"The reason that most people fail in love and in life is because both are rooted in honesty."
Honesty is still the best policy--especially in love and life. The problem with today's society is that not many people truly believe they can have the best, so they end up settling for less in both areas, and consequently giving less in return. But they still call it "love" and/or "life"! So if we're going to short change ourselves in either of these areas, we should become accustomed to saying we're in "lo" or that we are living "li"? That way we can all stop living the lie.
If your life stinks, and you lead me to believe that it doesn't, I have to live YOUR lie. If your love life leaves a lot to be desired, but you lead me to believe that it's all good, you cause me to pursue YOUR lie if I want that kind of love in my life. If you lead me to believe anything other than the truth, you cause me to live YOUR lie! If I go and tell someone else that your life is great, I'm now telling YOUR lie. (Geez, I'm really starting not to like you!)
The other side of that is that I have a responsibility to myself to not walk around in life believing the lies of other folks, so if you don't like being fact checked, don't lie to me about your situation! Have you ever come across a person who, upon being asked how they were doing, responded, "I'm blessed and highly favored"? I'm sure you have. Hell, we all have! Did you look at that person and see "blessed and highly favored" or was it more like "needs-a-blessing-pretty-badly-please-hurry-God"? I remember being at a department store one day and asking the woman behind the counter how she was doing. (Okay. Since we're being honest, I'll admit it was really a rhetorical question. It was as if my mouth was on auto-pilot and my brain was programmed to send those words out of my mouth that day, but nevertheless, she answered with those infamous words: "blessed and highly favored".) True story. I looked at her and thought to myself, really? I hope not, because I'm waiting on a few blessings myself, and if this is what "highly favored" looks like, I quit! (Okay. That part of the story is not exactly true, but I just wanted to get a reaction out of you. I did, however, look at her with genuine curiosity.) In all honesty, she didn't look blessed to me. I looked at her and saw that she was stressed, and the stress didn't look like it had just gotten there. She appeared worn down and worried underneath her "highly favored" cover. (Side note: seeing things like that is an occupational hazard for real counselors. You can't turn off that discerning eye just because you're not at work or that the person with whom you're talking is not a client.) From that day, I decided never to accept that as an answer to that question. I know that if a person is "blessed and highly favored", I won't have to ask them how they're doing but rather something like "why are you so happy today?" or "why are you always so happy?"
The problem with most people who are trying to be "blessed and highly favored" is that they are hoping to get there on a lie. That's never going to work. The power of love and life is truth, so if you lie, there's not going to be any power there, just struggle. So why lie? For most, the pressure to be perfect, especially around those we see as good, destroys our ability to be honest. A prime example of this would be church folk. A lot of times, church folk feel like they've got to lie to kick it! In order to avoid rejection from the one group that should be counted on for support more than any other, you have to pretend that all in your world is okay. For me, all in the world is not okay--at all. That's why I pray. I pray because I need someone higher than me to help me to have a great day. I need Someone higher than me to go to when my world seems weary. I need Someone higher than me to keep me in a good spot when I wake up in the morning in a good place. Though most of my days are great, I have some humdingers at times. On a regular basis, my world can be pretty unexplainable to most, but I know how to live in it. But if you ask me on those humdinger days how I'm doing, I'm going to tell you the truth! Usually when I do, I feel better! If I lie, I'm guaranteed to walk away from you more miserable because I destroyed a potential pleasant exchange by lying to you! Maybe if I'd told you the truth, you would have been the one to deliver the words I needed to feel better on that day. I'm not suggesting that you put everyone in your business, but be honest with yourself. You don't have to go into detail about what has your cloud up in smoke, but you can say something like, "I've had better days" or "Not as good as I would like it to be so far, but I'm convinced that it's going to get better. I'll let you know if/when it does." You could even say, "sucks so far, but hey, I still have 13 hours left."
Honesty is still the best policy, but you have to know how to put that policy into effect. Honesty is not tacky, obnoxious, or boisterous. Far too many people confuse it with such. If you're loud talking someone, putting another person on the spot, gossiping about someone else's personal business, or anything like this, you're not being honest; you're being an idiot, and the person you're lying to the most is yourself. Honesty has no evil intent. It's not malicious. If in your honesty, you're doing something evil to another person, you need to try a new kind of honesty: try telling the truth about what you're using that drama to hide behind. Try being honest with yourself and dealing with what's really bothering you. That way you can rid yourself of all the negativity inside you that causes you to try to hurt or destroy other people.
Honesty is the key to love and the exact roadmap for life. It is the root of everything that's good. Know this: if you're not honest, you're not ever going to experience true goodness. If you're not honest, you'll always settle for less because you'll judge yourself unworthy of anything good. If you're not honest...
...you can't be anything good at all. (Ouch. I know that slapped somebody hard in the face, but the truth will always ruffle the feathers of those who want to settle for less in love and life! Maybe this is YOUR wake up call.)
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