Your Patriotic Duty

"No, really.  Did you just say that out loud?"


WARNING:  Graphic analogy.  Read at your own risk!

I hate to be so crass, but some people's thoughts are like boogers: you know they're in there, and as uncomfortable as they are, getting them out should be a strategic, clandestine, and private affair.  But some folks just go for it right in front of you, making you quite uncomfortable.  No seriously, have you noticed that people these days have an opinion about everything, and those who voice their opinions the loudest are the ones who really should excuse themselves from the crowd to find a nice quiet, private place to deal with their thoughts and return when all is under control?  Why don't people plan what they are going to talk about, thinking first about how uncomfortable what they are going to say may make others feel?  This list of do's and don'ts is written to the big mouths who make it obvious that the only time they really think is just before they open their mouths and cog up the stupidity that drives the rest of us crazy.  Maybe this will help them to understand how annoying what they say and do really is!  It's also dedicated to those poor souls who have to live, work, or play (as in sports) with them and have to listen to their nonsense all day long.  I feel your pain!  I'll try to keep it simple to make sure it doesn't fry the brains of those who demonstrate daily that they only have a few good brain cells left:

 1.  If you don't understand how government works, please don't talk politics!
 2.  If you can barely make ends meet here in America, stop talking about what you will do for the starving citizens of Africa if/when you win the lottery.  You know you're going to spend all that money on Y-O-U and Pookie 'nem.  Stop lying to yourself.  Trust me, it does not make you look humble.
 3.  If you don't play the lottery, stop talking about what you'll do when you win.  In case no one's ever told you, you can't win if you're not playing!
 4.  If you are playing the lottery, stop apologizing to Christians for doing so.  We're not into your business that deeply.
 5.  If you feel good about yourself because you go to church weekly, don't expect an apology from those of us who don't.  We don't owe you an explanation nor do we feel badly for not having the same routine as you.  We're mature enough to worship in the way that's right for us.  Judge ye not that you be judged by the same measure!
 6.  Don't buy a Chanel, Coach, or Michael Kors bag if the purchase is going to leave you struggling to eat/pay bills for the rest of the month.  Rule of thumb: if you don't have at least half the cost of the bag to put in it, you probably shouldn't be carrying it!
 7.  Unless your apartment is a penthouse, don't buy a high performance vehicle.  Luxury/sports cars are made for garages, not parking spaces!  Your transportation shouldn't cost more than your dwelling.  Really, it shouldn't.
 8.  If you can't afford the insurance, tires or maintenance on a Lexus, BMW, Mercedes, etc., perhaps you should drive something a little more economical--like a KIA.
 9.  If the only use for your computer is surfing the web, or if your typing skills are limited to using only one finger at a time, buy a PC.  The more expensive MAC computer should not be used as a status symbol or a starter machine.
10.  If you're having trouble paying your utility bills or feeding your children, the iPhone is probably not a good investment for you.  If your monthly cell phone bill were a lot less expensive, your children would be able to eat more and have more light as they try to read at night.
11.  Cold cereal is NOT dinner.  If you have young children, the best meal for them is a well balanced one.  Feed them something nutritious so they can get a good start in life.  There's something to be said for fruits and vegetables!
12.  Having to look at too many colors at one time tends to over stimulate the senses.  Please limit the number of colors you put in your hair if you want to be taken seriously!  Also, figure out which hairstyles you like, and wear them ONE AT A TIME!
13.  If you're going to follow someone, make sure you know where they're going, and if there is where you want to be!
14. Children aren't free, and growing up without the bare necessities is so hard for them.  The math is simple: if neither of you work and you're not independently wealthy, you can't afford to take care of a child.  You might want to rethink your plans on that one.  And finally...
15.  Just because you like it doesn't mean it flatters your waistline!  If you're a size 18, 16's and below were not made for you.

Of course this was all done in fun, however, if the shoe fits...But seriously, the state of our country, including the economy, didn't get bad all by itself.  As citizens and consumers, we helped to destroy it more than we realize.  Yes, we are all guilty to some degree, but we can all do our part in helping to put our country back on it's feet by being and buying smarter.  The best way to do that is to exchange and entertain conversations that are constructive and encouraging as we live within our means.  Living beyond our means and entertaining stupidity, which stunts mental/emotional growth, has damaged our nation greatly, and it's up to us to do whatever we need to do to repair it.  Think smart.  Be smart.  Live smart.  It's your patriotic duty.