"People who judge don't matter, and people who matter don't judge."
Tonight I went to see Tyler Perry's new movie, Good Deeds. I tried not to be biased toward the movie because I have a real affinity for Tyler. Well, I really liked it. I believe this golden hearted man is trying to make a social difference with his work, and I can appreciate that. Because I believe this, I went to his board to leave him a message. OMG! There was a video posted that ended on a good note, but started out terribly. It began with a compilation of criticisms of the man from other people in his industry. I was mortified at first, but then I was quickly reminded of the human condition. That reminder became the focus of this blog.
All of us, at one time or another, have been concerned about how others view us. Many will say that they don't care what others think of them, but that's truly a crock. None of us like to be torn down or cruelly criticized. It's always hurtful, because that's usually the intent. There are many reasons why people will go to such lengths to make another feel like crap--most commonly hatred, envy and jealously. The truth of the matter is that this is really the human condition. It's natural for others to feel hatred or jealously when they feel outdone or beaten--even when the competition doesn't know they're the competition! For Mr. Perry, most of his critics are, sadly, African American men around his age. I remember watching a documentary a couple of years ago where Spike Lee ("coonery bafoonery." What mature man says that? PeeWee Herman?), Terence Howard, Malcolm Jamaal Warner, and others in his industry tried to crucify him for creating the and acting out the Madea character. My immediate response was anger at them because I didn't understand why they had to be so incredibly harsh. When I came out of the anger, I remembered that it's really natural for people to strike out at one whose physical description resembles theirs if their success doesn't. It's hard not to be harsh when you've worked so hard, achieving only mediocre or moderate success in comparison to someone who, in your mind, hasn't worked as hard as you but can run rings around you with their achievements. Keep in mind that the human heart is NATURALLY evil. It takes a person to rise above basic humanness and transcend spiritually to avoid ending up in a place where you can actually celebrate your peer's success. Without this transcendence, jealousy and envy will consume you. (If you don't think so, imagine what you would call your next door neighbor after learning he/she won $100 million in the lottery. Or imagine a peer being randomly given a major promotion/raise while you're struggling to make ends meet. How about your best single girlfriend meeting Blair Underwood, Sean Connery, Boris Kojoe, George Clooney, Usher, Richard Gere, Laz Alonzo, Adam Rodriguez, some other hottie, or even Mr. Tyler Perry himself, and running off and getting married! Or if you're a guy, Gabrielle Union, Jennifer Aniston, Nia Long, Vanessa Williams, Heather Locklear, Beverly Johnson, Scarlett Johansson, Jennifer Lopez, Charlize Theron, or Oprah Winfrey. Bet that green-eyed monster will rear it's ugly head before she'd be able to finish gloating about her new last name!
So what does it mean to transcend? It means to grow up and mature from the inside. It means to have an experience that will take you to the depths of the earth where you will drop off all that's superficial in your life and exchange them for things that are not so temporal. There, you will learn what really matter in life, and trust and believe, it's not going to be shiny cars, big houses, nice clothes and pretty eyes! You will learn that the things in life that matter are the things that help you and others to grow: love, peace, joy, goodness, patience, kindness, self-control, obedience to God, etc. (That doesn't mean that you won't want nice shiny things; it just means they won't be as important to you!)
If you look in your mirror and don't like what you see, you will naturally dislike anyone who looks better. If you are unhappy with yourself, you will not be able to truly be happy for anyone living larger than you, and you're straight up lying if you say you can, because that IS the human condition. But don't fret; there is a solution. Work on being happy with yourself and stay out of everyone else's lane until you get to your finish line. (That way you'll be able to cheer them on instead of trip them up!) Identify the things about you that you'd like to change, then change them. If you can't change them, find the good in them and accept them. Be honest with yourself. If you have a big nose, think of how cute you'd think you were if you didn't, and how no one would be able to stand the sight of your arrogant self! Then appreciate the real humility/compassion you're able to show because you're not so caught up on your looks. Think of how without the muscular build of the guy you're hating on, you're more brains than brawn and can be a family man instead of an Arnold Schwarzenegger. Think about how high you'd wear your skirts if your waistline were as small (and your belly as flat) as the woman you find yourself hating on, and how much you'd hate yourself the next morning when you realized you used that waistline for all the wrong reasons--and now he won't go home! Think of all the money you'd waste on stupid stuff if you had the kind of job your friend has, making the kind of money he does, and how your humble salary affords the home that keeps your family together. If you didn't get that college degree and had kids instead, think of what a lousy exec you would have made anyway and be a better mother/father to your children! If you didn't get that promotion at work, think about the things you are able to do that the new hours would have kept you away from--and how much sleep you're getting. When you look out at the skinny b**** across the street, remember she's hungry as hell; you're not! What she wouldn't do for a real biscuit. Sitting over there eating crackers and sh..., dying for a cheeseburger with extra pickles and extra sauce! For everything bad, there's a flip side that's good. You just have to stop wallowing in the bad and flip it over!
Bottom line: If you hate yourself, you're going to naturally hate other people. If you hate something about yourself, you're going to hate others who don't have that issue. If you're not where you want to be in life, you're going to despise others who are there, unless you do something about it. Grow up. Put your big girl/boy drawls on and do what other grown folks do: move and shake some things around in your life and make something good happen for yourself. Do you. Stop sitting around hating yourself and others, and go out and get yours. Truly, the only thing stopping you is you (and all those excuses you keep making). Much to the chagrin of his haters, Mr. Perry got his, so go out and see his movie! I think you'll really enjoy it--unless, of course, you're a hater!
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