What's My Name

"It's not what they call you, it's how you answer."


Okay, let's face it.  We live in a society where people use slurs and epithets even when joking.  So why are we so sensitive about them still?  It's not what they call you, it's how you answer.  If I heard someone say "Bitch",  I'm not going to go screaming into the night about it.  Why not? Because that's not my name!  I don't have to respond every time I hear that word--as if it were on my birth certificate or something!  I'm not going to whine or cry about it being degrading to women, either.  The truth of the matter is that when I get mad enough, whether I'm talking to a male or a female, that person is more than likely going to be called that.  Either to their face or behind their backs.  I use it so I can't act all butt hurt when I hear someone else using it.  We all name call to some degree or another.  Okay, so you're not the person to use that particular word, but you use some equivalent--not because it doesn't mean the same thing to you, but rather so you can say you don't use the "B" word.  It's the same thing!  It's not what you say; it's what you mean!  It's not what other people say; it's what it means to you.  So let's stop letting the vulgarity of other people mean more to us than it should.  The fact of the matter is that others can say whatever they want; they shouldn't be able to control you or your behavior with trigger words.  You should be beyond that.  The real control is in how you react to what's been said.  If you really want to tick the person off, smile.  Laugh at them.  Don't give them the control they want when they utter an ignorant sound.  If you remember that you do it, too, at times, it will help to take the sting out of those words that have negative connotations.

Learn from Kobe Bryant.  When he was fined for using a "gay slur", he took it like a man.  It was a common slur, not intended by him to mean "gay", but more a buzz word to tell the ref he was irritated with him.  The only thing on Kobe's mind was basketball--everybody knows that.  But what I truly like about how he handled the situation was that Kobe didn't let the media have their way with his life.  He used it, acknowledged it, then went back to the business of playing basketball.  For that, I admire the man.  Kobe handled his business and went on.  As a result, there were no breaks in his life because of it.  He knew he said it, the media and gay rights activists tried to run with it, but Kobe remained in control of the situation.  He didn't respond like they wanted him to.  He never meant it to hurt anyone gay and he didn't let them exploit him for saying it.  Big ups, Kobe.  He wasn't talking to or about anyone gay when he said it, so when the gay rights activists tried to answer to it, their remarks went unreturned.  Kobe didn't answer them because he wasn't talking to any one gay.

Females, when you hear the "B" word, only answer if you feel like that's your name.  Black folk, when you hear the "n" word, don't always respond like nig*** means black.  It doesn't.  It means trash, so let's stop claiming that word.  It isn't ours, so how about we finally give it back?

It's not what they call you, it's how you answer.  If someone is looking you dead in your face and calling out a name that's not yours, do you answer?  If not, stop answering to those other names that aren't yours unless you're looking for a little drama, and if you're just looking to be dramatic, then you get what you get!  Stop answering to names that don't belong to you!  You'll find that your stress level will lower tremendously and it will help you to clear future mental space.