"A man's heart is only as deep as his thoughts...and his level of brilliance can be found wrapped inside his heart."
Now, before you women start thinking that "man" in that quote refers only to males, know that letters in the word "man" are the last three letters of both "h-u-M-A-N" and w-o-M-A-N". So females, you are not off the hook. You, too, are only as deep as your thoughts. Before you call another man selfish, take a look at yourself and see how much of what you hate about him applies to you. For example, if you think he's selfish because he forgot your three day anniversary, ask yourself why you wanted him to remember it. Was it because you wanted a gift? Or because you thought he should have forgotten about his game night with the boys, which he's been doing for the last five years and spent that time with you, snuggling and making what, in you're mind, would have made an exciting story that your girlfriends wouldn't have been able to wait to hear about. (Note to self: watch girlfriend's facial expression as I'm telling her what we did on our three day anniversary. Hint: it will look a lot like Whoopi Goldberg's face when Sherri Shepherd talks about her "huuuuuuuuuuuuzzzzzband". Again. And again. And again....) Or maybe he's selfish because he didn't buy for your birthday what your friend's man bought for her on her birthday. Or better yet, he bought what he could afford, rather than what you dreamed of showing off to your friend's or family.
I can remember getting a phone call one Christmas from a very angry and distraught former female acquaintance of mine. The conversation went like this:
"I am with the most selfish man I know. Do you know what he bought me for Christmas?"
"No. What?"
"A tool kit for my car!"
"Oh, cool!"
"How is that 'cool'? It was selfish and stupid! All he thinks about is himself! What kind of Christmas present is that? And he had the nerve to be all excited because it was PINK!!! Why would a woman want a tool kit for Christmas? How stupid can he be..."
In my mind, it was very, very thoughtful on his part, and, much to her chagrin, I understood and supported his excitement. What kind of friend am I, you ask? One with a big heart and an amazing level of brilliance!!!! Of course, she didn't see it that way, so she doesn't talk to me anymore, but at that time in her life, she drove around town in a beater. Her car was constantly falling apart. There was ALWAYS something wrong with it, so she complained about it all the time. For example, to roll down the window on the passenger side, she had to keep a wrench close by. Not only did she have regular car problems, but she lived alone with her two small children. He didn't live with her nor was he close enough to come running whenever she broke down.
I thought it was not only a brilliant gift, but also a sign of how much attention he really paid to her when she talked to him! That gift said that he cared about what she was going through; that he cared enough to help. He thought about what she needed even after they got off the phone, and...drumroll...he cared about more than just having sex with her, her cooking for him, her cleaning up after him, or her being his trophy. He obviously cared about her life and her safety, as well as that of her children. He wasn't selfish; she was. The real issue: she was angry that he didn't buy the typical girl gift that would have allowed her to brag to others to show them how much she meant to him. You know those gifts--rings, flowers, cars, houses, marriage proposals, etc. The saddest part of this was that he had already given her the best thing he had to give--his heart--and she didn't even see it. So how big was her heart? And really...who was the stupid one?
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