"If you don't want it seen you can hide it in the closet, but when it's time to come clean, everything hidden must be revealed."
We all know what to do when visitors come unexpected or at a time when we've not had time to clean house: hide it all in the closet! Then after they leave, we take everything back out and put it away as the guilt of not having it in it's proper place sets in. You know what we say to ourselves: I've got to get better about keeping this place clean. The next time they come, I'll be ready. Some of us are good at keeping our places clean, but others of us don't have the time or are just lazy! It doesn't matter which; no one here is judging you, but we do need to discuss some things.
Do you ever think about the things you shove into your mental closet? Do you ever take the time to clean it out? Probably not. Most of us wait for someone else to do that. Relationship partners, friends, coworkers and the like are given closet cleaning duty all the time--usually completely unaware of that being expected of them. Mates are expected to make all of our pain go away. After all, that is their job, right? Wrong! Most of them come with just as much baggage as you have. Females: most of us are bag ladies. We carry around way too much stuff and expect new relationships to make it all go away. Gents: you want to go into the closet, thinking you can fix things, but what's in there needs to be thrown out, not fixed. If your own closet were organized, you'd see that. People: Baggage plus baggage equals more baggage! If you're headed into a interpersonal relationship of any kind, look deep before you leap. How can you help me to walk if your legs are broken? How can I help you to walk if my ankles are shattered? What the heck is the point of us being together if neither of us can walk? The popular answer to those questions would be that we'd be okay standing still. Wrong! The healthy answer to that question would be that if we're both broken, we probably met in rehab. Why the heck would you get intimately involved with someone in rehab? Whether you realize it or not, rehab has a purpose! It's the place were broken people go to get help. It's the place where people go when they need professional help. If you're not a professional, don't interfere with anyone else's healing process! Let them heal. In the meantime, get your own healing. There's nothing better than two healthy people entering a union together. Unfortunately, that's a rare find in today's society. Mental health is usually not a requirement since the desperation of having a partner seems to overshadow the character/personality of the potential mate. But think about it: a relationship between two people is like two oxen yoked together. As long as they are both walking, neither gets his neck broken, but if one sits down...SNAP! Once one neck is broken, it will only be a matter of time before the other one snaps. Even if you decide to stay after the neck is broken, the injured partner will become more of a hinderance than a help no matter how long you stay and no matter how many bandages you use to try to cover it up. Remember this: a broken neck is not the same as an injured neck. Everyone gets knocked down once in a while, but someone who has a problem that holds or weighs you down is not worth his/her weight in gold. RUN while your legs will still move!
Folks, stop hiding your issues in your closets and/or breaking the necks of unsuspecting partners who want to be equally yoked with you. An uneven yoke WILL break a neck and junking up your closets won't make you clean. Guess what: if your visitor is clean, he/she will be able to tell whether or not you are nasty. (The proof usually shows up on the walls! People with nasty closets rarely wash walls.) Throwing everything you don't want others to see into your closet won't make you clean; you'll just be hiding the obvious dirt--fooling yourself more than anyone else. If you're not clean, others can see it unless they are unclean themselves. So clean up; stop being so nasty. Everything hidden is going to be revealed at some point anyway, and the revelation of it is never easy. It can be downright embarrassing. Save yourself the shame. Be smart; be healthy. If there's nothing hidden, there's nothing to be revealed. Don't come clean; be clean! Between relationships, clean yourself up before you move on to the next one. Empty your closet so there will be no surprises or unnecessary drama. Give yourself the opportunity to find exactly what you're looking for: joy, peace of mind, and love in your new situation, and if you're not looking for these things you need to leave relationships alone. No one wants to be responsible for cleaning up YOUR mess or the mess another person made, and if you force him/her to do so, it won't be an enjoyable experience for anyone involved. Go to rehab. Clean out your mental closet so you can stop lying about how nasty you really are! Try it. You'll see that the whole experience of clean will truly be worth your weight in gold and that the cleanliness of the other person will certainly have been worth waiting for.
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