was high; it was when my kids and I were safe. It was when being broke forced my family and me to do things together. We'd make up and play games to get through the rough times, and have a lot of fun doing it! Now, we're not making up games; we're making up music--when we see each other. And if any of my neighbors are reading this...Guys, really, I'm sorry about the noise, but we're having a blast over here!
My family's safety and happiness is what's important to me. It's what makes me feel rich. Find what's important to you and pursue it. If you don't have a lot of money, you can still be happy. You can also have a lot of money and feel like dying. The key to being rich is finding out that which is really important to you and enjoying it. Make happiness your pursuit in life; stop chasing money because if you get it and don't know what truly makes you happy...
...you'll just be rich and sad, and that can be a lethal combination for anybody.
RIP, Junior. You are greatly missed.
Friday, December 21, 2012
"Tis the Reason For The Season?
"You will NEVER come to truly know God until you forget who you once thought He was."
Okay. It's Christmas time and there are a lot of people out celebrating a lot of different things. Some say that Christ Jesus is the reason for the season. Others say that Christ was merely a prophet; just a man with a whole bunch of wisdom. Still others say they believe something of the nature of Christianity took place, but they are not sure if Christ was that something. (However, not many of them forego the opportunity to take Christmas vacation time, take advantage of the "holiday" sales, Christmas bonuses, etc., but we won't go there today!) But still, there's a growing population of people who believe there is no such thing as God. And after learning what is being taught out there by those who claim to believe, I don't blame them. Let me explain:
Unfortunately, most who claim to witness for God don't even know who God is (John 4:21-24). They go to church, learn and memorize the stories about Him--without having any real understanding of what the stories mean--and then begin to passionately teach what they don't truly understand to others! If I didn't know God, which I do very well, I'd be turned off by such debauchery myself! They teach God as Santa, who makes a list of who's been naughty or nice, and either blesses them with a bunch of material things and money, or withholds gifts from them for merely being human! Or, more popularly, they teach Him as this Great Troll in the sky who casts people into hell for not following the rules as outlined by religion. Well, He's neither.
There are those who have part of His story right, just not enough. The problem is that they teach God as a physical being who is all caught up in the physicality of this world. For example, those who go to certain churches, and I will say no names, where what should be a simple prayer lasts for 20 to 30 minutes. Well, that's a long time to be standing there with your eyes closed, praying with someone who really doesn't even mean what he's saying. (He's typically doing it for show or saying what he thinks he should be saying because he's heard it all somewhere before!) Jesus spoke about these repetitious babblers in Matthew the 6th chapter, beginning at verse 5, although it won't hurt to start at 1. God is not caught up on the physical things we do, good or bad. He is concerned about who we are and what we do spiritually--that means how what we do forms in our hearts and minds-- our motive. When you do a good deed, for example, you connect or disconnect with God at the thought and the belief of why you're doing what you do--not at the action itself. When you pray, He feels the sincerity of the prayer from your heart, He's not connected to your words at all. Newsflash, He doesn't understand them anyway. This is not His language. Read Romans 8:26-30. The real God doesn't even expect us to KNOW what to say. He gets our fallibility as humans. He just expects us to want to say something, He will teach us the rest. That makes no sense to you? Then try this: what drives you to pray is the request for something. He doesn't expect you to know how to put that request into perfect words or the format of the Divine. The fact that you want to speak to Him at all is what bends His ear.
I think the most confusing part of understanding God is that we're taught that He's everywhere, but how can that be? God is a Spirit; not a human. Spirit doesn't have the physical limitations of a body, therefore, it can be in the United States and in Paris at the same time. Kind of like spreading Christmas cheer. If I'm in the spirit of Christmas and I greet someone at a store, for example. If I'm cheerful enough and share an exciting moment with the person I greeted, when I leave, that person is going to be cheerful, too. We are now sharing the same excitement. That person goes home and calls a friend and shares the story of having spent that exciting moment with the happy stranger at the store. The friend spreads it to his/her spouse...get it? And so it is with God. And yes, it is that simple, but religion and church has used scare tactics, rather than the excitement of God, for the purposes of controlling their congregations/parishioners over the centuries, and have turned Godliness into a very, scary thing. Because of this, things have been spinning out of control for far too long, passing the fear of what God will do to you if you don't serve Him down through the generations. Who wants to serve a troll?
So now, we have to forget what we've been taught about Him by those who were scared and start all over. Are you ready? Here goes:
God is synonymous with good. God is the Spirit of everything that is truly good. From the sincere "Good Morning" to a stranger, to the visiting of an old friend who could just use a pick me up (without you judging his situation), to the anonymous donating of time, energy or even money to families in need at a time such as this. It is God in the heart--good in the heart--that carries God from one place to the next--not the following of religious rules or practices spawned by the fear of a god you serve, but don't even know. So He is the reason for the season. This year, take some time to find out WHO you're celebrating; not what. Merry Christmas!
Okay. It's Christmas time and there are a lot of people out celebrating a lot of different things. Some say that Christ Jesus is the reason for the season. Others say that Christ was merely a prophet; just a man with a whole bunch of wisdom. Still others say they believe something of the nature of Christianity took place, but they are not sure if Christ was that something. (However, not many of them forego the opportunity to take Christmas vacation time, take advantage of the "holiday" sales, Christmas bonuses, etc., but we won't go there today!) But still, there's a growing population of people who believe there is no such thing as God. And after learning what is being taught out there by those who claim to believe, I don't blame them. Let me explain:
Unfortunately, most who claim to witness for God don't even know who God is (John 4:21-24). They go to church, learn and memorize the stories about Him--without having any real understanding of what the stories mean--and then begin to passionately teach what they don't truly understand to others! If I didn't know God, which I do very well, I'd be turned off by such debauchery myself! They teach God as Santa, who makes a list of who's been naughty or nice, and either blesses them with a bunch of material things and money, or withholds gifts from them for merely being human! Or, more popularly, they teach Him as this Great Troll in the sky who casts people into hell for not following the rules as outlined by religion. Well, He's neither.
There are those who have part of His story right, just not enough. The problem is that they teach God as a physical being who is all caught up in the physicality of this world. For example, those who go to certain churches, and I will say no names, where what should be a simple prayer lasts for 20 to 30 minutes. Well, that's a long time to be standing there with your eyes closed, praying with someone who really doesn't even mean what he's saying. (He's typically doing it for show or saying what he thinks he should be saying because he's heard it all somewhere before!) Jesus spoke about these repetitious babblers in Matthew the 6th chapter, beginning at verse 5, although it won't hurt to start at 1. God is not caught up on the physical things we do, good or bad. He is concerned about who we are and what we do spiritually--that means how what we do forms in our hearts and minds-- our motive. When you do a good deed, for example, you connect or disconnect with God at the thought and the belief of why you're doing what you do--not at the action itself. When you pray, He feels the sincerity of the prayer from your heart, He's not connected to your words at all. Newsflash, He doesn't understand them anyway. This is not His language. Read Romans 8:26-30. The real God doesn't even expect us to KNOW what to say. He gets our fallibility as humans. He just expects us to want to say something, He will teach us the rest. That makes no sense to you? Then try this: what drives you to pray is the request for something. He doesn't expect you to know how to put that request into perfect words or the format of the Divine. The fact that you want to speak to Him at all is what bends His ear.
I think the most confusing part of understanding God is that we're taught that He's everywhere, but how can that be? God is a Spirit; not a human. Spirit doesn't have the physical limitations of a body, therefore, it can be in the United States and in Paris at the same time. Kind of like spreading Christmas cheer. If I'm in the spirit of Christmas and I greet someone at a store, for example. If I'm cheerful enough and share an exciting moment with the person I greeted, when I leave, that person is going to be cheerful, too. We are now sharing the same excitement. That person goes home and calls a friend and shares the story of having spent that exciting moment with the happy stranger at the store. The friend spreads it to his/her spouse...get it? And so it is with God. And yes, it is that simple, but religion and church has used scare tactics, rather than the excitement of God, for the purposes of controlling their congregations/parishioners over the centuries, and have turned Godliness into a very, scary thing. Because of this, things have been spinning out of control for far too long, passing the fear of what God will do to you if you don't serve Him down through the generations. Who wants to serve a troll?
So now, we have to forget what we've been taught about Him by those who were scared and start all over. Are you ready? Here goes:
God is synonymous with good. God is the Spirit of everything that is truly good. From the sincere "Good Morning" to a stranger, to the visiting of an old friend who could just use a pick me up (without you judging his situation), to the anonymous donating of time, energy or even money to families in need at a time such as this. It is God in the heart--good in the heart--that carries God from one place to the next--not the following of religious rules or practices spawned by the fear of a god you serve, but don't even know. So He is the reason for the season. This year, take some time to find out WHO you're celebrating; not what. Merry Christmas!
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Who Told You That?
"Oh what a tangled web we weave when we try to achieve the lies we believe."
We've all heard the story of the woman who, in preparing her pot roast, cut it down to the point of throwing away most of the meat before cooking it, right? When asked why she did that, her reply was, "I don't know. That's the way my mom always did it." And deeper into the story you find out that the mom had to do it that way because she didn't have a pan big enough to cook the meat in. The moral of that story is that if you blindly believe everything told to you, you will live your whole lifetime doing a bunch of really dumb stuff. We've all seen The Water Boy, right? In case you haven't, the main character in the movie is a 31 year old mama's boy who has never left home because his mother has abandonment issues. Rather than preparing him for life, she basically made and kept him dumb because she didn't want him to grow up and leave her. (You all know why alligators are ornery, right? Mama said it's cuz dey got all dem teeth and no toothbrush. Ha! That cracks me up every time I see that movie. Yes, I'll admit it. I've watched it more than once!) She lied to him and told him his dad died because he needed water and couldn't get any. He died of "the dehydration". Because of this, the water boy became obsessed with providing water to people who showed signs of needing it; primarily for football teams. His mother lied and his whole life was built around her stretching and far-fetching of the truth. Needless to say, the dad was alive and well. He showed up in the end.
As sad as it is, our society is filled with water boys and water girls because we never ask questions about any of the things we're taught. We believe what we're told by those we feel we can trust, but never go beyond that. Then we have kids and pass down to them what we believe, then they have kids. And so on and so on. As a result, not a whole lot of us know a whole lot of anything! We just do the ridiculous things we're taught to do, thinking that anyone who opposes us does so because of our gender, race, color, religion, or financial status. (Ouch. I know that may have hurt but, it's the truth.) We all know, for example, that most people's religious beliefs are passed down to them from their parents. We also know that many of the young republican children who express a dislike for my president, Barack Obama, aren't even old enough to vote, let alone understand the politics they so freely discuss. There are white people who feel entitled to a supreme or superior life as their minority counterparts feel they are being held down by "the white man". (I'll never forget the conversation I had back in the day with a young Black man at a bus stop who had just applied for work at a retail store. He expressed to me that he didn't feel he'd get the job because he was black. I remember trying to decide whether or not I was going to try to help him to understand that the wife beater and sagging jeans he was wearing probably had a lot to do with it, but then the red bandanna on his head seemed to come alive. I knew then that he wasn't going to hear what I had to say, so I just nodded my head as if I agreed with him! Sometimes there's really nothing you can say!) I also remember looking at the letters in an advice column one day, and stumbling across a letter that really blew my mind. I didn't think it was real, but now that I am a little more experienced and a lot older, I know it was. The writer was asking the advisor why her dark skinned best friend didn't understand why she didn't have first pick of the men they met. She wrote that "everybody knows that darker skinned women had to take the light skinned girls leftovers!" My mind was absolutely blown then, but I know now that there are people who actually believe that!
Okay, so people believe a lot of stupid stuff. We all know that. And you want to know what the problem is with that, right? People should be allowed to believe what they want to believe, right? WRONG! People build their entire lives around what they believe, so if they believe a lie, they will set out to achieve it. Nothing good can possibly come out of that; just a tangled web of lies, confusion and deceit, among other things. Let's look at a couple of examples:
We are taught that Christmas is the season that is the merriest of the year, but it isn't. Somebody lied! It's the season where depression is highest. If you believe the lie, put on a happy face, knowing inside you feel like crap, don't get frustrated when you feel like no one notices that you're in pain. If you are the one who is lying by playing the big baller Santa role, lavishing expensive gifts upon folks, and ending up in debt because you really couldn't afford to spend what you did, don't be mad at others when they expect you to do the same next year! You know that catching the bills up after the holiday may prove difficult or even impossible for you, but guess what? If you're that kind of liar, rather than spending within your means or saying you can't afford it, you will turn around and do the same thing the following Christmas. Newsflash: the debt is not the worst part of this tangled web; it's the reputation you set for yourself. If you always can, others will always expect you to!
Some are taught that perfection in this life is attainable if you join a church and follow all of the rules of the religion. Because of this, millions of people live in fear of being cast into hell because they know they are not able to follow the rules like the teachers of the law can. For the teachers of that religious law, Jesus spoke against this very hypocrisy in the very Gospel you preach (Matthew 23: 1-12). Newsflash: going to church doesn't mean you won't have any of the issues the rest of us have. God said He would rebuke the fowler for your sake; He didn't say your enemy wouldn't come. You're going to have challenges like the rest of us, but that doesn't mean that God isn't with you; it just means you need to rely on God to get you through them. If you start that lie of perfection in your life, others in your world will hold you to that standard, and they are not kind when you fail. So do yourself a favor. Don't strive to be perfect; it's not humanly possible and the pressure of it can be unbearable. Strive to be perfect-ed, for only God can perfect you!
If you're the psuedo-wealthy or the psuedo-educated one, just stop! In order to keep up your facade, you walk, talk, and behave in ways that even a blind man would be able to see right through. Stop lying! The jig is up. We can see you! You're the female carrying the Michael Kors, Dooney and Burke, Burberry, Prada, Dolce & Gabbana, Brahmin, Fossil, etc. bag with the J.C. Penney or Target outfit on. No offense to anyone who shops at those two stores cuz I do, too. (Oh, stop acting like you don't know about Merona!) I just won't wear an accessory that cost one hundred times my outfit! If you're that person who buys cars and houses you can't afford in an attempt to impress people who really couldn't care less about how you live, stop lying to yourself and others. Stop weaving webs or causing others to express their Spidey instincts! (Okay. I know that was corny, but I had to say it once!)
If you're the person who uses a bunch of five dollar words that no one knows the meaning of except you, STOP! You are really annoying! And who really knows or cares whether or not you're using them in the right context? The tangled web? Once you get started, it's hard to stop. You stress yourself out trying to be someone or something you're not, and before long, you'll convince yourself that others are putting too much pressure on you. Not only that, if you act like you're more intelligent than you are, others will expect you to know stuff that you don't. And you might play that role for a while, but eventually you'll get caught. Someone is going to put you on the spot, and when it's discovered that you don't know much, those you lied to will be relentless.
Now, the moment of truth. Ask yourself the following questions: Am I a water boy/girl? What lies do I believe that are causing the struggle in my life? What does my web look like? Then do what those who want to rise above the stupidity do: educate yourself. Read some books. Watch T.V. that's not smut T.V.? Watch something of substance. (Did you know that the male lion will kill a female's cub if it's not his and he wants to mate with her? I learned that during National Geographic's Big Cat Week.) Take classes that aren't underwater firefighting level. Use your computer, smartphone, iPad, handheld device to research something of substance on the internet, and finally, stop believing the lies others tell you so you can stop weaving the very trap you will find yourself caught up in.
We've all heard the story of the woman who, in preparing her pot roast, cut it down to the point of throwing away most of the meat before cooking it, right? When asked why she did that, her reply was, "I don't know. That's the way my mom always did it." And deeper into the story you find out that the mom had to do it that way because she didn't have a pan big enough to cook the meat in. The moral of that story is that if you blindly believe everything told to you, you will live your whole lifetime doing a bunch of really dumb stuff. We've all seen The Water Boy, right? In case you haven't, the main character in the movie is a 31 year old mama's boy who has never left home because his mother has abandonment issues. Rather than preparing him for life, she basically made and kept him dumb because she didn't want him to grow up and leave her. (You all know why alligators are ornery, right? Mama said it's cuz dey got all dem teeth and no toothbrush. Ha! That cracks me up every time I see that movie. Yes, I'll admit it. I've watched it more than once!) She lied to him and told him his dad died because he needed water and couldn't get any. He died of "the dehydration". Because of this, the water boy became obsessed with providing water to people who showed signs of needing it; primarily for football teams. His mother lied and his whole life was built around her stretching and far-fetching of the truth. Needless to say, the dad was alive and well. He showed up in the end.
As sad as it is, our society is filled with water boys and water girls because we never ask questions about any of the things we're taught. We believe what we're told by those we feel we can trust, but never go beyond that. Then we have kids and pass down to them what we believe, then they have kids. And so on and so on. As a result, not a whole lot of us know a whole lot of anything! We just do the ridiculous things we're taught to do, thinking that anyone who opposes us does so because of our gender, race, color, religion, or financial status. (Ouch. I know that may have hurt but, it's the truth.) We all know, for example, that most people's religious beliefs are passed down to them from their parents. We also know that many of the young republican children who express a dislike for my president, Barack Obama, aren't even old enough to vote, let alone understand the politics they so freely discuss. There are white people who feel entitled to a supreme or superior life as their minority counterparts feel they are being held down by "the white man". (I'll never forget the conversation I had back in the day with a young Black man at a bus stop who had just applied for work at a retail store. He expressed to me that he didn't feel he'd get the job because he was black. I remember trying to decide whether or not I was going to try to help him to understand that the wife beater and sagging jeans he was wearing probably had a lot to do with it, but then the red bandanna on his head seemed to come alive. I knew then that he wasn't going to hear what I had to say, so I just nodded my head as if I agreed with him! Sometimes there's really nothing you can say!) I also remember looking at the letters in an advice column one day, and stumbling across a letter that really blew my mind. I didn't think it was real, but now that I am a little more experienced and a lot older, I know it was. The writer was asking the advisor why her dark skinned best friend didn't understand why she didn't have first pick of the men they met. She wrote that "everybody knows that darker skinned women had to take the light skinned girls leftovers!" My mind was absolutely blown then, but I know now that there are people who actually believe that!
Okay, so people believe a lot of stupid stuff. We all know that. And you want to know what the problem is with that, right? People should be allowed to believe what they want to believe, right? WRONG! People build their entire lives around what they believe, so if they believe a lie, they will set out to achieve it. Nothing good can possibly come out of that; just a tangled web of lies, confusion and deceit, among other things. Let's look at a couple of examples:
We are taught that Christmas is the season that is the merriest of the year, but it isn't. Somebody lied! It's the season where depression is highest. If you believe the lie, put on a happy face, knowing inside you feel like crap, don't get frustrated when you feel like no one notices that you're in pain. If you are the one who is lying by playing the big baller Santa role, lavishing expensive gifts upon folks, and ending up in debt because you really couldn't afford to spend what you did, don't be mad at others when they expect you to do the same next year! You know that catching the bills up after the holiday may prove difficult or even impossible for you, but guess what? If you're that kind of liar, rather than spending within your means or saying you can't afford it, you will turn around and do the same thing the following Christmas. Newsflash: the debt is not the worst part of this tangled web; it's the reputation you set for yourself. If you always can, others will always expect you to!
Some are taught that perfection in this life is attainable if you join a church and follow all of the rules of the religion. Because of this, millions of people live in fear of being cast into hell because they know they are not able to follow the rules like the teachers of the law can. For the teachers of that religious law, Jesus spoke against this very hypocrisy in the very Gospel you preach (Matthew 23: 1-12). Newsflash: going to church doesn't mean you won't have any of the issues the rest of us have. God said He would rebuke the fowler for your sake; He didn't say your enemy wouldn't come. You're going to have challenges like the rest of us, but that doesn't mean that God isn't with you; it just means you need to rely on God to get you through them. If you start that lie of perfection in your life, others in your world will hold you to that standard, and they are not kind when you fail. So do yourself a favor. Don't strive to be perfect; it's not humanly possible and the pressure of it can be unbearable. Strive to be perfect-ed, for only God can perfect you!
If you're the psuedo-wealthy or the psuedo-educated one, just stop! In order to keep up your facade, you walk, talk, and behave in ways that even a blind man would be able to see right through. Stop lying! The jig is up. We can see you! You're the female carrying the Michael Kors, Dooney and Burke, Burberry, Prada, Dolce & Gabbana, Brahmin, Fossil, etc. bag with the J.C. Penney or Target outfit on. No offense to anyone who shops at those two stores cuz I do, too. (Oh, stop acting like you don't know about Merona!) I just won't wear an accessory that cost one hundred times my outfit! If you're that person who buys cars and houses you can't afford in an attempt to impress people who really couldn't care less about how you live, stop lying to yourself and others. Stop weaving webs or causing others to express their Spidey instincts! (Okay. I know that was corny, but I had to say it once!)
If you're the person who uses a bunch of five dollar words that no one knows the meaning of except you, STOP! You are really annoying! And who really knows or cares whether or not you're using them in the right context? The tangled web? Once you get started, it's hard to stop. You stress yourself out trying to be someone or something you're not, and before long, you'll convince yourself that others are putting too much pressure on you. Not only that, if you act like you're more intelligent than you are, others will expect you to know stuff that you don't. And you might play that role for a while, but eventually you'll get caught. Someone is going to put you on the spot, and when it's discovered that you don't know much, those you lied to will be relentless.
Now, the moment of truth. Ask yourself the following questions: Am I a water boy/girl? What lies do I believe that are causing the struggle in my life? What does my web look like? Then do what those who want to rise above the stupidity do: educate yourself. Read some books. Watch T.V. that's not smut T.V.? Watch something of substance. (Did you know that the male lion will kill a female's cub if it's not his and he wants to mate with her? I learned that during National Geographic's Big Cat Week.) Take classes that aren't underwater firefighting level. Use your computer, smartphone, iPad, handheld device to research something of substance on the internet, and finally, stop believing the lies others tell you so you can stop weaving the very trap you will find yourself caught up in.
Friday, November 23, 2012
Listening as a Skill?
"If you find yourself in a row boat in the deep waters of life's confusion, just be still. Don't panic. If you do, you'll jump in the water and drown. If you don't, you'll be able to listen. If you listen...you will find an oar!"
If you ever find yourself in a situation where you are intimidated or overwhelmed because you don't have the answers you think you should, don't jump into the deep to find your way out of it. Just calmly listen to what's being said, and the answer you need will come to you --even if the answer is "I don't have the answer right now", or "I'll have to get back to you on that one." If you feel the need to always have the answer, you're not a good listener. If you feel you always have to have the answer, you're one who formulates answers in your head even before the question is asked. If you're thinking of your response while the question is being asked, you're missing the question. If you miss the question you're bound to give the wrong answer, be it in words or meaning!
When being asked a question, take the time to listen. Maybe the person is not asking what you think he/she is asking. Often in a work situation where management and workers are involved, management is looking for much needed information that only those who work on the front lines have, but they may not tell you that. The workers all too often think management is looking to see who did their homework. Such is not always the case. Listen to find out what your supervisor is asking. Is he/she grilling you to find out whether or not you did your homework, or is he/she asking if you have the information he/she needs to take into the next meeting with his/her supervisor? Listen. Listen. LISTEN!
If you don't listen, you're going to panic. If you panic, fear is going to bring in confusion or force you to draw a blank, and in every situation like this, you're going to walk away worried about your job. If you feel you need to always have the answers, you're not going to be able to hear the question asked.
In a scenario involving a husband and a wife: look at the emotion of what's being asked. If he's asking how much money you spent, is it because he knows he's overspent for the month and he's hoping you will be able to balance the budget? Is it because he feels he's about to lose his job and is stressing to the high Heavens but not telling you about it? Fellas, is it really about the socks on the floor? What's really eating at her? Is it really about what's going on in your household or in your relationship, or is she talking to the wrong people again? You'd better watch the in-laws as well we those friends of hers! They like to be all up in your business as they lie about theirs!
And finally, parents, listen to your kids! Listen, Listen, LISTEN!! What are they really asking you? Are they sending out an S.O.S., or are they asking for another one of your long, drawn out stories about your struggle as a kid, or worse yet, your perfection as a person? Are they asking you to pay attention, or are they just acting out? Are they trying to tell you someone is hurting them, or is it really that they just "don't want (you) to be happy"? Are they trying to let you know the new person in your life shows you a halo, but they can see his/her horns from behind, or do "they always act like that when you get a new man/woman in your life"? Is it always about you, or could it possibly be about them? This you will never know unless you learn to put your issues aside for a change and listen to them.
Listen, Listen, LISTEN. You may find that using an oar to help you to coast to safety is a hell of a lot easier than having to tread water to keep from drowning!
If you ever find yourself in a situation where you are intimidated or overwhelmed because you don't have the answers you think you should, don't jump into the deep to find your way out of it. Just calmly listen to what's being said, and the answer you need will come to you --even if the answer is "I don't have the answer right now", or "I'll have to get back to you on that one." If you feel the need to always have the answer, you're not a good listener. If you feel you always have to have the answer, you're one who formulates answers in your head even before the question is asked. If you're thinking of your response while the question is being asked, you're missing the question. If you miss the question you're bound to give the wrong answer, be it in words or meaning!
When being asked a question, take the time to listen. Maybe the person is not asking what you think he/she is asking. Often in a work situation where management and workers are involved, management is looking for much needed information that only those who work on the front lines have, but they may not tell you that. The workers all too often think management is looking to see who did their homework. Such is not always the case. Listen to find out what your supervisor is asking. Is he/she grilling you to find out whether or not you did your homework, or is he/she asking if you have the information he/she needs to take into the next meeting with his/her supervisor? Listen. Listen. LISTEN!
If you don't listen, you're going to panic. If you panic, fear is going to bring in confusion or force you to draw a blank, and in every situation like this, you're going to walk away worried about your job. If you feel you need to always have the answers, you're not going to be able to hear the question asked.
In a scenario involving a husband and a wife: look at the emotion of what's being asked. If he's asking how much money you spent, is it because he knows he's overspent for the month and he's hoping you will be able to balance the budget? Is it because he feels he's about to lose his job and is stressing to the high Heavens but not telling you about it? Fellas, is it really about the socks on the floor? What's really eating at her? Is it really about what's going on in your household or in your relationship, or is she talking to the wrong people again? You'd better watch the in-laws as well we those friends of hers! They like to be all up in your business as they lie about theirs!
And finally, parents, listen to your kids! Listen, Listen, LISTEN!! What are they really asking you? Are they sending out an S.O.S., or are they asking for another one of your long, drawn out stories about your struggle as a kid, or worse yet, your perfection as a person? Are they asking you to pay attention, or are they just acting out? Are they trying to tell you someone is hurting them, or is it really that they just "don't want (you) to be happy"? Are they trying to let you know the new person in your life shows you a halo, but they can see his/her horns from behind, or do "they always act like that when you get a new man/woman in your life"? Is it always about you, or could it possibly be about them? This you will never know unless you learn to put your issues aside for a change and listen to them.
Listen, Listen, LISTEN. You may find that using an oar to help you to coast to safety is a hell of a lot easier than having to tread water to keep from drowning!
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