Get Out!

"What goes up, must come down unless it goes up and gets completely out!"

What do you need to get completely out of?  A funk?  The hood?  Your church?  Those funky clothes you've been wearing for the past three days?  A pity party?  A bad relationship?  A dead end job?  A lie?  A default friendship (you know the one where your friend typically brings you down instead of up)?  A bad habit?  A bad habitat?  A circle of people who don't sharpen you?  An unhappy life altogether (and no, I don't mean suicide)?  A bad, bad, bad situation?

This list could go on forever, but I don't need to tell you what you need to get up and out of.  Chances are, you already know.  You may try to act like you don't, but you do.   If it's no good for you, get up and get out.  If no one in it is getting better, get up and get out.  If it brings more bad news than good, get up and get out.  If it's weighing you down, get up and get out.  If your loved ones are suffering, get up and get out.  If it's costing you more than you can afford, get up and get out.  If it's bringing you down, get up and get out.  Awww, get up and get the hell out if you know it's destroying you.  Get up and get the hell out if you're destroying someone else.  Get up and get the hell out if you don't know whether or not it's destroying you cuz that means you're confused as hell!

How do you get out?  Not cold turkey, unless you have the means to do that or if the situation is life or death.  If no one's life is in imminent danger, devise a plan to go, but make it a good one.  Don't jump from the frying pan into the fire.  If your mate is not doing you any justice, don't move in with your sister and her four rotten kids.  Two cats in one house is a recipe for disaster; one worse than fire and gasoline.  If you're sleeping on the couch, don't move into a place where you'll be sleeping on the floor.  If you don't get along with your mom, for Heaven's sake, don't move back in with her!  If your family member/friend is in a rocky situation, don't move in there, either.  If you can, save money and move into your own place--even if it's a studio and you have to rent a storage space for the rest of your belongings (try not to store them at someone else's place.  That rarely works out in the end).   If your money is short, don't move in with anyone who is barely making ends meet, in an effort to "help" him/her save or cut down on bills".  That's a trap waiting to ensnare you.  Once you move in there, it will become your fault that he/she can't pay them on time!  The worse thing you can do is move in with someone who is not stable him/herself.  Don't move in with anyone with selfish motives because you'll move in a friend, live there as a target, and leave an enemy.  Trust me.  I know that one all too well.  And from both sides!

If you're going to get out, get completely out.  Don't leave one hard bed to make another.  Analyze your situation, work with what you've got, devise a plan to go, but  make sure you're completely out of the situation.  But be very careful not to exchange one problem for another.  It's the problem that you're getting away from; not just the person.  If you know two people with similar issues, one is no better than the other.  Get away from the issue!  Moving away from one controlling personality to another one will just be a waste of time and money, and a huge disappointment waiting to happen.  If your relationship is not solid, don't have a baby; that's staying papers.  You need to be serving walking papers.  If you hate working as a cashier, leaving Wal-Mart to work for Target is probably not going to be a good idea.  Yeah, I know Target pays more, but the problem is that you don't like working retail!

Get up and get completely out.  Don't fix the symptoms; fix the problem.  If you're bound, it's because you haven't freed yourself, and only the real truth can make you free.  Look at the stone cold truth of your situation.  Make the decision about whether or not you truly want to get out.  If the answer is yes, start making your plans to go.  When you go, don't take the problem with you.  If you are not getting along with your mate, don't give him/her the address so he/she can come and go as he/she pleases.  You may as well stay where you are!  Keep it real with yourself.  If you need to go, go.  If not, stay, but if you're going to go, go all the way!

Spiritual Emissions

"Behind every successful man is a strong woman; a woman whose inner strength is greater than everything that comes up against him from the outside--including her friends and family."


Let's face it, relationships--or the desire for one--will be here until the end of time.  I talk to people all the time, trying to reason with them and show them the importance of living/exploring their own life before attempting to share it with someone else.  Truthfully, people are not trying to hear that--young or old.  The fact of the matter though, is that if you don't have anything to bring to a relationship, you're not going to get much out of it.  Though it is common practice to enter into a union with another person, hoping that he/she has enough for the two of you to build upon, it is the absolute worst thing a person can do if hoping for relationship staying power.  It's great if you're only looking for a one night stand, but relationship is different. Two are better than one because you end up with twice as much as each of you had alone, but if one brings nothing to the table, the other ends up with only half of what he started with.  Do the math.  If you're the one bringing nothing, you're putting a lot of pressure on the other to be twice what he/she was before you came along.  Instead of being 50% of the union, he/she has to be 100%.  Being "100" means you don't need anybody else.  That's why she doesn't call or he won't commit.  Why should she/he?  If you're not bringing anything new or anything positive and extra to the table, you are as dead weight and you will hold the other person down.  In practical terms, if you're needy, you're not relationship ready.  If you're needy, get a therapist.  Get a job.  Get a life because your mate would be better off with a teddy bear or a dog.

What is needy?  Neediness is defined as poor; impoverished; feeling or showing a strong need for affection, love, or other emotional support.  What's wrong with that?  If your mate has to constantly water you, then he/she can't grow.  What's worse?  If he/she can't grow, he/she is going to eventually go to a place where growth is inevitable.  Proof of this is affairs in the workplace.  They typically start when two people working together begin to share their needs/personal problems.  In a relationship, the person who is pressured to give the most is the one who ends up needing the most, and if he/she can't get it at home, he/she is not going to look for it there.  It will be found in the workplace, the gym, school, or any other place where people come together for common interests.  If you've got nothing to share with your mate, he/she will ultimately seek "sharedom"(not a real word) with someone else.

How can this be circumvented?  Not by doing what you already do harder.  Do something different.  Have something new to share when you meet up with your mate.  But you said he/she will share with someone who has a common interest.  Yep.  That's exactly what I said, but if he/she is in a relationship with you, common interest with YOU has already been established.  Too much common gets boring.  If you're in a relationship, you need to bring conversation to the table that is different from what he's bringing.  If not, he could actually be you, and he doesn't need you for that.

Here's the trick, though.  It can't be something you thought of on your own.  You can't determine what he/she is going to be interested in.  That's like a posed picture.  It would eventually bore even you.  It has to be something that you do naturally.  His/her attraction to you has to be a natural attraction; one generated from your inner passions/desires.  This attraction is by spiritual emission; it's natural, not manufactured.  Otherwise you will get tired of working to attract your mate, and your mate will get tired of you deciding what is interesting to him/her.  This is how people grow apart.  To avoid growing apart, each of you must first grow up, then continue to grow.  Your natural interests will keep your partner's attention.  But be careful with this one.  If the natural interest of your mate is what he medicates or pacifies him/herself with, there's going to be a problem.  If he/she is medicating or pacifying, he/she is also covering up a deep seated problem that may have been there before you and will be there after you.  How can you tell if this is the issue?  One word: excessive.  If it's excessive, offensive to you, and/or there is an obsession with him/herself, work, hobby, favorite pastime, interest, etc., it's an unhealthy situation.  Do yourself a favor: GET OUT WHILE YOUR SELF WORTH IS STILL IN TACT!   Some examples: he's still collecting batman, superman, star wars figurines and other paraphernalia from his youth that he forbids you to touch and has a tendency to pick fights with you when he can't get an article he wants.  She is constantly buying things or having surgery to enhance her looks and she can't stop flirting with other guys. He/she gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night playing World of Warcraft, Call of Duty, Madden 2012, or worse, Pacman, Asteroids or Millipede.  She spends more time with her family/friends than she does with you and their word is Bible, holding much more weight than yours. On the other hand, if he/she is naturally building upon the part of their world that attracted you to him/her in the first place, even if it requires long hours at the office or in the studio, and you can see the progress, you're in a good place.  Some examples: he was a sales associate when you met him; now he's a regional manager or owns his own franchise.  He was waiting on a rap contract when you met him; now you can hear his work on the radio.  She worked for a burger joint when you met her; now she's climbing the corporate ladder and working in an office.  He was playing high school ball when you met him; now he's playing in college, and earning a degree.  She was hanging out with a bunch of friends and family when you met her; now she has a different support group where everyone is working or doing something productive, and what they do does not infringe on your relationship because she doesn't leave you out of the loop.

The best and only way to enter into and stay in a good, solid relationship is to be mentally, emotionally, and spiritually healthy yourself, then meet your equally healthy mate in a healthy situation.  In other words, don't be a drama queen/king, bringing your drama to his/her already dramatic situation.  If you want a healthy relationship, leave all the baby mama drama alone, whether it's yours or his/hers.  Drama is drama, and if that's what you like or need, you're not ready for a relationship.   On the other hand, if he has a passion to succeed when you meet him, he/she's going to reach his goal, but you can't pull him away from his destination.  If she has a desire for higher in her own life when you meet her, she's going to help you to see your own "higher", so don't pull her down.  In any case, that which is in your heart is going to seep through your pores in a way that no healthy person will try to snuff out.  Again, this is spiritual emission. If your mind is solid, don't waste your time on a weak, needy mate; by nature, you will be pulled down.  He/she won't have the strength to climb up or out with you; the expectation will be that you will carry him/her on your back.  Once again, dead weight.  On the way up, you are going to meet several obstacles or oppositions that are spiritually designed to make or break you.  These are those things that you will have no control over: haters, idiot bosses/superiors, temporary financial problems, mooching family/friends, mood swings, fatigue, loss of interests, loss of appetite, disappointments, temporary depression, etc.  Strong woman/strong men, you've got to be stronger than natural obstacles, so you damn sure don't need any manufactured drama!  When he can't see himself through, you have to be the extra pair of eyes he needs.  When she feels like sitting down, you will have to stand up for the two of you, because in that moment, you'll have to encourage her to stand; not stand in her stead.   You've got to be stronger than anything that comes against him/her, and more often than not, that will be friends and family.  For this reason, a man shall leave the house of his mother and father and cleave unto his wife.  But she better be the right one!  She better be stronger; not louder.  Stronger; not more needy.  Stronger; not more obnoxious.  Stronger, but not based on the need to  satisfy your flesh.  Stronger, if you want to succeed.  Stronger, if the two of you are going to make it.  Stronger, if your kids are going to be worth a damn.  Stronger if you want to live life abundantly.  Stronger than what come what may.  Stronger...

Sex Ed: Ancient Biblical History

"Sex is only dirty if the partners are."

I'm a bit perplexed.  By now, we've all heard about the heat Kirk Cameron is taking for calling homosexuality "unnatural".  He's a Christian.  A Bible believing Christian.  Why would anybody be surprised at what he said?  He got it straight from the Bible (and it's also in the New Testament, Mr. Thicke).  I'm quite disturbed at the way society handles Christian views about homosexuality.  It's as though Christians are expected to hide/deny what we believe so that gays can be comfortable with what they believe.  Gays and their supporters think it's natural to have same gender sexual relations; Bible believing Christians believe it is unnatural.  We are all entitled to what we believe, and as grown folk, we should be able to agree to disagree without getting stupid about it.  Liberals, stop asking Christians what they believe if you don't want to hear it, and for God's sake, stop being surprised because we haven't changed our view of homosexuality.  We're not going to, and WE DON'T CARE about your judgment! The proof is in the pudding; you'll see (Romans 14:11).

But the homosexual thing is not what has me so befuddled.  I watched The View this morning and one of the guests was a pastor who preaches and encourages great sex within the marital union between a man and a woman, which is drawing some very unpopular opinion.  I don't understand what the problem is with this.  Whether we are members of a church or not, my man needs to handle his business, and if he doesn't put it down, well...let's just say that Kitty will be very unhappy and will begin to meow--loudly--in 9-1-1 mode!  If Kitty continues to meow with no satisfaction, the meow will turn into a loud piercing yowl.  If you're a cat owner--cat as is in Felis Silvestris (the kind with four legs)--you will understand what I'm talking about.  If not, I'll give you another example: think of a sexually unsatisfied marriage partner as a cat who's owner never gives him anything to drink.  What's the poor animal supposed to do when it's thirsty: swallow it's spit?  Okay.  That might be a little graphic, but I think it's warranted here.  I could have painted a more vivid picture, but I know that some of my viewers are considerably younger or more prudish than I am and may not be ready for that, so...

...if Kitty gets nothing to satisfy her thirst, is she just destined to live out the rest of her life unsatisfied?  Tell me please, what would be the point of being married?  Yes, marriage is about more than sex, but if you're kidding yourself into believing that you and your partner both feel that way...let's say it together...it sucks to be you!  And if YOU are the one who feels that way, you might want to have a little talk with your partner about how he/she really feels!

Raven Simone was the guest host today and she asked a really important question: what does the Bible say about sex.  The pastor correctly answered that "the Bible has a lot to say about sex".  Here's the problem for far too many folks: the only part of sex that most have been taught by the church is that "fornication" is bad.  Oh, yes.  The older church goers may have been taught about the Song of Songs (commonly referred to as "the Song of Solomon") but most won't admit that they have no real idea what that book of the Bible really means.  From a young age, church children are taught about the hellfire sex will bring on (not that most of them listen, but there are few who do).  Sex is taught as taboo, which will strike up curiosity and a a desire to taste of the forbidden fruit faster than any other teaching.   Sex is one of the most natural things in existence, but it is not addressed in the church, nor in the home, in the way that it should be.  As a result, divorce, extramarital affairs, homosexuality, pornography, molestation, etc., are rampant in the once so sacred church institution.  I thought to insert some statistics here to show how bad things are, but statistics are often skewed, therefore making them worthless.  I looked up an article on divorce in the church.  The first thing I saw was that, according to the researchers findings, divorce was higher among Black folk in the church than whites.  Having done a study on stats many moons ago, I learned that if you're going to look at percentages, you must also look at the number of people surveyed because the numbers are not often balanced.  In this particular study, 464 African Americans had been interviewed and compared to the 2641 Caucasians who'd been asked the same questions.  It looks like the number is higher among Black folk, 36% to 32% white, but in all actuality--or in actual numbers--that would be 167 Black folks as compared to 845 white ones.  So let's not look at stats.  Instead, let's look at some of the things the Bible says about sex:

1.  Don't have sex before it's time.  Song of Songs 2:7
2.  The body is not meant for sexual immorality. 1Corinthians 6:12-20
3.  If a church goer is sexually immoral, hand him over to Satan. Do not even eat with him.
     Kick him out of the church!  1Corinthians 5: 4-5, 11,13.
4.  Homosexuality is unnatural. Romans 1:26-27
5.  Homosexuality is an abomination to God and a detestable act. Leviticus 18:22, 20:13.
6.  Bestiality is punishable by death--to both the animal and the human. Leviticus 15-16
7.  Incest is a disgrace. Leviticus 20:17-2
8.  It's better to marry than to burn in lust. 1 Corinthians 7:8

There are many more things said, but my personal favorite, and the topic of this blog is found in Hebrews 13:4.  Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.  KJV


The marriage bed is undefiled!  The Bible says that.  What a man and woman do consensually in their marital bed is no one else's business; not even the pastor of your church.  So listen up men and wives; slap it up, flip it, rub it down!  When you're married, you can do that!  You're supposed to do that!  And for those of you felines who like to withhold the "Scooby Snacks" when you're angry, read Ephesians 4:26.  Don't give a foothold to your enemy when you're angry.  Handle your business before you wake up in the morning.  Even if it's not sex; take care of the problem before you go to sleep.

In all seriousness, we need to understand what the Bible teaches.  In order to do that, you must understand an important misconception about God and what He does.  Contrary to popular belief, God is not looking to punish you for missing the mark.  Most of what He says--especially in the New Testament--was not designed as unbearable punishments for those who do not obey His commands.  If you pay attention to what was written, you will find that He's really telling us what will happen to us if we don't follow the right path.  Life in the earth realm is like a maze; there are several paths to follow, but only one that will lead you to the finish line.  Though God is severe when He punishes, understand that what He punishes is the disobedience of rebellion.  Rebellion is deliberate disobedience.  If you're not rebellious, He's not going to destroy you.  The real truth of the matter is that He's looking to help you to avoid the hell He knows you will bring onto yourself if you follow any of the other pathways in the maze; they are all dead ends.  His true desire is that none of His should perish.  For that reason, He has sent us a bunch of help (Psalm 91:11-16), but you MUST follow His direction if you want to make it out alive.  He's giving direcTION;  not direcTIVES.  Take up your cross and follow Him.  He is not barking orders as religion teaches, but rather sending you the help you need to navigate this crazy, sinful, unenlightened world filled with people who will tell you whatever sounds good to them (1 Timothy 1:1-11,  2 Timothy 3, paying close attention to vs.6-9).

So if you're married, work it, Baby!  It's Biblical.

Good Takes Work

"There's nothing to fear but fear itself."


Imagine waking up in a room crawling with spiders and fire ants. You don't know how you got there, but you know you have to get out. You look for a door, but there isn't one.  You see a window across the room so you make a run for it, jumping over the arachnids/insects.  This mad dash seemed to stir them up and they are showing signs of aggression and aggravation, and are now moving rapidly in every direction they can, completely covering the floor with their presence.  You reach for the window but find the darned thing nailed shut.  You begin to panic as you see that the spiders and ants are multiplying like crazy right before your eyes.  There's no other window and no crawl space.  Even if there were, you wouldn't be able to get to either of them because the floor and the walls are blackening before your eyes with the multiplying critters.  Some of them are beginning to fly!  You begin to itch and scratch at the sight of them.  Your movement is making the ants crazy and the spiders are getting...well...antsy.  There's nothing you can do?  By now you are really panicking. You're beginning to sweat, and your mouth is getting really dry.  Your stomach is queazy and your head is feeling light. There's no obvious way out, so what do you do?

You STOP IMAGINING!  That's what you do!  It's all in your mind anyway, so you have total control over the situation--even though it doesn't seem so!  As crazy as this sounds, it is the best answer to every "what-if " question you ask yourself as you talk yourself out of doing something you're unsure of.  STOP IMAGINING what people are going to say or do without giving them a chance to do something different!  Stop writing roles for other people to play in your life, then having them act them out in your head, causing you to fail at something or to deny yourself/others of what is rightfully yours/theirs.  When you "what-if" yourself out of doing something you should, you deny others the opportunity to do the opposite of what you thought they would.  Maybe they are not as pessimistic as you.  Maybe the situation is better than you could have ever thought possible, but how will you know for sure unless you check it out?

So many times we drive ourselves crazy with anxiety as we imagine ourselves into a no win situation.  The infamous "what if" questions trap us inside impossible situations all of the time and we end up doing something crazy, or not doing something we know we really should or that we really want to do.  How many times have you "what if-ed" yourself out of doing something you were really excited to do?  Have you ever stopped yourself from calling or visiting someone you really wanted to talk to or see because you imagined that what he/she would say or think would be too much for you?  Did you imagine how the conversation or visit would go in a way so negative that you decided he/she didn't want to hear from or see you?  How many fun or important things have you missed out on in your life on the count of "what if'?  How many insults or criticisms have you heard in your mind that altered your attitude or behavior toward another person?  This is called shadow boxing.  Shadow boxing is no good because most don't do well with the imagined T.K.O's, and end up angry at folks who don't know why they're angry at them---even though we insist they "know exactly what the problem is".  How crazy is this?

Before you talk yourself out of your next opportunity to visit, meet, see, help, go out with, call, interview play, jam, work, sing, talk, invest, share with another person, STOP IMAGINING!  As your mind asks "what if", allow your mouth to ask "what if not?" Usually what you talk yourself out of turns out to be the best thing for you.  Negative self talk (shadow boxing) is what happens when the fear on the inside of you steers you off a guided path to something good.  Fear is false expectations appearing real.  Fear is a bully that drums up false expectations inside our heads, and we accept and treat the accusations as though they are real.  How many times a day are you defeated by your own mind?

The next time you have an opportunity to do something fun or receive something good, and fear pops up to distract you, take steps to forge ahead in spite of it.  You just might find that you are capable of defeating fear and ripping away it's control over your life.  Take small steps like repeating something positive or powerful in your mind whenever fear thoughts come up: "I can do this" or "I deserve this" or "It doesn't matter whether or not I deserve this; it belongs to me!" or "get thee behind me, Satan!" If you're speaking positives out of your mouth, you won't hear the negatives as loudly in your head.  This takes practice, so if you're not successful your first time out, try, try again!  Each time you try this, it will get easier and easier.  It may feel a little crazy at first, but don't you feel crazy anyway?

Fear is not your friend, so stop allowing him in your house.  Kick him out of your mental space.  He only comes to destroy perfectly good opportunities.  Stop imagining the worst and learn to partake of the best!  Everybody deserves to have something good happen in their lives, but good ain't gonna bop you on the head!  Bad comes easily, but good you have to work for.  So suit up!  Go to work: stop yourself from expecting and imagining the worst and learn to hope for the best.  Meditating on that which is good vs. that which is bad takes work, but it will produce good fruit in your life.  Get busy.  Don't hesitate.  Start today.  Get going and good luck!  

Making Good Memories

"A picture is only worth a thousand words; a good memory can be told and retold for an entire lifetime."


Recently, I talked to someone who was down and out due to the loss of all of the pictures of her children in a move across country.  That stimulated my thinking...

...how many of us rely on pictures to remind us of the past?  Please don't say that the purpose of the pictures is to remind us, because all of you know that most folks pose pictures vs. taking candid shots.  I hate posed pictures at times because it feels like someone is lying to me!  I don't know; maybe that's just me.  I prefer candid shots that tell the story of what was happening in that particular moment.  But that is what a memory is to me.  Sometimes you can't capture it with a camera because the excitement or the magnitude of the moment isn't tangible.  I prefer to tell the story myself, if I can, because telling the story can bring the moment back to life in a way that even those who weren't there can share it.  But that can only be done if you burn the image into your mind with the desire to remember it.  What do you desire to remember?  Don't get me wrong. I have tons of pictures of my family, but I choose not to show them to everybody.  They are only seen by a few, but I will tell stories about the events where they were taken over and over, and it's fun each time (the key to the fun is in telling people who want to hear it, though!).

The decision to withhold the pictures began for me as a need for privacy, but developed into a practice that has proven beneficial to my family and friends.  I cringe when I'm with people I didn't grow up with and someone I know from back in the day breaks out a picture of me wearing a fashion that was popular thirty or forty years before!  That's not a cute thing to do.  I've never seen the humor in that, and quite frankly think it's rather cruel.  Think of people who have had to have corrective/cosmetic surgery, those who have lost or gained a significant amount of weight, or even others like me who lost their childhood ugly and aren't looking to find it----ever again!  I don't really understand why people think I'm looking for it.  I'm not.  I had a hard enough time with it when I knew where it was!  It wasn't easy having it, and for some reason, people find it enjoyable to locate it to show your family and friends how you used to look!  Come on, folks, show some compassion.  You never know; you might even be frightening my children into not giving me grandchildren!  That's not fair!  It's like you're showing them a latent gene that skipped a generation.  I would imagine that it's almost as bad as being "outed" in some cases.  If you're one who does that, please stop!  I don't look like I did forty years ago, and I'd like my family to remember me just the way I am--today, thank you!  You can tell all the stories you want, but do you really have to show pictures?

Seriously, a memory can be told and retold for an entire lifetime--if the memory truly exists.  What memories do you have to tell?  If you're one of those people who "smiles for the camera" but frowns immediately after the flash, maybe it's time you participate in something that makes you smile even when there are no cameras around.  Stop doing what you're supposed to do, according to the law of society when your mom/dad was a child, and free yourself up to do the things you'd truly like to do and tell someone about. Do something you've been wanting to do for a very long time, but never did.  Have something exciting to tell your grands and great grands when they are old enough to handle it.  Remember to keep it all healthy.  Don't do anything stupid.  Telling and retelling good lifetime memories from a prison cell doesn't count!

V.I.T.M.F.E.E.

"Don't expect others to give to you what you don't feel worthy of."


Okay.  So I am admittedly a victim of modern technology; I am technologically sheltered.  In other words, if I can't get it online, it will never be mine!  That's real.  I am so spoiled by the opportunity to shop, travel, dine in, register, etc., with my fingers that I don't know what I'd do if my hands were to ever be cut off.  I don't know what I'd miss more, my fingers or the ease of life sans crowds, traffic, rude people, this generation's young adults (which is a cross between rude, ignorant, and no home training), long lines, sales associates or other staff that don't know any more about the product or service than I do, employees who don't speak enough English to understand what I'm asking for or with an accent too heavy for me to understand what they're saying, or my personal favorite...the employees who are certain in their own minds that I could never afford their store's product--as if they could!  Usually, with few exceptions, if you work for the store, and you're prejudging others, it's because you can't afford the product--Mommy and Daddy's money doesn't count.  If your parents are buying it for you, they can afford it; not you!  But that's neither here nor there...

This works for me, but I have a lifestyle that supports that.  I may sound somewhat prudish, but really, I'm just old and impatient at times.  If you drew something racist, bigoted, or anything remotely close to that from the things I mentioned in the first paragraph, it just sucks to be you because it would mean that you're not open enough to hear what those of us who just want to be honest have to say.  By now, if you've been keeping up with the blogs, you know that I'm not striving for perfection or political correctness; I'm just honest.

I am honestly appreciative of technology because I can be myself without my life being interfered with.  I like being the V.I.T.M.F.E.E.: Very-Important-To-Myself-Forgetting(unless you want to use a much stronger "f" word)-Everybody-Else type of person, and I can be that online!  I can give myself what I'm worthy of, without being interrupted by the ill thoughts and treatment of other people who don't feel the same way about themselves.  Let's face it: all of us truly desire to be treated with some level of respect, and we deserve that--some more than others.  When we're respected, our days seem to be more pleasant and we are more productive as individuals.  In a right society, if we love ourselves, we could be as respectful as we are respected, and vice versa.  But, unfortunately, we don't live in a right society, and it's not getting any "righter"!  Our society is so rude and heartless now that it's almost impossible to stay in your lane and enjoy life out in public.  Most people feel they have a right to get in your space.  Not only that, they invite you into their space and have the nerve to become angry when you refuse to make them important.  As much as I love kids, for example, I don't like it when someone else thinks that I should find their child, and everything he/she does, adorable enough for me to take time away from what I'm doing to let the child know it.  If I don't take the time to applaud the child's beauty--which is truly in the eye of the beholder--I'm rude and obnoxious to the parent.  Well, what if I don't think the child is cute?  Do you want me to let him/her know that, too?  What if I don't care about your child's cute?  What if I'm in the middle of a crisis and completely missed the cuteness of your child?  If I do think the child is cute, shouldn't it be my decision whether to tell you that or not?  Don't I have a right to stay focused on what I'm doing even in the presence of your child's cutesy-pootsy self?  I say build your child's vanity on your own time!! LOL

Anyway, to avoid confrontations of that nature or others like it, I enjoy the peace and solitude of my own space.  I only share space when I have to!  If I'm at home, I can be as important as I want to be, right?  In the confines of my own space, I don't have to be concerned about what anyone else thinks.  In my own place, I can talk about what I need to talk about without societal interruptions because I can handle my business without inadvertently stepping on anyone else's toes.  Best of all, in my own space...

...I can love myself enough to not demand it from you.  I can be my own cheerleader at home, then go out in public and allow you to be you--without expecting you to place me above you in order to spare my feelings.  I can compliment myself and not be angry at you for not noticing my new shoes, or my new watch, or any other new stuff I have.  I can take the time to assess my situation without worrying about what you're going to say about what I'm wearing or how I smell.  I can apply as little or as much make-up as I want without needing you to validate or invalidate me.

I can give me what I deserve without bothering you.  I can be confident in who I am, what I'm wearing, how I'm feeling, what I want to do, etc., without having to be concerned about any approval/disapproval, compliments/criticism, encouragement/put downs, cheers/jeers, insults or pleasantries from the world around me.  And so can YOU!  But if you're one who cannot love yourself, you will naturally interfere with others loving themselves.  If you can't love yourself, you won't be able to allow others to love themselves without feeling as if they've infringed on your right to be down and out. (How many times have you witnessed a friend or acquaintance look at a happy person and say, "Nobody is that happy.")  If I can love myself, you will not be able to sit still as I refrain from complaining about the things in my life that I don't like, nor will you be able to listen as I try to share my joy with others.  My confidence begins with me understanding and dealing with the truth about me.  The more I deal with me, the less you have to hear about it!  My self-esteem starts with how I feel about myself, so please...allow me the courtesy of loving myself enough to allow you to love you.  In return, I am going to need you to take the time to do what needs to be done for you, so that you won't have a problem with me loving me (or you, either, for that matter).  In the end, we can love ourselves enough to not have to resort to modern technology in order to get done the things that normally cause people to have to interact, because healthy, pleasant interactions with others allow us to live life to the fullest.   Be important to and respect yourself so others can do the same without having to put you on ignore with a  "forget" about you attitude in order to enjoy themselves.  Really and truly, being forgotten about does reduce the quality of your life.  

Closets Are Not Good Hiding Places

"If you don't want it seen you can hide it in the closet, but when it's time to come clean, everything hidden must be revealed."


We all know what to do when visitors come unexpected or at a time when we've not had time to clean house: hide it all in the closet!  Then after they leave, we take everything back out and put it away as the guilt of not having it in it's proper place sets in.  You know what we say to ourselves: I've got to get better about keeping this place clean.  The next time they come, I'll be ready.  Some of us are good at keeping our places clean, but others of us don't have the time or are just lazy!  It doesn't matter which; no one here is judging you, but we do need to discuss some things.

Do you ever think about the things you shove into your mental closet?  Do you ever take the time to clean it out?  Probably not.  Most of us wait for someone else to do that.  Relationship partners, friends, coworkers and the like are given closet cleaning duty all the time--usually completely unaware of that being expected of them.  Mates are expected to make all of our pain go away.  After all, that is their job, right?  Wrong!  Most of them come with just as much baggage as you have.  Females: most of us are bag ladies.  We carry around way too much stuff and expect new relationships to make it all go away.  Gents: you want to go into the closet, thinking you can fix things, but what's in there needs to be thrown out, not fixed.  If your own closet were organized, you'd see that.  People: Baggage plus baggage equals more baggage!  If you're headed into a interpersonal relationship of any kind, look deep before you leap.  How can you help me to walk if your legs are broken?  How can I help you to walk if my ankles are shattered?  What the heck is the point of us being together if neither of us can walk?  The popular answer to those questions would be that we'd be okay standing still.  Wrong!  The healthy answer to that question would be that if we're both broken, we probably met in rehab.  Why the heck would you get intimately involved with someone in rehab?  Whether you realize it or not, rehab has a purpose!  It's the place were broken people go to get help.  It's the place where people go when they need professional help.  If you're not a professional, don't interfere with anyone else's healing process!  Let them heal.  In the meantime, get your own healing.  There's nothing better than two healthy people entering a union together.  Unfortunately, that's a rare find in today's society.  Mental health is usually not a requirement since the desperation of having a partner seems to overshadow the character/personality of the potential mate.  But think about it: a relationship between two people is like two oxen yoked together.  As long as they are both walking, neither gets his neck broken, but if one sits down...SNAP!  Once one neck is broken, it will only be a matter of time before the other one snaps.  Even if you decide to stay after the neck is broken, the injured partner will become more of a hinderance than a help no matter how long you stay and no matter how many bandages you use to try to cover it up.  Remember this: a broken neck is not the same as an injured neck.  Everyone gets knocked down once in a while, but someone who has a problem that holds or weighs you down is not worth his/her weight in gold.  RUN while your legs will still move!

Folks, stop hiding your issues in your closets and/or breaking the necks of unsuspecting partners who want to be equally yoked with you.  An uneven yoke WILL break a neck and junking up your closets won't make you  clean.  Guess what: if your visitor is clean, he/she will be able to tell whether or not you are nasty.  (The proof usually shows up on the walls!  People with nasty closets rarely wash walls.)  Throwing everything you don't want others to see into your closet won't make you clean; you'll just be hiding the obvious dirt--fooling yourself more than anyone else.  If you're not clean, others can see it unless they are unclean themselves.  So clean up; stop being so nasty.  Everything hidden is going to be revealed at some point anyway, and the revelation of it is never easy.  It can be downright embarrassing.   Save yourself the shame.  Be smart; be healthy.  If there's nothing hidden, there's nothing to be revealed.  Don't come clean; be clean!  Between relationships, clean yourself up before you move on to the next one.  Empty your closet so there will be no surprises or unnecessary drama.  Give yourself the opportunity to find exactly what you're looking for: joy, peace of mind, and love in your new situation, and if you're not looking for these things you need to leave relationships alone.  No one wants to be responsible for cleaning up YOUR mess or the mess another person made, and if you force him/her to do so,  it won't be an enjoyable experience for anyone involved.  Go to rehab.  Clean out your mental closet so you can stop lying about how nasty you really are!  Try it.  You'll see that the whole experience of clean will truly be worth your weight in gold and that the cleanliness of the other person will certainly have been worth waiting for.