ARE YOU IN OR OUT?

"Newsflash: People don't want help OUT; they want help IN."

Okay, let's face it.  All of us have that relative, friend or co-worker who lives in a messed up situation that no one else quite understands.  As pitiful or ridiculous as it is, he/she can't or won't seem to get out of it.  And if that's not bad enough, he/she constantly calls you for an ear, or a shoulder to cry on.  Some of us just listen; others of us offer advice.  Some of us rant and rave when that person is not around about how stupid he/she is.  Others bury their heads in the sand, hoping the situation will fix itself or just go away.  Then there are those who don't care enough to hear it anymore.  They don't even bother to answer the phone or the door when the pitiful soul comes ringing, leaving them to figure it out on their own.  But that's not the sad part of it all.  The really sad part is that even if given a great solution to the problem, the loved one involved probably wouldn't want to hear it anyway!  I've seen a time in life when domestic violence was the exception to the rule in relationships.  Yes, I'm telling my age, but I've also seen a time when most addicts tried to hide their addictions.  There was a time when mental illnesses and emotional disorders were something to be very concerned about.  During my decades on this earth, I've even witnessed a time when families loved, supported, and cared for each other so much that when advice had to be given to a loved one regarding an unhealthy situation, the loved one felt compelled to listen.  It just wasn't okay to have your family know that your mate was abusing you, for example.  So what has changed, you ask? The fact that people are comfortable in their situations!  There is no shame.  They don't want help out of their situations; they want help in them!  Family members and loved ones don't want the wisdom that will help them to get out of unhealthy situations; they'd rather you pay the rent, the bills, the bail, the fees, etc., that they can't afford or don't want to pay themselves!  "Shut up and put up" is their motto!  They just want you to shell out money, take them in, let them crash on your couch, lend your car, call upon your contacts, feed them and/or their kids, buy them their drink, etc.!  And if you do any of the above...you are an enabler!!!  Who are you enabling? What toxic relationship or situation are you funding or accommodating?  Who is accommodating you?  Wisdom cries out aloud in the streets, and if your loved one doesn't want the wisdom, don't give them anything at all because at that point, you are not helping; you're hurting.  You may as well buy a shovel.  It will help you to dig their grave a whole lot faster.