Saturday, April 14, 2012

To Think Outside the Box or To Conform...

"The world is now divided into two groups; those who soar through life at the top, and bottom dwellers.  The only differences between the two are higher order thinking skills (the ability and the courage to think outside the box) and the pressure to conform."


What would happen if all the pieces of your car transformed themselves into tires?  Your steering wheel no longer wanted to be a "wheel", but rather a tire.  Your seats no longer wanted to be used to hold people because they didn't get as much recognition as the tires because, unlike the tires, they are located on the inside.  The doors dropped to the bottom of the car, no longer providing protection, but instead, tried to turn themselves into the rubber necessary to be seen as a tire.  Your cd/radio/mp3 player stopped playing music when you turned it on; it would only spin and spin around real fast--like...well...tires.  What would happen if your car parts stopped doing what they were created to do simply because the tires, which were Goodyear Radials, were getting all of the attention?

I'll tell you what would happen.  The real tires would become Pirelli's!  That's what would happen!  They would become resentful of all the other parts trying to be them and would ultimately raise the standard for good tires as high as they could, just to keep the other parts from being taking over their domain.  Not only that, your car would become an absolutely useless piece of machinery.  The other parts would no longer be what the car needed in order to be operative!  Get the picture?

Well, this is what happens in a society where people choose to conform.  People choose to conform in order to be seen as acceptable as others decide as what's hot and what's not.  Has anyone ever stopped, first of all, to question who these people are?  With all due respect to all involved, as a woman, I've always wondered how gay men ended up at the top of the fashion industry for WOMEN!!  How are they telling us what looks great on us or what makes us beautiful?  They are not even attracted to us, so how is it that so many of them are the foremost experts in that area?  A man once told me that it's because a man knows what makes a woman sexy better than a woman does because he's a man; he's the one she wants to be attractive to.  Maybe it's my naivete, but I've just never felt real comfortable with people with gender issues being in a position to tell me what's right for me.  Now before you go calling the anti-gay police on me, understand that I'm not criticizing anyone for being gay;  I couldn't care less about that.  I'm merely stating that, in my mind, gay men setting the standards of beauty for straight women is just one of those things that make me go "hmmmm?"

Because of the pressure to conform, there are people in our society who wear a certain brand/type of clothing because they think they're supposed to; they don't necessarily like the clothes, it's just what everyone else is wearing.  There are parents who raise their children in a certain way or even feed them certain foods because they think that's what the upper crust does.  People send their kids to expensive schools, worship God in specified ways, patronize certain businesses, listen to specific genres of music, speak certain vernaculars, play certain sports/instruments, pay outrageous prices for items that can be bought at the dollar store for cheaper (i.e. rubbing alcohol), go broke trying to live in neighborhoods they know they can't afford, etc.  In other words, it's the old fashioned concept of "keeping up with the Joneses".  Has anyone ever stopped and taken a look at what the Joneses really go through?  Are they happy?  If not, you probably shouldn't try to keep up with them.  Look at their character, not their possessions!  Anyway...

These are the bottom dwellers.  Even if they live in fancy neighborhoods or drive nice cars, they end up  dwelling at the bottom of the fancy barrel because they really can't keep up with people who are truly living their lives in ways that free them up to be themselves.

On the other hand, there are those who live life abundantly because they mind their own business, set their own traditions, raise their families according to what works for them, eat what they like, study and worship where they want, go to the dollar store if it's close by, etc.  Are they careless or frivolous?  No.  Just free.  Freedom is the beauty of being okay with having your own constructive thoughts.  It comes with lack of conformity and higher order thinking--thinking outside the box.  Are they the ones responsible for the degradation of our society because they don't follow societies rules?  Of course not.  They are the ones that keep us from having to conform to old, antiquated, outdated rules of etiquette because they possess the skills of higher order thinking that allow them to know when something no longer makes sense by current standards, and then do something about it.  They are not rebels for going against the grain is not what they are all about.  They are innovators; not rule breakers.  They are President Barack Obama, Colin Powell, the late Steve Jobs, Tyler Perry, Bill Gates, Oprah Winfrey, James Cameron, Whoopi Goldberg, Danika Patrick.  They don't succumb to the pressure to conform and follow the crowd, so they end up paving the way for others who look like them to break out their own gifts and talents and use them for their intended purpose.  They are pioneers and engineers.  Why?  Because they asked one of two questions:  "Who said?" or "Why not?"

If, for example, you are one who truly believes in love, and happens to have the gift of song, but has been raised in the church from birth, that doesn't mean you have to use your gift to sing gospel.  ("Don't forget your roots, Boy!  That worldly music is the devil's work!")  God is love and because people don't realize that true love can't be true love without Him, believers don't tend to leave the confines of religion.  As a result, folks who don't believe in love end up turning the music into sleazy sex songs.  Unfortunately,  the generation that grew up on them don't know anything about love--and they are having kids who are having kids.  Do the math.  That's three generations of no love, no God.  We need some folks who want to bring love and loving back into the music industry and who better than someone who really knows and desires God/love?  But if you still see God as some troll in the sky who will kill you for not getting life right, you won't understand this.  So let's move on before I mortify you by saying that as believers, my man and I still like to get our swerve on to music and the thought of playing gospel while in the throws just doesn't seem right.

If, in your circle of friends, you're the one who sees out of the box, meaning that you think constructively different from all the others, and you snuff out what you think/imagine, dream about, in order to stay with the crowd makes you a bottom dweller.  I'm sure lots of people told President Obama to try real hard to dream about a different career.  If you haven't seen The Lorax, you should.  You'll see what those who put you down for being different will do when your different way of thinking is finally recognized.  Every pioneer who paved a way thought differently.

If you are one who wears clothing because of the logo or the designer, you may be stifling your own creativity.  Maybe you're meant to be the next Vera Wang, but you're never going to get there if you don't take the chance to be who YOU are in spite of what others may think.

Many great surgeons, auto mechanics, engineers, hairdressers, filmmakers, musicians, athletes, etc., started out in life as "weird" or "different" in the eyes of their peers, and I'm sure it wasn't easy for them as others pressured them to conform.  But those very people who jeered at them or teased them before they blew up were the very ones bragging the loudest about knowing, having gone to school or grown up with them.   Every truly successful innovator has that story to tell.  I Ching said it best: "Before being used for greatness, one must first appear a fool before the crowd."

If you think differently from others, assess your thoughts.  Maybe you're different because others around you are dumb!  Maybe you NEED to be different.  One of my favorite sayings is that "stupid is the new common sense."  Harsh, but true.  Kids are not being taught things that matter anymore; they're just being given expensive things.  Kids lacking knowledge about the things that matter grow up to be stupid adults.  Look at the number of young children with iPads and smartphones.  Then look at the apps that are being downloaded onto them, or check the data history to see what they are looking up these days.  You'll find it's not pretty.  And just so you know, my five year old plays on an iPad every chance he gets; I just don't give him that many chances to use MY iPad.  To play on the iPad for him is a reward for good behavior, so guess what.  He works real hard at being a good kid.  He never, on the other hand, uses my smartphone.  He's five.  Who does he need to call?

Are you a bottom dweller/follower or an innovator/thinker?  Oh, you're definitely one or the other--by default!  Get to know yourself.  Ascertain which you are.  If you're not meant to be that, change it.  It's simply a matter of conforming or thinking outside the box.  If you know which you are and feel that it is right for you, then do YOU loud and proud.  Just don't step in anyone else's lane.  Do you, but don't get run over!


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