The Necessity of Pain

"Pain is the cost of wisdom; growth is the interest earned."


Pain is the underside of compassion.  Without it, we can never truly understand what others go through.  Without understanding, we are harsh, critical, cynical, and downright heartless. Oh, yeah, and quite boring and shallow. Have you ever listened to the concerns/complaints of someone who has obviously not been through many hardships?  Like the co-worker who just graduated from college and has the same position you have with a lot less experience/know how,  yet thinks he/she knows more than you do.  Or worse, he/she is your new supervisor?  The classmate who is much younger than you or is from the rich side of town?  Your old drinking buddy's new wife?  The new convert to a devout religion?  The new teacher on the staff?  You get the picture.  Sometimes they talk, and you just see red.  I think of the infamous reality t.v. star who broke her toenail and went ballistic.  Okay, giving her the benefit of the doubt, paparazzi is always snapping photos of her that are seen by the world and her appearance needs to be flawless at all times to save her the embarrassment of them capturing and publishing any little imperfection.   But, keeping it real,  ACRYLIC!  Go to a nail shop and get the blasted thing fixed.  Wear some closed toed shoes on the way so that no one sees your flaw.  Better yet, stuff happens!  We all know today's beauty comes in a box.  You bought 90% of you!  It ain't crucial (yes, I know ain't isn't a word, but it's use is great for emphasis, so bear with me).  How about when she went left on her mother after finding out she'd inherited psoriasis from her.  Really, Ms. Beautiful?  You should see some of the stuff the rest of us have to cover up that we're not getting paid for...

...anyway.  Back to the point.  Pain is truly the cost of wisdom because it is the underside of compassion.  Last night, I sat with my beautiful, intelligent, hardworking, responsible daughter through the first day of her menstrual cycle, which is always excruciatingly painful for her.  For the first few years of this, I watched hopelessly each time and prayed for the pain and the nausea to go away.  I wondered why my prayer had not been answered over the years and my heart began to ache more deeply.  Then one night, as she was going through this, my dad walked in the house wearing a shirt that my ex-marine niece had sent him that said, "Pain is weakness being worked out of the body."  I had my answer.  Oh, did I mention that of all the qualities and attributes my daughter had, compassion was NOT one of them?  Spoiled rotten to the core and couldn't understand why others didn't see life the way she did.  Life was simple for her and, of course, she attributed that to her smarts.  Wrong, Baby.  That was the direct result of the protective bubble you lived in for most of your life, with God and Mom protecting you every step of the way!  I remember me, before divorce and homelessness, and it's almost embarrassing.  I had earned an advanced degree, married the man of my choice, lived in a big beautiful starter home, had achieved all I had set out to, then landed a few good jobs back to back as a counselor and as a part-time university professor!  In my mind, I had it all and knew it all!  Then the pain hit.  Did I mention that I also lacked necessary compassion?  I'm compassionate as hell now, though!  Because I understand what folks are going through!  I understand YOU!

Seriously, the worst part of pain is not the way it feels.  The absolute worst part of pain is coming through it no stronger than you were before, and having to go through it again.  If the pain never stops, maybe it's because you need to change.  You can't expect a different outcome if you keep doing the same things over and over.  Change up!  When you come to that painful fork in the road again, take a different route.  For example, all men/women are not bad; maybe you're just no good at relationships.  Maybe you need to love yourself more than you love being able to say that someone else does.  Take a look at yourself and do some things to become a better you!  Then you will attract mates who want to be in relationships with people with higher self-esteem.  Maybe your low self-esteem is dragging others down with you.  Or maybe you should leave relationships alone for a while!  Read a book.  Take up a hobby.  Find out what you like about you instead of trying to find someone else who likes you.

Pain is not the problem; it's the teacher, and you're the student.  Don't go through your pain in vain.  Analyze your situation, retrace your steps and do something different from what you did before.  Learn something from the pain and give back the wisdom you bought with it to someone who needs it.  I find it easier to go through pain when someone other than me will benefit from it.  I went through years of pain to be able to write this to you.  Don't let my pain be in vain.