"Enough is enough, but sometimes it's just too much."
On being fed up: when is enough enough? I don't know about you, but I'm one of those people who just has positive energy to burn. If I don't encourage someone I know during my day, I'll go on overload and, before I know it, I will start a downward spiral. It's almost as if I turn on myself if I don't give the energy away. The key, however, is that I have to put the energy in a good place. I have a natural propensity for depression, so I have to stay in the supernatural place of positive thinking. Yes, to think positive all day is supernatural, but I can only be there if I'm willing to share it with others. I get that, but others around me don't. Oh, they get the part about me being positive, and they are cool with that. What they don't get is that I can burn out if they keep smoking up what I have to give! See, this is how it works: pay it forward again! You get the energy from me, then you give it to someone else. That way, the energy grows. But if you get the energy from me and keep it for yourself, it's going to burn out and before you know it, you're going to end up coming back to me for more. The more I give you, the more you're going to want. For you who reads this, I'm grateful. YOU have become a great outlet for me. For those in my social circle who know this side of me, because most of the people I know personally don't, I have a message: Find yourself some new CRACK!!! I am NOT your drug!!! GO SMOKE SOMETHING ELSE!!!! Just kidding--well, sort of. When is enough enough? That's today's question.
I'm sure all of us have a situation like this or a similar one. There is someone in our lives we give way too much of ourselves to. Who is that for you? Why do you give so much to them? When is enough enough? I'll tell you when: when it begins to drain you and you have to siphon energy from someone else just to make it through your own day. When you've given that person you feel indebted to so much that there's none left for the emotionally stable people around you--your healthy mate, children and/or close friends. How do you know when this is happening? When you're so tired of dealing with that unstable person that when your child asks you a question, he gets yelled at. He gets the brunt of your frustration.
When your child or your mate has to hear you yelling and screaming about how tired you are, and how much you need a break, YOU need to ask yourself whether or not they are the ones who make you that tired. If you ascertain that they aren't, then that energy belongs to someone else. Take it back to the person/people who gave it to you! Your emotionally healthy loved ones are not, or shouldn't be, your trash receptacles. They deserve more than that from you, and if you can't give it to them, maybe they need to get rid of you! Sh** rolls downhill and never stops until someone is brave enough to say...let's say it together...one, two, three...ENOUGH IS ENOUGH, and mean it. The smelly stuff I just mentioned rolls downhill through the generations. In a family where there's an alcoholic parent and multiple children, at least one child is bound to become the alcoholic of the next generation--wet or dry!! If he's not a wet alcoholic, he will be a dry alcoholic, which is one who doesn't drink but may as well because he acts like a drunk due to some other addictive habits and behaviors. And People, please stop kidding yourselves into believing that your addiction isn't hurting your children, or that your mom or dad's addiction didn't effect you; it did. Addiction of any kind is the main reason for family dysfunction. If you don't think so, go to a bookstore and read up on what happens to the children of an addict when he/she grows up. They are those who have to guess at what healthy living is because it was never modeled for them. They are the ones who have difficulty seeing a project from start to finish. They see the start fine; it's the finish that never gets seen. They are the ones who lie even when it would have been just as easy to tell the truth. They judge themselves (and you, too!) without mercy, take themselves way too seriously, and have difficulty having fun or allowing you to enjoy anything. They grossly overreact to changes, big or small, over which they have no control. They are incredibly impulsive, constantly seeking approval or affirmation, and are extremely loyal even when, and especially when, their loyalty is undeserved. They lock themselves into doing things without ever considering the consequences, which leaves them always making a mess for themselves (or for you) to have to clean up. And they don't know why they do what they do. That sounds like a lot of people, doesn't it? Well, that's because it is! Addiction in this world is rampant. It is what happens when people spin out of control and don't know what to do. Instead of getting help, they get high, and their children are left to their own devices as they try to figure out the things that would otherwise be laid out for them by a parent in a healthy situation. Things don't snap into place for them when they turn 18. A good mind doesn't just happen; it's made. If not, the children just get older; they don't grow up, and those are the people who drain you and me of any amount of positive energy we could ever have.
That's the problem. The solution, as I said before, is to take that energy back where it belongs. Don't spread it by giving it to your healthy mate/children/close friends and other loved ones. If you do, those closest to you will end up exhibiting signs of addictive behaviors. It doesn't matter how much you think you owe your emotionally unhealthy parent, sibling, friend, boss, coworker, or whoever you feel indebted to. If you take it on, that's YOUR debt; not your child's! And no matter what you think you owe, don't pay it off with the life, health and/or well being of those who truly love you!!! They are YOUR support system. If you destroy them, you will ultimately destroy yourself in the process. Learn when enough is enough. Learn when the problems of someone else start to become yours. You owe it to your emotionally healthy self and to your healthy mate/children/loved ones to stay a healthy distance from that which poses a danger to you. Learn when enough is too much, and don't pay that heavy price. The fact of the matter is that the worst that could happen when you pull out is that they'll just find someone else's life to destroy (which can only happen if the other person allows it). The best thing that could happen would be that they'd see the err of their ways and get the help they need. Either way, what happens to them is not your responsibility, and it certainly isn't the responsibility of your emotionally healthy child/mate/loved ones. Say it with me: CODEPENDENT NO MORE. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.
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