"Behind every successful man is a strong woman; a woman whose inner strength is greater than everything that comes up against him from the outside--including her friends and family."
Let's face it, relationships--or the desire for one--will be here until the end of time. I talk to people all the time, trying to reason with them and show them the importance of living/exploring their own life before attempting to share it with someone else. Truthfully, people are not trying to hear that--young or old. The fact of the matter though, is that if you don't have anything to bring to a relationship, you're not going to get much out of it. Though it is common practice to enter into a union with another person, hoping that he/she has enough for the two of you to build upon, it is the absolute worst thing a person can do if hoping for relationship staying power. It's great if you're only looking for a one night stand, but relationship is different. Two are better than one because you end up with twice as much as each of you had alone, but if one brings nothing to the table, the other ends up with only half of what he started with. Do the math. If you're the one bringing nothing, you're putting a lot of pressure on the other to be twice what he/she was before you came along. Instead of being 50% of the union, he/she has to be 100%. Being "100" means you don't need anybody else. That's why she doesn't call or he won't commit. Why should she/he? If you're not bringing anything new or anything positive and extra to the table, you are as dead weight and you will hold the other person down. In practical terms, if you're needy, you're not relationship ready. If you're needy, get a therapist. Get a job. Get a life because your mate would be better off with a teddy bear or a dog.
What is needy? Neediness is defined as poor; impoverished; feeling or showing a strong need for affection, love, or other emotional support. What's wrong with that? If your mate has to constantly water you, then he/she can't grow. What's worse? If he/she can't grow, he/she is going to eventually go to a place where growth is inevitable. Proof of this is affairs in the workplace. They typically start when two people working together begin to share their needs/personal problems. In a relationship, the person who is pressured to give the most is the one who ends up needing the most, and if he/she can't get it at home, he/she is not going to look for it there. It will be found in the workplace, the gym, school, or any other place where people come together for common interests. If you've got nothing to share with your mate, he/she will ultimately seek "sharedom"(not a real word) with someone else.
How can this be circumvented? Not by doing what you already do harder. Do something different. Have something new to share when you meet up with your mate. But you said he/she will share with someone who has a common interest. Yep. That's exactly what I said, but if he/she is in a relationship with you, common interest with YOU has already been established. Too much common gets boring. If you're in a relationship, you need to bring conversation to the table that is different from what he's bringing. If not, he could actually be you, and he doesn't need you for that.
Here's the trick, though. It can't be something you thought of on your own. You can't determine what he/she is going to be interested in. That's like a posed picture. It would eventually bore even you. It has to be something that you do naturally. His/her attraction to you has to be a natural attraction; one generated from your inner passions/desires. This attraction is by spiritual emission; it's natural, not manufactured. Otherwise you will get tired of working to attract your mate, and your mate will get tired of you deciding what is interesting to him/her. This is how people grow apart. To avoid growing apart, each of you must first grow up, then continue to grow. Your natural interests will keep your partner's attention. But be careful with this one. If the natural interest of your mate is what he medicates or pacifies him/herself with, there's going to be a problem. If he/she is medicating or pacifying, he/she is also covering up a deep seated problem that may have been there before you and will be there after you. How can you tell if this is the issue? One word: excessive. If it's excessive, offensive to you, and/or there is an obsession with him/herself, work, hobby, favorite pastime, interest, etc., it's an unhealthy situation. Do yourself a favor: GET OUT WHILE YOUR SELF WORTH IS STILL IN TACT! Some examples: he's still collecting batman, superman, star wars figurines and other paraphernalia from his youth that he forbids you to touch and has a tendency to pick fights with you when he can't get an article he wants. She is constantly buying things or having surgery to enhance her looks and she can't stop flirting with other guys. He/she gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night playing World of Warcraft, Call of Duty, Madden 2012, or worse, Pacman, Asteroids or Millipede. She spends more time with her family/friends than she does with you and their word is Bible, holding much more weight than yours. On the other hand, if he/she is naturally building upon the part of their world that attracted you to him/her in the first place, even if it requires long hours at the office or in the studio, and you can see the progress, you're in a good place. Some examples: he was a sales associate when you met him; now he's a regional manager or owns his own franchise. He was waiting on a rap contract when you met him; now you can hear his work on the radio. She worked for a burger joint when you met her; now she's climbing the corporate ladder and working in an office. He was playing high school ball when you met him; now he's playing in college, and earning a degree. She was hanging out with a bunch of friends and family when you met her; now she has a different support group where everyone is working or doing something productive, and what they do does not infringe on your relationship because she doesn't leave you out of the loop.
The best and only way to enter into and stay in a good, solid relationship is to be mentally, emotionally, and spiritually healthy yourself, then meet your equally healthy mate in a healthy situation. In other words, don't be a drama queen/king, bringing your drama to his/her already dramatic situation. If you want a healthy relationship, leave all the baby mama drama alone, whether it's yours or his/hers. Drama is drama, and if that's what you like or need, you're not ready for a relationship. On the other hand, if he has a passion to succeed when you meet him, he/she's going to reach his goal, but you can't pull him away from his destination. If she has a desire for higher in her own life when you meet her, she's going to help you to see your own "higher", so don't pull her down. In any case, that which is in your heart is going to seep through your pores in a way that no healthy person will try to snuff out. Again, this is spiritual emission. If your mind is solid, don't waste your time on a weak, needy mate; by nature, you will be pulled down. He/she won't have the strength to climb up or out with you; the expectation will be that you will carry him/her on your back. Once again, dead weight. On the way up, you are going to meet several obstacles or oppositions that are spiritually designed to make or break you. These are those things that you will have no control over: haters, idiot bosses/superiors, temporary financial problems, mooching family/friends, mood swings, fatigue, loss of interests, loss of appetite, disappointments, temporary depression, etc. Strong woman/strong men, you've got to be stronger than natural obstacles, so you damn sure don't need any manufactured drama! When he can't see himself through, you have to be the extra pair of eyes he needs. When she feels like sitting down, you will have to stand up for the two of you, because in that moment, you'll have to encourage her to stand; not stand in her stead. You've got to be stronger than anything that comes against him/her, and more often than not, that will be friends and family. For this reason, a man shall leave the house of his mother and father and cleave unto his wife. But she better be the right one! She better be stronger; not louder. Stronger; not more needy. Stronger; not more obnoxious. Stronger, but not based on the need to satisfy your flesh. Stronger, if you want to succeed. Stronger, if the two of you are going to make it. Stronger, if your kids are going to be worth a damn. Stronger if you want to live life abundantly. Stronger than what come what may. Stronger...
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