"There's nothing to fear but fear itself."
Imagine waking up in a room crawling with spiders and fire ants. You don't know how you got there, but you know you have to get out. You look for a door, but there isn't one. You see a window across the room so you make a run for it, jumping over the arachnids/insects. This mad dash seemed to stir them up and they are showing signs of aggression and aggravation, and are now moving rapidly in every direction they can, completely covering the floor with their presence. You reach for the window but find the darned thing nailed shut. You begin to panic as you see that the spiders and ants are multiplying like crazy right before your eyes. There's no other window and no crawl space. Even if there were, you wouldn't be able to get to either of them because the floor and the walls are blackening before your eyes with the multiplying critters. Some of them are beginning to fly! You begin to itch and scratch at the sight of them. Your movement is making the ants crazy and the spiders are getting...well...antsy. There's nothing you can do? By now you are really panicking. You're beginning to sweat, and your mouth is getting really dry. Your stomach is queazy and your head is feeling light. There's no obvious way out, so what do you do?
You STOP IMAGINING! That's what you do! It's all in your mind anyway, so you have total control over the situation--even though it doesn't seem so! As crazy as this sounds, it is the best answer to every "what-if " question you ask yourself as you talk yourself out of doing something you're unsure of. STOP IMAGINING what people are going to say or do without giving them a chance to do something different! Stop writing roles for other people to play in your life, then having them act them out in your head, causing you to fail at something or to deny yourself/others of what is rightfully yours/theirs. When you "what-if" yourself out of doing something you should, you deny others the opportunity to do the opposite of what you thought they would. Maybe they are not as pessimistic as you. Maybe the situation is better than you could have ever thought possible, but how will you know for sure unless you check it out?
So many times we drive ourselves crazy with anxiety as we imagine ourselves into a no win situation. The infamous "what if" questions trap us inside impossible situations all of the time and we end up doing something crazy, or not doing something we know we really should or that we really want to do. How many times have you "what if-ed" yourself out of doing something you were really excited to do? Have you ever stopped yourself from calling or visiting someone you really wanted to talk to or see because you imagined that what he/she would say or think would be too much for you? Did you imagine how the conversation or visit would go in a way so negative that you decided he/she didn't want to hear from or see you? How many fun or important things have you missed out on in your life on the count of "what if'? How many insults or criticisms have you heard in your mind that altered your attitude or behavior toward another person? This is called shadow boxing. Shadow boxing is no good because most don't do well with the imagined T.K.O's, and end up angry at folks who don't know why they're angry at them---even though we insist they "know exactly what the problem is". How crazy is this?
Before you talk yourself out of your next opportunity to visit, meet, see, help, go out with, call, interview play, jam, work, sing, talk, invest, share with another person, STOP IMAGINING! As your mind asks "what if", allow your mouth to ask "what if not?" Usually what you talk yourself out of turns out to be the best thing for you. Negative self talk (shadow boxing) is what happens when the fear on the inside of you steers you off a guided path to something good. Fear is false expectations appearing real. Fear is a bully that drums up false expectations inside our heads, and we accept and treat the accusations as though they are real. How many times a day are you defeated by your own mind?
The next time you have an opportunity to do something fun or receive something good, and fear pops up to distract you, take steps to forge ahead in spite of it. You just might find that you are capable of defeating fear and ripping away it's control over your life. Take small steps like repeating something positive or powerful in your mind whenever fear thoughts come up: "I can do this" or "I deserve this" or "It doesn't matter whether or not I deserve this; it belongs to me!" or "get thee behind me, Satan!" If you're speaking positives out of your mouth, you won't hear the negatives as loudly in your head. This takes practice, so if you're not successful your first time out, try, try again! Each time you try this, it will get easier and easier. It may feel a little crazy at first, but don't you feel crazy anyway?
Fear is not your friend, so stop allowing him in your house. Kick him out of your mental space. He only comes to destroy perfectly good opportunities. Stop imagining the worst and learn to partake of the best! Everybody deserves to have something good happen in their lives, but good ain't gonna bop you on the head! Bad comes easily, but good you have to work for. So suit up! Go to work: stop yourself from expecting and imagining the worst and learn to hope for the best. Meditating on that which is good vs. that which is bad takes work, but it will produce good fruit in your life. Get busy. Don't hesitate. Start today. Get going and good luck!
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