"Be careful where you store your pearls; for where your treasure is, your heart will be there also."
Yesterday, I watched The View, and as always, I was left flabbergasted. My daughter watches the show faithfully, so when she's home, I end up watching it with her. Sometimes I'm so perplexed at the "wisdom"(or the lack thereof) of one of the hostesses of the show. I wonder why she is the way she is, and whether or not she knows she is the way she is! Every time I sit through one of her tirades, I find myself thinking: Wisdom is not for fools because fools don't care about wisdom; they just want to be heard. Now, I'm not using this blog as a format to name call or to put the young woman down, but I always leave the show with her on my mind. Though she prides herself on taking a stand and never backing down, wisdom always seems to escape her. Maybe wisdom just avoids her. I often wonder why she never seems to get better, but the answer is simple:
Wisdom is a treasure that comes in pearls, and in order to be wise, you've got to store them up somewhere. If you never store them, others will come up empty when you have to stand on what you believe. Because they are intangible, you can't store these pearls on a shelf or carry them around in your pocket. They can only be stored in a spiritual place--the mind and/or the heart. If they are stored only in the mind, they can be stolen by anyone more clever than you. If stored in the heart, they will be imbedded so deeply that no one will be able to take them away from you. To store in the mind is to ponder or think on something you heard; to store it in the heart is to accept what you heard as absolute truth. Be very careful what you store in your heart because once it's in there, EVERYTHING you do will be shaped by it, and it will take an act of God to change you.
So what if you're storing stuff in your heart that's not wisdom? Unfortunately, that means you're acting foolishly. Wisdom is not for fools and fools are not for wisdom. If you speak wisdom to a fool, he will mock you. If you're mocking one who speaks wisely, you're a fool. If wisdom is stored in your heart, you will not mock the wise because you will be able to understand the wisdom in what is being said. Without wisdom, everything other than what YOU say will sound foolish to you (and I'd really hate to be your child, mate or friend!).
So how do you tell wisdom from foolishness? Pay attention to what's being said. Then pay attention to who is saying it. Good advice doesn't come from age, a position or a title; it comes through the mind/heart of a person. Before you believe what is being said, take a look at the character of the person speaking. Many fools think they are wise, and you will, too, if you don't have wisdom stored up in your heart. Take what you hear and measure it up to what you know to be right. If that doesn't help, take it to someone who you KNOW to be wise. If you don't know anyone wise, PRAY cuz you're in trouble!!! No, seriously, if you are truly looking for wisdom, you will find it. Wisdom is looking for people. Wisdom wants to live in someone's heart. What stops us from being wise is when we put what we want above what we know is needed. If your baby needs diapers, don't buy that blouse you want. If you want that man and you know he's no good, leave him alone cuz he's not what you need. Nobody needs a jerk to come into their lives to mess it up; it doesn't matter how cute he is. If you want that drink or that smoke, and you know the light bill needs to be paid...well...you know. LEAVE IT ALONE. You don't need that drink anyway--even though you think you do.
The problem here, however, comes in how you define what you need. Well, that takes us right back to wisdom. Be careful who you call wise because that's who you're going to get your wisdom from. They will define what you need, especially if you're vulnerable--usually when you're vulnerable. If you see them as wise, you will treasure what they say and accept it as truth. Then you will store it in your heart, and whatever you store in your heart will define who you are as a person. You are whatever is in your heart. Everything you do begins and ends there. If you're a good person, it's because your heart is pure and there's goodness there; if you're stanky janky, it's because your heart is rotten and there's nothing good about you. There are no exceptions to this rule! We all know people who we love to hang out with, who constantly do things we know aren't right, but they keep us from being alone. Yes, we like them and call them "friend", but we know how they are. We know that if the tree is really good, it cannot bear bad fruit. It's up to us to stay or to walk away, but we want the "friendship"with them, knowing we don't need them in our lives. They are the bad influence that keeps us from growing. Remember this: that person's every conversation is shaping and molding the way you think. Even if you feel like it's not effecting you. You WILL take on their stuff. It doesn't matter how strong you think you are. If I hung out with the young lady on The View, eventually I'd start to think like her because I'd have to take on some of her views in order to stay in the friendship with her. AAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHH!!! That's a scary thought. Sorry Lizzy, no can do!
Your wisdom is what you accept as truth. If it is not solid, it will be stored in the mind and be as a treasure chest waiting for pirates to come and steal. If stored in the heart, it will be like a buried treasure that even the slickest of pirates won't be able to find. But if the wisdom is real, it will be stored in your heart and mind together, and form a bond that will transcend throughout the generations. It will be so deep that only God Himself would be able to uproot and destroy it (think of family traditions). So again, be careful what you believe. Wherever your treasure is, your heart will be there also. As you build up your treasure chest of wisdom pearls, remember that some will be for you, others will be for those around you. You will pass them on to your children, who will pass them on to their children. Build wisely. Otherwise you'll be the head of a family of dum...well...you know...not-so-smart people.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
The Severity of Love
"Love isn't love until you give it away, and the cycle of giving is not complete until the love is successfully received."
Love is patient, love is kind, but one thing love isn't is stupid! Who are you stupidly giving your love to? Boy, we just jumped in right away this morning, huh? I'm not quite sure why this is on my mind, so I can tell you that the end of this blog is going to be a surprise to even me. This is what you call a "free flow" blog. So I guess this is more in my heart than on my mind...
Love is one of the most talked about yet misunderstood concepts in existence. It's one of those things that most attempt to learn through trial and error. What's sad about that is that it has been defined for us, but no one seems to have the patience to follow the steps necessary to understand its meaning, therefore causing us to be destroyed by the one thing sure to build us up! Then we get mad at love as if love set out to personally annihilate us. Love isn't destroying us, nor are we destroying love. WE are destroying ourselves and blaming love. We talked in an earlier blog about fornication--acting on something before its time. Love is the one thing we fornicate more than anything else. That's why the outcome of it is destruction. Love takes time to build; it's not a fly-by-night kind of thing. Think about it. If you want to be in a loving relationship with another person, chances are you want it to last a lifetime, right? Well how can something built in a matter of hours, days or months last a lifetime? Where would the staying power be? The staying power is what holds together the foundation the relationship is built upon. In just hours, what kind of foundation can be laid? Do yourself a favor: before seeking love, continuing in love or giving up on love, ask yourself how solid you want your love to be. This question makes me think of the materials the homes of three little pigs were made of: straw, stick, and brick. I think, first, of the passage in the Bible that deals with the word falling by the wayside, among the thorns and thistles, on stony ground, and on good soil (Matthew 13:3-8). These materials represent the minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, or years you're willing to put into the love you have in your life. If you want it quick and easy, you can have that, but it won't last long. If you want it a little more sturdy, you can have that, too, but it won't last much longer than the other. Real love requires hard work and the commitment necessary to keep it going. If you want your love to last a lifetime, you're going to have to put your back into it! You're going to need a helmet, some knee pads, some good elbow grease, stock in companies that produce Motrin, Acetaminophen, Ibuprophen, etc., and if you have a man like mine, the good stuff: Grey Goose, Morphine, Elavil, Haldol, Oxycontin, Lortab,--ah, heck, for mine, I just need Jesus! Straight up! (Just kidding, about the drugs and alcohol. Not kidding about needing Jesus, though!)
Now, I know that many of us get the fact that love takes a lot of work. Love can be both kind and severe, but look at the severity of love--or should I say what the severity of love isn't? The natural work of love requires blood, sweat and tears, so be prepared to go through some things you never thought you'd ever have to deal with in life (assuming you thought about it at all! Most people don't.). These are the things that your mate and you have to experience in order to grow and become the products of your love. If you're doing something unnatural in order to have love, well, I don't know what to tell you. Good luck, maybe? LOL Natural love work includes things like having patience as your mate figures out that the job he/she settled for isn't going to pay off like the career using his/her real knowledge, talent or gift would (patience). The payoff here will be growth. Unnatural love work in this case would be lying and covering for him/her as he/she does unlawful or immoral things to make money (ignorance). If you need further breakdown: don't hide his drugs, lie about where he was when a crime was committed, sell his kiddie porn, etc. Natural work: giving him/her a piece of advice that is so plain and simple to you, but it takes a year or three before he/she applies it simply because he/she doesn't want you to have been right (stubbornness). The payoff there will be trust in the future. Unnatural: walking away from what you know is right in order to keep him/her happy. Neither of you are going to be happy, but when you are sitting in jail, sleeping on the streets, nursing more children than you can handle, working two or three jobs waiting on his/her dream to materialize, etc., you're going to feel mighty STUPID because you knew from the beginning what needed to be done but you walked away from it (desperation). The payoff: unhappiness and absolute REGRET. Natural work: listening to his point of view even when you are absolutely certain you're right (fairness). The payoff here is wisdom. You may learn that there are more than one way to get things done, and you will ultimately grow and mature. He may learn that there's a better way to accomplish his goal or to complete his task, but he may just need to talk it out first in order to understand what he needs to do. Unnatural: following him because he's the man or her because she's a woman when really you're doing it because don't want him/her to leave you (fear/selfishness). The payoff: loneliness. You're ultimately going to end up be alone anyway. Even if you stay together, you're going to feel alone because you've agreed to be just a tail in the relationship. When he/she starts taking up time with someone else, it will be because he/she will be drawn to what's in the other person's head. So DON'T be a tail; keep your head and use it! Have you ever heard of anyone saying "two tails are better than one"? No, any relationship only needs one ass, if there has to be any at all. The correct saying is that "two heads are better than one". If you're not going to use your head in your relationship, what really can you expect out of it?
The kindness of love in a relationship is patience, goodness, kindness, and self-control; the SEVERITY of love in a relationship is exactly the same. So be patient, good, kind, and self-controlled, not to the point of stupidity, but to the point of growth and solidarity. These are the things that long lasting love is made of.
Love is patient, love is kind, but one thing love isn't is stupid! Who are you stupidly giving your love to? Boy, we just jumped in right away this morning, huh? I'm not quite sure why this is on my mind, so I can tell you that the end of this blog is going to be a surprise to even me. This is what you call a "free flow" blog. So I guess this is more in my heart than on my mind...
Love is one of the most talked about yet misunderstood concepts in existence. It's one of those things that most attempt to learn through trial and error. What's sad about that is that it has been defined for us, but no one seems to have the patience to follow the steps necessary to understand its meaning, therefore causing us to be destroyed by the one thing sure to build us up! Then we get mad at love as if love set out to personally annihilate us. Love isn't destroying us, nor are we destroying love. WE are destroying ourselves and blaming love. We talked in an earlier blog about fornication--acting on something before its time. Love is the one thing we fornicate more than anything else. That's why the outcome of it is destruction. Love takes time to build; it's not a fly-by-night kind of thing. Think about it. If you want to be in a loving relationship with another person, chances are you want it to last a lifetime, right? Well how can something built in a matter of hours, days or months last a lifetime? Where would the staying power be? The staying power is what holds together the foundation the relationship is built upon. In just hours, what kind of foundation can be laid? Do yourself a favor: before seeking love, continuing in love or giving up on love, ask yourself how solid you want your love to be. This question makes me think of the materials the homes of three little pigs were made of: straw, stick, and brick. I think, first, of the passage in the Bible that deals with the word falling by the wayside, among the thorns and thistles, on stony ground, and on good soil (Matthew 13:3-8). These materials represent the minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, or years you're willing to put into the love you have in your life. If you want it quick and easy, you can have that, but it won't last long. If you want it a little more sturdy, you can have that, too, but it won't last much longer than the other. Real love requires hard work and the commitment necessary to keep it going. If you want your love to last a lifetime, you're going to have to put your back into it! You're going to need a helmet, some knee pads, some good elbow grease, stock in companies that produce Motrin, Acetaminophen, Ibuprophen, etc., and if you have a man like mine, the good stuff: Grey Goose, Morphine, Elavil, Haldol, Oxycontin, Lortab,--ah, heck, for mine, I just need Jesus! Straight up! (Just kidding, about the drugs and alcohol. Not kidding about needing Jesus, though!)
Now, I know that many of us get the fact that love takes a lot of work. Love can be both kind and severe, but look at the severity of love--or should I say what the severity of love isn't? The natural work of love requires blood, sweat and tears, so be prepared to go through some things you never thought you'd ever have to deal with in life (assuming you thought about it at all! Most people don't.). These are the things that your mate and you have to experience in order to grow and become the products of your love. If you're doing something unnatural in order to have love, well, I don't know what to tell you. Good luck, maybe? LOL Natural love work includes things like having patience as your mate figures out that the job he/she settled for isn't going to pay off like the career using his/her real knowledge, talent or gift would (patience). The payoff here will be growth. Unnatural love work in this case would be lying and covering for him/her as he/she does unlawful or immoral things to make money (ignorance). If you need further breakdown: don't hide his drugs, lie about where he was when a crime was committed, sell his kiddie porn, etc. Natural work: giving him/her a piece of advice that is so plain and simple to you, but it takes a year or three before he/she applies it simply because he/she doesn't want you to have been right (stubbornness). The payoff there will be trust in the future. Unnatural: walking away from what you know is right in order to keep him/her happy. Neither of you are going to be happy, but when you are sitting in jail, sleeping on the streets, nursing more children than you can handle, working two or three jobs waiting on his/her dream to materialize, etc., you're going to feel mighty STUPID because you knew from the beginning what needed to be done but you walked away from it (desperation). The payoff: unhappiness and absolute REGRET. Natural work: listening to his point of view even when you are absolutely certain you're right (fairness). The payoff here is wisdom. You may learn that there are more than one way to get things done, and you will ultimately grow and mature. He may learn that there's a better way to accomplish his goal or to complete his task, but he may just need to talk it out first in order to understand what he needs to do. Unnatural: following him because he's the man or her because she's a woman when really you're doing it because don't want him/her to leave you (fear/selfishness). The payoff: loneliness. You're ultimately going to end up be alone anyway. Even if you stay together, you're going to feel alone because you've agreed to be just a tail in the relationship. When he/she starts taking up time with someone else, it will be because he/she will be drawn to what's in the other person's head. So DON'T be a tail; keep your head and use it! Have you ever heard of anyone saying "two tails are better than one"? No, any relationship only needs one ass, if there has to be any at all. The correct saying is that "two heads are better than one". If you're not going to use your head in your relationship, what really can you expect out of it?
The kindness of love in a relationship is patience, goodness, kindness, and self-control; the SEVERITY of love in a relationship is exactly the same. So be patient, good, kind, and self-controlled, not to the point of stupidity, but to the point of growth and solidarity. These are the things that long lasting love is made of.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Good Grief
"If your loss is truly a loss, you had nothing to gain. If you gained something from what you lost, you had nothing to lose."
Have you ever lost anything of any real value to you? How about a loved one through the loss of a relationship or death? What do you remember about the experience? How do you remember that person? These are some loaded questions, especially for those who gained nothing from their loss. Over the last few years, I have been really close to some real tragedy: death, divorce, separation from family--cutting off and being cut off, mental illness, ALS, addiction and stupidity. [Okay, stupidity may not count to you, but I think it should be listed in the DSM (the encyclopedia of mental illness, disturbance and disorder that the psychiatric professionals use to diagnose patients), cuz it's a REAL issue for far too many folks. But that's another blog. We'll get to that one at a later date. I promise!] I have seen these diseases and situations build as well as tear down, and the difference between loss and gain is perspective. How do you see your situation? Do you allow it to tear you down or do you learn from it and become stronger? Let's look at loss and focus on gain for a change.
You can go through a loss and accept what you cannot change. If you do this, you will have gained from your loss because it will leave you mentally and emotionally stronger. The problem with loss is that most people don't understand the healthy process of grief. Years ago, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, a legend in the study of near death experiences and bereavement, defined the five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance), and did a great job of it. Acceptance is the goal in any loss, and if you reach it, you will be able to move on with your life without the rest of it being molded around the loss. On the other hand, if you never accept the loss, you will grieve it for the rest of your life and everything you do will be stained by it. If everything is stained, you will never see any gain, and YOUR life will have truly ended with that loss. Sometimes the pain overshadows the gain.
Well, how could one possibly gain from a loss, you ask? In a death situation, think of how you benefitted from knowing that person. What was his or her legacy? What things leave you with a positive memory of him/her? Don't let him/her die in vain. If the person was a positive person, would he/she want you grieving for the rest of your life? If the person died of an illness, would he/she want you to remember the illness and suffering or him/her as a person? Was there a project or a cause that he/she believed in? Don't let the cause die with him/her. Take on the cause as a tribute--of course, only if you, too, believe in it. Carry on! If you do, that will be a gain. If the person was someone who made you and others laugh, continue to laugh; that's what he/she would want. How do you gain from that? Laughter is truly the best medicine in any situation. Gain the power of laughter. When someone else wants to wallow in the sorrow, bring up something the loved one liked or did that was funny. I guarantee you, someone is going to walk away from that remembering the positivity the loved one contributed to the lives of others--not as the shameful loss of a good person, but rather as a benefit of having known him/her.
In a divorce or break-up, take from the relationship that which made you stronger, happier, more positive, etc. Take from it that which made YOU a better person, and use that to shine in other situations. If there was nothing that made you better, learn that you need to stay away from relationships like that!! Take that which made you better, and LEAVE that which weakens you and makes you fiend for that particular relationship. Let the negative walk out with the mate. And, for God sakes, stop taking every break-up so damn personally! Yes, it hurts like hell at times, but that doesn't mean you could have (or even should have) done anything to prevent the break-up from happening. Sometimes people split up because they are just too different to stay together! Separation from another person doesn't mean you're all messed up. Maybe you needed to go. Maybe your now ex-partner needed something you didn't know he/she needed; it wasn't YOUR responsibility to give it to them (as you can tell, I'm real tired of hearing people blame themselves when someone else walks away; real tired. Stuff happens to all of us that we have no control of or responsibility for.) Maybe YOU couldn't grow with that person in your life, so GOD HIMSELF removed the obstacle out of your way because He knew YOU would have never done it on your own. Maybe HE wanted to see you live, but YOU kept giving up your life in a dead situation that would have ultimately annihilated you spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically in the end. After grieving a break-up, if grief is necessary, take back your life and learn to live it again. Trust me, I've been through several, and I am truly a happy camper! Sometimes, too happy!! The first few break-ups helped me to understand that sometimes I choose the wrong people, and other times I'm wrong for those who choose me, but regardless of the situation, no break-up is designed to end my life.
PERSPECTIVE is what separates gain from loss, loss from gain. How do you choose to see the loss? But remember: perspective absolutely has to be founded on truth! You can't just believe what you want to believe, or tell yourself whatever you have to tell yourself to get through because that would be a lie. Truth is what sets you free from all things that get you tied up. You will NEVER gain from perspective built on a lie or glamorization, so keep it real. Don't let pain rob you of your gain. Take your gain and build life, love and legacy from it.
Have you ever lost anything of any real value to you? How about a loved one through the loss of a relationship or death? What do you remember about the experience? How do you remember that person? These are some loaded questions, especially for those who gained nothing from their loss. Over the last few years, I have been really close to some real tragedy: death, divorce, separation from family--cutting off and being cut off, mental illness, ALS, addiction and stupidity. [Okay, stupidity may not count to you, but I think it should be listed in the DSM (the encyclopedia of mental illness, disturbance and disorder that the psychiatric professionals use to diagnose patients), cuz it's a REAL issue for far too many folks. But that's another blog. We'll get to that one at a later date. I promise!] I have seen these diseases and situations build as well as tear down, and the difference between loss and gain is perspective. How do you see your situation? Do you allow it to tear you down or do you learn from it and become stronger? Let's look at loss and focus on gain for a change.
You can go through a loss and accept what you cannot change. If you do this, you will have gained from your loss because it will leave you mentally and emotionally stronger. The problem with loss is that most people don't understand the healthy process of grief. Years ago, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, a legend in the study of near death experiences and bereavement, defined the five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance), and did a great job of it. Acceptance is the goal in any loss, and if you reach it, you will be able to move on with your life without the rest of it being molded around the loss. On the other hand, if you never accept the loss, you will grieve it for the rest of your life and everything you do will be stained by it. If everything is stained, you will never see any gain, and YOUR life will have truly ended with that loss. Sometimes the pain overshadows the gain.
Well, how could one possibly gain from a loss, you ask? In a death situation, think of how you benefitted from knowing that person. What was his or her legacy? What things leave you with a positive memory of him/her? Don't let him/her die in vain. If the person was a positive person, would he/she want you grieving for the rest of your life? If the person died of an illness, would he/she want you to remember the illness and suffering or him/her as a person? Was there a project or a cause that he/she believed in? Don't let the cause die with him/her. Take on the cause as a tribute--of course, only if you, too, believe in it. Carry on! If you do, that will be a gain. If the person was someone who made you and others laugh, continue to laugh; that's what he/she would want. How do you gain from that? Laughter is truly the best medicine in any situation. Gain the power of laughter. When someone else wants to wallow in the sorrow, bring up something the loved one liked or did that was funny. I guarantee you, someone is going to walk away from that remembering the positivity the loved one contributed to the lives of others--not as the shameful loss of a good person, but rather as a benefit of having known him/her.
In a divorce or break-up, take from the relationship that which made you stronger, happier, more positive, etc. Take from it that which made YOU a better person, and use that to shine in other situations. If there was nothing that made you better, learn that you need to stay away from relationships like that!! Take that which made you better, and LEAVE that which weakens you and makes you fiend for that particular relationship. Let the negative walk out with the mate. And, for God sakes, stop taking every break-up so damn personally! Yes, it hurts like hell at times, but that doesn't mean you could have (or even should have) done anything to prevent the break-up from happening. Sometimes people split up because they are just too different to stay together! Separation from another person doesn't mean you're all messed up. Maybe you needed to go. Maybe your now ex-partner needed something you didn't know he/she needed; it wasn't YOUR responsibility to give it to them (as you can tell, I'm real tired of hearing people blame themselves when someone else walks away; real tired. Stuff happens to all of us that we have no control of or responsibility for.) Maybe YOU couldn't grow with that person in your life, so GOD HIMSELF removed the obstacle out of your way because He knew YOU would have never done it on your own. Maybe HE wanted to see you live, but YOU kept giving up your life in a dead situation that would have ultimately annihilated you spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically in the end. After grieving a break-up, if grief is necessary, take back your life and learn to live it again. Trust me, I've been through several, and I am truly a happy camper! Sometimes, too happy!! The first few break-ups helped me to understand that sometimes I choose the wrong people, and other times I'm wrong for those who choose me, but regardless of the situation, no break-up is designed to end my life.
PERSPECTIVE is what separates gain from loss, loss from gain. How do you choose to see the loss? But remember: perspective absolutely has to be founded on truth! You can't just believe what you want to believe, or tell yourself whatever you have to tell yourself to get through because that would be a lie. Truth is what sets you free from all things that get you tied up. You will NEVER gain from perspective built on a lie or glamorization, so keep it real. Don't let pain rob you of your gain. Take your gain and build life, love and legacy from it.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Gotta Carry My Own Weight; This Heavy Load Ain't Mine!!
"Enough is enough, but sometimes it's just too much."
On being fed up: when is enough enough? I don't know about you, but I'm one of those people who just has positive energy to burn. If I don't encourage someone I know during my day, I'll go on overload and, before I know it, I will start a downward spiral. It's almost as if I turn on myself if I don't give the energy away. The key, however, is that I have to put the energy in a good place. I have a natural propensity for depression, so I have to stay in the supernatural place of positive thinking. Yes, to think positive all day is supernatural, but I can only be there if I'm willing to share it with others. I get that, but others around me don't. Oh, they get the part about me being positive, and they are cool with that. What they don't get is that I can burn out if they keep smoking up what I have to give! See, this is how it works: pay it forward again! You get the energy from me, then you give it to someone else. That way, the energy grows. But if you get the energy from me and keep it for yourself, it's going to burn out and before you know it, you're going to end up coming back to me for more. The more I give you, the more you're going to want. For you who reads this, I'm grateful. YOU have become a great outlet for me. For those in my social circle who know this side of me, because most of the people I know personally don't, I have a message: Find yourself some new CRACK!!! I am NOT your drug!!! GO SMOKE SOMETHING ELSE!!!! Just kidding--well, sort of. When is enough enough? That's today's question.
I'm sure all of us have a situation like this or a similar one. There is someone in our lives we give way too much of ourselves to. Who is that for you? Why do you give so much to them? When is enough enough? I'll tell you when: when it begins to drain you and you have to siphon energy from someone else just to make it through your own day. When you've given that person you feel indebted to so much that there's none left for the emotionally stable people around you--your healthy mate, children and/or close friends. How do you know when this is happening? When you're so tired of dealing with that unstable person that when your child asks you a question, he gets yelled at. He gets the brunt of your frustration.
When your child or your mate has to hear you yelling and screaming about how tired you are, and how much you need a break, YOU need to ask yourself whether or not they are the ones who make you that tired. If you ascertain that they aren't, then that energy belongs to someone else. Take it back to the person/people who gave it to you! Your emotionally healthy loved ones are not, or shouldn't be, your trash receptacles. They deserve more than that from you, and if you can't give it to them, maybe they need to get rid of you! Sh** rolls downhill and never stops until someone is brave enough to say...let's say it together...one, two, three...ENOUGH IS ENOUGH, and mean it. The smelly stuff I just mentioned rolls downhill through the generations. In a family where there's an alcoholic parent and multiple children, at least one child is bound to become the alcoholic of the next generation--wet or dry!! If he's not a wet alcoholic, he will be a dry alcoholic, which is one who doesn't drink but may as well because he acts like a drunk due to some other addictive habits and behaviors. And People, please stop kidding yourselves into believing that your addiction isn't hurting your children, or that your mom or dad's addiction didn't effect you; it did. Addiction of any kind is the main reason for family dysfunction. If you don't think so, go to a bookstore and read up on what happens to the children of an addict when he/she grows up. They are those who have to guess at what healthy living is because it was never modeled for them. They are the ones who have difficulty seeing a project from start to finish. They see the start fine; it's the finish that never gets seen. They are the ones who lie even when it would have been just as easy to tell the truth. They judge themselves (and you, too!) without mercy, take themselves way too seriously, and have difficulty having fun or allowing you to enjoy anything. They grossly overreact to changes, big or small, over which they have no control. They are incredibly impulsive, constantly seeking approval or affirmation, and are extremely loyal even when, and especially when, their loyalty is undeserved. They lock themselves into doing things without ever considering the consequences, which leaves them always making a mess for themselves (or for you) to have to clean up. And they don't know why they do what they do. That sounds like a lot of people, doesn't it? Well, that's because it is! Addiction in this world is rampant. It is what happens when people spin out of control and don't know what to do. Instead of getting help, they get high, and their children are left to their own devices as they try to figure out the things that would otherwise be laid out for them by a parent in a healthy situation. Things don't snap into place for them when they turn 18. A good mind doesn't just happen; it's made. If not, the children just get older; they don't grow up, and those are the people who drain you and me of any amount of positive energy we could ever have.
That's the problem. The solution, as I said before, is to take that energy back where it belongs. Don't spread it by giving it to your healthy mate/children/close friends and other loved ones. If you do, those closest to you will end up exhibiting signs of addictive behaviors. It doesn't matter how much you think you owe your emotionally unhealthy parent, sibling, friend, boss, coworker, or whoever you feel indebted to. If you take it on, that's YOUR debt; not your child's! And no matter what you think you owe, don't pay it off with the life, health and/or well being of those who truly love you!!! They are YOUR support system. If you destroy them, you will ultimately destroy yourself in the process. Learn when enough is enough. Learn when the problems of someone else start to become yours. You owe it to your emotionally healthy self and to your healthy mate/children/loved ones to stay a healthy distance from that which poses a danger to you. Learn when enough is too much, and don't pay that heavy price. The fact of the matter is that the worst that could happen when you pull out is that they'll just find someone else's life to destroy (which can only happen if the other person allows it). The best thing that could happen would be that they'd see the err of their ways and get the help they need. Either way, what happens to them is not your responsibility, and it certainly isn't the responsibility of your emotionally healthy child/mate/loved ones. Say it with me: CODEPENDENT NO MORE. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.
On being fed up: when is enough enough? I don't know about you, but I'm one of those people who just has positive energy to burn. If I don't encourage someone I know during my day, I'll go on overload and, before I know it, I will start a downward spiral. It's almost as if I turn on myself if I don't give the energy away. The key, however, is that I have to put the energy in a good place. I have a natural propensity for depression, so I have to stay in the supernatural place of positive thinking. Yes, to think positive all day is supernatural, but I can only be there if I'm willing to share it with others. I get that, but others around me don't. Oh, they get the part about me being positive, and they are cool with that. What they don't get is that I can burn out if they keep smoking up what I have to give! See, this is how it works: pay it forward again! You get the energy from me, then you give it to someone else. That way, the energy grows. But if you get the energy from me and keep it for yourself, it's going to burn out and before you know it, you're going to end up coming back to me for more. The more I give you, the more you're going to want. For you who reads this, I'm grateful. YOU have become a great outlet for me. For those in my social circle who know this side of me, because most of the people I know personally don't, I have a message: Find yourself some new CRACK!!! I am NOT your drug!!! GO SMOKE SOMETHING ELSE!!!! Just kidding--well, sort of. When is enough enough? That's today's question.
I'm sure all of us have a situation like this or a similar one. There is someone in our lives we give way too much of ourselves to. Who is that for you? Why do you give so much to them? When is enough enough? I'll tell you when: when it begins to drain you and you have to siphon energy from someone else just to make it through your own day. When you've given that person you feel indebted to so much that there's none left for the emotionally stable people around you--your healthy mate, children and/or close friends. How do you know when this is happening? When you're so tired of dealing with that unstable person that when your child asks you a question, he gets yelled at. He gets the brunt of your frustration.
When your child or your mate has to hear you yelling and screaming about how tired you are, and how much you need a break, YOU need to ask yourself whether or not they are the ones who make you that tired. If you ascertain that they aren't, then that energy belongs to someone else. Take it back to the person/people who gave it to you! Your emotionally healthy loved ones are not, or shouldn't be, your trash receptacles. They deserve more than that from you, and if you can't give it to them, maybe they need to get rid of you! Sh** rolls downhill and never stops until someone is brave enough to say...let's say it together...one, two, three...ENOUGH IS ENOUGH, and mean it. The smelly stuff I just mentioned rolls downhill through the generations. In a family where there's an alcoholic parent and multiple children, at least one child is bound to become the alcoholic of the next generation--wet or dry!! If he's not a wet alcoholic, he will be a dry alcoholic, which is one who doesn't drink but may as well because he acts like a drunk due to some other addictive habits and behaviors. And People, please stop kidding yourselves into believing that your addiction isn't hurting your children, or that your mom or dad's addiction didn't effect you; it did. Addiction of any kind is the main reason for family dysfunction. If you don't think so, go to a bookstore and read up on what happens to the children of an addict when he/she grows up. They are those who have to guess at what healthy living is because it was never modeled for them. They are the ones who have difficulty seeing a project from start to finish. They see the start fine; it's the finish that never gets seen. They are the ones who lie even when it would have been just as easy to tell the truth. They judge themselves (and you, too!) without mercy, take themselves way too seriously, and have difficulty having fun or allowing you to enjoy anything. They grossly overreact to changes, big or small, over which they have no control. They are incredibly impulsive, constantly seeking approval or affirmation, and are extremely loyal even when, and especially when, their loyalty is undeserved. They lock themselves into doing things without ever considering the consequences, which leaves them always making a mess for themselves (or for you) to have to clean up. And they don't know why they do what they do. That sounds like a lot of people, doesn't it? Well, that's because it is! Addiction in this world is rampant. It is what happens when people spin out of control and don't know what to do. Instead of getting help, they get high, and their children are left to their own devices as they try to figure out the things that would otherwise be laid out for them by a parent in a healthy situation. Things don't snap into place for them when they turn 18. A good mind doesn't just happen; it's made. If not, the children just get older; they don't grow up, and those are the people who drain you and me of any amount of positive energy we could ever have.
That's the problem. The solution, as I said before, is to take that energy back where it belongs. Don't spread it by giving it to your healthy mate/children/close friends and other loved ones. If you do, those closest to you will end up exhibiting signs of addictive behaviors. It doesn't matter how much you think you owe your emotionally unhealthy parent, sibling, friend, boss, coworker, or whoever you feel indebted to. If you take it on, that's YOUR debt; not your child's! And no matter what you think you owe, don't pay it off with the life, health and/or well being of those who truly love you!!! They are YOUR support system. If you destroy them, you will ultimately destroy yourself in the process. Learn when enough is enough. Learn when the problems of someone else start to become yours. You owe it to your emotionally healthy self and to your healthy mate/children/loved ones to stay a healthy distance from that which poses a danger to you. Learn when enough is too much, and don't pay that heavy price. The fact of the matter is that the worst that could happen when you pull out is that they'll just find someone else's life to destroy (which can only happen if the other person allows it). The best thing that could happen would be that they'd see the err of their ways and get the help they need. Either way, what happens to them is not your responsibility, and it certainly isn't the responsibility of your emotionally healthy child/mate/loved ones. Say it with me: CODEPENDENT NO MORE. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.
Friday, February 3, 2012
Hark, Who Goes There?
"When you love yourself, you won't let others mistreat you."
A biblical principle that all people who still believe in good try to live by is "love thy neighbor." I wonder how I'd like being YOUR neighbor. The scripture actually says, "love thy neighbor as thyself." Most people who try to live by this principle haven't quite gotten the "as thyself" concept down yet. If you treat me better than you treat yourself, something is amiss. If you treat me better than you treat yourself, consciously or subconsciously, you'll feel I owe it to you to return your favors. That doesn't sound problematic in itself, but here's where that breaks down. Loving thy neighbor is a pay it forward kind of thing; you do good deeds and good will come back to you. That way, good surrounds everyone. Setting up neighborly debt, however, takes on a more selfish turn, and that's how things get ugly. Things get really bad when a neighbor feels he's done something good for someone and doesn't get a mutual return on his investment. That's when the whole neighborhood becomes overrun by the Hatfields and the McCoys. No one has any peace in that situation. You all know how that goes: one neighbor feels slighted then finds another neighbor who will take his side. The gossip starts and then the feuding begins. Then it becomes a problem for the entire neighborhood (which can be your family or the workplace, too), even if you don't take a side, because everybody has to hear about it--whether they want to or not!
Back to the point. The extent to which you love yourself will determine whether or not your deeds are truly good. The true definition of evil is selfishness. Selfish gestures are designed to satisfy only your flesh (turn s-e-l-f backwards and add an h), so if you give something to someone, with the idea that you're now in their good graces and they should consider you, it wasn't about them; it was about you. That's the created debt I was talking about. If I'm your neighbor, and you give me something, expecting something in return, you've created a debt for me that I may not be able to repay. When God designed the principle of loving thy neighbor, that's not what He had in mind. This is the way it works in the Kingdom of God: One morning, you see me walking, and offer me a ride. I accept, and you end up taking me to the grocery store. I buy food and, on the way back, I begin to tell you about this wonderful meal I'm going to cook. In the back of your mind, you're entitled to a portion of that meal because you took me to the store. The least I could do is offer you some, right? It never occurs to you that God led me to prepare a meal for some people who would otherwise have nothing else to eat. He promised those people He'd take care of them and they believed Him. Meanwhile, in my daily prayers, I'm asking that He use me to help others in need. One day as I'm praying, He answers and says, "Prepare a feast, for I am going to send someone your way to eat tonight." Then I say, "But God, I don't have enough food in the house to prepare a feast by tonight, nor do I have a way to get to the grocery store and back right now." Then He says, "Trust Me. Leave your house right now and walk." Then I ask, "All the way to the grocery store? Even if I do that, I won't be able to carry all of the food I'll need for the meal home by myself." And He says, "Trust Me." So I do it. That's when I see you. I'm grateful for the ride, but my mind is blown by what's happening spiritually.
Later that afternoon, while you're disgruntled because I didn't offer you a plate, my child brings home a friend who missed the bus and lived too far from the school to walk home. After okaying it with her mom, who was working a long shift and worried that she didn't have time to cook for her family, nor the money this month to make the groceries she needed, the child stays and plays at my home. When the mom finally arrived to pick up her child, God speaks to me and says, "Offer her the food." So I asked her, "Would you like to stay for dinner?" She she smiles and says, "Oh, gee thanks, but I've got to get home to my other four children and prepare dinner for them." Then at God's urging, I say, "Oh, no worries. How about I put some food in some containers for you. You can take it home to your family. I can see that you've had a long, hard day at work and you're probably tired. Fixing dinner is probably the last thing you feel like doing right now, and I have more than enough." "Oh, no. You don't have to do that," she says humbly. "Please," I say. "I insist."
While you were thinking about what I owed you, I was following my heart. I can tell you that the last thing I'd be thinking about during that whole ordeal is what I owe you. My mind would be preoccupied with what I was being led to do. I would be overwhelmed at the idea that God would use me, first of all. Secondly, I'd be delighted to come through for a family in need, and finally, I'd be amazed at how God provided the needs of this child, her mother and the rest of her family. It would show me how God works and how faithful He is to keep His promises. It would show me that I, too, would be able to trust Him in my time of need! Sound selfish on my part? Not exactly, because that would be the testimony of God's faithfulness that I'd, no doubt, tell someone else about! Contrary to popular belief, you can't witness what you've never seen. God's decision to show me His faithfulness would not be just for me; it would be for other's who He'd know would listen to my testimony. (They overcame by the blood of the Lamb and the words of their testimony. Revelation 12:11)
Back to you. Right about now, you'd be spitting in the wind about how rude I was, and vowing to never to do anything for me again because of my selfishness. You'd may be even plotting revenge. But in reality, I wouldn't let you hurt me. I'd pick up on your nasty attitude and ask myself, "what the heck is wrong with her?" I'd stay away from you because I love myself too much to allow you to be nasty to me. That's contrary to the reaction of someone who doesn't love him/herself. That person would do whatever it took to get back in your good graces because, selfishly, he's thinking he may need your services again in the future. He might need you for something else. Therefore, he'll allow you to control or manipulate his actions while he's controlling and manipulating you. But you deserve each other! I, on the other hand, love myself enough to leave you alone, and to leave my heart open to God so that I can be used by Him to help another neighbor who is really in need. Sorry, unlike you, I'm not thinking about you. God's harvest is plentiful but the laborers are few. I'd rather labor for God than for you.
You see, when your heart is full of love, your intentions are never selfish, but that love has to start with you loving yourself. In the above scenario, if I didn't love myself, I'd be caught up in one or two different situations. I'd be so concerned about returning your favor to keep you from being angry or thinking ugly thoughts about me that I wouldn't be able to hear God speaking to my heart. Or I'd be preoccupied with what the person coming to my house would think about me. So instead of going to the grocery store to buy food for them, I'd be making sure my house and my appearance were acceptable to the person coming. I'd make my situation absolutely gossip proof; I'd leave them with nothing bad to say about me when they left. Know this: when you're selfish, it's all about how you look to other people. When you love yourself, you're not concerned about any of that. When you love yourself, the negativity of others doesn't even get picked up on your radar. That's why selfish people feel you think you're better than they are, and for the selfish ones, it's how the people you want to return your favors seem so selfish to you. It's also how you can miss out on all of the real goodness sent your way. If you're busy trying to collect debts from those who you feel owe you, you're missing out on the goodness that God is sending through those who have the resources to supply what you really need.
So, if I were your neighbor, would life for me be filled with positivity coming from your direction, or would I have to answer to your selfish demands? Are you allowing others to mistreat you by paying debts you really don't owe? Should anyone want to be your neighbor? Check your good deeds. They may be more evil than you could ever imagine. Get yourself out of the cycle of evil: cancel the debts others owe you by learning to love yourself enough to let go of what you feel you're entitled to. Forgive the debt and let God forgive you. Use that energy to learn to love yourself so you can truly love God and others. Then you will understand the concept of neighborly, and enjoy it.
P.S. If you don't believe God speaks, shut down your selfish thoughts and feel your heart. You'll be surprised at what actually goes on there.
A biblical principle that all people who still believe in good try to live by is "love thy neighbor." I wonder how I'd like being YOUR neighbor. The scripture actually says, "love thy neighbor as thyself." Most people who try to live by this principle haven't quite gotten the "as thyself" concept down yet. If you treat me better than you treat yourself, something is amiss. If you treat me better than you treat yourself, consciously or subconsciously, you'll feel I owe it to you to return your favors. That doesn't sound problematic in itself, but here's where that breaks down. Loving thy neighbor is a pay it forward kind of thing; you do good deeds and good will come back to you. That way, good surrounds everyone. Setting up neighborly debt, however, takes on a more selfish turn, and that's how things get ugly. Things get really bad when a neighbor feels he's done something good for someone and doesn't get a mutual return on his investment. That's when the whole neighborhood becomes overrun by the Hatfields and the McCoys. No one has any peace in that situation. You all know how that goes: one neighbor feels slighted then finds another neighbor who will take his side. The gossip starts and then the feuding begins. Then it becomes a problem for the entire neighborhood (which can be your family or the workplace, too), even if you don't take a side, because everybody has to hear about it--whether they want to or not!
Back to the point. The extent to which you love yourself will determine whether or not your deeds are truly good. The true definition of evil is selfishness. Selfish gestures are designed to satisfy only your flesh (turn s-e-l-f backwards and add an h), so if you give something to someone, with the idea that you're now in their good graces and they should consider you, it wasn't about them; it was about you. That's the created debt I was talking about. If I'm your neighbor, and you give me something, expecting something in return, you've created a debt for me that I may not be able to repay. When God designed the principle of loving thy neighbor, that's not what He had in mind. This is the way it works in the Kingdom of God: One morning, you see me walking, and offer me a ride. I accept, and you end up taking me to the grocery store. I buy food and, on the way back, I begin to tell you about this wonderful meal I'm going to cook. In the back of your mind, you're entitled to a portion of that meal because you took me to the store. The least I could do is offer you some, right? It never occurs to you that God led me to prepare a meal for some people who would otherwise have nothing else to eat. He promised those people He'd take care of them and they believed Him. Meanwhile, in my daily prayers, I'm asking that He use me to help others in need. One day as I'm praying, He answers and says, "Prepare a feast, for I am going to send someone your way to eat tonight." Then I say, "But God, I don't have enough food in the house to prepare a feast by tonight, nor do I have a way to get to the grocery store and back right now." Then He says, "Trust Me. Leave your house right now and walk." Then I ask, "All the way to the grocery store? Even if I do that, I won't be able to carry all of the food I'll need for the meal home by myself." And He says, "Trust Me." So I do it. That's when I see you. I'm grateful for the ride, but my mind is blown by what's happening spiritually.
Later that afternoon, while you're disgruntled because I didn't offer you a plate, my child brings home a friend who missed the bus and lived too far from the school to walk home. After okaying it with her mom, who was working a long shift and worried that she didn't have time to cook for her family, nor the money this month to make the groceries she needed, the child stays and plays at my home. When the mom finally arrived to pick up her child, God speaks to me and says, "Offer her the food." So I asked her, "Would you like to stay for dinner?" She she smiles and says, "Oh, gee thanks, but I've got to get home to my other four children and prepare dinner for them." Then at God's urging, I say, "Oh, no worries. How about I put some food in some containers for you. You can take it home to your family. I can see that you've had a long, hard day at work and you're probably tired. Fixing dinner is probably the last thing you feel like doing right now, and I have more than enough." "Oh, no. You don't have to do that," she says humbly. "Please," I say. "I insist."
While you were thinking about what I owed you, I was following my heart. I can tell you that the last thing I'd be thinking about during that whole ordeal is what I owe you. My mind would be preoccupied with what I was being led to do. I would be overwhelmed at the idea that God would use me, first of all. Secondly, I'd be delighted to come through for a family in need, and finally, I'd be amazed at how God provided the needs of this child, her mother and the rest of her family. It would show me how God works and how faithful He is to keep His promises. It would show me that I, too, would be able to trust Him in my time of need! Sound selfish on my part? Not exactly, because that would be the testimony of God's faithfulness that I'd, no doubt, tell someone else about! Contrary to popular belief, you can't witness what you've never seen. God's decision to show me His faithfulness would not be just for me; it would be for other's who He'd know would listen to my testimony. (They overcame by the blood of the Lamb and the words of their testimony. Revelation 12:11)
Back to you. Right about now, you'd be spitting in the wind about how rude I was, and vowing to never to do anything for me again because of my selfishness. You'd may be even plotting revenge. But in reality, I wouldn't let you hurt me. I'd pick up on your nasty attitude and ask myself, "what the heck is wrong with her?" I'd stay away from you because I love myself too much to allow you to be nasty to me. That's contrary to the reaction of someone who doesn't love him/herself. That person would do whatever it took to get back in your good graces because, selfishly, he's thinking he may need your services again in the future. He might need you for something else. Therefore, he'll allow you to control or manipulate his actions while he's controlling and manipulating you. But you deserve each other! I, on the other hand, love myself enough to leave you alone, and to leave my heart open to God so that I can be used by Him to help another neighbor who is really in need. Sorry, unlike you, I'm not thinking about you. God's harvest is plentiful but the laborers are few. I'd rather labor for God than for you.
You see, when your heart is full of love, your intentions are never selfish, but that love has to start with you loving yourself. In the above scenario, if I didn't love myself, I'd be caught up in one or two different situations. I'd be so concerned about returning your favor to keep you from being angry or thinking ugly thoughts about me that I wouldn't be able to hear God speaking to my heart. Or I'd be preoccupied with what the person coming to my house would think about me. So instead of going to the grocery store to buy food for them, I'd be making sure my house and my appearance were acceptable to the person coming. I'd make my situation absolutely gossip proof; I'd leave them with nothing bad to say about me when they left. Know this: when you're selfish, it's all about how you look to other people. When you love yourself, you're not concerned about any of that. When you love yourself, the negativity of others doesn't even get picked up on your radar. That's why selfish people feel you think you're better than they are, and for the selfish ones, it's how the people you want to return your favors seem so selfish to you. It's also how you can miss out on all of the real goodness sent your way. If you're busy trying to collect debts from those who you feel owe you, you're missing out on the goodness that God is sending through those who have the resources to supply what you really need.
So, if I were your neighbor, would life for me be filled with positivity coming from your direction, or would I have to answer to your selfish demands? Are you allowing others to mistreat you by paying debts you really don't owe? Should anyone want to be your neighbor? Check your good deeds. They may be more evil than you could ever imagine. Get yourself out of the cycle of evil: cancel the debts others owe you by learning to love yourself enough to let go of what you feel you're entitled to. Forgive the debt and let God forgive you. Use that energy to learn to love yourself so you can truly love God and others. Then you will understand the concept of neighborly, and enjoy it.
P.S. If you don't believe God speaks, shut down your selfish thoughts and feel your heart. You'll be surprised at what actually goes on there.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Daily Exercise? Yeah, About That...
"It really does the body no good if you don't also exercise your mind."
Okay, I just came in from my morning walk. That one that truthfully only happens once in a blue moon. So I need to get better at it, however...I exercise my mind all of the time. If I'd exercise my body as much as I exercise my mind, I'd be solid. Right now, physically I'm droopy (yes, I know that indicates sleepy, but saggy is a much harsher truth), but my mind is like an abdominal six pack. It's tight! Why? Because I'm always meditating on something fertile and positive. Have you ever taken the time to analyze and inventory your thoughts? How many of your thoughts are positive? How many are negative? Does one outweigh the other? If so, which side dominates? The dominant one is the difference between optimism/confidence and pessimism/insecurity. It's all in your mind. Many people spend hours a day in the gym or doing an intense physical exercise regimen in order to look good on the outside, and that works for them. At least until they attempt to have conversation! For me, there's nothing like seeing a drop dead gorgeous man who first tantalizes my optical senses, then opens his mouth and makes plain the drop dead part of his being. Have you ever had the experience of talking to someone who you wished would just shut the hell up because he/she is destroying your view of them? That's not cute on any level!
Exercising the mind is just as important as exercising the body. Though the mind can't be seen by others at first glance, you know it's there, and its maintenance is YOUR responsibility. Far too many people hold others responsible for soothing their brain stains and mental/emotional pain. If you're out looking for companionship, be aware that the most popular reason for people desiring a relationship is medical. They want a mate to medicate the pain of loneliness, poor quality of life, low self-esteem, failures in life, heartache from past break-ups, peer pressure, disapproval, job troubles, parenthood, bad childhoods, mommy/daddy issues, etc., and the list goes on. Anymore, people are as clients looking for potential therapists, and in the event they don't want any help from you, you'll be nothing more in the relationship than a masseuse!
If you're the one with all the issues, it's because you don't take the time to exercise your mind. It's almost as if you're just looking for a rock to crawl under. What's worse is that once you find it, almost immediately, you begin complaining about always having to be the one at the bottom. If you're that crab wanting to get out of the barrel, it is YOUR responsibility to get YOURSELF out. If you give the job of getting you out to someone else, you become their property; not his/her companion--his/her property. Like it or not. Now some people want that, and that's okay, too. But don't hate the rest of us who enjoy good mental health and independence! If you're angry about the other person who got the guy, the girl, the job, everyone else's attention, etc., remember that YOU chose to live in someone else's shadow. If you don't want to spend the money to pay the fiddler, don't get mad when you don't get to dance. It's that simple.
How do you get out? It starts with how you process the things that happen to you in life. If you're one of those people who takes everything that happens to you as a personal slap in the face, you're in need of a major personality overhaul. If you feel that everyone is out to get you, your thinking is extremely immature. In reality, most of the decisions made by others that effect you in your day have absolutely nothing to do with you personally. Examine your thoughts to see who the real culprit is. For example, are you that person who feels that everyone who drives slowly in front of you is doing so just to slow you down? Could it be that the person in front is driving the legal speed limit and you're speeding? Maybe he's already got way too many tickets and doesn't want another one. Was your lay-off really personal or was your company going belly-up? Does your neighbor really play his music loudly just to get on your nerves, or does he just like loud music? How do you process the things that happen in your day? Do you justify your lack of desire to work any harder than you do or be in a better position than you are (a nicer way of saying laziness) by blaming everyone else? In any given situation, do you see the glass as half empty or half full? When life hands you lemons, do you throw them at people or do you make lemonade? (If you're one who throws them, get anger management counseling. Please.)
There. How did that feel? You just exercised your mind by taking a look at some of the things that cause your mind to feel cramped, tired, or overweight (weighed down). And for all you physical fitness fanatics out there who are mindful enough to take good care of your bodies, remember this: The brain is the muscle, too, and it will also atrophy if you don't exercise it.
Okay, I just came in from my morning walk. That one that truthfully only happens once in a blue moon. So I need to get better at it, however...I exercise my mind all of the time. If I'd exercise my body as much as I exercise my mind, I'd be solid. Right now, physically I'm droopy (yes, I know that indicates sleepy, but saggy is a much harsher truth), but my mind is like an abdominal six pack. It's tight! Why? Because I'm always meditating on something fertile and positive. Have you ever taken the time to analyze and inventory your thoughts? How many of your thoughts are positive? How many are negative? Does one outweigh the other? If so, which side dominates? The dominant one is the difference between optimism/confidence and pessimism/insecurity. It's all in your mind. Many people spend hours a day in the gym or doing an intense physical exercise regimen in order to look good on the outside, and that works for them. At least until they attempt to have conversation! For me, there's nothing like seeing a drop dead gorgeous man who first tantalizes my optical senses, then opens his mouth and makes plain the drop dead part of his being. Have you ever had the experience of talking to someone who you wished would just shut the hell up because he/she is destroying your view of them? That's not cute on any level!
Exercising the mind is just as important as exercising the body. Though the mind can't be seen by others at first glance, you know it's there, and its maintenance is YOUR responsibility. Far too many people hold others responsible for soothing their brain stains and mental/emotional pain. If you're out looking for companionship, be aware that the most popular reason for people desiring a relationship is medical. They want a mate to medicate the pain of loneliness, poor quality of life, low self-esteem, failures in life, heartache from past break-ups, peer pressure, disapproval, job troubles, parenthood, bad childhoods, mommy/daddy issues, etc., and the list goes on. Anymore, people are as clients looking for potential therapists, and in the event they don't want any help from you, you'll be nothing more in the relationship than a masseuse!
If you're the one with all the issues, it's because you don't take the time to exercise your mind. It's almost as if you're just looking for a rock to crawl under. What's worse is that once you find it, almost immediately, you begin complaining about always having to be the one at the bottom. If you're that crab wanting to get out of the barrel, it is YOUR responsibility to get YOURSELF out. If you give the job of getting you out to someone else, you become their property; not his/her companion--his/her property. Like it or not. Now some people want that, and that's okay, too. But don't hate the rest of us who enjoy good mental health and independence! If you're angry about the other person who got the guy, the girl, the job, everyone else's attention, etc., remember that YOU chose to live in someone else's shadow. If you don't want to spend the money to pay the fiddler, don't get mad when you don't get to dance. It's that simple.
How do you get out? It starts with how you process the things that happen to you in life. If you're one of those people who takes everything that happens to you as a personal slap in the face, you're in need of a major personality overhaul. If you feel that everyone is out to get you, your thinking is extremely immature. In reality, most of the decisions made by others that effect you in your day have absolutely nothing to do with you personally. Examine your thoughts to see who the real culprit is. For example, are you that person who feels that everyone who drives slowly in front of you is doing so just to slow you down? Could it be that the person in front is driving the legal speed limit and you're speeding? Maybe he's already got way too many tickets and doesn't want another one. Was your lay-off really personal or was your company going belly-up? Does your neighbor really play his music loudly just to get on your nerves, or does he just like loud music? How do you process the things that happen in your day? Do you justify your lack of desire to work any harder than you do or be in a better position than you are (a nicer way of saying laziness) by blaming everyone else? In any given situation, do you see the glass as half empty or half full? When life hands you lemons, do you throw them at people or do you make lemonade? (If you're one who throws them, get anger management counseling. Please.)
There. How did that feel? You just exercised your mind by taking a look at some of the things that cause your mind to feel cramped, tired, or overweight (weighed down). And for all you physical fitness fanatics out there who are mindful enough to take good care of your bodies, remember this: The brain is the muscle, too, and it will also atrophy if you don't exercise it.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
I'd Like a Double-Double, Please.
"Two times the fun, twice the trouble, who would it be if you had a double?"
Today, I'm saddened by a couple of things. One, I just read about the suicide of Don Cornelius. Wow! That was a surprise to me. Suicide? What is going on in the world that an icon of his status would go out that way? It's being said that "serious health concerns" probably played a part in this, but I have serious spiritual concerns. What was the man going through mentally and emotionally that his only way out was suicide? Who was his support system? My heart hurts. He was a legend and I hate that his end was met in this way. Seriously, a moment of silence for the giant who pioneered, slaved and paved the way for so many people who otherwise would not have had a stage or a voice. Let's not forget who he was or what he stood for.
The second thing, swinging the pendulum all the way to a different side, is not so sad. It's just stupid. I just watched a clip of Mitt Romney singing America the Beautiful. Now, when I first heard that he sang a song period, I laughed and thought of how kids respond to each other in their little tit-for-tats. I thought, really, Mitt? Is it just bad timing, or are you seriously doing this? Could this be because of the amazing response President Obama got for singing a couple of notes of an Al Green song? (and in case you went to sleep on Obama, the sales of that song went up 490 percent with 16,000 downloads this month after the fundraiser in New York where our president did his thing! That obviously scared some folks!)
Anyway, back to the point. The other day, I read that Mitt sang, and paid it no mind; didn't even bother to listen to it. But today, after watching a clip from the Jay Leno interview with Michelle Obama, I decided to take a listen. Part of me wishes I hadn't; another part of me is glad I did. The singing was terrible, but I was humored by the comments of Suzy Welch, the republican commentator who tried to justify this idiot move on Romney's part. I have to say this because it's burning within me: republicans against Obama say some dumb stuff!!! This female, God help her, tried to justify what sounded like an old man remembering himself as a little boy having to perform his civic duty back in grade school, by saying that the voters would compare the two songs and see the "two different Americas" being represented here. WHAT??? She, after laughing at Mitt herself, tried to pull herself together as she justified Mitt's getting through the whole song, which displayed his patriotism, as opposed to "the very cool Barack Obama singing Al Green". Cool was not used as a positive here; it was snide. So what is she saying? "Two different Americas"? A black America vs. a white one? One that doesn't shun black people and their contributions to this great nation as opposed to the one that doesn't even acknowledge it? What, in her mind, was wrong with what President Obama sang? It wasn't even meant to be a part of his campaign. He did it to acknowledge the Rev. Al Green, who was in the house supporting him. They don't get it. When a man is as honest as President Obama, he can do what he wants, and the outcome is usually favorable. But the" other America" is opposed to that because dishonesty is their policy. (In this case, Mitt Romney wasn't dishonest; he was just wrong.) Listen up: the prowess in President Obama is his sheer, incorruptible honesty, which is the definition of integrity. He doesn't have to pretend to be something he's not. He doesn't have to lie or deceive the public. He can do things like publicly play basketball instead of golf, because that's what he honestly and truly likes to do. He doesn't have to hide who he is, what he likes, his heritage, his roots, the music he listens to, or where he was born for that matter, because his integrity keeps him from falling. He didn't have a secondary agenda when he ran for president. He believed in what he stood for and he still does. He didn't have to impress white or black America. He won the election on who he was and what that brought to the table, not on who he felt he had to be for anyone of any color. It isn't a racial issue for him; it is a presidency!!! So how about this Ms. Welch: President Obama made a choice based on what he knew he could do; Mitt Romney did what he thought he could do, and it didn't work. Not at all. But you're right, Ms. Welch. Two different Americas are being represented here: one that will sheerly amaze the world, and one that will be an absolute mockery. On a simple decision such as whether or not to sing in public, your candidate flopped! You might want to think long and hard about who you're voting in as the chief decision maker for this country. That person WILL be a reflection of you.
So that brings us to the quote of the day. If you had to be a twin to someone, who would it be and why? Obviously, my twin would be the incomparable Barack Obama. This man is honest, integral, intelligent, mature, strong, and about his business--the business of this country! In spite of all they say about him and try to do to him, he stays in his lane. The man is focussed, and I love that about him. He's not playing; he's for real. I'm sure that's why they call him "No shock Barack, No drama Obama". No drama. The man just keeps it real. That's who I'd want to reflect me. So in turn, I am going to reflect him. No shock, no drama. Who do you reflect? Who do you remind others of? That's honestly and truly something for you to think about today.
Today, I'm saddened by a couple of things. One, I just read about the suicide of Don Cornelius. Wow! That was a surprise to me. Suicide? What is going on in the world that an icon of his status would go out that way? It's being said that "serious health concerns" probably played a part in this, but I have serious spiritual concerns. What was the man going through mentally and emotionally that his only way out was suicide? Who was his support system? My heart hurts. He was a legend and I hate that his end was met in this way. Seriously, a moment of silence for the giant who pioneered, slaved and paved the way for so many people who otherwise would not have had a stage or a voice. Let's not forget who he was or what he stood for.
The second thing, swinging the pendulum all the way to a different side, is not so sad. It's just stupid. I just watched a clip of Mitt Romney singing America the Beautiful. Now, when I first heard that he sang a song period, I laughed and thought of how kids respond to each other in their little tit-for-tats. I thought, really, Mitt? Is it just bad timing, or are you seriously doing this? Could this be because of the amazing response President Obama got for singing a couple of notes of an Al Green song? (and in case you went to sleep on Obama, the sales of that song went up 490 percent with 16,000 downloads this month after the fundraiser in New York where our president did his thing! That obviously scared some folks!)
Anyway, back to the point. The other day, I read that Mitt sang, and paid it no mind; didn't even bother to listen to it. But today, after watching a clip from the Jay Leno interview with Michelle Obama, I decided to take a listen. Part of me wishes I hadn't; another part of me is glad I did. The singing was terrible, but I was humored by the comments of Suzy Welch, the republican commentator who tried to justify this idiot move on Romney's part. I have to say this because it's burning within me: republicans against Obama say some dumb stuff!!! This female, God help her, tried to justify what sounded like an old man remembering himself as a little boy having to perform his civic duty back in grade school, by saying that the voters would compare the two songs and see the "two different Americas" being represented here. WHAT??? She, after laughing at Mitt herself, tried to pull herself together as she justified Mitt's getting through the whole song, which displayed his patriotism, as opposed to "the very cool Barack Obama singing Al Green". Cool was not used as a positive here; it was snide. So what is she saying? "Two different Americas"? A black America vs. a white one? One that doesn't shun black people and their contributions to this great nation as opposed to the one that doesn't even acknowledge it? What, in her mind, was wrong with what President Obama sang? It wasn't even meant to be a part of his campaign. He did it to acknowledge the Rev. Al Green, who was in the house supporting him. They don't get it. When a man is as honest as President Obama, he can do what he wants, and the outcome is usually favorable. But the" other America" is opposed to that because dishonesty is their policy. (In this case, Mitt Romney wasn't dishonest; he was just wrong.) Listen up: the prowess in President Obama is his sheer, incorruptible honesty, which is the definition of integrity. He doesn't have to pretend to be something he's not. He doesn't have to lie or deceive the public. He can do things like publicly play basketball instead of golf, because that's what he honestly and truly likes to do. He doesn't have to hide who he is, what he likes, his heritage, his roots, the music he listens to, or where he was born for that matter, because his integrity keeps him from falling. He didn't have a secondary agenda when he ran for president. He believed in what he stood for and he still does. He didn't have to impress white or black America. He won the election on who he was and what that brought to the table, not on who he felt he had to be for anyone of any color. It isn't a racial issue for him; it is a presidency!!! So how about this Ms. Welch: President Obama made a choice based on what he knew he could do; Mitt Romney did what he thought he could do, and it didn't work. Not at all. But you're right, Ms. Welch. Two different Americas are being represented here: one that will sheerly amaze the world, and one that will be an absolute mockery. On a simple decision such as whether or not to sing in public, your candidate flopped! You might want to think long and hard about who you're voting in as the chief decision maker for this country. That person WILL be a reflection of you.
So that brings us to the quote of the day. If you had to be a twin to someone, who would it be and why? Obviously, my twin would be the incomparable Barack Obama. This man is honest, integral, intelligent, mature, strong, and about his business--the business of this country! In spite of all they say about him and try to do to him, he stays in his lane. The man is focussed, and I love that about him. He's not playing; he's for real. I'm sure that's why they call him "No shock Barack, No drama Obama". No drama. The man just keeps it real. That's who I'd want to reflect me. So in turn, I am going to reflect him. No shock, no drama. Who do you reflect? Who do you remind others of? That's honestly and truly something for you to think about today.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)