Connection is Love's Main Ingredient

"Family are those who love you; all others are just relatives." As a counselor, I watched many people over the years abide by family code of loyalty until there was nothing left of them.  As humans, some of us will fight for family until the bitter end, but far too many more of us are on the side that makes those who love us give their lives in the fight.  This weekend, I watched Despicable Me 1 & 2 with my family, and I must say that I absolutely love those movies!  Big thumbs up to Steve Carell.  That guy is amazing.  I thought the character "Gru" was going to be much more evil than he was, which is why I didn't see the first movie when it came out.  Evil to kids? Not for me.  But when I watched the movie and saw that he had such a heart for those girls ("goyles" as he says), I fell in love with the series.  Can't wait for the third movie.   But here's our topic for the day:  family loyalty.  In the second movie, Dr. Navario left to be evil again, but came back when he realized his new boss was trying to hurt Gru and the minions.  "Nobody messes with my family," he says.  There was a time when that could have and should have been the code for everyone to live by.  Everyone should be able to love and be loyal to family members, and this still holds true, but you have to understand what family is.  Family is known to man as anyone related to you.  Well, there are lots of people related to you; most of them you don't even know.  It's not possible to love and be loyal to them all.  To love someone is to be CONNECTED  with them.  To be loyal is to be devoted to them forever.  Well, let me state it as simply as I can:   YOU CAN'T BE CONNECTED TO SOMEONE WHO IS LOYAL TO SOMETHING OR SOMEONE ELSE IF THE CONNECTION TO THE OTHER PREVENTS THEM FROM BEING LOYAL TO YOU!!!!!   That's what connection is.  It's a circle; not a line.  The love has to be reciprocated, or the connection of love cannot be made.  Blood only connects relatives; not family.   I know, I know.  "But that's my sister" or "my brother" or "my mother" or "my dad" or "my husband" or "my wife" or "my son" or "my daughter".   Let me say it again: if the other person is more loyal to someone or something else, it is not possible for a love connection to exist.  So LET GO!!  You may have to give the other person time to figure out what love is.  If he doesn't know, he won't understand what you're trying to do to him/her.  He/she will mistake your love for control, and if that happens, rebellion against you is sure to come.  Know your limits.  Understand that love takes time, even in families, and if there is something standing in the way of your love connection, forcing yourself on that person will do nothing but damage the relationship between the two of you---and the rest of the family members as well.  If the one you want to love is a drug addict, know that addiction ALWAYS trumps love.  It's not personal; it's an immense craving for something that denies your loved one the right to love you back.  The same goes for alcohol.  If the one you love desires someone else, that desire trumps the better love you think you can give.  If your mate keeps running back to an ex or current lover (or to strippers, prostitutes, porn, etc.), it's because he/she can't or doesn't want to let go of the other.  It's not personal; it's an addiction.  Or maybe he/she truly loves the other person.  You have to let go.  If your son/daughter wants to be with the other parent or a lover, there's nothing you can do to change his/her mind (minor child excluded).  Sometimes you have to let go even when you share the same bloodline.  If not, the other person will destroy you, and if that's okay with you, there's something WRONG with YOU.  And that's the reason he/she has latched on to someone or something else.  Am I saying it's your fault?  No.  I'm saying that if you're the one who is addicted, you are the one who needs help.  No one wants to be your drug or your supplier, even if you're family.   Family are those who are able to love you back.  It's what strengthens the bond of love.  If you hold on to something that makes you weak, it denies those family members who love you the strength of being loved in return.