"Don't put off until tomorrow what can be done today. Tomorrow may be yours, but your kids need today."
We've heard it said time and time again that children grow up fast. And this is true. I can remember looking at my young children and thinking, when they are grown, I'll only be in my forties so I'll still be young enough to party and have a life of my own. Ah, that's decades from now, so I've got time..." Well, as they grew up, I got older but I didn't see it happen. I didn't feel older. The world kept turning and society kept changing, but I didn't see myself get older. Well, not until I attempted to have conversations with my kids, who couldn't connect with what I was saying to them, due to the fact that the references I made were about what was when I was their age. All my references were ancient to them! I remember my feelings being hurt when I'd say something that I thought sure they'd crack up at, and they'd look at me curiously--not knowing what was so funny to me! My son, the electronics buff, would google the people and places I'd refer to. My world was actually history to them! The seventies and eighties were not familiar decades for them, even though they could sing the words to all of songs I liked from those decades. It wasn't because they remembered the music; it was because I listened to it all the time when they were young and they had no choice about what was being played on the radio, CD player (no, not 8 Tracks) or iPod. That was the music they were raised on.
When I noticed they weren't able to keep up with me (or interested in my conversation), as much as I wanted to hang on to them, I had to let them grow. We'd meet up to have conversation and I'd notice them sitting quietly, staring at me as though they were in class and I was their ancient history teacher. I'd bow out of the conversation gracefully, feeling abandoned as they'd begin to share stories among themselves, laughing at what the other had to say. I saw then that just because they were now grown, they would NEVER be my peers. We were from two different generations. When their interests in my music changed, I was crushed. I felt like I'd been abandoned by what I'd invested all of my time in. My son would poke fun at the dances from my generations and the beats from my favorite songs, greatly offending me. I felt like he was laughing at me. I'd snap at him and he'd look at me all forlorn, not understanding why I took it so personally. For a few months, I felt very lonely. I couldn't figure out why they were no longer interested in my stories or why my jokes were no longer funny to them. Then I began to feel like I was an idiot to them. I started getting paranoid, thinking they were ridiculing me when I wasn't around. I thought I was the butt of all their jokes. That was when I knew I needed to get a hold of myself. And I did.
At first I wanted to punish them by deliberately excluding them from my life. I wanted them to miss me and want to be a part of my world. Fat chance! They didn't even notice I'd left! Life went on as usual for them. That hurt for a minute. Then I realized something really important...
...I hadn't put them off in order to live my life. I had lots of memories that I made with them that I could share with them; things they could relate to. So instead of trying to be a part of their generation, I took on the position of being the mom of grown kids. As I feel the need to talk and share with them, I bring to them what we all know about our own lives. We also talk about current events, politics, health, finances, and other things that we can share about the generation we are all in. Of course we can't talk about music, fashion, trending topics, etc., but we can definitely relish in the memories we created as a family and the future of us as adults living in the United States of America.
Looking back on it, I realize that I was grieving the loss of my minor children. I'd given so much of myself to them as they grew up. I felt that was the least I could do since I was the one who brought them into this world. I do my own thing now and I allow them to be the young adults of this generation that they are. I no longer try to take them back to the times when I was their age! I had to transition into middle age, even though it crept up on me, without punishing them for making me miss the last twenty years of my young adulthood. Instead of demanding those years back in a midlife crisis type of way, I decided to ride off into the sunset of "40 plus" gracefully.
Life really does begin at 40. If I had put them off in order to hold on to my youth, I wouldn't be able to enjoy them or what they bring to me now. I'm watching our family evolve into something I didn't have at their age. Coming from a large family, I wasn't able to partake of the things a smaller family can comfortably enjoy. My children, on the other hand, have access to things that weren't available to me as a young adult. As a result, I get to have those things that I missed--just at an older age. I can enjoy them with my offspring!
Don't put off until tomorrow what can be done today. Take it from me. If you take the time to enjoy today, tomorrow will be even better for you--even if it takes a little time to transition! The key is in the enjoyment.
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