The most important part of a successful, loving relationship? BOUNDARIES!!!!!! If a relationship is to succeed on any level, especially where love is concerned, there must be boundaries! A relationship without boundaries is like:
1. A serving of milk without a glass.
2. A car without a frame.
3. A circle with no outline.
4. Running a bath without a tub.
5. A t.v. with no remote (haha! You know it's better with the remote!).
6. Music with no sound.
7. Pro football without a field.
8. Pro basketball with no court.
9. A model with no make-up!
10. A group of kids with no adults around...
...a relationship with no love. Let me say that again: a relationship without boundaries is like a relationship with no love. Whether the relationship is one between lovers, mother and daughter/son, father and daughter/son, supervisor/workers, friends, etc., there must be boundaries to keep the relationship solid. A common mistake among women seeking permanence with a man is that the female will often accept whatever he does, just to be able to say she has a man (works in the opposite direction, too, guys). Sadly, she thinks there's security in having him around. Well, guess what? There is no security in a boundary-less relationship. The security in a glass of milk is that the boundaries of the glass keep the liquid from spilling all over the place. Without the glass, it's impossible to drink the milk. Unless you're going to lap it up off the floor--which is lapping, not drinking. And also, milk flavored dirt. The same holds true in relationships: without boundaries, it is impossible to have a successful, loving relationship.
The car with no frame will make for a very painful and uncomfortable ride. Without the frame, what will you sit on? The tires? That would have to hurt. What would protect you from the wind or other weather conditions? Oh, here's one: the bugs? Imagine that bug that splats on your windshield hitting you smack dab in the face. Oh, yeah. It would hit you because without a frame, there can be no windshield. Yuck. Bug juice... And so it is in relationships. Without boundaries, the finding out of your mate cheating would feel like a bug flying full speed into your face. It would hurt like hell, and the memory of it hitting you in the face would constantly flash back into your mind and make you sick to the stomach.
The mate who spends all of your money on him/herself and leaves you to figure out how to pay the bills is a never ending cycle. Like a circle with no outline because it never ends (like a circle) and you don't see it coming (no outline). And even if you did, you wouldn't know where the outline began or ended because it's a circle--cycle.
An abusive relationship, whether spiritual, mental, emotional or physical, is like bathwater running all over the floor. The water represents your tears and you should stop the water from running as soon as you see it hitting the floor because it's not going to stop itself and it is sure to cause major damage--above and below the surface! (Do you know the cost of repairing water damage? It's not cheap, but neither is therapy.)
A mate who is an addict--drug, alcohol, shopping, plastic surgery, pornography, church service, gossip, sex, etc., is like a television with no remote. Nothing's going to change until you get tired of watching the same thing over and over and over again, and finally get up and make the change yourself. (Oooo. I like that one. That's pretty clever if I may say so myself!)
A mate who keeps promising to change is like music with no sound. It's the same song over and over and over again, and eventually, you won't even hear his/her words anymore.
A mate who is free to come and go in and out of your life as he/she pleases, is like pro football without a field or pro basketball without a court. Everyone is all over the place and no one knows what goal to work toward. Eventually, the players will wear themselves out and the fans will stop supporting. (Ouch. Not the fans.)
A model with no make-up? That's just ugly.
A relationship without boundaries is like kids ruling the world with no adults around. There would be no clear leadership and things will end up as they did in The Lord of the Flies. You're left to govern yourselves in the relationship, with no clear rules, an environment that is perfect for fear, anger, jealousy, insecurity, rivalry, competition, division and self-destruction. The longer you're in the relationship with no rules or boundaries, the more savage you become. Why? Because there is nothing to keep you on a straight and narrow path. Without a straight path, curiosity and hormones tend to get the best of us. We start flirting with danger, and before we know it, that which keeps us warm and safe dies out or passes us by. (Instead of tending to the fire, the boys went on a hunt to kill a pig and let their fire burn out, while letting a passing ship go by unnoticed.)
Let's face it: we all need boundaries in every situation. Even though we buck and challenge them, rules are important. Set rules for your relationship. Draw lines that your mate may not cross and stand on them. Otherwise, they will cause you and your relationship to fall.
Because we are all different as people, there needs to be common boundaries that keep us from disrespecting and destroying each other as well as ourselves. Set boundaries within yourself before you enter your relationship, and stick to them. If you don't want to be cheated on, don't involve yourself with a mate who is not willing to commit. If you don't want your hard earned money spent on drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, or strippers, don't get involved with a potential mate who has any of these issues. It is your right---and duty---to have an idea of what you're looking for in a relationship. A relationship is something you should spend a lot of time thinking about before you enter into one, and that goes for friends, lovers, spouses and....drumroll...drum some more...make sure they take the time to think...PARENTS! Look before you leap or you're going to end up jumping on a pile of thorns or on shards of glass, and it will be no one's fault but your own!!!! You will definitely hurt yourself. If it's your relationship, you have a right to choose what you want. It's your duty to choose what you want. Take charge of your life. Don't just end up in a relationship by default. Relationships are hard work, so know what you're signing up for and take an active role in it. That means set boundaries---decide what you will and will not put up with. It's your right.
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