"A good tree does not bear bad fruit--period."
Okay. Today, I'm a little miffed. I'm so tired of hearing people say things like: "he only treats me like this when his meddling mother comes around" or "really, he's a good guy; he just drinks too much sometimes." And "he only hits me when he's frustrated or in a bad mood." "Well, she didn't mean to cheat on me. She didn't know what she was doing; she was upset about something I said" or "She says she's going to try to do better the next time" (which is the same thing she said the last few times).
AAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!! That's my way of screaming at the top of my lungs online! People, we've got to stop being so desperate! We're worth more than what we settle for! If we'd look at our loneliness a little less, and our value a lot more, we'd make a better society to live in. Listen up: A GOOD TREE DOES NOT BEAR BAD FRUIT!!!! If the fruit on the tree is rotten, you have to ask yourself a couple of questions about it: is the fruit rotten or is the tree bad? Do I want to eat rotten fruit?
If the fruit is rotten when it blooms on the tree, the tree is a bad tree! If at one time the tree bore good fruit but now doesn't, it's no longer a good tree! It's gone bad. It happens!
Ladies and gentlemen: if someone is violating you, it is not your responsibility to stay in the situation and tally up all the things they did before things got bad. It is, however, your responsibility to take care of yourself and not allow yourself to be violated! One of my favorite things to say is: "You have to teach people how to treat you." This is done through positive and negative reinforcement. The way you respond to the way a person treats you will tell him/her whether or not they can do that to you again. If there are no negative consequences for your child's screaming fit, he will scream in a fit again. If he's screaming because he wants something, and you give it to him, guess what he's going to do the next time he wants something? If someone mistreats you and you accept it without a negative reaction, you've taught that person that you are okay with their actions. He/she will do it again, if not, something worse! A good person does not mistreat you. If you are a good person, you do not mistreat others. I think the problem for most is that there's a fine line between "good" and "nice", and the two are often confused. They sound the same, but they are not the same thing. "Good" is the total absence of evil; it does not mean the lesser of two evils. "Nice" means socially acceptable. Just because a person does something nice for you does not mean he/she is a good person, and it certainly doesn't mean you owe them for it. Also, when a nice person shows the not-so-nice side of him, it may be a symptom of something terribly wrong, but one that you'll miss if you think you have to repay nice for nice. Let's look at this.
I have a friend who always says to me, "my daughter is really a good person, but she can be so really mean at times. We think she may be bipolar." HEL-LO!!!! A evil person can be "nice" to you, but that doesn't make him "good"at all (date rapists typically start out being nice to their victims. That's how they lure them into a rape situation). Even the devil can appear as an angel of light! The two polars in Bi-polar Disorder means that there are two exact opposite moods of the person, and the opposite of the good one is...let's say it together...BAD. Does that mean that people with bipolar disorder are bad? Not necessarily, but it does means that they do have a bad side; a side that may need some professional attention before someone gets hurt. I know that those of you who know of someone with bipolar disorder may have a hard time with this but the reality is that if the two polars were "good" and "better", there would be no anti-psychotic drugs prescribed to balance the disorder. Bipolarity is a DIS-order! It should never be taken lightly. Of course, those of us who live with someone who we know is bipolar already know that! So, what does this have to do with our blog subject? There are an estimated 4 million Americans living with bipolar disorder. REALITY CHECK: some of you have bipolar mates or children (or are bipolar yourself) who have not been diagnosed. You're thinking it's just tantrums or the alcohol, a bad childhood, or mood swings. Maybe you think it's his boss' fault for treating him unfairly, or the fact that he's been out of work longer than he wanted to be, so you let it go on and on until it destroys you, your children and everyone else in its path. When does the destruction end? Do you really think the situation is going to get better or are you just hoping it will? What will be the cost if you're wrong?
How much is too much? When is enough enough? How much are you going to take before you realize your situation is NOT a good one? How do you know when the situation is no good? When it's producing bad fruit. It's when you find yourself depressed or more fearful than you should be. It's when you feel you have to lie, hide, steal, cheat, etc., in order to make the situation better. It's when everyone around you is taken hostage because they are having to respond to the mood swings/bad temper all of the time instead of dealing with what's going on in their own lives. It's when your child has to take a back seat to your man, or to your alcoholism or drug addiction (which are often used to medicate the pain of it all). It's when you're so stressed out about your situation that you can't celebrate your child's or mate's successes. Hell, it's when you're tired of taking it!
Stop thinking that you have to deal with other folks issues. You don't. Especially if you're not properly trained to do so. If your man buys you roses for Valentine's day, that doesn't mean that he now owns the right to punch you in the face whenever he feels like he needs to release tension. NEWSFLASH: there are other guys out there who will buy you flowers, but leave your face in tact! Don't be a punching bag--emotional or physical--just to be able to say you have a mate. If you're looking for good fruit, don't set up camp in front of a bad tree. If you choose to water a bad tree, it's your choice, but don't call it good, because it isn't. When is enough enough? When you discover YOU are worthy of good. Those worthy of good don't settle for the lesser of two evils. They will wait for the good--no matter how long it takes to show up.
No comments:
Post a Comment