Check Yourself

"The frog who won't praise his own pond is not only poor, but his SELF-ESTEEM is low, too."


I was watching DWTS clips of my girl Sherri Shepherd, and took an interest in some videos of her partner, Val and his brother, Maxim, who are as good looking as they can be!  From there, I ended up watching clips of an episode of "H8R" featuring Maxim.  I personally love Max!  His personality is great for someone of his stature, but I can see why folks would "H8" him.  In order to truly maximize your potential, you absolutely have to love yourself.  The cost of that, however, is concern for those who don't like you.  You can't worry about that.  If you don't love yourself, you can still be okay as a person, but the cost is your inner self.  Max loves himself, and that causes others to hate him.  He understands that, but what others don't understand is that those of us love ourselves also love people like Max.  It's called confidence, and that's how confidence works.  If your self- esteem is low, you're going to have a hard time accepting someone who has high confidence.  They will come across as self-absorbed, egotistical, arrogant, braggadocios, selfish, conceded, and dismissive, if you don't really know them.   But if you take the time to esteem yourself, if only from fair to midline, others with high esteem are going to beam you up.  That's just the way it works.

I appreciate Max, especially in this episode because the idea was for him to meet his hater, then win her over.  It was obvious when he met her, that he really wasn't the least bit interested in turning her around; he only went with it because of the show.  His first thought was to dismiss her!  She showed up in a halter dress with a pair of cowboy boots that made her look very...umm...midwestern?  Not exactly his type!  She was harshly criticizing him, saying that he was "useless" and "arrogant" (then admitted she felt that way about him from what she read on the internet.  Go figure!).   Well, that's to be expected from someone whose lifestyle is...umm..."humble", if you will.  Max, a very successful, high profile, international businessman and professionally trained dancer, is probably not real concerned about what the average person thinks of him.  He can't be.  That would take up way too much of his mental space, which would grossly interfere with his much needed confidence--which is how haters get inside your head.  Does that mean that he doesn't care about people in general?  No.  It just means that he doesn't have time to worry about people who don't like him.

It must have been a "Max" couple of days for me because last night, I was watching some live performances by the R&B crooner, Maxwell.  Another hottie.  This one is a lot more shy than the aforementioned, but also a lot more affected by what the haters have to say about him.  Who the heck could hate Maxwell?  I love the way he explained it: "Those haters say some really mean things.  They really hate when they're hating you!"  Maxwell, who I really love, does not come across in any way as arrogant as Maxim.  On the contrary, he's extremely shy, yet he probably has just as many haters.  Why?  Because like Maxim, he is extremely good at what he does.  Haters are people who feel deep down inside that they can never be like the person they're hating on!  We've all been there before.  There's been someone in all of our lives who we've hated for no real reason that we could think of other than, "I don't know; she/he just gets on my nerves.  I can't stand him/her."  Some of you are still feeling that way about some folks!  CHECK YOURSELF.  Is the reason you can't stand him or her because he/she loves himself?  Has it ever dawned on you that if he/she doesn't love him/herself, YOUR feelings about him/her will get in the way of what he/she has to achieve in order to reach his/her potential in life?  If for you and others like you they forgo their gifts/talents, you'll be one of those people saying stuff like, "Umpf.  He/she could do so much better than what he/she is doing.  He/she has so much potential!  If I had half of what he/she has, I'd be doing...with it."  Haters are insatiable; they can NEVER be satisfied.  So do you, Maxim and Maxwell!  Those of us who love you and don't mind you doing you are routing for you!

CHECK YOURSELF.  Stop wasting precious time hating others.  Learn to use that time to discover yourself.  Learn to love you, because if you don't, no one else will be able to; your hatred will stand in their way.  Assess your hate.  Find out whether or not the problem is yours or the other person's.  If it's yours, dissect it.  Find out why you hate others so much, then get rid of all of the negativity the hatred brings.  Only then will you be able to love yourself or anyone else: Love thy neighbor as THYSELF.  Don't be a hater; be a neighbor.  Don't hate; congratulate.  And if that doesn't work, know this: Better the hated than the hater because, as a hater, it's YOU you hate the most.